Hellobee Boards Topic: How did you cope?

Hellobee Boards Topic: How did you cope? https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Thu, 23 Apr 2026 01:35:37 +0000 kml636 on "How did you cope?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-cope#post-1041628 Sat, 24 Aug 2013 17:43:28 +0000 kml636 1041628@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Ugh. It freaking sucks. I planned a trip to NYC for my 30th birthday coming up... Tried to stay busy. One thing I did do that really did help was started doing acupuncture for my anxiety. I got preg with my LO within two weeks of starting it (could have been coincidence, who knows). If you have a flexible spending account, you can pay for it out of there. Take care of yourself, be easy on yourself, ignore others terrible comments! Dandelion on "How did you cope?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-cope#post-1041620 Sat, 24 Aug 2013 17:29:34 +0000 Dandelion 1041620@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <a href="http://www.missfoundation.org/" rel="nofollow">http://www.missfoundation.org/</a> This site was wonderful for me to talk through my feelings with other loss parents. I didn't cope very well. I was in an awful funk for weeks. It took literally moving out of our apartment to get me to feeling better, because I hated being in there. I had people around me all the time, because if I was left alone I'd turn into a mess. I also wrote about it...put my feelings out. Not just on here. I just opened up Word and typed and threw everything that was on my mind in there. It's so hard to cope. Hugs for you...and if you need more links, just let me know! Cherrybee on "How did you cope?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-cope#post-1041606 Sat, 24 Aug 2013 16:56:47 +0000 Cherrybee 1041606@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I was so early on my m/c was technically a "chemical pregnancy" (I hate that term) but I still grieved hard. HARD. I'd lost my dad the day before my m/c and, although I feel bed about saying this, my heart broke more for my lost baby than the loss of my father. It doesn't matter how far along you were or how much more horrendus someone else's circumstances might have been in comparison because there is no comparison - this is your reality and it is tragic. You wouldn't say to a girl who had been beaten by her partner "yeah, well such and such was burned by hers so get a hold of yourself". So why bully yourself and tell yourself that you are not allowed to grieve because other people may have had it "worse". As for how I coped? Well, I came here. I talked to other ladies who had been through it. I talked to my friend and my husband. I cried a lot. In truth, I don't think I started to feel properly better until I became pregnant again. Sending you lots of love. LovelyPlum on "How did you cope?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-cope#post-1041600 Sat, 24 Aug 2013 16:43:57 +0000 LovelyPlum 1041600@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I had a really hard time coping. Seriously, this stuff is awful. It hurts in ways that are hard to describe, and it is made harder by the fact that everyone grieves differently. A few things did help me, though I am learning now that I still have some things to work out. 1. I spent hours reading on this site: <a href="http://pregnancyloss.info/category/miscarriage/" rel="nofollow">http://pregnancyloss.info/category/miscarriage/</a> Information helped me to feel less like a freak. 2. My hospital actually had a perinatal bereavement coordinator who was so helpful to me. We talked via phone and email, and it helped. 3. Similarly, she ran support groups for those who had experienced loss. I would highly recommend seeing if there is one in your area. They were great for me. 4. The hospital also ran memorial services and had a stone at a local cemetery. We went to the service, which was great, but I found it suoert helpful to have a place to go to "be" with my babies. I spent hours sitting there this spring. Even if you don't have this specifically, finding a place where you feel connected may help. 5. For us, we felt like we had lost a baby, so it was important to recognize that. We named the babies, and the hospital gave us two butterfly pins, which now hang above our bed. Everyone memorializes differently. Do what feels right to you. 6. Talking to people really helped me. I relied heavily on a few close friends, but also some wonderful ladies on here who shared similar experiences. 7. This may not apply to you, but for me it did, so I will mention it: o have a history of depression, and losing the babies back to back, together with the accompanying hormonal changes, made it flare BADLY. I shut down, and it was very difficult on DH. As a result, my OB was an invaluable resource during this time. He was instrumental in getting me the additional help I needed, both medicine and counseling, to get through those first few months. Even without a history, though, you may find that counseling might help. Finally, be gentle with yourself. This is really hard. I didnt want to hear that healing takes time; I wanted things to be better right away. But that's not how this goes, unfortunately. The first few days and weeks are the worst, but I hope that your pain will start to ease sion. Hang in there, and don't be afraid to reach out. Message me any time. Big hugs. You will get through this :heart: lilteacherbee on "How did you cope?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-cope#post-1041592 Sat, 24 Aug 2013 16:26:17 +0000 lilteacherbee 1041592@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I didn't have a LO yet and it was during the summer, so I literally was in bed for a month crying and being upset. I tried to keep it together, but I think I needed the time to be a hot mess. DH was amazing during all of this, doing whatever I needed him to do and just being there for me even though he was sad himself. After that, I started back teaching and I had to keep it together. I told my boss and a couple coworkers so they would know in case I lost it at some point when I was at school. I made myself spend time with friends and get out of the house. I ignored my Facebook for a few months because it was too hard to see babies and pregnancy announcements. I started on antidepressants, which was scary for me because I'd never taken any in my life. They really helped me feel like a human being again and I'm so glad I asked my doctor. In January, I started going to a women's bible study and that helped immensely. I could share my story and I knew there were people praying for me. When I got my next BFP, they were super supportive and not once have I heard "just relax!" because they know how difficult it is for me to relax being pregnant again. Mainly, it took time. I HATED hearing that when I was going through it, but it's so true. It's such a horrible thing to deal with. I found that talking to people about her really helped because it made her "real." I went through a ton of emotions- I was pissed, sad, depressed, but eventually there was a day when I didn't cry. Of course, I'm still sad when I think of her, but I know she's in Heaven. My grandfather passed away a few months ago after being sick for awhile and he would tell my grandma that he was going to meet his great granddaughter before her. It totally helped when he passed away because I knew my angel baby would meet him. Basically, you just have to find whatever gives you a bit of peace. You're in my prayers :heart: heffalump on "How did you cope?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-cope#post-1041552 Sat, 24 Aug 2013 14:40:36 +0000 heffalump 1041552@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I guess I was lucky in that I didn't have a LO yet and could just sit there and grieve for as long as I needed. I also had an issue with sticky placenta...... it didn't want to leave me. I had a missed miscarriage so I had the option of pills or D&C, I chose pills. I took them two times and still it didn't work, so I had a D&C. After that there was still issues, I was hemorrhaging blood and had many moments when I couldn't get off the toilet because I'd bleed through a pad in a minute or two, so I just had to sit there for an hour until it passed. My body was still trying to get rid of baby. So I had to have another D&C, this time she used an ultrasound during it to make sure it was all out. So yeah.... all of that took about a month, and I think dealing with all of the physical pain and uncomfortableness helped me deal with the emotional pain. By the time the last D&C was over and done with, I was ready to move on. I was still sad.... I'm still sad even after having a healthy LO and having another one in my belly now. They don't replace my loss, but they do make life happier. It helped me to have some closure. Since there's no funeral or anything, I wanted to do something on my own. Jews use rocks on gravestones instead of flowers, so I found a nice rock and wrote a message on it for my LO. It sits in my front yard so I can see it when sitting in my rocking chair out there. We recently added a rock for my pup :( It's normal to be sad, it's normal to grieve. Hope you start feeling more like yourself soon! runsyellowlites on "How did you cope?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-cope#post-1041546 Sat, 24 Aug 2013 14:26:35 +0000 runsyellowlites 1041546@https://boards.hellobee.com/ And when did you start feeling "okay" again? Last night DH & I watched The Help (had never seen it but wanted more of a chick flick)... I was totally unprepared for the mc scene/storyline, totally (I would not have picked that to watch had I known). Since then I've been a freaking mess! I sobbed for awhile last night with DH & today found myself crying between windows when I was getting DH a drink at McDonald's. Crying all day just isn't an option seeing as G is here (and I made P cry in the car when she saw me upset), but I'm having trouble holding it together. I thought maybe trying to keep busy would help, but I can't bring myself to actually get busy and I'm still not sleeping (earliest I've fallen asleep since Tuesday is 3:30ish). Anyone know any good "loss" communities or resources? I know you ladies are great but I seriously have a 1,001 things/questions on my mind & just don't want to bombarded y'all here (or maybe I should so others can find more answers here too.. idk). How do you cope through loss? Is it worse if you're farther along or is that just different for everyone... sometimes I don't feel justified in feeling so bad b/c I know there are so many ladies that have been farther along/had stillborns, but I still hurt & really just never imagined this would be as hard as it is. Thankfully I don't drink anymore (really that is a good thing), and we have a good support system.. but I don't want to just call my friends crying and I'm not really sure how to work through this. How can I miss someone I never even "met" so much?! UGH! Any advice, tips, resources?