Hellobee Boards Topic: How did you come to your choice about family size?

Hellobee Boards Topic: How did you come to your choice about family size? https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Thu, 14 May 2026 04:48:17 +0000 SugarplumsMom on "How did you come to your choice about family size?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-come-to-your-choice-about-family-size#post-2567301 Wed, 15 Jun 2016 01:15:35 +0000 SugarplumsMom 2567301@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Before having LO, we ideally wanted 2. We flip-flopped for a long time, TTC for 1 month, then realized we didn't want another, then a few months later TTC for another month. LO is now turning 4 and it's a definite, we won't be trying for another. There's a variety of reasons why and the most obvious is age (we're getting old). But for me, age isn't the main factor. We live abroad without any family help whatsoever. We get a very generous paternity and maternity leave, which makes babysitting services virtually obsolete. Having another means a really difficult newborn stage without an extra pair of hands (not even having 5-mins off) while entertaining a preschooler at the same time. It's just too much (for us). Plus not sleeping after finally getting sleep again will be a hard transition - I feel too old to tackle that. jaguar on "How did you come to your choice about family size?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-come-to-your-choice-about-family-size#post-2567279 Tue, 14 Jun 2016 22:28:49 +0000 jaguar 2567279@https://boards.hellobee.com/ It's a hard one. I was naive to think we'd get to make the choice, but I don't know that we will. Our dream was always three babies - but after spending so many years and so much money on treatment, I don't think we'll manage it. It sucks, because religion used to be important to me - but that's definitely dimmed over the years. I'm still hoping this baby will be #2 and we'll get to take her home with us - the anxiety is still there that something will go wrong - but this might be our last. That said, we thought long and hard about coming to terms with G being our one and only.. and there are a lot of pros, even when the entire world seems to expect you to have more. Whatever choice you make, it'll be right for YOUR family and situation. *hugs* winniebee on "How did you come to your choice about family size?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-come-to-your-choice-about-family-size#post-2567203 Tue, 14 Jun 2016 19:05:58 +0000 winniebee 2567203@https://boards.hellobee.com/ We always wanted two for sure, maybe 3. I got pregnant when our second son was 9m total shock as we were trying to avoid. Miscarried, but made us realize we wanted a third. Had a few more losses along the way and then became pregnant with our third son. However, at 18 weeks we found out he was very sick with spina bifida, hydrocephalus and multiple brain abnormalities. We induced early and he passed. I don't know what the future will bring. We may very well be done as going through more potential loss and trauma again seems to be just crazy to me and probably more than we could bead. But I also don't think our story ends with such heartache. Maybe there will be hope. Foodnerd81 on "How did you come to your choice about family size?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-come-to-your-choice-about-family-size#post-2567199 Tue, 14 Jun 2016 18:57:27 +0000 Foodnerd81 2567199@https://boards.hellobee.com/ We both always knew we wanted more than one- we both have siblings and they are super important to us, my sisters are my best friends. So we knew we would have two at least. For financial reasons we figured we would probably stop there. Now we have our two and it's hard! I know this is a short window in our lives, but I don't think I could go through the infant stage again with two kids, a few years older. I'm 35 now and I don't think I want a newborn when I'm 38. So we are 99.99999% sure we are done with two, but won't make anything permanent before my IUD expires in 5 years. Alba4 on "How did you come to your choice about family size?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-come-to-your-choice-about-family-size#post-2567196 Tue, 14 Jun 2016 18:50:10 +0000 Alba4 2567196@https://boards.hellobee.com/ We both always wanted 2 so it was an easier decision for us. Eko on "How did you come to your choice about family size?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-come-to-your-choice-about-family-size#post-2567186 Tue, 14 Jun 2016 18:44:19 +0000 Eko 2567186@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Thank you all! It is helpful to hear. I am just extremely concerned how much having a second LO will effect our finances and quality of life. gingerbebe on "How did you come to your choice about family size?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-come-to-your-choice-about-family-size#post-2567181 Tue, 14 Jun 2016 18:17:39 +0000 gingerbebe 2567181@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @coopsmama: :heart: erinbaderin on "How did you come to your choice about family size?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-come-to-your-choice-about-family-size#post-2567171 Tue, 14 Jun 2016 17:53:07 +0000 erinbaderin 2567171@https://boards.hellobee.com/ We spent five years trying to have our first - 8 IUIs, and 2 IVFs before I got pregnant. I wasn't interested in going through more ART so we figured we were one and done. Then when B was 17 months I got pregnant naturally. Now we're trying to decide whether we're 100% done and ready to take permanent action (vasectomy) or whether we want to leave it open. I'm 99% sure that we're done, I just need to take that final 1% step and get my husband to make the appointment. caterw on "How did you come to your choice about family size?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-come-to-your-choice-about-family-size#post-2567159 Tue, 14 Jun 2016 17:35:40 +0000 caterw 2567159@https://boards.hellobee.com/ We are pregnant with #2 and are done after this one. Our #1 reason is financial- another baby fits perfectly into our 2 bedroom apartment and car- a third baby would mean moving before we are ready to buy and upgrading to a minivan. I also want to save for retirement and put away at least a little money to help both kids through college. My husband and I planned for me to stay at home until we would only have to have 1 kid in daycare, so another baby would bump back me going to work (which I do want to do, just not while my babies are really little). If we had unlimited resources, we would probably have or adopt another couple of kids. dc yoga bee on "How did you come to your choice about family size?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-come-to-your-choice-about-family-size#post-2567140 Tue, 14 Jun 2016 16:27:13 +0000 dc yoga bee 2567140@https://boards.hellobee.com/ We have waffled a lot between being one and done, or trying for a second. There are many a reason why being done is appealing to us. I had hyperemesis, was on bedrest most of my pregnancy, and ended up being induced for pre-eclampsia. Even getting pregnant was difficult. LO had colic, acid reflux, and still isn't sleeping through the night. Now that she's 1, we are just now finding a good groove. Why mess that up? And why go for it now? For us, the overwhelming desire to have another child, and give DD a sibling outweighs the desire to stop at one. There is no guarantee siblings will be close, and there is no guarantee they won't be. My brother is my very best friend, and walked me down the aisle. DH and his sister do not have a good relationship at all. He sees my brother and I, and would love to hopefully have that bond between his own children. I'm the second child, and my mom wanted to stop at one. She says I completed the family, and was the missing link they didn't know was even missing. For us, we don't want to have any regrets not expanding our family due to the first year and pregnancy being as difficult as it was. This is a small chapter in the grand scheme of parenting, and I'm sure she will sleep some time! I hope... That being said, if we didn't just go for it, I wouldn't make any permanent decisions until LO was a bit older, or if I was a lot older. We are 29, and our LO is 1, so we have time if we decide to waffle back and forth. I do think we will never feel 100% sure we are ready to actually go for it, but I'd rather have a slightly smaller gap than I wanted than waiting and needing to go through the RE again. snowjewelz on "How did you come to your choice about family size?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-come-to-your-choice-about-family-size#post-2567114 Tue, 14 Jun 2016 15:25:29 +0000 snowjewelz 2567114@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @coopsmama: Makes sense to me :grin: youboots on "How did you come to your choice about family size?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-come-to-your-choice-about-family-size#post-2567109 Tue, 14 Jun 2016 15:18:32 +0000 youboots 2567109@https://boards.hellobee.com/ We both have one sibling. So 2 just seems normal for us. We won't take permanent measures until in in my late 30s, we are open to a 3rd but probably just 2. coopsmama on "How did you come to your choice about family size?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-come-to-your-choice-about-family-size#post-2567102 Tue, 14 Jun 2016 15:11:50 +0000 coopsmama 2567102@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @gingerbebe: Yes, I hear you on the sense of certainty. We have no idea what the future holds after this so we will not be pursuing permanent BC at this point. (Actually, with this 3rd baby, we had been thinking we would start trying in January or February but we both felt a complete peace and sense we should start trying in November - so we did.) coopsmama on "How did you come to your choice about family size?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-come-to-your-choice-about-family-size#post-2567097 Tue, 14 Jun 2016 15:09:08 +0000 coopsmama 2567097@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Since the majority of HB'ers seem not to be religious, this probably won't make a lot of sense to most posters - but lots of prayer and asking God for direction! That's how we've ended up with our 2 kids and one on the way. We'll see what the future holds. :) LindsayLou on "How did you come to your choice about family size?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-come-to-your-choice-about-family-size#post-2567094 Tue, 14 Jun 2016 15:06:16 +0000 LindsayLou 2567094@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I've always known that I wanted at least two kids. My husband has a son from a previous relationship, and we've agreed from the beginning that we want at least two kids together. That's just how we see our family, in the near and distant future. We both have siblings and want that for our kids. We have one 9 month old daughter, and hope to have another baby sometime next year. My husband says he's done after that, I would like a third. We're not worrying about making that decision quite yet. gingerbebe on "How did you come to your choice about family size?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-come-to-your-choice-about-family-size#post-2567093 Tue, 14 Jun 2016 15:03:38 +0000 gingerbebe 2567093@https://boards.hellobee.com/ DS1 was hard fought for after 2 losses, a major surgery, a year of recovery, 3 years trying overall, and a rough higher risk pregnancy. DS2 was a complete surprise and we got pregnant when DS1 turned 10 months old. (And we didn't find out until just before his first birthday). So in that sense we had no choice. We feel like if we are taking our own wishes into consideration we are done (age, energy, pregnancy being tough on me, neither of us enjoys the newborn phase, etc). However, we are devout Christians and as we've prayed about it, we haven't felt a sense of certainty that we are complete with 2. So we didn't take any permanent measures like tubal ligation or vasectomy (I can't be on birth control for medical reasons). I don't know that if we have a third we will go through pregnancy. I'm already 35 and I don't think we'd be ready to deal with another infant for at least 3 more years - i.e. when our eldest is in kinder and the second is in preschool. But we are open to fostering or adoption so that might be something we would do, and we could get a slightly older child that way and bypass newborn hell. But again, a 3rd child would likely require a lot of lifestyle change, like a bigger house, for one, and a question of whether or not I should SAH, which would impact our finances obviously. That said finances aren't the hugest factor for us. Saving for retirement is important and being debt free is important and that's our main goal. Not being a burden to our kids in old age is the biggest thing we are committed to. I mean ideally we would help with college, but on balance I think having an extra sibling outweighs how much college money you would get, so that's more our thinking. snowjewelz on "How did you come to your choice about family size?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-come-to-your-choice-about-family-size#post-2567087 Tue, 14 Jun 2016 14:48:56 +0000 snowjewelz 2567087@https://boards.hellobee.com/ When we had our first, we were always going to have a second. Any more kids? We always said we wouldn't rule out, and that we'd cross the bridge then. But upon deeper reflection... I really do think we're done with 2. More power to people that can have more kids and keep their marriage and personal life intact! But we already work really hard on our marriage, and personally I feel like there's a lot that I need to do for myself and I think my marriage and my whole person-hood will be affected if we go for more than 2. And that reasoning to me is more compelling than just financials or space, etc. Eko on "How did you come to your choice about family size?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-come-to-your-choice-about-family-size#post-2567081 Tue, 14 Jun 2016 14:40:51 +0000 Eko 2567081@https://boards.hellobee.com/ How did you chose to have more kids or decide if you were one and done? DS just turned one and we talk a lot about having a second. That likely wouldn't happen until next year if we do decide. But the more we talk about it the more it seems likely we are one and done and it's kind of sad to think about that. There are a lot of factors, such as cost, which is our biggest thing. I am not really sure if we would be able to pay for two in daycare, plus save for retirement, save for LO college, and not be completely broke doing it. Also, DS was so tough his first year that it is sort of traumatizing to think it could happen a second time.