https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Mon, 18 May 2026 21:32:22 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-having-your-second-child-change-your-relationship-with-your-first#post-1936178 Sat, 08 Nov 2014 18:24:10 +0000 MrsMccarthy 1936178@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@T.H.O.U.: yeah I imagine my patience will wear a bit thinner as well especially when I'm outnumbered during the day.</p> <p>@mrskc: yeah I'm hoping I will be more present during the times that we do get together. I'm working on that now actually. </p> <p>@Mrs. High Heels: I do look forward to my husband getting a chance to bond more with our son. I hope it goes smoothly for both of them. </p> <p>@lemondrop: I'm not sure my husband will be as proactive in that area. He is so great with the fun times but not very good at taking over when I am cooking and such. Maybe a crying newborn will help him see the urgency more. </p> <p>@erinpye: yeah I know there will be tough times. Perhaps that's just the price you pay for the better times ahead that having a sibling can create. </p> <p>I know it will be worth it no matter what and you can only prepare minimally for this stuff anyway. I'll just have to dive into the trenches and do the best I can like I did during the newborn phase with my son.</p> <p>Thanks everyone for your input. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-having-your-second-child-change-your-relationship-with-your-first#post-1935652 Sat, 08 Nov 2014 02:13:43 +0000 erinpye 1935652@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have much less patience for older DD, often they both cry for me and I feel torn, and now, not only is older DD jealous, but younger DD gets jealous, too. I miss being able to focus on being present and in the moment with my oldest. And, I feel sad that my baby doesn't get held as much because her older sister is so demanding. It doesn't help that my youngest doesn't nap much, because I would love an hour or 2 with oldest DD, and I think that would help her feel less jealous and more secure. Mine are 22 months apart, youngest is now 9 months, and I'm not going to sugarcoat it- it's gotten easier, but it's hard. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-having-your-second-child-change-your-relationship-with-your-first#post-1935642 Sat, 08 Nov 2014 01:01:50 +0000 lemondrop 1935642@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My husband pretty much took over the care of our oldest. They are such buddies, it's great to see! </p> <p>They are 26 months apart, there was a ton of acting out- he hit the terrible twos for sure once his brother arrived. It took about 6 months for him to settle down with the acting out (only at me, he was always fine for my husband). Now at 9 months they are starting to interact and play for 30 second increments. There's still plenty of bashing eachother, but it's getting better. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-having-your-second-child-change-your-relationship-with-your-first#post-1935614 Sat, 08 Nov 2014 00:10:21 +0000 Mrs. High Heels 1935614@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Honestly, I didn't get to spend much time with DD at all those first 6 months when the baby had a lot of needs (but that's really a small blip in time that they'll never remember!). A lot of the worries I had while pregnant about not getting 1:1 didn't get too me too much because I saw the deep relationship DD and DH began to form. DD had always been SUCH a mama's girl and always only wanted me, so it was really cool to see her bond with DH in a new way. </p> <p>Once we hit 6 months and there was consistency in DS's schedule (like set naps, and he went to bed every night by 6:30 pm), I found that I still got a lot of 1:1 time with DD because as she grew older, her bedtime got pushed later. She was sleeping at 8:30 pm so I got that 1:1 time with her after DS was put to bed (these days she's actually sleeping at 9-9:30!!). He also needed more naps than she did, so I got time with her during those times too.</p> <p>Like pp's mentioned, I was feeling more guilt about not getting more dedicated alone time with the baby than I was with my toddler. But it's nice that they really don't know any differently since they were born into the world with a sibling! </p> <p>We also make dedicated 1:1 time with each of our kids now that they're both out of the baby stage and older. DH will take one while I spend time with the other, and vice versa! It's all worked itself out pretty well... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-having-your-second-child-change-your-relationship-with-your-first#post-1935612 Sat, 08 Nov 2014 00:09:05 +0000 mrskc 1935612@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I felt a lot of guilt at first. The first 2 weeks were rough on me with my hormones and the change from going from 1 to 2. I felt soooo bad that I wasn't giving A the attention he was used to. But things have gotten so much better and I can't imagine life with out my daughter now. Yes, my attention is divided but I feel like the attention I give to each of them is more special and I'm more into it and there with them instead of browsing my phone like I would do a lot when it was just DS. If that makes sense? </p> <p>@wonderstruck: this exactly! I've actually been feeling guilt towards my second because I feel like I don't get to spend as much time/give her as much attention because older brother is more demanding. My first got to be held all day long! lol </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-having-your-second-child-change-your-relationship-with-your-first#post-1935529 Fri, 07 Nov 2014 21:32:44 +0000 T.H.O.U. 1935529@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree DH has stepped up a ton!! </p> <p>I do miss our one on one time but we still get it on occasion. </p> <p>I do feel sad that I snap or get frustrated with her much easier. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-having-your-second-child-change-your-relationship-with-your-first#post-1935526 Fri, 07 Nov 2014 21:29:33 +0000 MrsMccarthy 1935526@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrbee: yeah my hubs is gonna have to step up his game for sure! But he knows that.</p> <p>@Bao: yeah, I keep reminding myself that ice she's here I won't be able to imagine life without her so it won't be a question of what was so much as embracing our new life. I just hope little Tor always knows how special he is to me.</p> <p>@yellowbird: yeah the opposite gender thing is tricky because on the one hand it's nice that my son gets to my my "boy" but I also worry that more will be expected of him and he is still my baby too. </p> <p>@Mamasig: I'm glad to hear that even only 6 months in things are settling nicely! </p> <p>@wonderstruck: wow that's a great tip and this is a great perspective! I didn't even think about the fact that actually my son has gotten the best deal because he got to be my sole focus for a time. When I think of it that way I feel less guilty and sad. Thank you. I do feel a bit bad for baby girl but she will get to grow up with a brother and never know any difference. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-having-your-second-child-change-your-relationship-with-your-first#post-1935500 Fri, 07 Nov 2014 21:03:16 +0000 wonderstruck 1935500@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think a lot of this depends on the age gap - mine are a year and a half apart, and honestly I don't think it's changed too much for my older son. Right now you're obsessing over your guilt for him, but I found that the guilt flipped after having the baby - once you fall in love with the new little one, then you feel bad that big brother/sister had all this personal one on one time and constant attention as a newborn, and that's just not possible the second time around.</p> <p>L had been mad that I'm not allowed to pick him up because I'm recovering from a c-section. But other than that, it hasn't been a huge change - like all newborns, D naps a ton, so L still gets one on one time then. And when he wakes up from his naps L is super excited to see him and starts screeching hi while waving, it's pretty adorable. And once D stops taking so many naps and starts needing more attention, that means he's getting to the age where they can be buddies and play together!</p> <p>But honestly, once you're living it, it's much harder to give individual attention to the newborn than it is with your older child, so don't stress so much about it! The one tip I have is to buy a couple of cool special toys that you only bring out when you're busy with the new baby - L has a couple new toy cars that light up and make sound, and I only bust them out when I'm pumping or nursing. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-having-your-second-child-change-your-relationship-with-your-first#post-1935488 Fri, 07 Nov 2014 20:52:27 +0000 Mamasig 1935488@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My boys are 20 months apart. Six months in and there has been minimal jealousy on big brother's part. I had the same worries as you, but it's gone much easier than I anticipated. Yes, it was hard dividing my time in the beginning. That was the hardest adjustment for me - when both my boys needed me. But it got better after a couple of months. Seeing the love between them is the best thing ever. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-having-your-second-child-change-your-relationship-with-your-first#post-1935482 Fri, 07 Nov 2014 20:39:22 +0000 yellowbird 1935482@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsMccarthy: follfollowing. I worry about this all the time. I also worry I won't bond with lo2 because I will spend so much time with lo1 as well and also the a whole opposite gender thing. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-having-your-second-child-change-your-relationship-with-your-first#post-1935480 Fri, 07 Nov 2014 20:37:05 +0000 Bao 1935480@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsMccarthy: it was hard at times and there was some jealousy, still is, and my time is now divided, but I wouldn't change it! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-having-your-second-child-change-your-relationship-with-your-first#post-1935469 Fri, 07 Nov 2014 20:21:01 +0000 mrbee 1935469@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsMccarthy: The biggest difference probably was that I got a lot more involved with parenting, just because there was so much to do!</p> <p>As far as the kids go, I don't think Charlie noticed a difference... he was just thrilled to have a baby sister. I think if he was older, it might've been harder! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-having-your-second-child-change-your-relationship-with-your-first#post-1935233 Fri, 07 Nov 2014 16:27:23 +0000 MrsMccarthy 1935233@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm starting to feel worried about my son feeling jealous or neglected when his baby sister comes in March. I'm also a bit sad to see our one on one time dwindling. I'm so grateful for my new baby and giving him a sibling and I'm hopeful that she will be the most wonderful gift to him over time but I expect it to be an adjustment. </p> <p>How did this go for any of you who are on the other side? Did it go more or less smoothly than you expected? Do you have any tips or is there anything you would have done differently? </p> <p>Thank you for sharing your perspective. </p>