https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 14 Apr 2026 07:25:08 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-can-i-help-my-friend#post-1763735 Thu, 17 Jul 2014 07:34:03 +0000 Glitter 1763735@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thanks for all you have shared, especially to the many of you who shared feelings from personal experience - you have all been so helpful. I'm going to try to see her today and see if she's up for going somewhere, on her terms. If not I'll drop off a meal this evening and keep being available. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-can-i-help-my-friend#post-1762512 Wed, 16 Jul 2014 13:14:10 +0000 travelgirl1 1762512@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I can only speak for how I felt, but, in terms of what you can do, practical help is great. Stuff like taking her meals, maybe book her a cleaner. While her body is taking care of the physical stuff she won't feel like doing those things but they still need to be done.</p> <p>Emotionally, I would reach out to her and see if she wants to talk. But don't stop offering to talk if she says no now. I found most people stopped asking about it after about two weeks, but that was actually when I felt more able to talk about it, my pregnancy hormones had gone down so I wasn't close to tears all the time and I really wanted to talk about it so my baby wouldn't be forgotten. Getting over a miscarriage is a long, long process.</p> <p>I'm do sorry for her loss, you are a good friend for being so considerate of her feelings. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-can-i-help-my-friend#post-1762340 Wed, 16 Jul 2014 12:12:30 +0000 JMOM 1762340@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>After my first miscarriage, a friend gave me a little angel figurine and a note encouraging me and talking about her miscarriage. I still take that note out and read it 8 years later. I like the angel figurine, but that note really touched my heart. So I guess I would say sending a note (or notes) encouraging her would be great. I like the PP's idea about taking a meal - that is always helpful. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-can-i-help-my-friend#post-1762279 Wed, 16 Jul 2014 11:52:34 +0000 Tidybee 1762279@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>As someone who just went through a second miscarriage in less than 5 months, I'm finding this one is a bit harder to talk about. I'm a bit tougher and I've accepted that loss is a part of life and I've just been dealt a crappy hand. I was a lot more sorry for myself the first time and wanting to talk about how sad I was. Now I don't feel like there is a point to being sad. It happened and I have no choice but to try to heal and move on. Crying and talking about it can't change the fact that it happened. And it feels weird to us to talk about it when the person who is asking has a perfectly wonderful newborn/pregnancy going on. </p> <p>However, I will say that it is awful when people who know about the miscarriage don't offer to talk about it. I think the best thing you can do is be there for her if and when she decides she wants to talk.<br /> I'm sorry if I sound confused or contradictory...that's part of dealing with multiple losses and grief. And mine is still very fresh. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-can-i-help-my-friend#post-1761784 Wed, 16 Jul 2014 09:30:35 +0000 TheSwissWifeStyle 1761784@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@swedishfish: I was just going to suggest the same thing. When you bring her the food, try to feel out if she's up for company/talking about it, or would rather be left alone. And try not to take it personally if she'd rather be alone. </p> <p>It might be best to leave your LO at home, as well. She might be going through a lot of "it's not fair/why me?" And as much as she loves your LO, it might be difficult for her to deal. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-can-i-help-my-friend#post-1761724 Wed, 16 Jul 2014 09:13:12 +0000 swedishfish 1761724@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You're a good friend. :heart: maybe bring a homemade meal or pick up a meal for them from their favorite restaurant? The last thing I wanted to do was cook and clean when I was feeling so down. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-can-i-help-my-friend#post-1761711 Wed, 16 Jul 2014 09:09:33 +0000 MaryM 1761711@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>As for things not to say:</p> <p>At least you know you can get pregnant (that does not help)<br /> There's a reason for everything (there's no reason for babies dying) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-can-i-help-my-friend#post-1761705 Wed, 16 Jul 2014 09:08:19 +0000 MaryM 1761705@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would say, just be there. </p> <p>As her how she's doing (not how she's feeling). Give her the chance to respond, but don't force her into a conversation if she's not feeling like talking. </p> <p>But keep checking in every few days even if you don't hear from her, just so that she knows you care. </p> <p>After my miscarriage, sometimes I couldn't handle being around babies, but sometimes it was really therapeutic. If she does pull away, please don't take it personally. </p> <p>If possible, maybe plan things to do with her minus your son (like a pedicure or a meal...something where she can talk about if she wants to, but if she isn't feeling like talking you can talk about something totally unrelated just so that she can maybe stop focusing 100% on the MC if she wants) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-can-i-help-my-friend#post-1761704 Wed, 16 Jul 2014 09:08:19 +0000 Mrs.Someone 1761704@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Its a tough situation to be in. The best you can do is let her know that you're there for her and willing to listen. She may not be ready though. Even though her second loss was earlier, the thing with a second loss is that it makes it apparent that something is wrong, which is hard to swallow. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-can-i-help-my-friend#post-1761695 Wed, 16 Jul 2014 09:03:34 +0000 Glitter 1761695@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>One of my closest friends has just miscarried, again. 3 months ago she miscarried with 11 week old twins. Three days ago she miscarried again at 6 weeks. I feel so much pain thinking of what she and her husband are going through. </p> <p>The first time she miscarried I was 9 months pregnant and her means of coping was to spend a lot of time with me preparing for the birth of my son. I didn't understand it but she insisted that being close to me experiencing pregnancy helped. We talked through feelings and I encouraged her to try again and she did. Now she has suffered a second loss and is not as expressive as the first time, which is completely understandable. I need to help her though. I am so sorry she is going through this again, and in such a short space of time. And she is so loving towards my 2 mnth old son that it hurts... I just want to see her experiencing the joy of being a mother! </p> <p>I'm posting here because I really would like to be sensitive toward her, without smothering her. Please, can anyone offer some advice as to how I can help her... should I encourage her to talk? just listen? Is there something I can give to her? Something I can say? Something I definitely should not say? Something I can do? I know this must be terribly difficult and I don't want to make it harder on her in any way, I just really want to help her go through this.</p> <p>Any suggestions would be appreciated! Thanks. </p>