https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Fri, 15 May 2026 06:18:22 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-can-you-be-a-better-so#post-1873630 Mon, 22 Sep 2014 20:58:24 +0000 lizzywiz 1873630@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@blackbird: exactly.<br /> but that being said,my husband's love language is quality time and words of affirmation. Mine is words of affirmation and acts of service. If it was physical touch for either of us maybe sex would be more of a focal point (good and bad). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-can-you-be-a-better-so#post-1873499 Mon, 22 Sep 2014 18:47:22 +0000 Synchronicity 1873499@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@blackbird: I know I feel happier and more "connected" to my husband when we are having sex on a regular basis. When we go through a dry spell, neither of us are happy campers :P I don't think of it in terms of me needing to put out to make him happy; it's just something that we both need to make time for to keep us happy as individuals and as a couple. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-can-you-be-a-better-so#post-1873452 Mon, 22 Sep 2014 17:44:07 +0000 blackbird 1873452@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cole: I get that aspect...it's categorized differently for me. On the flip, if my husband was to say I was a good wife because I put out, I would be taken aback. Goes back to the old fashioned notion that a wife should pleasure her husband to keep him happy. There's always more to it :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-can-you-be-a-better-so#post-1873433 Mon, 22 Sep 2014 17:16:20 +0000 Ash 1873433@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cole: in my situation, I wasn't saying no because I didn't want it, I just didn't want to take the time to do it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-can-you-be-a-better-so#post-1873375 Mon, 22 Sep 2014 15:57:24 +0000 Cole 1873375@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@blackbird: I find it interesting too but while it wasn't even on my radar I can sort of see it as another way to connect. I have found in my relationship with my husband that I need to feel connected to want it and he tends to have an easier time connecting in other ways when it's a regular part of our relationship- like he feels rejected when it isn't. Sometimes making an effort to be more in the mood helps us be able to connect better and then we are more open to doing other things to connect. I absolutely don't see sex as a key component in being a good wife though and I know my husband doesn't either. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-can-you-be-a-better-so#post-1873373 Mon, 22 Sep 2014 15:55:48 +0000 LuLu Mom 1873373@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Put out. This first trimester has killed my drive, so hopefully it will pick back up so he's not so deprived. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-can-you-be-a-better-so#post-1873346 Mon, 22 Sep 2014 15:30:54 +0000 Mrs. Sunshine 1873346@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Generally whining &amp; complaining less. In the past week or so he has really stepped up his game which means I nag and yell way way way less &amp;generally enjoy being nicer to him. I think he would like more sympathy from me when he vents sometimes too though. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-can-you-be-a-better-so#post-1873313 Mon, 22 Sep 2014 15:13:47 +0000 blackbird 1873313@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Interesting how so many people equate sex to being a "good wife". Never hit my radar, LOL. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-can-you-be-a-better-so#post-1873296 Mon, 22 Sep 2014 15:05:37 +0000 .twist. 1873296@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I could definitely get more cleaning done around the house. I'm a bit lazy about that. </p> <p>I also was TERRIBLE about making dinners and stuff. DH does a ton of cleaning and cooking and general house tidying. But I recently started the fresh 20 and so far I'm hooked and am doing REALLY well with getting dinner on the table at the end of the day. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-can-you-be-a-better-so#post-1873258 Mon, 22 Sep 2014 14:45:35 +0000 artsyfartsy 1873258@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Always. I suck </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-can-you-be-a-better-so#post-1873182 Mon, 22 Sep 2014 14:16:27 +0000 Boheme 1873182@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I know EXACTLY what DH would say if I asked him :silly: </p> <p>But I could also do a much better job thinking ahead and streamlining our time - meal prep, laundry, etc. He does the lion's share of cleaning because I'm just zonked at the end of the day. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-can-you-be-a-better-so#post-1873173 Mon, 22 Sep 2014 14:09:52 +0000 youboots 1873173@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Oh and I totally agree with the 5 love languages. Such a game changer. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-can-you-be-a-better-so#post-1873172 Mon, 22 Sep 2014 14:09:12 +0000 youboots 1873172@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Doing more around the house, getting back to cooking legit meals now that morning sickness is not as bad. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-can-you-be-a-better-so#post-1873171 Mon, 22 Sep 2014 14:08:53 +0000 cmomma17 1873171@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: as long as his answer doesn't make you snappier! ;) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-can-you-be-a-better-so#post-1873168 Mon, 22 Sep 2014 14:07:15 +0000 looch 1873168@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@cmomma17: that is an excellent question, I am going to ask my husband tonight!</p> <p>I'd say, being less "snappy." </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-can-you-be-a-better-so#post-1873166 Mon, 22 Sep 2014 14:05:17 +0000 Caly 1873166@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Put out more. I'm just to damned tired it seems to be the last thing on my mind lately. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-can-you-be-a-better-so#post-1873099 Mon, 22 Sep 2014 13:31:24 +0000 cmomma17 1873099@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I wonder if our SO's would answer differently?</p> <p>I could say I need to clean more, cook more, be sexier, etc. But my DH would probably say I need to be kinder to myself, relax more, and be more confident in what an awesome wife and mom I already am. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-can-you-be-a-better-so#post-1873066 Mon, 22 Sep 2014 13:11:45 +0000 Cherrybee 1873066@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This has been a hot topic in our household for the last couple of weeks - how can we be better partners to each other. We have both been trying really hard, but I feel as though DH has tried harder than me..... He's doing more than ever around the house and is stepping up to see to E even more. In return, he needs me to: </p> <p>- Be less negative/moody/miserable<br /> - Try not to overreact when things bother me (see point 1)<br /> - Not expect too much from him constantly<br /> - Give him a bit of E-free down time<br /> - DTD more (this is going to require counseling) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-can-you-be-a-better-so#post-1873057 Mon, 22 Sep 2014 13:06:27 +0000 Lindsay05 1873057@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think I need to do more nagging. By this I mean, ask for help more often. Tell him more of why I am grumpy, frustrated, etc. I need to look after myself and get in a 'me' routine. I also need to do a way better job and serving his 'needs'. Yeah, I have no drive for it but I need to find some somewhere! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-can-you-be-a-better-so#post-1873055 Mon, 22 Sep 2014 13:03:54 +0000 lizzywiz 1873055@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Ugh. This has been on my mind. I am realizing now (2.5 years postpartum) how much energy/time I funneled into him before kids. Now I resent how needy he can be at times and he is constantly confused why I am irritable. And, boy, am I irritable. All. Of. The.Time. </p> <p>So, I've been thinking. #1- I need to be at least as nice and respectful to him as I am to people at work. #2- I need to focus on giving him quality time the same way I do it for LO (if I wouldn't have my tablet out while I am interacting with LO then I shouldn't have it out when I am trying to spend time with DH). And #3- I need to stop being a weird, passive-aggressive freak and just tell him when I need space or more help or whatever.</p> <p>We are too old to be pussyfooting around and mis- communicating this much! lol. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-can-you-be-a-better-so#post-1873037 Mon, 22 Sep 2014 12:53:20 +0000 Ash 1873037@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cole: I just took it! That was awesome! I can't wait to show dh my results and have him do it too! Thanks for the rec!</p> <p>@Circusbee: change is so hard but so worth it! Way to decide to be less negative - positivity is really powerful!</p> <p>@loki: you say he deserves a much better wife but I doubt he feels that way! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-can-you-be-a-better-so#post-1873031 Mon, 22 Sep 2014 12:50:04 +0000 mrs.shinerbock 1873031@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mae: " I tend to get overly upset about relatively minor things and then I have a hard time seeing the forest (that he's a generally great husband) for the trees (the little thing he did that was perhaps dick-ish, but in the grand scheme of things prob not THAT big of a deal)." - This exactly. I get wound up because he doesn't do things the way I want them and nag him about it, but overlook all the other great things he does. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-can-you-be-a-better-so#post-1873022 Mon, 22 Sep 2014 12:42:45 +0000 loki 1873022@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>omg i have been a horrible wife in so many ways. and i feel awful about it but can't seem to kick it. i don't clean enough... he does the lion's share of chores around the house. i always leave my dishes out and don't pick up my clothes. i'm the worst. also, we neverrrrrr dtd. i'm 3 months pg this upcoming sat and i have been feeling so awful and sick so that's my current excuse for my behaviour. i'm hoping i can kick it soon and get back into just generally being better for him. he's so amazing and he deserves a much better wife. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-can-you-be-a-better-so#post-1873021 Mon, 22 Sep 2014 12:42:11 +0000 bushelandapeck 1873021@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cole: My DH also needs touch more than I do so I could definitely improve on being more affectionate towards him. I could also work on being less naggy about insignificant things, like how he plays with DS, whether or not he put his clothes away, etc. Pregnancy hormones have not been kind to him this time around! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-can-you-be-a-better-so#post-1873014 Mon, 22 Sep 2014 12:41:38 +0000 Synchronicity 1873014@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Less nagging, more time spent together doing things we both love. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-can-you-be-a-better-so#post-1873009 Mon, 22 Sep 2014 12:38:47 +0000 Circusbee 1873009@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Ash: Maybe a bit over a year ago, I realized how negative I was being, and that I was taking out my frustrations on DH more than anything. I think it was a sermon at church that made me decide that I needed to make a big change. Since then, I've tried really hard to be more positive and loving in general, and really just tried to make sure I am always letting him know how much I appreciate him for who he is, and tried to show my support with whatever he was doing. I've noticed such a big difference in our relationship and in my relationships with friends, family, and coworkers! There's always something I can improve upon, but just having that mindset has made each little change enjoyable.</p> <p>Right now, I'm trying to work on cooking and cleaning more often, since I've let that go a bit too much over the summer!</p> <p>Good luck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-can-you-be-a-better-so#post-1872998 Mon, 22 Sep 2014 12:32:37 +0000 Mae 1872998@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I work on (but could always improve in) being more touchy. It isn't really my style (nor my love language-- I've never really associated touch and love), but it's a major way my husband feels loved so I work at it. Also I think that I could be better at looking at the big picture more often. I tend to get overly upset about relatively minor things and then I have a hard time seeing the forest (that he's a generally great husband) for the trees (the little thing he did that was perhaps dick-ish, but in the grand scheme of things prob not THAT big of a deal). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-can-you-be-a-better-so#post-1872993 Mon, 22 Sep 2014 12:29:30 +0000 dolphin 1872993@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I can cook more. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-can-you-be-a-better-so#post-1872990 Mon, 22 Sep 2014 12:28:26 +0000 Cole 1872990@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If you haven't done it already try taking the quiz for the five love languages. I had my husband take it too and it was helpful for me to realize that touch is one of his main love languages. Now I notice we get along better when I simply make an effort to hold his hand more or sit on the couch so we're touching etc. </p> <p>I also know there are certain little things he hates doing or something that I don't mind so I happily do them for him and he is always appreciative (which admittedly makes it easier to keep doing them). For him it's having our kitchen island cleared off since it becomes a bit of a catch all and taking care of his dry cleaning. Not having those two tiny responsibilities makes him much happier and more willing to handle other things. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-can-you-be-a-better-so#post-1872975 Mon, 22 Sep 2014 12:17:55 +0000 Ash 1872975@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I know that I've sucked as a wife since having a baby 9.5 months ago. I was nagging. We weren't dtd (because of me). I blamed dh from ev.er.y.thing. So this past week, I've decided to try super hard to change my ways and get out of this nasty wife rut. And it's making everyone happier! </p> <p>What things can you/did you change to be a better SO? </p>