https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Mon, 11 May 2026 07:33:56 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-decide-who-gets-los-in-the-event-of-your-death/page/2#post-960888 Wed, 24 Jul 2013 19:31:12 +0000 turkeylurkey 960888@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>we gave our's too one sibling to live with but then the trustfund money will be overseen by another one. The lawyers suggested this so that the one's doing the day to day parenting aren't accused of using the money for themselves and also so that it shares some of the big decisions/responsibilty. If that makes sense. We chose who they would live with by how we/they interact with them. For example, my brother and his family live down the street and thus we will see them regularly. My husbands sister lives out of state with her family. So it doesn't make sense to us to ship the kids off away from everything and everyone that is familiar. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-decide-who-gets-los-in-the-event-of-your-death/page/2#post-960712 Wed, 24 Jul 2013 18:23:36 +0000 daniellemybelle 960712@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Wow, it's terrible that I have not thought about this. DH will need to talk tonight! I think it would probably change as everyone gets older though. Right now my brothers are too young but if in several years, they were mature with their own families, we might possibly consider them. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-decide-who-gets-los-in-the-event-of-your-death/page/2#post-960696 Wed, 24 Jul 2013 18:18:04 +0000 mynoahbear 960696@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LovelyPlum: I'm sure it's doable to word it so if your sister and BIL were to divorce, the kids would go to your sister. We just thought it easier to name my sister only. We love our BIL and technically, he is so much more responsible than my sister but in the end, we just decided to name her. We did the same with DH's brother, as our just in case person. We didn't name his wife either. I don't think anyone was offended. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-decide-who-gets-los-in-the-event-of-your-death/page/2#post-959944 Wed, 24 Jul 2013 14:26:54 +0000 LindsayInNY 959944@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>When the time comes to formally decide, it will be DH's sister. She's 28 right now, single and a social worker. She is saving up for an IVF fund because she wants to be a mom, whether she's single or not. Our other options - DH's brother and my sister - are both too immature right now. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-decide-who-gets-los-in-the-event-of-your-death/page/2#post-959916 Wed, 24 Jul 2013 14:20:52 +0000 Bao 959916@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We chose my sister. Hands down, it was an easy choice. My parents are secondary, but since they are older (well 50's) my sister would be more suitable to care for our kids full time. I would never want them to live with my MIL and FIL (I won't even get into it here), or my DH's brother/SIL. Both of them have WAY different views on things, have dirty (not messy, filthy) houses and the list goes on. I would have anxiety just thinking about LO having to live with either of them. I love them, but no. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-decide-who-gets-los-in-the-event-of-your-death/page/2#post-959912 Wed, 24 Jul 2013 14:19:51 +0000 immabeetoo 959912@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LovelyPlum: I am hoping at some point some of our friends get to where it would seem appropriate to ask them.. right now they're all single &amp; mingling :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-decide-who-gets-los-in-the-event-of-your-death/page/2#post-959906 Wed, 24 Jul 2013 14:17:56 +0000 LovelyPlum 959906@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mynoahbear: only mentioning your sister is interesting. I wonder if you can put language in that in the event of divorce., ny sister would get them? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-decide-who-gets-los-in-the-event-of-your-death/page/2#post-959905 Wed, 24 Jul 2013 14:17:33 +0000 JoyfulKiwi 959905@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have some guilt about our decision. We could have done either set of grandparents (my parents are early 50s), but I didn't want to impose on retirements, etc. My brother isn't an option, but my sister could be. My husband has many brothers &amp; sisters, although only 2 were real options for us. His one sister &amp; husband live close to us, have 2 kids, very stable, etc - but I feel like their parenting style is too different from ours.</p> <p>So we had to choose between my single, early 30s sister who would love a family and love our son, but I don't know how she'd parent. Or his sister and her partner (who is currently pregnant). I love both of those women and I know the parent wants to adopt/have a large family, so they'd be happy to care for our son. We chose his sister, but I feel guilty that we didn't choose mine :( </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-decide-who-gets-los-in-the-event-of-your-death/page/2#post-959842 Wed, 24 Jul 2013 14:04:51 +0000 LovelyPlum 959842@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We just asked my sister and brother in law this past weekend, actually. We have 6 siblings between us, but most of them are much younger, so our choices were a bit more limited. We also agreed that while either set of grandparents would be willing to take in any future kids, we would much rather them be raised by someone close in age to us, if we couldn't do it ourselves.</p> <p>I know we are just TTC, but this is something we have given a fair amount of thought to already. Now, we just need to get life insurance, and when there is a child, to make a will. It is important to me to be prepared!</p> <p>Eta: I know that my parents had actually designated my siblings and I to go to a (very) close family friend over their siblings in the event of their death. I know it caused some hurt feelings among siblings, but we would have been very well taken care of, and we all could have stayed together. I don't know if this is an option? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-decide-who-gets-los-in-the-event-of-your-death/page/2#post-959795 Wed, 24 Jul 2013 13:56:55 +0000 looch 959795@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@PurplePeony: There is mandatory military serivce for males in DH's home country as well and I will be honest, I think it would be great for him to serve there (Switzerland). My son was also born abroad so we had to apply for his US Citizenship, which made sense for us at the time because we were planning to relocate back to the US. </p> <p>I personally think the gift of dual citizenship is huge...I wish I had it because it would have made getting a work Visa a lot easier. And plus, once you're American, you get the wonderful perk of having to file taxes on your worldwide income, which is why Tina Turner just gave hers up and became Swiss!!!!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-decide-who-gets-los-in-the-event-of-your-death/page/2#post-959793 Wed, 24 Jul 2013 13:56:36 +0000 prettylizy 959793@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We chose SIL and her DH for a few reasons. They have kids in the same agre bracket and are close in proximity to both of our parents. I would LOVE for my sister to be her guardian but she lives 4 hours away in a huge city and kids aren't really on her radar right now. Our biggest issue is that while his sis and her hubs are great parents, they don't parent the same way we do. I guess if we're both gone it won't really matter that much. She will be loved and cared for. We asked them not long after she was born. Still haven't put it on paper yet but we did tell both sets of parents our choice. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-decide-who-gets-los-in-the-event-of-your-death/page/2#post-959785 Wed, 24 Jul 2013 13:55:18 +0000 immabeetoo 959785@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I should add this is weighing even more heavily on my mind as we think about 1 more bio &amp; 2 adopted... who could take in 4 kids, even with our life insurance, etc. :( </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-decide-who-gets-los-in-the-event-of-your-death/page/2#post-959780 Wed, 24 Jul 2013 13:53:49 +0000 Modern Daisy 959780@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Oh man. There is definitley no perfect solution. My first thought is my BIL and his wife. They are great people, have two kids of their own and I like the idea that my MIL would get to be more involved in DS's life. It's tough though because they live on the west coast by themselves, DH's family are all in the midwest and my family are all on the east coast.. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-decide-who-gets-los-in-the-event-of-your-death/page/2#post-959726 Wed, 24 Jul 2013 13:43:19 +0000 immabeetoo 959726@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hilsy85: I've had it on our to-do list for.. months and keep putting it off because I knew it would be a headache :(</p> <p>@MamaMoose Basically each of us want the situation more similar to our childhood, and then each option has drawbacks that we both acknowledge. He grew up in the middle of nowhere, tiny school, and I grew up outside a larger city. There's more to it than that, but it boils down to that. </p> <p>Fortunately we have several safe, loving options - so it's more of how on earth do we decide between the two you know? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-decide-who-gets-los-in-the-event-of-your-death/page/2#post-959011 Wed, 24 Jul 2013 11:12:38 +0000 mrsjyw 959011@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Ours is a "village" type answer. My parents are closest to raising him (as my mom is his primary care when I'm at work), but ILs are also a very big part of DS' life and so I would think they would help in raising DS as well. Ultimately when the age of our parents becomes a concern, it would be my brother. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-decide-who-gets-los-in-the-event-of-your-death/page/2#post-959008 Wed, 24 Jul 2013 11:12:30 +0000 matador84 959008@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>yeah , scary but we don't have anyone. DH's family are all chain smokers and older. my dad and his gf are older but wouldn't be ready for kids at all. my mom and her bf...no way--not a great relationship. neither one of us have responsible or dependable siblings. very scary! even if something happened to me, i don't think DH could handle DS on his own. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-decide-who-gets-los-in-the-event-of-your-death/page/2#post-959000 Wed, 24 Jul 2013 11:10:32 +0000 MrsStormy 959000@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I actually refused to even consider ttc until we discussed this because I didn't want it to be a conflict later (which I saw potential for). We agreed on my parents for now, they are in their early 50's, and if my brother ever gets married to the woman he has been dating for the past 5 years we will change to them, but we weren't comfortable with him taking guardianship as a bachelor, simply because I don't think his bachelor lifestyle would be conducive to parenthood. </p> <p>My other brother is single and I don't think he would be comfortable with being a childs guardian. DH's parents are wonderful but have an pretty young child they adopted to has some developmental disabilities so I don't think they could take on our child/children on top of that. One of DH's brothers is very career focused and single, and honestly at a selfish stage in life, so not parent material today (if this changes in the future we would consider changing to him), and DH's other brother is married with 2 kids, but we don't agree with their parenting style, I don't think they would love our children the same as their own, and I don't trust that they would make the effort for my family to continue to be apart of the childs life, this is who DH originally wanted but after discussing it he agreed with all of my points, so we are totally on the same page now.</p> <p>We will not be sharing our plans with family, so as not to cause drama, and also in the case that we do change our plan in the future. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-decide-who-gets-los-in-the-event-of-your-death/page/2#post-958961 Wed, 24 Jul 2013 11:02:10 +0000 2PeasinaPod 958961@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We've decided on my older brother and SIL. They have 3 kids of their own, and he would fit right into their routine. They're also very well behaved kids and close to his age, so he would just thrive there. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-decide-who-gets-los-in-the-event-of-your-death/page/2#post-958943 Wed, 24 Jul 2013 10:58:00 +0000 PurplePeony 958943@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: Would the situation be different if your son only had citizenship in one country? We're trying to decide whether we'll apply for dual citizenship for our LOs (they'll be born in the US and I'm American, so they'll have US citizenship by default, but we're unsure about adding DH's country to that). It's mainly because there is compulsory military service for makes in his country and he doesn't want to force that on our child if we have a son...and we don't want the kids to have different citizenships if we eventually end up with a boy and a girl. I never really considered the other implications, though. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-decide-who-gets-los-in-the-event-of-your-death/page/2#post-958552 Wed, 24 Jul 2013 09:17:50 +0000 mrsjazz 958552@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We haven't finished our will, but we need to get on that stat. We chose my sister. We didn't want to choose any of our parents because that would cause some drama. Our moms would both want LO (or future LOs). Our dad's would both be great as they both have young children, but my dad and his wife are very religious and we aren't so he was out. His dad would be great, but then again--the family drama. Although my sister is single we've asked her and she's said yes. We are naming her as the executor of our will. I just really hope we don't die at the same time. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-decide-who-gets-los-in-the-event-of-your-death/page/2#post-958531 Wed, 24 Jul 2013 09:12:33 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 958531@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This is a really hard topic for us because it comes down to values and a lot of our family members don't share our values. My sisters are both single and have their own kids. His sister an brother weren't options. His cousin would be awesome but she and her partner are TTC right now. Hopefully we don't die together anytime soon because his cousin is our current designee.</p> <p>Eta: cultural considerations for M were really important. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-decide-who-gets-los-in-the-event-of-your-death#post-958520 Wed, 24 Jul 2013 09:07:39 +0000 Mrs. Champagne 958520@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This will be hard. My BIL and his wife could do it - but they are extremely career focused, waiting years to have kids, and they only want one. They have their entire life very planned, so while I'm sure they would do it - I don't think they'd want to. SIL is 21 and living the single/party lifestyle. My sister is only a year younger then me, but still in school and on my moms payroll ;) My brother is young and has a horrible girlfriend and is in NO position to have a child.. and will never be if he stays with this girl.</p> <p>SO that leaves my mom or DHs parents. DHs parents are older than mine.. late 50s. They wouldn't want to. My mom is only 50 and my step dad is 45 so they would probably be the best option. But I don't necessarily want to do that to them.</p> <p>Agh! I have no idea what we will do. Maybe list my mom and then plan to change it to my sister eventually. I guess DH and I will have to figure this out come March! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-decide-who-gets-los-in-the-event-of-your-death#post-958462 Wed, 24 Jul 2013 08:50:06 +0000 cheert16 958462@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My brother and his partner and my BFF are our people! We spent a lot of time discussing who had the same values, good home and the financial resources to take care of my lo </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-decide-who-gets-los-in-the-event-of-your-death#post-958439 Wed, 24 Jul 2013 08:44:45 +0000 LuLu Mom 958439@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We went back and forth, but ultimately we choose his brother and SIL. We feel they will raise our child(ren) the closest to the way we would &amp; they are the most financially stable. Second choose is my younger sister, she's a mother thru and thru so while her finances aren't as strong, she would love my child(ren) like her own. </p> <p>We have 2 sets of parents but I feel like age would be a factor there, mine would be first since they are younger, but still not something I would want to impose on them. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-decide-who-gets-los-in-the-event-of-your-death#post-958408 Wed, 24 Jul 2013 08:35:27 +0000 deactivated_account 958408@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You should pick the person/people you want to raise your LO in your place. If this is causing problems because several people want to be named in the will, you should keep your ultimate decision to yourself. No one needs to know until after, God forbid, you and your husband die. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-decide-who-gets-los-in-the-event-of-your-death#post-958271 Wed, 24 Jul 2013 07:44:02 +0000 mamabolt 958271@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We didn't want to pick parents since MIL is on her own and in her late 60s, and my parents are in their early 60s. DH's half siblings are also in their 50s/60s and he's not close with them. That left my siblings. My brother is younger, not married, lives basically in a frat house, and my sister is older, married, and she and her DH both have good jobs. So, no brainer, she and her DH would get LO. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-decide-who-gets-los-in-the-event-of-your-death#post-958241 Wed, 24 Jul 2013 07:35:57 +0000 skipra 958241@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH's sister was the obvious choice for us because she is the only local sibling and loves kids. But since DS was born she has become completely psycho and refuses to respect our wishes for him, even when we are still around! She has proven that we cannot trust her so I am telling everyone to make sure DS and any future kiddos do not ever end up with her under any circumstances.<br /> I would like my sister to become guardian in the worst case scenario but she lives halfway across the country. Now I'm thinking of my local cousin who is older and in a very loving marriage but unfortunately unable to have children of her own. DH doesn't know them that well so I'm trying to convince him that they are our best option at this point. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-decide-who-gets-los-in-the-event-of-your-death#post-958214 Wed, 24 Jul 2013 07:27:02 +0000 Smurfette 958214@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We have chosen who we want, but still have to ask her. We decided on my sister. We wanted someone close by and one that would raise R similar to how we would. She isn't married, so it would be a total life adjustment to her. But we both have issues with some parenting decisions that my brother and SIL and his sister and BIL make, that neither of those couples were a good choice. We thought about some close friends, DH BFF and wife, but I really wanted family. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-decide-who-gets-los-in-the-event-of-your-death#post-958199 Wed, 24 Jul 2013 07:19:39 +0000 Foodnerd81 958199@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I saw this topic and we just talked about it this morning-- the decision is pretty easy for us though. LO would go to my sister and her husband-- they already have a 2 yo and I trust they would raise the baby similar to we would and really really love him/her, plus they live close to my family. Our parents are all older and I wouldn't want them raising the baby. I should mention it to my sister since we don't have a will yet or anything. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-decide-who-gets-los-in-the-event-of-your-death#post-958196 Wed, 24 Jul 2013 07:18:33 +0000 bushelandapeck 958196@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We decided that DH's brother and SIL are the best option. They have two boys already and are in the best place financially to take on additional children. We also really agree with their parenting philosophy and know they would love LO as much as we do. My parents are older and DH's parents aren't capable. My sister has 5 of her own children so I wouldn't want to burden her even more financially. </p>