https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 11 Apr 2026 14:36:13 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-decide-between-sah-and-woh/page/4#post-1932063 Thu, 06 Nov 2014 09:26:03 +0000 mrbee 1932063@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This thread has been closed at the request of the OP. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-decide-between-sah-and-woh/page/4#post-1932057 Thu, 06 Nov 2014 09:21:07 +0000 MrsTiz 1932057@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Are people really quitting Hellobee <b>again</b> because of this thread? LOL.</p> <p>Y'all. COME ON. This is getting to be ridiculous, everyone has their own opinions and paths and I was under the impression that was why we all liked HB?! Why do I want to talk to 100 people who feel and do exactly the same stuff as me? I like hearing/seeing all the different thought processes on the same thing. Sure, sometimes it could be worded a bit nicer but it doesn't always have to be a fight.</p> <p>To answer the OP's question my decision to work was based on the fact that we need both of our incomes to pay the bills. I have the ability to bring LO to work with me which is sort of like staying home because I'm still with him 24/7.. Which I guess was lucky because it showed me that I am NOT the type of person who needs to be a SAHM. I would have lost my mind if I were home all day with LO. I can't wait for him to start part-time daycare so I can keep working. :)</p> <p>SAHM vs WAHM/WOHM .. all of these titles are amazing and suck ass at the same time. Why can't we a leave it at that? We're all great mamas and we're all raising our kids no matter how many hours a week they're being watched by someone else. End of story. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-decide-between-sah-and-woh/page/4#post-1932042 Thu, 06 Nov 2014 09:17:19 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 1932042@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>What happened to "it takes a village to RAISE a child?" I understand the word raise vs care has a deeper connotation of instilling values perhaps, but isn't any influence a vehicle in which values are shared?</p> <p>People learn from what they are exposed to. Whomever is watching your child will influence your child. Why is "raise/raising" such a bad word? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-decide-between-sah-and-woh/page/4#post-1931657 Wed, 05 Nov 2014 20:47:24 +0000 catomd00 1931657@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@illumina: so are you planning to home school? If not, will you consider their teachers raising them? Just curious...</p> <p>I'm sure you're no newbie to this debate and know exactly why what you said is not well received. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-decide-between-sah-and-woh/page/4#post-1931355 Wed, 05 Nov 2014 17:02:33 +0000 MapleMoose 1931355@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>To answer the OP's question: For me, working at home part time and being a full-time SAHM is the best of both worlds. I'm so grateful for such flexibility and understanding with my job. I'm going to be taking a leave from work when LO2 gets here. Not sure at this point when I will return but thankfully DH and I are in a good place financially that allows me to do this. I do want to return to my career eventually. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-decide-between-sah-and-woh/page/4#post-1931284 Wed, 05 Nov 2014 16:18:11 +0000 Maysprout 1931284@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Most people have an opinion that is offensive to someone. Ive liked that on hb ideas can be discussed and people can say I disagree because . . . But saying I disagree bc of x, y, and z is much different than policing and only giving 'I'm offended!' as a reasoning. There's plenty of people who share ideas I strongly disagree with on here and find offensive but I come to a forum to see different perspectives. </p> <p>To answer the question I never thought I'd SAH, just never was something I'd considered. But I was really hating my current work path and felt a happiness in SAH. I've worked part time but we've moved twice so I've SAH a lot too. It works for us now and we're all happy. I'll probably look for longer hours once dh is done residency and the kids are older. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-decide-between-sah-and-woh/page/4#post-1931070 Wed, 05 Nov 2014 14:10:38 +0000 wonderstruck 1931070@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@illumina: I agree with @Adira: about letting people know if they've said something that offends you. It gives the chance for clarification; for example, people finding the statements WOHMs make about needing to work to have an identity as offensive. But in reality I don't think it's meant the way you're taking it - heck, I am a SAHM and sometimes I still worry that being a mom is taking over my identity! And that doesn't mean that all SAHPs feel that being a mom/dad is their identity, or have a problem with it even if they do feel that way. It's just something that varies from person to person in what they want from their life. IMO it's much more offensive to tell someone they're not raising their child, but clearly that has already been addressed.</p> <p>And I must say, I find it ironic that you have a problem with users policing each other, but are basically policing them by telling them to stop telling others when they are bothered by something and to just move on. I know that sounds critical, but it's something to think about - you can't have it both ways.</p> <p>I am in total agreement though that I've had enough of the WOH vs. SAHM threads. Generally I just don't click on them, because really, how many threads do we need for people to talk about why they stay at home or work, if they wanted to stay at home or work, if their parents stayed at home or worked, and on and on and on. I don't really think the different boards @mrbee: suggested would help anything because it's easy enough to gear a thread towards other parents who work/stay at home. The problem is the threads that apply to both groups where the same things about the decision between working and staying at home are rehashed over and over. But I guess I'm not generally aware of the debates or things said in those threads since I typically just scroll past them. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-decide-between-sah-and-woh/page/3#post-1929757 Tue, 04 Nov 2014 18:19:13 +0000 .twist. 1929757@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrbee: Her comment was hardly a "bomb". Good grief. Are we going to have completely separate boards for breastfeeding vs. formula? Or natural birth vs. c-sec/medicated? If you want to put a further divide in mommywars, please make separate forums for each of our parenting "types". </p> <p>I can't even believe this right now. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-decide-between-sah-and-woh/page/3#post-1929754 Tue, 04 Nov 2014 18:15:41 +0000 Freckles 1929754@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It was a really hard decision. I waffled between wanting to be a SAHP vs WOHP. Having a 1 year mat leave gave me a test run as to what things would be like, and i didn't think it was right for me. But i also didn't have too many local mom friends and the support i do now. I have a very flexible and well-paying job (with the option for me to WFH), a combination that's impossible to find these days, which is why i stayed. I think if my job were really stressful and rigid, i would've had a serious talk with DH about being a full-time SAHP. </p> <p>@mrbee: I don't think even more specific boards will help either. You will always find SAHP/WOHP going onto one of the other boards anyways. Parenting is such a sensitive topic, and people are going to read more into a comment because it's a touchy topic for them.</p> <p>@looch: i think open dialogue is important (i.e., thoughtful responses), but i don't think defensive responses (not directing this at you specifically, but in general) do anything to end mommy wars. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-decide-between-sah-and-woh/page/3#post-1929692 Tue, 04 Nov 2014 17:35:14 +0000 mrbee 1929692@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@illumina: I do see what you mean that if you don't have malicious intent, that should be taken into account.</p> <p>If I had to guess though, I think people would have accepted your clarification more if you had apologized at some point. I realize it wasn't meant to be hurtful, but that's not necessarily how it was taken! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-decide-between-sah-and-woh/page/3#post-1929691 Tue, 04 Nov 2014 17:34:39 +0000 artsyfartsy 1929691@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I didn't make a final decision until my last day before mat leave. I had been going back and forth. But Daycare was going to be very inexpensive and I had lots of growth opportunities at my job and I didn't want to give it up. So I discussed my return date and confirmed I would definitely be coming back on my last day. Haha </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-decide-between-sah-and-woh/page/3#post-1929678 Tue, 04 Nov 2014 17:26:38 +0000 illumina 1929678@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrbee: I completely agree that two wrongs don't make a right, which is why I'm shocked that people are still continuing to point out that I said something wrong when I have accepted this and clarified! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-decide-between-sah-and-woh/page/3#post-1929676 Tue, 04 Nov 2014 17:24:27 +0000 Madison43 1929676@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Yoyo: agree. And for what it's worth - aside from the brief detour - this thread and the one about opportunity costs for SAHP have been the most interesting ones I've read in a while. Even though I WOH, like a previous poster mentioned, the decision is a fluid one and I am always interested in hearing why people have made the decisions that they did and how they make it work for their families. A wide breadth of experiences is a must for good conversation. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-decide-between-sah-and-woh/page/3#post-1929674 Tue, 04 Nov 2014 17:21:17 +0000 mrbee 1929674@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@illumina: I'm not familiar with that other thread, but will look it up after dinner!</p> <p>As for this thread, I actually agreed with the pushback on your earlier comment. Not sure if you realize how hurtful it can be for a working parent to hear the implication that they're not raising their child!</p> <p>That said, I totally agree with you that sah parents can be hurt by comments too and that both sides could be more respectful! But I don't think that two wrongs make a right. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-decide-between-sah-and-woh/page/3#post-1929660 Tue, 04 Nov 2014 17:09:01 +0000 illumina 1929660@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrbee: I honestly just think the policing by other users needs to stop. There was a big hoo-ha a few months ago because of all the +1's etc. and sometimes it doesn't feel as though things have gotten better. </p> <p>As another example, from another thread, I learnt that it's not "acceptable" for a SAHP to say they are a full-time parent, because that could be viewed as offensive. I think it's the intent that's important..if something is not said maliciously then why should a poster be condemned as if it was?! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-decide-between-sah-and-woh/page/3#post-1929623 Tue, 04 Nov 2014 16:45:04 +0000 Mrs. Yoyo 1929623@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrbee: With all due respect for the wonderful community you've curated here, it is still the Internet. There is only so much we can or should sanitize it. In the end, it is up to community members to think about how their comments might be interpreted, and it is up to those same community members to manage their reaction when someone says something that upsets them. </p> <p>I suppose what I'm trying to say is that no amount of special boards, moderating, or anything else you can do will ever prevent hurt feelings and occasional account shutdowns. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-decide-between-sah-and-woh/page/3#post-1929621 Tue, 04 Nov 2014 16:43:36 +0000 mrbee 1929621@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@illumina: We'd still have all the same forums here on the main boards, and this thread would still be in the same forum that it's in now. </p> <p>The specialized boards would just be for people who want to connect with parents in a similar place. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-decide-between-sah-and-woh/page/3#post-1929617 Tue, 04 Nov 2014 16:42:14 +0000 illumina 1929617@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrbee: if you have specific boards for specific work status', where would this thread lie, for example? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-decide-between-sah-and-woh/page/3#post-1929609 Tue, 04 Nov 2014 16:36:45 +0000 fairy 1929609@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrbee: I like the diversity of it all being together and dont think the specialized forums would get much use (though I guess you could try it out and see!). There are already subforums for working/sah parents and other than the past day or so they aren't really that active with new posts. I have a feeling that it will die down (the sah vs woh posts) anyway since there is only so much to discuss. And if someone has a question geared towards one group or the other, they tend to just specify in the post anyway. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-decide-between-sah-and-woh/page/3#post-1929608 Tue, 04 Nov 2014 16:36:35 +0000 mrbee 1929608@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>&lt;&lt; @mrbee: I don't think that's necessary, it feels like it will create more of a divide :( I think the only thing that needs to happen, if anything, is to put a stop to the SAH vs WOH threads. They have been done 1000x over and they always cause conflict. &gt;&gt;</p> <p>@illumina: The thread was actually going pretty well, until the comment about not wanting someone else to raise my kids during the weekdays? I do understand what you meant and appreciated your clarification - that really helped!</p> <p>But it's tough when someone drops a bit of a bomb in a thread, and then asks everyone to move on... it's stuff like that makes me consider that maybe we need specific boards for specific groups.</p> <p>Just thinking out loud here. We've had a few users shutdown their accounts because they're hurt by certain comments, and it definitely has got me thinking. That said, gotta run and pick up the kids from school! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-decide-between-sah-and-woh/page/3#post-1929602 Tue, 04 Nov 2014 16:31:38 +0000 looch 1929602@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrbee: don't we kind of already have that? </p> <p>I think open dialogue is important. It's the only way we can end the mommy wars. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-decide-between-sah-and-woh/page/3#post-1929594 Tue, 04 Nov 2014 16:26:25 +0000 illumina 1929594@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrbee: I don't think that's necessary, it feels like it will create more of a divide :( I think the only thing that needs to happen, if anything, is to put a stop to the SAH vs WOH threads. They have been done 1000x over and they always cause conflict. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-decide-between-sah-and-woh/page/3#post-1929588 Tue, 04 Nov 2014 16:24:25 +0000 Mrs. Yoyo 1929588@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrbee: Absolutely not. Sometimes people's feelings get hurt -- usually not intentionally -- but diversity of experience vastly outweighs that, in my opinion. I think everyone is mature enough to recognize that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-decide-between-sah-and-woh/page/3#post-1929584 Tue, 04 Nov 2014 16:22:28 +0000 Mrs. Yoyo 1929584@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I was a SAHM for awhile, not out of choice but out of circumstance. Though I freelanced, I didn't have dedicated childcare. I tried my best, but there were many days that I was a shitty SAHM. I was glad to have the luxury of time with my kids, but it wasn't the balance I needed. </p> <p>Now I WAHM. Somewhere in between PT and FT. It is a wonderful gift. I still have a lot of time with my kids, and the time I have with them is vastly improved. And then I get dedicated time to concentrate for once in my life, which I definitely missed as a SAHM. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-decide-between-sah-and-woh/page/3#post-1929583 Tue, 04 Nov 2014 16:21:45 +0000 looch 1929583@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@illumina: I respect your decision to disagree, I'll leave it there. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-decide-between-sah-and-woh/page/3#post-1929582 Tue, 04 Nov 2014 16:21:29 +0000 mrbee 1929582@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I like that the boards here have people with a broad diversity of experiences! It makes for more interesting conversation and discussion.</p> <p>Sometimes I wonder though if some people would prefer specialized boards, with a more focused perspective. For example, we could have workingparents.hellobee.com and SAH.hellobee.com - i.e. specialized boards for different groups.</p> <p>If you prefer a discussion with lots of different types of people (like I do), you could mostly on the main boards... but if you prefer to mostly compare notes with your fellow SAH parents (or fellow working parents), you could go there instead.</p> <p>Just thinking out loud here... would be interested in people's thoughts. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-decide-between-sah-and-woh/page/3#post-1929580 Tue, 04 Nov 2014 16:20:34 +0000 sarac 1929580@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I always knew that I would be a stay at home parent for the first few years, and then transition back into working part time. We structured our finances with that goal in mind long before we were even thinking of kids. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-decide-between-sah-and-woh/page/3#post-1929571 Tue, 04 Nov 2014 16:13:08 +0000 whenoceansrise 1929571@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My heart so wishes to SAH- but there is no way we could swing it financially. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-decide-between-sah-and-woh/page/3#post-1929563 Tue, 04 Nov 2014 16:09:35 +0000 illumina 1929563@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Adira: @looch: I disagree for the most part. Whilst I see there are posters who believe they need to educate others, the majority I'm sure just move on. Or they leave HB altogether because they are sick of being "policed". </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-decide-between-sah-and-woh/page/3#post-1929555 Tue, 04 Nov 2014 16:04:34 +0000 looch 1929555@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@illumina: how are we supposed to put an end to the mommy wars of we don't tell each other how we feel ? We shouldn't just move on, we should discuss it, that is how we learn that what we post affects others. </p>