https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Wed, 20 May 2026 14:15:13 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/holiday-weekend-rant#post-2724029 Thu, 13 Apr 2017 16:52:31 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2724029@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't get how your brother's lack of communication via text and calls equates to your mom keeping her grandson for a weekend. However, I think sometimes free family help comes with certain downsides.</p> <p>I wouldn't try to get/ force your dad to see your nephew. It's not your responsibility to make sure your dad has a good relationship with your brother or his family. That sounds like a whole lot of mess. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/holiday-weekend-rant#post-2723989 Thu, 13 Apr 2017 15:00:03 +0000 agold 2723989@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>The fact that your nephew's parents don't care to have him for easter weekend makes me so sad. Could you just accept him into your home and get him a little easter basket and include him in your festivities? Even if its not the way you planned your weekend going... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/holiday-weekend-rant#post-2723982 Thu, 13 Apr 2017 14:38:00 +0000 Anagram 2723982@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@matador84: I don't know the dynamics of your family and how your mom would interact with all 3 kids if she brought your nephew, but to me personally this would not be an issue at all. My kids love their cousins, so if they came with grandparents, I'd be totally fine with it. Especially if your mom is there to help, so it's not like you are watching an additional child. I'm a "more the merrier" type of person though.</p> <p>I don't exactly understand your feelings around this re: your mom playing "favorites". I guess to me, it sees like she is a stabilizing force in your nephews life and is trying to remain that way AND do you a favor in the same weekend. The fact that she has your nephew more because your brother is irresponsible doesn't mean *to me as an outside observer* that she is playing favorites in any way. She sounds like a decent person who is trying to do what's right for each of her adult kids as much as she can. DH's parents are retired and live 8 hours from us, in the same town as SIL and her 3 kids. They take her of her kids probably 150% more than they see our kids, but I do realize it's because they all live in the same town. I don't feel slighted at all and wouldn't care if they came to visit but brought the other grandkids--like I don't need them to focus 100% of their attention on my kids to feel like we have an equitable relationship. But again, I realize that in your situation you may have some pent up issues regarding your brother and your mom.</p> <p>Regarding trying to play the gatekeeper and getting your dad over--nah, don't do it. Mention it to your dad and then let it go. Your mom is trying to do and be everything to everyone and you don't have to be caught up in that. </p> <p>Whether or not she flies for free, your mom is doing you a huge favor by flying in and out for a weekend. So I think you kind of have to weigh the pros and cons of having her come + nephew, or having her not come at all.</p> <p>eta: My oldest sister was somewhat unstable when she was younger and my parents were almost like coparents to my oldest nephew. And he really needed the stability from my parents that my sister was not giving him. I think that makes my parents amazing people for stepping up (he's an adult now, this was years ago), but as a kid, I myself was having time "taken away" from me as my parents did stuff for my nephew, but I don't/didn't resent it at all. Even when I was a kid, I realize he needed to be with us. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/holiday-weekend-rant#post-2723869 Thu, 13 Apr 2017 10:33:13 +0000 gingerbebe 2723869@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yeah no, Easter is a holy occasion and I would not want to mar that weekend with family drama. I want to go into the weekend contemplative and peaceful. I would honestly cancel having my mom come and stay home myself with the kids (maybe just send your husband to late Mass). The aggravation and stress isn't worth it to me. Besides if your house still has stomach bug germs I'd be leery bringing a toddler in. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/holiday-weekend-rant#post-2723857 Thu, 13 Apr 2017 10:06:24 +0000 Mrs D 2723857@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I can completely relate. </p> <p>My sister leaves her son with one of my parents probably 8 weekends a year. Its excessive. They do it so they can go party without having to parent...it drives me bonkers. It makes it so my parents are tired from all the babysitting and dont always want to do it when I ask (maybe each of then 2-4 times just while DH and I go to dinner)...</p> <p>It bothers me when people dump kids on the grandparents...of course I am happy that they have Grandparents to help them - but come on...8 weekends a year willingly away from your kid?! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/holiday-weekend-rant#post-2723832 Thu, 13 Apr 2017 09:20:41 +0000 lamariniere 2723832@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I can totally relate. I'll be dealing with a very similar situation for the next week. I actually made people change some plans. I felt extremely entitled and selfish doing it, but honestly, the stress of the pending situation was pushing me to panic attack levels. Luckily, my DH helped stand up for me and we've reached a compromise. Good luck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/holiday-weekend-rant#post-2723828 Thu, 13 Apr 2017 09:19:37 +0000 Mrs. Blue 2723828@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Truth Bombs: I live in the same city as @matador84: and tried to find a babysitter for a little while last Easter weekend, and I had zero luck. I think, at least in our area, that a holiday weekend like Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter is just super hard to find someone that doesn't already have plans. </p> <p>As for the other, I would be frustrated, too. My parents are great, but any time we go see them, they also end up having my 6 nieces and nephews there, too (for a lot of reasons I won't go into, but none of which are things that would in all practicality require them to keep the other kids). I tend to get frustrated that we can never just have quality time with my parents. Before those nieces and nephews lived close, my parents made a lot more effort to see our kids and have time with them, and now they just get thrown in the bunch. And in my parents defense, they're exhausted from babysitting the others frequently, going to every one of their sporting events, etc., but it still is a little hurtful to feel like my kids are perpetually second place/an after thought. I get the frustration, but I have no solution for it. Sorry! I do not think you need to say anything to your dad, though. If she keeps bringing it up, I would just say something like, "If you would like to get in touch with Dad and try to coordinate some time for him to see grandson, that would be great, but I'm not feeling great and just have too much to coordinate this weekend to take on another task." I'm guessing based on the fact that she wants you to pressure him to do it, that she's probably not wanting to deal with it herself and will maybe stop making it a thing. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/holiday-weekend-rant#post-2723827 Thu, 13 Apr 2017 09:18:56 +0000 looch 2723827@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I know it's not easy, but I wouldn't punish your nephew (and I know you're not, please don't misunderstand me here) because of your brother. He doesn't have any control in the situation and maybe being around your family is stabilizing for him.</p> <p>I also know what it is like to be the parent that relies heavily on grandparent support and am careful about what I say to my brother about it. He's very jealous and demanding when it comes to my parents spending time with his son on the limited occasions when they're able to do that. I try to keep my son out of the mix in those cases. It does, however, require advanced notice and planning, and I get it, not everyone can do that! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/holiday-weekend-rant#post-2723821 Thu, 13 Apr 2017 09:14:01 +0000 youboots 2723821@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>More than anything I'd be worried about a 2 year old upsetting the schedule of the house or waking the other kids since you all are recovering from being ill. Will they be staying with you the whole weekend? Or staying Saturday?</p> <p>I would not get involved in pressure from your Mom to get your Dad to do something that's not on you. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/holiday-weekend-rant#post-2723705 Wed, 12 Apr 2017 21:09:51 +0000 matador84 2723705@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@bookwormmama: yes. This is exactly how I feel! My brother is just such a sensitive subject with my Dad and I don't want to be dragged into the middle of the mess!!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/holiday-weekend-rant#post-2723704 Wed, 12 Apr 2017 21:08:33 +0000 matador84 2723704@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Truth Bombs: I tried also even before asking my Dad, but with it being such a late night and Easter the next day all my regulars and others I reached out to couldn't do it! (Understandably).</p> <p>She is actually flying (she flies for free) so it is a 45 minute flight. Whenever she comes in it is usually a day trip or overnight...which I'm glad because she's always got some kind of drama!!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/holiday-weekend-rant#post-2723700 Wed, 12 Apr 2017 21:03:15 +0000 Truth Bombs 2723700@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Couldn't you just hire a babysitter and avoid all this drama? If you had invited your mom into town solely for the purpose of spending the holiday weekend with you and spending time with your family, I could see being annoyed that she brought along your nephew. But you essentially asked her to drive 6 hours each way to babysit for one night. I still think it's weird that she's bringing your nephew. But I also would have never asked someone to come that far to babysit for me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/holiday-weekend-rant#post-2723694 Wed, 12 Apr 2017 20:37:23 +0000 bookwormmama 2723694@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>No advice, but I can sympathize because I have gone through very, very similar things. It is so frustrating and I know the guilt you feel from being annoyed by the situation. It feels unfair that your kids never get their grandmother's undivided attention. And it's also annoying to know that your brother gets away with shrugging off his parenting duties, especially when it negatively affects your family and/or plans. </p> <p>I would agree that it's not your responsibility to have your dad see your nephew. You can mention he will be in town in you want (would your dad be upset with you if you didn't mention it?), but if you think it will cause more stress to you I would avoid it! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/holiday-weekend-rant#post-2723693 Wed, 12 Apr 2017 20:33:32 +0000 JessyMess 2723693@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You don't sound hormonal and crazy at all. You sound like you're probably tired from being pregnant and getting over a stomach bug, and now the extended family wants to burden you with their crap on a holiday weekend where you were looking forward to having a special time with your family unit. Is your Mom and nephew staying with you? Can you tell your Mom that you could use some extra TLC since you're not feeling the best? I wouldn't feel obligated at all to ask your Dad if he wants to see your brother's son FWIW. Not your circus. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/holiday-weekend-rant#post-2723686 Wed, 12 Apr 2017 20:18:20 +0000 matador84 2723686@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Someone can tell me I'm being hormonal and crazy, but I have to vent! </p> <p>My parents are divorced and mom lives 6 hours a way. This is a huge weekend for us (we are Catholic) because my husband is coming into the church. Mass on Saturday night won't be over until about 1045-1145 so I asked my dad initially to watch my 3 and 4 year old (they'll be asleep). When my Dad was leery about it, I said don't worry, I'll just ask mom to come in.</p> <p>So, my mom texts me today and said she is bringing my 2 year old nephew in with her. This really rubbed me the wrong way because my brother (his dad) is a super irresponsible parent and I know is just taking the weekend off from parenting and dumping my nephew on my mom. I'm 16 weeks pregnant, we had a stomach bug hit our house Sunday night and DH and I are both not feeling well this week. I'm not in the mood to have my 2 year old nephew here too. I know I am probably being selfish, but I'm just super irritated and my mom never comes out to see my kids. When I asked her why she was bringing nephew, she said it was because my brother doesn't answer calls or texts. I told her then it's not her responsibility to parent him when he can't even do those things. </p> <p>Plus, she is being really pushy telling me I need to ask my dad to see nephew. My brother and Dad have an extremely strained relationship and I know this will just cause further problems and questioning about his lack of parenting.</p> <p>Ugh! Rant over! </p>