https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 26 May 2026 19:43:47 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-decide-spacing/page/2#post-1541157 Wed, 02 Apr 2014 20:51:09 +0000 Mrs. J 1541157@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We don't have a number, but we want them closer. We are thinking when LO is 9 months, we will start ttc. That's August! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-decide-spacing/page/2#post-1541065 Wed, 02 Apr 2014 20:07:39 +0000 mrsjyw 1541065@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We want them ideally w a 2-3 age gap. We have the space and $. We waited to have ds after we were settled so I feel ready on paper. Emotionally I wasn't ready until recently. We'll be ttc this summer. Also want a spring or summer baby this time. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-decide-spacing/page/2#post-1541051 Wed, 02 Apr 2014 20:01:54 +0000 artsyfartsy 1541051@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My sister and I were 2 years apart and I loved being so close in age. Would have loved to be even closer. Plus I want to get my pregnancy/newborn/baby/breastfeeding years over QUICKLY. I didn't expect how rough (and incredibly joyful) it would be. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-decide-spacing/page/2#post-1541028 Wed, 02 Apr 2014 19:52:18 +0000 CupQuakeWalk 1541028@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Running Elley: my girl! That's our plan too:)</p> <p>We wanted:<br /> 1&amp;2 very close<br /> When 1 enters kindergarten,<br /> Then I want to get pregnant with 3&amp;4.<br /> So ideally (if I get pregnant in the next month or so): we would never have more than 2 at home (all day) at once.<br /> Ideally, if also be done before I turned 30.<br /> We want to be young parents and enjoy retirement and grand babies;) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-decide-spacing/page/2#post-1541003 Wed, 02 Apr 2014 19:44:12 +0000 MummaColston 1541003@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>The amount of space in our new home.<br /> Our first was a brilliant surprise but unfortunately rentals homes around here are few and far between so for the first 4 months of his life we've been raising our son in a small 2 bedroom flat with no back yard and only a tiny front yard.<br /> Now we have purchased our first home with 3 bedrooms, a large back AND front yard, a dining room, an actual laundry, a decent sized lounge room, and adequate heating and cooling, so whenever it happens we'll just roll with it... So long as it's not another December baby. We love our December baby but Christmas season is too stressful a time to be having a newborn. We'll be aiming for spring. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-decide-spacing/page/2#post-1517263 Mon, 24 Mar 2014 11:55:46 +0000 shellio 1517263@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Our first two are 22 mos apart and I love it, 4 mos in :) We wanted them even closer. Financially, it isn't a big issue for us either way for these two. For #3, it would make more sense financially to aim for a 3 year age gap but I'm 35 now and am open to #4 so I think ASAP for the next two makes more sense! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-decide-spacing/page/2#post-1517258 Mon, 24 Mar 2014 11:54:14 +0000 photojane 1517258@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@sorrycharlie: our circumstances are different, but we're in a similar situation in that we aren't going to have another baby until we can move. To me, having two kids to care for is stressful enough that I don't want my living situation to add more stress! We've started budgeting to pay extra on our mortgage every month, so that moving in a few years will be feasible for us. </p> <p>Just an idea, but maybe for a couple of months you could try to see how it would be to live on a budget that includes a higher rent...? Take the extra money that would go towards a higher rent and put it in a savings account (e.g. if typical rent is $1000, and you're paying $500, put the extra $500 in a savings account so that it's not being spent elsewhere). That would allow you to see how a move &amp; higher rent would affect you financially. It would also show you the areas in your budget where you can make some sacrifices. We're broooke, so it's been tough, but we've been able to trim our budget to accommodate for extra money going out every month. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-decide-spacing/page/2#post-1517251 Mon, 24 Mar 2014 11:50:08 +0000 purrpletulips 1517251@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We talked about a 2-3 year gap. We ended up with them being 29m apart which is great. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-decide-spacing/page/2#post-1517245 Mon, 24 Mar 2014 11:47:15 +0000 NovBaby1112 1517245@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH wanted a less than 2 year age gap, but I was not ready for that. We are now thinking a 2.5-3 year gap would be good- hopefully DD will be more independent, pre-school will be starting, and I am hoping I will be more rested and not so exhausted all the dang time! Plus we really need more time to work on us as a couple. Like @hilsy85, we also would like a spring/summer baby as I think it would be easier to not be stuck in the house all day with a toddler + newborn and be able to go on walks/park/etc. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-decide-spacing/page/2#post-1517185 Mon, 24 Mar 2014 11:26:45 +0000 mrs. wagon 1517185@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I originally wanted a 3-4 month age gap so that Wagon Jr. would be potty trained and a lot more independent and wouldn't need us as much, and could possibly even help us with the baby..! And understand things, and be clearly out of the terrible twos (and threes). </p> <p>Then, as we neared his 2nd birthday, we realized that if the gap was large, they might never attend the same school... and they would most likely not be "friends" and share the same friends. So we decided to pull the goalie right away and see what happened. </p> <p>2 year 7 month age gap has been great for us! It was tough in the first few months but his sleep is great, so that helps. He is now entering that more grown-up, independent stage just in time for her terrible 2s to start, so it ended up being good timing. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-decide-spacing/page/2#post-1517180 Mon, 24 Mar 2014 11:24:49 +0000 looch 1517180@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@sorrycharlie: to me, that 50% savings might not be worth compromising my mental health. I do not react well when people try to "bribe" me to do something with a financial benefit, because those kinds of gifts usually come with strings attached and it isn't worth it to me.</p> <p>You've got to decide if it's worth it or not! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-decide-spacing/page/2#post-1517173 Mon, 24 Mar 2014 11:21:56 +0000 sorrycharlie 1517173@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: we did consider buying..we're going to reevaluate in about a year (see what's on the market, etc). but ILs give us SUCH a deal (literally about 50% of current rates) that we'd end up paying more for another apartment than we would to buy. But we're on a strict budget (paying down CCs) so we would have to really scrimp, tighten and save to up a monthly payment (for a mortgage). we couldn't afford daycare for 2, so I'd be continuing to stay home. so realistically it would be smarter to stay put - we have an extra bedroom (though it's FULL because our basement is too damp to use). I just don't *want* to stay put..Lol! but I may have to shift priorities, you know? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-decide-spacing/page/2#post-1517161 Mon, 24 Mar 2014 11:19:20 +0000 looch 1517161@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@sorrycharlie: have you considered moving, and just renting elsewhere? I am a big believer in being happy where you are in the moment, even if that means you have to put off some plans in the future. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-decide-spacing/page/2#post-1517158 Mon, 24 Mar 2014 11:18:58 +0000 regberadaisy 1517158@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@sorrycharlie: haha sorry. That wasn't even directed at you or this post's original question. Just a general statement about our family plan choices. :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-decide-spacing/page/2#post-1517151 Mon, 24 Mar 2014 11:17:44 +0000 sorrycharlie 1517151@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: @locavore_mama: we aren't concerned about the years, per say.. I commented above, it's more about wants vs smarts if that makes sense. living here gives me incredible anxiety but would be smarter, financially, than buying and *then* having a second. haha. I could go on and on about IL drama (I think I may have posted before). we live next door to them. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-decide-spacing/page/2#post-1517136 Mon, 24 Mar 2014 11:15:25 +0000 regberadaisy 1517136@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: +1<br /> For us, life has taught us that life is way to f-ing short to wait for 50 million what ifs if we definitely want a second. It's more important to us to be able to have a second child than to afford a family vacation every year. </p> <p>I don't know how to express it in words but we realized it was pointless to wait until x,y, and z perfectly aligned in the universe to have a child...to have a second, etc.</p> <p>Priorities are different for everyone. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-decide-spacing/page/2#post-1517123 Mon, 24 Mar 2014 11:12:36 +0000 looch 1517123@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You've got to do whatever is right for you, don't try to rationalize any relationships based on number of years between children. </p> <p>If we were going to introduce another child into our family, we'd do it when it felt right, from a financial and time perspective. Could we mantain our lifestyle as it is with adding a second child? Could we provide what we want to for both children? Do we have time to devote to another child as we did to our son? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-decide-spacing/page/2#post-1517111 Mon, 24 Mar 2014 11:09:37 +0000 sorrycharlie 1517111@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>umm..okay, and there's my post. LOL. anyway.. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-decide-spacing/page/2#post-1517108 Mon, 24 Mar 2014 11:09:19 +0000 sorrycharlie 1517108@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am so confused. it says I posted, but my post is MIA!</p> <p>I also have a 13-year age gap between my younger sister and I, but we are definitely not waiting that long.</p> <p>The thing that's really causing my turmoil is basically,</p> <p>1) trying sooner and making the financially smarter decision to stay renting where we are, and buy AFTER #2 is older</p> <p>2) buy a house before trying for #2, things will likely be much tighter financially but we will have space from ILs.</p> <p>we rent the other side of ILs duplex, and there was SO.MUCH.DRAMA that still keeps me up at night (and resulted in a prescription for lexapro..) that I don't know if I can stomach it again. I know that really, that is a personal problem I hope I can overcome if I need to, though..</p> <p>ugh. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-decide-spacing/page/2#post-1517101 Mon, 24 Mar 2014 11:08:12 +0000 Sammyfab 1517101@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Our LOs will likely be 3.5-4.5 years apart.</p> <p>I'd really like our son to be somewhat self-sufficient, 100% able to communicate with us, and in school full-time before having a second. Knowing my son's personality and what me and my husband are able to handle as parents, a bigger age gap would be ideal!</p> <p>Also, I don't think age gaps have anything to do with how siblings get along, but rather personality styles. My sisters and I are super close in age (20 months older and 20 months younger) and we pretty much hated each other growing up. It wasn't until we felt confident in ourselves as independent women (in our 20s) that we actually started to understand and respect each other. Now we are super close but it definitely has nothing to do with the age gap. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-decide-spacing#post-1517065 Mon, 24 Mar 2014 11:01:07 +0000 sorrycharlie 1517065@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>all great points!!</p> <p>I should also add I have a sister 13 years younger (adopted). But obviously, we aren't waiting THAT long, lol.</p> <p>my primary "concern" (can't think of the word..) is that it would be smarter, financially, to stay in the apartment we are in for a couple more years and THEN buy. </p> <p>but..I really want to get out of here before baby #2 :( we rent from my ILs (they're the other half of the duplex) and it's just too close for comfort. there was so much drama surrounding LO's birth that I still lose sleep from it 1.5 years later. I don't know if I could go through that again..</p> <p>but I feel like I need to weigh smart vs wants here. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-decide-spacing#post-1516379 Mon, 24 Mar 2014 08:20:39 +0000 Smurfette 1516379@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@wonderstruck: So true!! My sister is 18 months older then me, and my brother 18 months younger then me. We weren't BFF's growing up. We are closer now, but they still aren't the first people I am going to go to if having issues on something. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-decide-spacing#post-1516375 Mon, 24 Mar 2014 08:19:36 +0000 LuLu Mom 1516375@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We are will @hilsy85 on this one. We are trying late spring/summer for baby #2, when LO will be 18 months old. Ideally they will be 2 1/2 years apart. I would love DD to be potty trained by the time the baby comes but still close enough together to have a strong relationship. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-decide-spacing#post-1516373 Mon, 24 Mar 2014 08:17:57 +0000 wonderstruck 1516373@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@septca: For starters, I don't put much stock in the idea that kids will be closer/get along better based on an age difference. In my family there are all sorts of spreads and relationships and nothing seems to match up - it's all way too dependent on personality, and you can't plan for that. :wink:</p> <p>^YES. I feel like that is seriously worth repeating, because I always see people make these decisions based on how they got along with their siblings and their age gaps. Your kids are not you and your siblings.</p> <p>We will have a gap of a year and a half for financial reasons - we can only afford for me to be a SAHM for about another 3 years, so if I wanted to be able to stay at home with our second child until they're close to preschool age, #2 needed to happen soon. Our kids will be 17 months apart. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-decide-spacing#post-1516265 Mon, 24 Mar 2014 07:33:08 +0000 photojane 1516265@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Silva: that's my thing exactly. I definitely want more than one, but want each kid to have a little time as the "only child." When Sadie is in preschool I will have that one-on-one time with the newborn. It's totally different for everyone, by for me, it's important that I can have some solo time with each kid during his/her infancy. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-decide-spacing#post-1516226 Mon, 24 Mar 2014 06:29:28 +0000 Silva 1516226@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@photojane: Oh yes, the potty training. For some reason the idea of two kids in diapers is totally overwhelming to me. </p> <p>Like other posters, I never really thought about age gaps in terms of "ideal relationships." I figure kids get along or they don't, I don't think there is a spacing that makes this better or worse. For us our decision was based on my personal physical needs (space, please give me some space), our life circumstances, and being petrified of having two young babies. </p> <p>I will say that I thought about this before, but its even stronger in my mind now- I want time alone with each baby during their infancy. My daughter will be old enough for preschool, and I can stay home with the new baby. I like the idea of really trying to dedicate as much time and attention as I can to my babies when they are very tiny.<br /> The only thing that worries me about a 3.5-4 year age gap is that my daughter will be an only child for so long, she may have a difficult adjustment. And my husband and I both know we would not be good "only child" parents- but she will be an only child for a good number of her early years. We just have to try not to spoil her. Hopefully, being broke will help that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-decide-spacing#post-1516225 Mon, 24 Mar 2014 06:29:27 +0000 regberadaisy 1516225@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We both wanted 2-3 years max. DH and his middle brother are two years a part and super duper close. They were in the same school and often had the same social circle. Him and his older brother are more like 5 years apart. Were never in the same school or social circle and really not close at all.</p> <p>My brothers and I are like 6-7 years apart. I love them but we're not like "good friends".</p> <p>We don't want our kids to always be in different schools. Pick up / drop off will be insane! And we figure closer together might give them a better chance at being closer?</p> <p>I would say were probably the odd man out and thinking more about long term benefits (hopefully) than the infant - children years. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-decide-spacing#post-1516216 Mon, 24 Mar 2014 06:02:18 +0000 Cherrybee 1516216@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Money will be the main thing influencing our decision - specifically the cost of childcare. </p> <p>DH wanted our children close in age and we had previously planned to TTC #2 when E turned 1 year. Then we found out how much a daycare place is!!!!! I wouldn't be comfortable asking my inlaws to have two children part time and we simply can't afford £2000 per month to send two children to daycare. We will have to wait until we get our government sponsored free 15 hours for E (when she is three) and reasses our finances then. It's not what we wanted but needs must. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-decide-spacing#post-1516214 Mon, 24 Mar 2014 05:53:26 +0000 lamariniere 1516214@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If I had had my way, we would have had a two year gap. However, life got in the way and they are three years apart. I am really enjoying it so far because my 3-year-old is fairly independent, so I can dote a bit more on the baby. Looking back, I would have had a fairly clingy toddler plus newborn. Luckily, he is really great with his baby sister. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-decide-spacing#post-1516120 Mon, 24 Mar 2014 00:04:57 +0000 Running Elley 1516120@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We wanted our first 2 close. We didn't think it would happen as fast as it did though- they're 13.5 months apart!! I actually love it though.</p> <p>We want a 3 year age gap between our second LO (DD) and our next one. We're toying with the idea of having #3 and #4 close together too. We'll see! </p>