Hellobee Boards Topic: How did you balance marriage in the newborn stage?

Hellobee Boards Topic: How did you balance marriage in the newborn stage? https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Thu, 07 May 2026 05:33:09 +0000 cascademom on "How did you balance marriage in the newborn stage?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-balance-marriage-in-the-newborn-stage#post-962216 Thu, 25 Jul 2013 09:27:38 +0000 cascademom 962216@https://boards.hellobee.com/ We're still getting through it at 11 months old. It got better once LO started to STTN. My DH wanted sex almost as soon as LO was out in the world. With my body and recovery, it took a long time to want sex in addition to caring for a newborn. We also had to cope with issues from the outside (MIL) which got us into marriage counseling for 8 months. With counseling, sleep, sex, and dates we've slowly recovered from that. We're still working on balancing it as best we can. googly-eyes on "How did you balance marriage in the newborn stage?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-balance-marriage-in-the-newborn-stage#post-962208 Thu, 25 Jul 2013 09:25:11 +0000 googly-eyes 962208@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @Orvis18: @zippylef: I feel like our marriage is different too..but I don't know if it's bad different. I think we've just resigned ourselves to the fact that for now, we have less time together alone. Plus this is a really great stage for dd (10.5 months) so we are enjoying that together. I think part of what we had to work on was having similar, realistic expectations for our relationship...this is ongoing and probably won't end til we have 2 and they are a bit older! ShootingStar on "How did you balance marriage in the newborn stage?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-balance-marriage-in-the-newborn-stage#post-962171 Thu, 25 Jul 2013 09:14:38 +0000 ShootingStar 962171@https://boards.hellobee.com/ LO isn't due until November, but there's one thing we do now to stay connected that I'd really like to try to keep going with the baby. Most nights we head up to bed a while before we actually want to go to sleep. We sit there and cuddle and snuggle up with the dog and talk, sometimes listen to music. It's our time to chill out. Now that the baby can hear, we've been doing story time sometimes too. It's really simple and only lasts a little while, but it really makes me feel connected to my family and I hope that even with a newborn we can have a few minutes most days like that. bushelandapeck on "How did you balance marriage in the newborn stage?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-balance-marriage-in-the-newborn-stage#post-962109 Thu, 25 Jul 2013 09:00:42 +0000 bushelandapeck 962109@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @zippylef: Same for us. We are 11+mos in and our marriage is still not the way either of us would like. I have a hard time making time for us, even if it takes away from time with LO, but I can see now just how important that is. It is slowly getting better, but not without a lot of effort on both our parts. blackbird on "How did you balance marriage in the newborn stage?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-balance-marriage-in-the-newborn-stage#post-962081 Thu, 25 Jul 2013 08:54:26 +0000 blackbird 962081@https://boards.hellobee.com/ When Dh was at work, I spent nap time doing everything around the house (i didn't often nap while the baby napped, but she was a good night sleeper, so once she dropped to 2x/night wake ups, i was ok, since i slept in with her) so that when DH got home, I gave him the baby, got some alone time for an hour, and then we could hang out. I'd prep simple meals at lunchtime so we really did have downtime in the evening. We would set the baby on the boppy between us on the couch (which she loved) or in her crib to play while we ate dinner--since she was born, we have had dinner together almost every night. Even if one of us has to hold her, we sit down and eat together. Now she can sit in her bumbo while we eat. Same with watching tv...now that she's older, she is more predictable, and yours will get that way, too! DH calls it "baby-daddy-mommy snuggle time"....so a lot of it is just being understanding that I can't give him 100% of my attention. And sometimes, I'm cleaning or running around like a mad woman and he comes up to me and says, "Stop. Give me a hug"......sometimes it's just about stopping what you're doing and taking a break for 5 seconds. We also just snuggled in bed and would hang out on weekends. Since the baby was 6 weeks old, we got a babysitter and play in a softball league once a week. it did wonders for us to spend 20 min driving in the car together, an hour playing together, and then 20 min coming home. On bye weeks, we go out to dinner. Two hours once a week does so much, really. But, really, I think we were just blessed with an easy baby that allowed us to spend time together. 2PeasinaPod on "How did you balance marriage in the newborn stage?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-balance-marriage-in-the-newborn-stage#post-962044 Thu, 25 Jul 2013 08:48:37 +0000 2PeasinaPod 962044@https://boards.hellobee.com/ We tried our hardest to be as considerate of each other as we possibly could. It went such a long way to just remind each other how much we loved one another. We also would try to take walks to talk when LO was small. It helped so much to just stay connected that way. :heart: Bluebonnet on "How did you balance marriage in the newborn stage?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-balance-marriage-in-the-newborn-stage#post-962034 Thu, 25 Jul 2013 08:45:11 +0000 Bluebonnet 962034@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Read the book "Babyproofing Your Marriage" - its laugh out loud funny. The authors have multiple children and they eloquently articulate the feelings men and women have when a baby comes along. Once you understand what your spouse is feeling, its much easier to figure out a way to strengthen your relationship. maybebaby on "How did you balance marriage in the newborn stage?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-balance-marriage-in-the-newborn-stage#post-962018 Thu, 25 Jul 2013 08:40:34 +0000 maybebaby 962018@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @Bookworm: It will get better!!! The first couple of weeks are the hardest--each week and day is easier! LuLu Mom on "How did you balance marriage in the newborn stage?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-balance-marriage-in-the-newborn-stage#post-961804 Thu, 25 Jul 2013 08:00:31 +0000 LuLu Mom 961804@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Maybe I'm a little delusional but I don't remember it being too bad. The only part that we struggled with was I slept on the couch for the first month (first due to my c-section it was too hard to get in and out of our high bed & then so I didn't wake DH up with the night wake ups) and we missed that connection so I moved back into the room after he said he didn't mind hearing me get up with the baby if that meant having his family in the room with him. I think we knew it was a phase that we would get over, and we did so we both took it with a grain of salt. We also always did dinner together every night. cmomma17 on "How did you balance marriage in the newborn stage?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-balance-marriage-in-the-newborn-stage#post-961798 Thu, 25 Jul 2013 07:57:35 +0000 cmomma17 961798@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @grizz: no balance in the newborn days, SURVIVAL!!! Although we did do a few little things, like we'd take the baby to my in-laws and then go for a really quick walk by ourselves while MIL watched the baby. Both the fresh air and the alone time did us good. Silva on "How did you balance marriage in the newborn stage?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-balance-marriage-in-the-newborn-stage#post-961748 Thu, 25 Jul 2013 07:44:15 +0000 Silva 961748@https://boards.hellobee.com/ We try to go on a date while our parents babysit once a month, and have since she was about 2 months old. We go to a movie before dinner, so we have the movie to talk about and don't just talk about the babe the whole time! Family walks are great too, because she falls asleep and we can catch up. It's been hard, but we are both consciously prioritizing it. And our babe won't sleep alone/without touching someone so we don't have time after she goes to bed edelweiss on "How did you balance marriage in the newborn stage?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-balance-marriage-in-the-newborn-stage#post-961713 Thu, 25 Jul 2013 07:35:19 +0000 edelweiss 961713@https://boards.hellobee.com/ before LO arrived, my husband and i talked about how things would be really rough. so i think he was somewhat prepared for how preoccupied and hormonal i was going to be. i have to give him a lot of credit--he gave me a lot of space and support, and just deferred to me. doesn't mean it was easy, though. i think taking time during naps or bedtime to just talk or watch a movie together can be really nice. swedishfish on "How did you balance marriage in the newborn stage?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-balance-marriage-in-the-newborn-stage#post-961695 Thu, 25 Jul 2013 07:30:13 +0000 swedishfish 961695@https://boards.hellobee.com/ DH and I have never had much time together because of our opposite work schedules so we are used to it in a way. But I had a much more difficult time adjusting than he did. I felt like I haven't been getting enough time with him and I'm also jealous that he gets out of the house five days a week to go to work and get a break. Things aren't better because we are still not getting any time together alone but I'm sure it won't last forever. looch on "How did you balance marriage in the newborn stage?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-balance-marriage-in-the-newborn-stage#post-961683 Thu, 25 Jul 2013 07:26:39 +0000 looch 961683@https://boards.hellobee.com/ We gads difficult time, I won't sugar coat it! The thing is it took me a while to admit I needed a helping hand and once we arranged for a nanny 4 hours a week, we were able to focus on ourselves and our marriage. littlek on "How did you balance marriage in the newborn stage?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-balance-marriage-in-the-newborn-stage#post-961650 Thu, 25 Jul 2013 07:12:18 +0000 littlek 961650@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @grizz: I think it's rough learning to balance. DH is so busy with work, he didn't really notice that I wasn't paying much attention to him. It gets easier as your LO gets older and can actually play by themselves and are on a regular sleep pattern. Hang in there! Hugs! Smurfette on "How did you balance marriage in the newborn stage?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-balance-marriage-in-the-newborn-stage#post-961632 Thu, 25 Jul 2013 07:05:22 +0000 Smurfette 961632@https://boards.hellobee.com/ You just survive. Have someone come babysit if you have someone. But honestly at 4 1/2 months things are so much better. She is in bed by 7 so we can cook dinner and enjoy time for just us. Hang in there! SugarplumsMom on "How did you balance marriage in the newborn stage?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-balance-marriage-in-the-newborn-stage#post-961624 Thu, 25 Jul 2013 07:00:55 +0000 SugarplumsMom 961624@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @hergreenapples: @zippylef: agreed! Adira on "How did you balance marriage in the newborn stage?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-balance-marriage-in-the-newborn-stage#post-961600 Thu, 25 Jul 2013 06:47:30 +0000 Adira 961600@https://boards.hellobee.com/ We're still trying to figure this out and Xander's almost 5 months! I think part of the problem for us is that we both work full time out of the home and by the time we're all home, have Xander fed and put to bed, then we have dinner, and it's almost time for me to feed Xander again and go to bed myself! We're going to start implementing family dinners soon and I think that will help us a LOT. We'll eat dinner sooner so that after Xander goes to bed, Hubs and I can have time to ourselves where we're not making dinner and scrambling to eat. I'm HOPING this helps us! Good luck to you! <3 KayKay on "How did you balance marriage in the newborn stage?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-balance-marriage-in-the-newborn-stage#post-961586 Thu, 25 Jul 2013 06:41:03 +0000 KayKay 961586@https://boards.hellobee.com/ It's definitely a transition period and was a tough time! I think that similarly to how I'm not the same (mentally or physically!) as I was before LO, our marriage isn't either. It takes a little bit to get sorted out in terms of what can be like the "old days", what has to change, how you both want things to be. I think the best thing you can do is communicate so that if one or both of you aren't happy with how things are, you can figure out some ways to make it better. Sometimes there isn't a concrete solution, but just talking about it and knowing that you're on the same page helps. We did family walks each day after work, ate dinner together after LO was down, and tried to get out for a date night dinner once in awhile. Even just having a drink on our porch/deck was enough to change it up. Eventually you'll settle into what's your new normal -- you just need to keep communicating so that you're both happy with what that turns out to be! Bookish on "How did you balance marriage in the newborn stage?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-balance-marriage-in-the-newborn-stage#post-961552 Thu, 25 Jul 2013 06:15:58 +0000 Bookish 961552@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I wish I knew. All DH does is tell me how much he misses me, and it makes me feel like crap. I hope it gets better soon. loveisstrange on "How did you balance marriage in the newborn stage?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-balance-marriage-in-the-newborn-stage#post-961538 Thu, 25 Jul 2013 05:44:18 +0000 loveisstrange 961538@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @MrsMccarthy: Honestly, same here. It was brutal and I am honestly surprised every day that our marriage survived it. We're still not 100% back to the way our relationship was before. heartonastring on "How did you balance marriage in the newborn stage?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-balance-marriage-in-the-newborn-stage#post-961511 Thu, 25 Jul 2013 04:04:09 +0000 heartonastring 961511@https://boards.hellobee.com/ You don't! The newborn phase is all about survival. I found DH and I bonded in new ways, but we certainly didn't really have any 'us' time. It gets better though. DD is 3 months now and we've gotten into a good routine wherein she goes to bed around 8:15-8:30 and then DH and I hang out with some wine until I go to bed at 10. ETA: I forgot to mention that when DD was brand new we used to pop her in the car seat after dinner, go through the Starbucks drive-thru, and just drive around and chat. It was astoundingly relaxing. Espion on "How did you balance marriage in the newborn stage?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-balance-marriage-in-the-newborn-stage#post-961471 Thu, 25 Jul 2013 01:05:17 +0000 Espion 961471@https://boards.hellobee.com/ We make a point of getting out of the house even if it means sitting in a parking lot feeding E. Schedules be damned! And DH is just as sleep deprived as I am, so our together time seems to be us simultaneously praying that *this* time E will go to sleep and stay that way, lol! But we are trying to make a point of catering to each other's sense of well being, even if that means: "You go out for a run/errand/shower/hour of "me" time" and I'll hold down the fort. We're going to do whatever it takes to stay happy and sane!! Mrs. High Heels on "How did you balance marriage in the newborn stage?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-balance-marriage-in-the-newborn-stage#post-961451 Thu, 25 Jul 2013 00:43:40 +0000 Mrs. High Heels 961451@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I think that's a great start! We would do that too - just sit and talk, or watch TV together (just being next to each other was really nice), and we would go to bed at the same time and talk while we fell asleep. With one kid, we were also able to schedule regular date nights even if it was an hour or two just to get dessert... but it's been harder to do that with two kids. lolabee on "How did you balance marriage in the newborn stage?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-balance-marriage-in-the-newborn-stage#post-961443 Thu, 25 Jul 2013 00:32:22 +0000 lolabee 961443@https://boards.hellobee.com/ It is hard. Most challenging thing we've gone through yet!! The hardest thing for me at the beginning was the lack of being able to be physically close - just sleeping next to each other or cuddling. It was the weirdest feeling, I felt so incredibly emotionally close to him but physically far. For him he felt like he was useless because he couldn't feed the baby, granted there are many other things he could help with. Then it went to figuring out time together and time for ourselves. I started going back to the gym when LO was 4 months and it helped tremendously!! i cherish that hour and a half to myself. It's like hitting the reset button :) Although its still far from perfect, it definitely gets better as our LO gets older. Things we do to stay connected: -go for walks -cook dinner together when we can -started taking puppy classes (something to focus on other than babe) I promise you will find your groove!! MrsMccarthy on "How did you balance marriage in the newborn stage?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-balance-marriage-in-the-newborn-stage#post-961400 Wed, 24 Jul 2013 23:37:50 +0000 MrsMccarthy 961400@https://boards.hellobee.com/ We barely survived. It was the rockiest most scary and difficult time in our marriage. We got through by just givin it time and a lot of meditation. Hugs to you googly-eyes on "How did you balance marriage in the newborn stage?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-balance-marriage-in-the-newborn-stage#post-961391 Wed, 24 Jul 2013 23:26:34 +0000 googly-eyes 961391@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Babysitting! shopaholic on "How did you balance marriage in the newborn stage?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-balance-marriage-in-the-newborn-stage#post-961386 Wed, 24 Jul 2013 23:24:24 +0000 shopaholic 961386@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I'm still struggling with this, though DH seems to be okay. I try to consciously check in how he is feeling, talk about other things besides the baby, and make suggestions about things we can do. But honestly, we're BOTH so tired at the end of the night (he usually rushes home from work just to make bedtime), that it's a challenge for me to even stay awake for a couple of hours. Slowly though, I've been able to stay up longer, just lounge and watch TV and chat. Baby Boy Mom on "How did you balance marriage in the newborn stage?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-balance-marriage-in-the-newborn-stage#post-961376 Wed, 24 Jul 2013 23:17:46 +0000 Baby Boy Mom 961376@https://boards.hellobee.com/ We didn't really. We would talk when going out on walks but otherwise we knew that it was just a matter of time and we could get back to a new normal. autumnlove on "How did you balance marriage in the newborn stage?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-balance-marriage-in-the-newborn-stage#post-961354 Wed, 24 Jul 2013 22:59:02 +0000 autumnlove 961354@https://boards.hellobee.com/ We let things like laundry and household chores slide a bit and we get quality time in during naps and after bedtime for the girls...we talk, cook and watch TV together!