Hellobee Boards Topic: How did you come to be a SAHP?

Hellobee Boards Topic: How did you come to be a SAHP? https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Thu, 30 Apr 2026 19:36:36 +0000 fairy on "How did you come to be a SAHP?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-come-to-be-a-sahp/page/2#post-2085527 Wed, 25 Feb 2015 16:59:47 +0000 fairy 2085527@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Sort-of a combination of 1 and 2. I knew I wanted to be a SAHM, and the job I was working gave no maternity leave at all & didn't pay much more than what the cost of daycare would be. Luckily, my husband has a decent job and my pay was mostly going to pay extra on debt so it wasn't really an adjustment to our quality of life for me to SAH. Now I WAH part time and don't plan on returning to work outside the home until my daughter is out of school since I plan on homeschooling. I feel very fortunate that my husband agrees that this is best for us since it is what I really wanted. jessibear on "How did you come to be a SAHP?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-come-to-be-a-sahp/page/2#post-2084978 Wed, 25 Feb 2015 13:19:59 +0000 jessibear 2084978@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @lizzywiz: thank you, this summarizes how I feel about this much more eloquently than I would have. We both work. I don't want to stay home, I love working and that helps me love parenting. DH's salary is not our primary source of income. We could financially afford to have him stay home, and did for awhile while looking for work.. But it is not something either of us want for him in the long term, and not just for financial reasons. My friends who SAH amaze me every day, and yea, sometimes I'm jealous (like when they take the kids to do something fun during the day) but I also know I'm happier because I work. This is just me, personally. This is such a polarizing topic but I think it's important for our kids, and fellow parents, to understand how varied the situations are that lead to these types of decisions. MarieJ on "How did you come to be a SAHP?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-come-to-be-a-sahp/page/2#post-2084854 Wed, 25 Feb 2015 12:41:39 +0000 MarieJ 2084854@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I wish I could stay at home with my babies :( daniellemybelle on "How did you come to be a SAHP?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-come-to-be-a-sahp/page/2#post-2084793 Wed, 25 Feb 2015 12:20:05 +0000 daniellemybelle 2084793@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @lizzywiz: "As I get older, I understand more and more that knowledge of my own personal experience/ perspective is not enough to justify judging others." PREACH. lizzywiz on "How did you come to be a SAHP?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-come-to-be-a-sahp/page/2#post-2084780 Wed, 25 Feb 2015 12:13:13 +0000 lizzywiz 2084780@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @daniellemybelle: Exactly. People have a very difficult time imagining a life without the financial, emotional and intellectual privileges they perceive as 'normal.' FWIW, while I wouldn't put myself in the 'forced' category because I have always planned to work, there are circumstances that have made working a necessity: LO goes to the urgent care/ ER or inpatient hospital approx. 6ish times a year. There is no way we could afford that without good insurance. DH covers our insurance, which means he couldn't quit, but he didn't make enough to cover our minimum bills, so I couldn't quit either, even though our bills aren't extensive (a cheap mortgage/insurance/utilities). And my point is, this is not a weird, extenuating circumstance. Yeah, my kid is sicker than other kids, but not that sick. There are a lot of people with Achilles heels when it comes to trying to live on one income: an ailing parent, student loan or other not asset related debt, insurance needs, life circumstances that funneled them towards low paying jobs, etc. As I get older, I understand more and more that knowledge of my own personal experience/ perspective is not enough to justify judging others. (not that I never do, 'cause judging is fun :silly: ) artsyfartsy on "How did you come to be a SAHP?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-come-to-be-a-sahp/page/2#post-2084398 Wed, 25 Feb 2015 09:17:19 +0000 artsyfartsy 2084398@https://boards.hellobee.com/ My job is seasonal so I'm a temporary SAHM during the off season. So I voted other. I'm next up for a year round position so when that happens I will be a permanent WOHM which was always my plan. littleblessings on "How did you come to be a SAHP?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-come-to-be-a-sahp/page/2#post-2084245 Wed, 25 Feb 2015 02:34:17 +0000 littleblessings 2084245@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I got fired when I was pregnant with DS. As soon as I told my workplace they cut my hours and then the second my DD had a fever and I had to call in they fired me. After that I tried getting a new job while pregnant but nobody wanted to hire me. After having DS he wouldn't take to a bottle at all so going to work would have literally been starving him. Now he is working on weaning himself anonysquire on "How did you come to be a SAHP?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-come-to-be-a-sahp/page/2#post-2084236 Wed, 25 Feb 2015 01:33:40 +0000 anonysquire 2084236@https://boards.hellobee.com/ 1. It's all I knew growing up. And all my friends mom's sah. It was rare to meet anyone who worked. I think it's a mormon thing. You're kind of expected to stay home with your babies. I'm just grateful that my husband works hard but also grateful that he works for my dad and grateful that my dad wants all his daughters/daughter in laws to stay home. So he fiddles with Paychecks. I tried being a wohp for almost 6 months and would cry and cry anytime I had to leave Zuma. So really is wasn't healthy for my anxiety. daniellemybelle on "How did you come to be a SAHP?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-come-to-be-a-sahp/page/2#post-2084228 Wed, 25 Feb 2015 01:17:31 +0000 daniellemybelle 2084228@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @Skadi: Honestly, I think people should be able to phrase it however it feels most accurate to them. If they feel "forced," you might have not felt that way in their situation, but I don't think it is fair for you to speak for them. And I think the number of folks who are truly without other options due to extenuating circumstances would probably surprise you. @photojane: Well put. <3 shellio on "How did you come to be a SAHP?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-come-to-be-a-sahp/page/2#post-2084222 Wed, 25 Feb 2015 01:03:06 +0000 shellio 2084222@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I voted #2 for my DH who is a SAHD. We moved across the country while I was pregnant and he didn't find work right away. As he sees it, his earning potential is very small anyway so it made sense for him to stay home since I earn several times what he was making. I think it has been much much harder than he anticipated but he still enjoys it most of the time. mrskc on "How did you come to be a SAHP?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-come-to-be-a-sahp/page/2#post-2084221 Wed, 25 Feb 2015 00:55:39 +0000 mrskc 2084221@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I voted 1. I didn't always envision myself as a SAHM tho. It wasn't until I had my son, that I felt the desire to be home with him. I love being at home with the kids and I feel so grateful that I am able to do so. photojane on "How did you come to be a SAHP?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-come-to-be-a-sahp/page/2#post-2084220 Wed, 25 Feb 2015 00:52:42 +0000 photojane 2084220@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @daniellemybelle: I agree. It's most certainly not always a choice. We are so privileged here to have that option, and have the means and time to sit online and discuss it. Skadi on "How did you come to be a SAHP?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-come-to-be-a-sahp/page/2#post-2084218 Wed, 25 Feb 2015 00:43:52 +0000 Skadi 2084218@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @daniellemybelle: Financial hardship almost always accompanies one parent foregoing their career. It's perfectly valid to say, "That's a level of hardship that I'm not willing to subject myself to." However, it's important not to phrase it in such a way so that it sounds as if you are forced into one path or another. Particularly when you are talking to someone who chose a path you deemed impossible and is making it work. Given our experiences making do with what we have, I don't think it's an overestimation to say that most couples (barring extraordinary circumstances such as a disability) who say that they wish one parent could stay home have the ability to do so, if it's important enough to them. I'm not saying that they should do that--not at all. And I'm not saying there aren't times I think the grass is greener--I mean, we put away a little bit each month into a special savings account just to save for a family vacation, and now it looks like we're going to need to use that for car repairs instead. So I completely respect and understand the decision to not stay home when it means feeling like you're just scraping by. It certainly doesn't feel like much of a choice when you're between a rock and a hard place, which is unfortunately too many of us these days. I just try to remind myself that we're not trapped, even though it feels that way sometimes. Blueberry on "How did you come to be a SAHP?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-come-to-be-a-sahp/page/2#post-2084214 Wed, 25 Feb 2015 00:25:37 +0000 Blueberry 2084214@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I initially went back to work when DS was 13 weeks old. I missed him terribly and decided to stay home when he was 9 months. He is 21 months now and baby #2 will be here in a couple of weeks. I definitely miss working sometimes and I do plan on going back but not until LO#2 is in preschool. daniellemybelle on "How did you come to be a SAHP?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-come-to-be-a-sahp/page/2#post-2084207 Tue, 24 Feb 2015 23:54:40 +0000 daniellemybelle 2084207@https://boards.hellobee.com/ #5. I hope I can eventually. I am lucky that I don't have to work full-time though and my work is flexible and rewarding. It is really unkind & unfair to say that it is ALWAYS a choice. In our case, it is somewhat, although if I chose to stay home right now we would choose a life of hardship. But there are cases where it is not a choice. Single parents, or one parent is sick or disabled, or Dad has a blue collar job without health care benefits. Hellobee is populated with mostly privileged middle and upper class families, but we are actually the minority in the world. Mrs.KMM on "How did you come to be a SAHP?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-come-to-be-a-sahp/page/2#post-2084091 Tue, 24 Feb 2015 21:05:25 +0000 Mrs.KMM 2084091@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I've always wanted to be a SAHM and we were able to make it work. Even if that hadn't been the case, I barely make more than the cost of daycare and gas so working wouldn't have made a lot of financial sense anyway. photojane on "How did you come to be a SAHP?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-come-to-be-a-sahp/page/2#post-2084088 Tue, 24 Feb 2015 21:03:12 +0000 photojane 2084088@https://boards.hellobee.com/ 1! My mom was a SAH, and I loved it, so it became my goal to do the same. I never had huge career aspirations--I always wanted to be a SAHM. I chose teaching because I like kids, and it's the most flexible career for child-rearing. Thankfully I'm able to use some of that college education with my own kids, so it's not all money wasted! We make a lot of sacrifices in order for me to SAH, but we wouldn't change a thing. regberadaisy on "How did you come to be a SAHP?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-come-to-be-a-sahp/page/2#post-2084066 Tue, 24 Feb 2015 20:46:15 +0000 regberadaisy 2084066@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @Mae: I'm in a very similar situation. I was never one of those that thought I would want to SAH. And not that I necessarily 100% want to right now. But I've been laid off twice and it's left me very jaded about my job stability. With two now there really is a certain amount I have to make + benefits to make it worth me to work. And I know I need to think about long term job placement blah blah blah. But I don't really care about that right now! jedeve on "How did you come to be a SAHP?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-come-to-be-a-sahp/page/2#post-2083950 Tue, 24 Feb 2015 18:41:34 +0000 jedeve 2083950@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Other-ish. My work environment got really bad and I would have mostly been working to pay daycare. So I quit. Then I was offered a raise to stay, so I worked from home for three months for ten hours a week. But I still quit. Now I realize that it will be near impossible to find a job that pays more, unless I work full time. But I don't want to work more than 3 days a week. Sometimes I regret quitting, but I was pretty miserable. And there were other mitigating factors. Lo1 has lots of allergies, and lo2 was premature and needs physical therapy. It does piss me off when people tell me I'm so lucky that I can stay at home. We were very fortunate in that DH for another job a a month before I was done working which evened out the difference, so we didn't have to cut back as much as we thought we would. And I am grateful for that. But the circumstances leading to my decision aren't what I would call "lucky!" Orchid on "How did you come to be a SAHP?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-come-to-be-a-sahp#post-2083921 Tue, 24 Feb 2015 17:39:29 +0000 Orchid 2083921@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I always wanted to SAH and homeschool, so I'm happy my husband is on board with the sacrifices we are make to accommodate that. twoofeverything on "How did you come to be a SAHP?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-come-to-be-a-sahp#post-2083920 Tue, 24 Feb 2015 17:39:11 +0000 twoofeverything 2083920@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Mostly #2, but also a bit of #1... When we found out it was twins and did the daycare math, there was no way I could continue to work. If we had a singleton, though, I would have definitely kept working! While a part of me always wanted to SAH, it has been a lot harder than I imagined. A big part of me would like to work part-time...and that's the plan, when they go to kindergarten in 3.5 years! Orchid on "How did you come to be a SAHP?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-come-to-be-a-sahp#post-2083908 Tue, 24 Feb 2015 17:30:37 +0000 Orchid 2083908@https://boards.hellobee.com/ This comment has been deleted by the original poster. Ra on "How did you come to be a SAHP?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-come-to-be-a-sahp#post-2083907 Tue, 24 Feb 2015 17:29:53 +0000 Ra 2083907@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Other. I had really horrible PPD/PPA and was in my first year of a new career (teaching) and, for lack of a better word, I cracked. :sad: Mae on "How did you come to be a SAHP?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-come-to-be-a-sahp#post-2083878 Tue, 24 Feb 2015 17:06:59 +0000 Mae 2083878@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I had no intention of SAH. I was a lawyer and lost my job completely unexpectedly at 40+5 (and it didn't even put me into labor! You'd think the shock would've haha). I planned to look for work during my planned maternity leave but LO was a very challenging newborn and we then had a series of issues related to her (refusing to) eat so it seemed to us that daycare would be a disaster and I put off seriously looking for anything. Now that she is 9mo I have been seriously looking for about two months but I just haven't found anything yet. Honestly I do wish that I could stay at home longer. I am enjoying it way more than I had anticipated I would and I don't miss working at all. I feel like this is way easier and more fun than being a working mom will be. But the truth is that we didn't plan for this so we can't make it work long term without some very drastic changes. We bought a house, bought cars, have student loans... all on the premise of being a two income family. Short of selling our home and seriously downsizing and maybe downsizing our cars I don't think it would be responsible of me to stay home indefinitely. And really even then it would be rough. Our student loan payments are about the same as our current mortgage and there is really nothing to be done about them now. Except use them to get a job. :) MamaBehr on "How did you come to be a SAHP?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-come-to-be-a-sahp#post-2083846 Tue, 24 Feb 2015 16:48:01 +0000 MamaBehr 2083846@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I became one when I quit after DS#1 was born because I didn't qualify for FMLA and since I was a teacher that would have put me coming back the next school year vs putting a 8 week old in daycare. Then I decided to stay and now that we have three 4 and under it is financially smarter for me to stay at home. So, my reasons has changed! Torchwood on "How did you come to be a SAHP?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-come-to-be-a-sahp#post-2083749 Tue, 24 Feb 2015 16:02:05 +0000 Torchwood 2083749@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I've always wanted to be one, and thankfully we can more than afford it. DH paid more in taxes last year than I've ever made in a year, so my working is pretty much a joke in terms of impact on our finances. I've never had a job I really loved, whereas I do truly love being a housewife and volunteering at the library, and DH likes not having to do any housework after a long day/week at work, so it just makes sense. avivoca on "How did you come to be a SAHP?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-come-to-be-a-sahp#post-2083724 Tue, 24 Feb 2015 15:46:51 +0000 avivoca 2083724@https://boards.hellobee.com/ 5) I wish I could stay at home. I work because my salary allows us to have some extras in life, which is something my husband values. Financially, we could swing me staying home, but finances would be extremely tight. My current employer will not allow me to work part-time or WFH two days a week. If we have a second in the next few years, I will have to stay home because the cost of two in daycare would eat up what I would be bringing home. MapleMoose on "How did you come to be a SAHP?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-come-to-be-a-sahp#post-2083722 Tue, 24 Feb 2015 15:45:50 +0000 MapleMoose 2083722@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Other. My DH and I weren't 100% comfortable with someone else watching our LO, be it daycare or a nanny, although we looked into both. Then LO had undiagnosed food allergies that made for a stressful, horrible, and sad several months before she was finally correctly diagnosed and given the right treatment. That was sort of the thing that pushed us over the edge of really not wanting someone else to care for her. During those first 6 months before the diagnosis DH asked if I was okay staying home with her. I discussed with my boss and she was so understanding she worked things out for me to WAH part-time while caring for LO full time. Now that LO2 is here I'm a full time SAHM and not working, at least for now. DH works long hours with almost no flexibility and this isn't a financial burden since we budget strictly and he makes enough for us to be comfortable without my paycheck. I do plan on returning to the workforce and my career eventually, although I may continue with the part time WAH for a little while before going back to WOH full time. We'll see how things play out. I'm enjoying being a SAHM for sure! Mrs. Pen on "How did you come to be a SAHP?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-come-to-be-a-sahp#post-2083715 Tue, 24 Feb 2015 15:37:40 +0000 Mrs. Pen 2083715@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I had quit my job in May of 2011 because I hated it. I found out less than two months later I was pregnant so I knew I couldn't make enough to work and pay for daycare. I did part time work while I was pregnant as a filler/make a little income prior to having him. After a year I decided I didn't like staying home and pursued some job opportunities! Now I'm back in school and loving it. Ree723 on "How did you come to be a SAHP?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-come-to-be-a-sahp#post-2083713 Tue, 24 Feb 2015 15:34:40 +0000 Ree723 2083713@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I've always wanted to be a SAHM and DH felt the same. Short of being destitute, we would have done just about anything to make it happen; our feelings about having a parent home with our babies during their early years were that strong. Fortunately, we're in a position where it has worked out for us.