https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Thu, 30 Apr 2026 14:15:13 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/holding-in-emotions#post-567009 Thu, 14 Feb 2013 15:02:56 +0000 sweetooth 567009@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrs.halfsie: I'm glad this post helped you :) HB has helped me so much during all of this madness. Your question, "How are you supposed to balance between being optimistic and not getting your hopes up too high?" I wish I knew the answer to this. It's the rollercoaster I'm on every month. Trying to stay positive, but also protecting myself from the monthly crash I've been experiencing for almost 19 months. All we can do is keep trying, right? Hope for the best, and lean on each other when it sucks. And BOY does it just suck sometimes! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/holding-in-emotions#post-566688 Thu, 14 Feb 2013 13:06:12 +0000 mrs.halfsie 566688@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@sweetooth: thanks for this post! I stumbled upon this post at the perfect time for me! this month was especially hard because I thought for SURE this was the month - our month - for good news. Emotions are hard, and I try to shove them down, but they bubble up - and I end up taking it out on myself or my poor DH in negative ways. After af started this last cycle, I started a ridiculous fight which just ended in the most depressing crying session I've had since we started almost a year ago. Like full on wailing, hyperventilating, animal noises, the whole bit. How are you supposed to balance between being optimistic and not getting your hopes up too high?? It's hard! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/holding-in-emotions#post-395476 Tue, 13 Nov 2012 15:17:29 +0000 sweetooth 395476@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: good good :) You just never know with the written word, how it's meant to come across. I appreciate the support and insight. And the sharing of the crazy feelings :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/holding-in-emotions#post-395465 Tue, 13 Nov 2012 15:11:12 +0000 Cherrybee 395465@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@sweetooth: No, no, no, no, no... I wasn't upset at all! Not one bit! I was just being completely emphatic that you should never feel that you have any less right than anyone else to feel sad about the length of this journey. I'm perfectly comfortable with the craziness of my situation - LOL - and I'm giving myself every right to feel it, early days or not!! Waaaaaah!!! :-)</p> <p>Edit: What I'm trying to say is I was trying to be supportive and insightful! :-) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/holding-in-emotions#post-395452 Tue, 13 Nov 2012 15:03:46 +0000 sweetooth 395452@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@chibee: When I first joined HB I was in a place both mentally and physically where I could tell I just had to take a break. I can't say it was a full on NTNP period in my life - but the break did help. I hope you find that balance you need. And I'm with you - this community is a tremendous help during this process. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/holding-in-emotions#post-395445 Tue, 13 Nov 2012 14:59:16 +0000 sweetooth 395445@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: I hope what I said did not upset you in any way. I only mentioned that I felt that way about the length of time and where I'm at in comparison to the other women in my class probably because of my own insecurities. And just lack of faith in all of this anymore. I know that where you and Chibee are at in all of this is just as hard of a place to be too. You are so right - all of you have great points and insight. And I appreciate the sharing and the reminders to push through all of this. Acknowledge the feelings, and keep moving forward. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/holding-in-emotions#post-395228 Tue, 13 Nov 2012 13:47:11 +0000 chibee 395228@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@sweetooth: You're right about trying not too hard to suppress my emotions but right now, i am having a hard time balancing it - between explosions of emotion and trying not to feel anything. I think i will take this period of NTNP to try to level myself out, and be a little more stable and stronger to be able to handle whatever this TTC journey has to throw at me. I have to say though, being here and talking to you guys have been a tremendous outlet for me. I don't have anyone in my life to talk to about this openly, so this really helps to get my feelings out there and to feel less alone. Because sometimes I really do feel crazy - like am I the only one here that is having this hard of a time dealing with TTC?? and i know i'm not, and HB is a place where I feel less crazy, less alone, and I gather my sanity and put myself back together. So I guess what i'm saying to you guys is thanks!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/holding-in-emotions#post-395170 Tue, 13 Nov 2012 13:26:24 +0000 Cherrybee 395170@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@sweetooth: I was thinking about what you said about being, to put it one way, "less deserving of sadness" all the way home from work but @Grace: beat me to replying! No-one's challenges are any worse or any easier than anyone elses, they're just different and it's how the individual feels about it that is important. </p> <p>I mean, Chibee and I are very early in our journeys but it doesn't make the stress any less real. I've had a loss - does that give me any more permission to be sad? How about when I compare my very early loss with a much later loss - should I feel ashamed of my sadness? Absolutely not! How about women with secondary infertility - should they be any less sad because they have a child already? No! They have their own devastating concerns- such as guilt that their child may never have a sibling.</p> <p>Your feelings are 100% valid. You know how I know? Because you're feeling them. Feel them. Own them. And, for what it's worth, I think 16 months of trying is a very long time..... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/holding-in-emotions#post-395050 Tue, 13 Nov 2012 12:48:25 +0000 sweetooth 395050@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Grace: Wow...an 8 year journey and a spontaneous pregnancy! Amazing...</p> <p>You're right...it definitely doesn't help to beat ourselves up about thinking that we have to go through more difficult times to validate the way we feel right now. Our emotions ARE valid. Thank you @Grace. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/holding-in-emotions#post-395043 Tue, 13 Nov 2012 12:45:28 +0000 sweetooth 395043@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@chibee: I saw your post about how to transition from TTC to NTNP. I think it would still be hard to not think about the details of TTC - but one thing I have noticed from just stopping the temps, the ovulation monitor, etc. - it helps me feel less crazy. I'm sure going through Sandy was a difficult thing on top of TTC. Taking some time right now to just not examine every detail of each month will be good. Just don't squash the emotions - because I don't think that they go away even if you're not actively TTC...(not sure how I would know that though :)...just trying to help!) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/holding-in-emotions#post-394892 Tue, 13 Nov 2012 11:58:21 +0000 Grace 394892@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@sweetooth: I hadn't thought of that. But you know, they must have all been in your shoes. And 16 months is not a short time. I know what you mean though. We're at 11 months and part of me feels guilty for feeling this way, 'cause it's not 16 months or 24 months or 8 years (like a coworker of mine - who spontaneously got pregnant, btw). But, maybe we shouldn't work so hard at being more "deserving" of sadness/frustration/anger/hopelessness. Maybe we should recognize that each month is a different step and with it comes it's own challenges. And that those challenges are real and whatever emotions we feel are valid. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/holding-in-emotions#post-394771 Tue, 13 Nov 2012 11:20:06 +0000 chibee 394771@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am so very early in my journey but I have to admit, i'm not handling it very well either. After 3 cycles of actively, and very earnestly trying and failing, I just couldn't handle any more disappointments. I'm usually not an emotional person and the emotional rollercoaster this process puts me through every month was too much for me, and after a couple of events (mostly powered by Sandy) we've decided to NTNP. It's a bit of a cop-out, I just can't handle being disappointed anymore, and I hate being emotional and I've been a mess the last couple of months. I hate not being in control of my emotions - I broke down crying at WORK and that was the last straw for me. If it works while NTNP, great, if not, I dread the day I have to go back to actively TTC again. I don't have a very good attitude about this, this i know! I'm not very good at handling my emotional side! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/holding-in-emotions#post-394729 Tue, 13 Nov 2012 11:01:29 +0000 sweetooth 394729@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@runnerd: @Cherrybee: @Trailmix: @everbee: @Grace: Thank you all...I appreciate the response... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/holding-in-emotions#post-394722 Tue, 13 Nov 2012 10:59:53 +0000 sweetooth 394722@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Grace: "Saying it out loud makes it more real" - that's it. That's totally it. I also think that in a group of women, where everyone is sharing their struggles it's hard when you feel like you haven't struggled as much as they have, so what right do you have to be sad? I know it sounds silly - but in this room of women I haven't even scratched the surface with the infertility journey. I'm trying not to discount how I feel, because I know it's real. But it's so hard when I go in each week and they talk about their meds, or their losses, or their IUI and IVF experience and I am still on the cusp of waiting to start whatever is next. </p> <p>It's hard to talk about all of this with people, face-to-face. I think hellobee is much more my comfort zone. But I think the yoga class is a good step to pushing through more emotions than I can process in these posts. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/holding-in-emotions#post-394712 Tue, 13 Nov 2012 10:53:35 +0000 sweetooth 394712@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@everbee: I know it has to be so frustrating to learn that nothing is wrong with you or your husband. It was the path I was on until my doctor took a closer look at my HSG and ordered the saline sonogram to confirm things. I'm glad you have figured out how to work through the emotions with the support of your husband and hope SO much that you get your very own BFP. </p> <p>Avoiding the conversations is a good approach. But I do find that with the right people, even when I start off strong, the topic of infertility just makes me so sad. I don't know that I would be able to use up all of my tears with a good cry at home. But maybe I'll give it a try :) &lt;&lt;&lt;hugs to you&gt;&gt;&gt; </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/holding-in-emotions#post-394704 Tue, 13 Nov 2012 10:48:38 +0000 sweetooth 394704@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Trailmix: Accepting the situation is definitely part of the process...but it's also one of those things that you almost find hard to believe. That THIS is how I have to achieve parenthood, through this struggle. I know that talking helps - and I'm slowly finding some people who can just listen...and not say all of the dreaded "helpful" comments. The yoga class is great - I'm glad I took the leap and signed up for the class. I'm starting to realize that yoga is just what I need to get through this. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/holding-in-emotions#post-394695 Tue, 13 Nov 2012 10:45:16 +0000 sweetooth 394695@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: It's amazing how things can really add up and we don't realize the magnitude of each individual thing until we just snap. I'm so sorry for the loss of your dad and the loss of your first pregnancy. To be in the hospital where you had experienced such a huge loss, and to try and celebrate a huge gift for your best friend, and think of where you would have been in your own journey...I can imagine that was a really tough moment to bear. I hope that you can work through the healing process each day, and that you get your own beautiful baby when you are ready :) &lt;&lt;&lt;hugs&gt;&gt;&gt; Thank you for sharing and thank you for your kind words. I do hope that this physical issue is my answer to why I can't get pregnant. And I'm trying to let myself believe...I'm not there yet. But I'm working on it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/holding-in-emotions#post-394661 Tue, 13 Nov 2012 10:31:21 +0000 Grace 394661@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Oh, I do the same thing. I can talk here and to my husband without a problem, but I had a really hard time even talking to my doctor. Saying it out loud makes it more real, you know? I think you are being very brave, going to yoga and letting it out. I wouldn't have the guts to make myself talk about it every week. Good for you!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/holding-in-emotions#post-394437 Tue, 13 Nov 2012 08:42:50 +0000 everbee 394437@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>i feel you. i've been holding most of it in for the last year but am starting to break down more often. i'm constantly holding back tears when someone asks if we want to have kids. i'm on cycle 18 (2 years trying though) and nothing is wrong with either of us, all of our tests came back normal. it's frustrating. as silly as this sounds, i try to plan my melt downs to be at home with my husband. he's starting to know how to take care of me when i start sobbing. if i get the big cry out at home, it helps to keep it in when i go out. that plus i try to avoid those kind of conversations unless i'm willing to cry in front of that person~!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/holding-in-emotions#post-394384 Tue, 13 Nov 2012 06:31:55 +0000 Trailmix 394384@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it's good to let it out! When we started infertility treatments, I literally could not talk about it without crying. But crying is part of processing emotions and I think the more you talk about it, the more you will come to accept your situation. I think the yoga class sounds like a wonderful idea, would like to try to find something similar! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/holding-in-emotions#post-394377 Tue, 13 Nov 2012 05:56:43 +0000 Cherrybee 394377@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@sweetooth: I'm so glad this yoga class is helping you to face your emotions. I don't think you should keep this in - I don't think it's good for you: </p> <p>I'm only on cycle 3 so I'm still very early in the proceedings but we had a chemical pregnancy on the first cycle and it has been my complete inability to face my emotions that has made it so difficult. The first cycle after my m/c, I carried on acting pregnant. I refused to unsubscribe to any of the email newsletters I'd signed up to, resolving to reset my due date when I got the (inevitable) BFP that cycle. Of course, when I didn't get pregnant that cycle, it was like having the m/c all over again. </p> <p>I lost my dad the day before the m/c and I've also refused to face up to that. It all came to a head last night, when my best friend gave birth to her baby and I had to do the same walk through the same corridors of the same hospital I watched my dad waste away in to visit them. I knew off the top of my head that her baby's due date marked 12 weeks pregnant for me - the week we were planning to announce. That fact, plus her beautiful baby plus the hospital.... well...... last night I clung to my husband and sobbed and sobbed. </p> <p>I should be healing from this now but I'm not because, day to day, I block it from my mind. It's too painful to face so I push it back down and pretend it hasn't happened. It takes something like AF or last night's visit to force it to the surface like a volcano. I'm hoping now it's all out there, I may start to heal. </p> <p>I really hope they can resolve the physical issue for you. I know DH's friend's wife had an operation (I'm not sure what for) after a good few months of trying and she was pregnant the following cycle. Keep believing. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/holding-in-emotions#post-393056 Mon, 12 Nov 2012 11:22:24 +0000 sweetooth 393056@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@runnerd: you're right - maybe in that room full of women that are all going through their own struggles is when I feel like I can finally let go. It is a nice safe place...</p> <p>I hope your journey is short and sweet :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/holding-in-emotions#post-392940 Mon, 12 Nov 2012 10:24:03 +0000 mlm2934 392940@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@sweetooth: I'm so sorry that you are having to handle all these emotions! I'm on the very early end of this journey, but I can empathize with what you must be feeling. I know personally, I would be a mess and emotional. There is nothing wrong with feeling and expressing those emotions, and I can't think of a better place than a room full of women to let those emotions bubble up more than normal. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/holding-in-emotions#post-392905 Mon, 12 Nov 2012 10:04:09 +0000 sweetooth 392905@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I've started attending a "Yoga for Fertility" class and I'm enjoying the weekly moment to just let things go and breathe. Each time I'm in the class, when we all take a moment to go around the room and share where we're at in our fertility journey, I begin to tear up and become a babbling mess. I wish I could hold it together and talk more coherently - but I'm finding that I suppress the emotions each and every day. So when I have a moment to just be vulnerable, I break down. </p> <p>My journey is 16 months long now - and this week I get to learn what my plan will be. I have my follow-up RE appointment where we go over all of the testing that has occurred since the end of September. I already know that surgery is most likely in my near future. My uterus has a filling defect, and I think/hope that's the culprit to preventing a successful pregnancy. Truthfully though? Ever since learning about that defect, I've been a wreck. Can I let myself be hopeful once it's removed? Or is it just the beginning of my long journey?</p> <p>I just wanted to see how the rest of you are coping. Do you find that you are in control of your emotions? Do you break down at any time? Are you able to talk through all of this without a single tear? </p>