https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Mon, 18 May 2026 13:00:15 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-stop-being-anxious-about-your-parenting-choices#post-1198612 Wed, 06 Nov 2013 02:56:13 +0000 Mrs. High Heels 1198612@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This definitely gets easier with time. I remember one of the first things a visitor/seasoned mom said to me the week I got home from the hospital with my first child was, "just trust your instincts". That was the least helpful advice ever cuz I had noooo idea what my instincts were. I had no instincts - I was lost and confused and everything was a guessing game to me. Those instincts develop over time, and soon we'll all be doling out advice like, "trust your instincts" because they do start to become second nature and maybe one day we'll really forget about a time when we didn't know what these instincts were, ha!</p> <p>As a first time mom, I read soo many different books and articles by so-called "experts", and so many seasoned parents chimed in with their opinions on what was right (with good intentions) that it made me feel like I had to do everything exactly so... or else I'd set myself up for future problems. I got a lot of opinions on how to get my daughter to sleep better - "don't use sleep props", "don't rock", "make sure it's really bright and loud in the day to avoid day/night confusion", "make sure you don't introduce a bottle too soon or else they'll get nipple confusion", and a load of other crap that just stressed me out.</p> <p>With my 2nd child, I threw everything out the window and just did what worked for us based on my child's personality and what I had already learned along the way - it's been so much better this way!! Our babies are so much more adaptable than we give them credit for. I don't know any adults that can't sleep alone, that still drinks from a bottle, that doesn't know how to use the potty, etc. - we all eventually get there in time!</p> <p>With that said, I don't think the worry and anxiety ever fully goes away. The challenges continue to change, but our confidence as parents does grow in time and we learn to better tune out the naysayers. I am a mom of two and am still questioning my parenting decisions, and am still learning as I go along, but I know this will be a lifelong thing. I'm sure when my son and daughter are in their 40s and I'm in my 70s I'll still worry!!</p> <p>What helps me keep my expectations realistic (like not making the introduction of formula a big deal or feeding them "unhealthy" foods like chicken nuggets or bagel bites for dinner every so often, or err... too often...) is looking back on how I was raised and realizing that I turned out ok despite some not so perfect choices my parents made. A lot of times they were just working their butts off to get food on the table so we could have a roof over our heads! I was formula-fed, I grew up on pizza, hot dogs, and mcdonald's, and on and on... and it keeps things in perspective. It helps me realize that our kids are more resilient than we give them credit for.</p> <p>Just do your best, be present, give them your time, your heart, love them with all you've got... and they'll turn out more than alright. :happy:</p> <p>Eta: Ohmygoodness I didn't mean to write an essay!! I think I got a little carried away here.... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-stop-being-anxious-about-your-parenting-choices#post-1198544 Wed, 06 Nov 2013 00:01:33 +0000 loveisstrange 1198544@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I absolutely agree that it comes with time and learning to trust your gut. You learn pretty quickly to tell others to, essentially, piss off (in nicer words than that, lol) and that you're raising your kid how you see fit. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-stop-being-anxious-about-your-parenting-choices#post-1197716 Tue, 05 Nov 2013 15:59:25 +0000 sarac 1197716@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think that really, truly believing that your instincts are correct is a great way to start. Does something feel right? Then believe it! Empowering yourself to really believe that your choices and gut instincts are correct is the best way to have confidence in your parenting. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-stop-being-anxious-about-your-parenting-choices#post-1197417 Tue, 05 Nov 2013 14:14:05 +0000 rachiecakes 1197417@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@deerylou: exactly :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-stop-being-anxious-about-your-parenting-choices#post-1197409 Tue, 05 Nov 2013 14:11:51 +0000 rachiecakes 1197409@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@illumina: When I started listening to my gut and getting feedback (a snuggle, smile, laugh, etc.) from DS. I was a mess at first, I was getting advice from everyone, finally when I stopped to realize what was working and concentrate on how to do more of that, it all clicked. I stopped putting all the unnecessary pressure on myself to "exclusively" breastfeed, and get DS "on a schedule", those ideals just didn't work for us. As soon as I gave up the idea of what I thought was supposed to happen, everything just fell into place. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-stop-being-anxious-about-your-parenting-choices#post-1197368 Tue, 05 Nov 2013 13:57:32 +0000 deerylou 1197368@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I feel it gets better with time. I was terrified of judgement in the beginning, (I couldn't EBF, we decided to cosleep, I left a beloved job to stay home for a year), but now, I'm a little more confident. If someone wants to judge or offer obnoxious, santimommy advice, I try to it let it roll off my back. What works for one family doesn't always work for all, so I try to tell myself that our unique choices are always for the benefit of our unique baby.</p> <p>I still worry about some of our decisions, and do tend to overthink....just about everything, but in the end, I know I'm doing a decent job. My daughter is happy and healthy; the end. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-stop-being-anxious-about-your-parenting-choices#post-1197328 Tue, 05 Nov 2013 13:39:00 +0000 Corduroy 1197328@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Keep in mind that most of what other people tell you is based on what worked for their child at one point in time. What works for one kid may not work for the next and what works one week certainly won't work forever.</p> <p>I've given friends advice based on what was working at the moment and wondered why they aren't doing it "right." It's incredibly humbling when it stops working for you days later. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-stop-being-anxious-about-your-parenting-choices#post-1197068 Tue, 05 Nov 2013 11:53:23 +0000 Maysprout 1197068@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Everyone makes mistakes but you're making decisions the best you can. Everyone giving you advice made plenty of mistakes and you know your and your baby's personality the best, you're the expert on the two of you. </p> <p>I found it hard to be assertive at first too but as a mom you just hear opinions all the time, I think just time and frequency has made me immune to worrying about offending or whether I'm actually making the best possible choice. I know we're aiming to do the best for our daughters and I'm confident about that and I'm comfortable with the idea that we'll make some mistakes since everyone does. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-stop-being-anxious-about-your-parenting-choices#post-1196820 Tue, 05 Nov 2013 10:16:13 +0000 blackbird 1196820@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It took a few months. in the beginning, i didn't feel like i was easily manipulated and pushed around, but in hindsight, i was. 6 months in, it's all like water off a duck's back. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-stop-being-anxious-about-your-parenting-choices#post-1196784 Tue, 05 Nov 2013 10:07:52 +0000 mrs. wagon 1196784@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mamaof2: exactly this! I was anxious over every little decision with my first. Didn't help that I was a full time SAHM as well. With #2 I am a lot more confident AND I'm not with her 24/7 so it makes it easy to relax and make choices that I might not have made before-- now I realize that a bad habit can be broken later, it's better to address a need now. It might be harder to deal with the consequences, but it's more important to be relaxed and have everyone be happy in the here and now than stress about a problem that may never even come to light!!</p> <p>Example: Wagon Jr. had a pacifier like 24/7 in the beginning. Switched to his fingers once he found them. Stopped sucking his fingers all on his own around age 2. In the end, no need to stress about a paci or finger sucking!! And it kept him happy, soothed, and quiet. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-stop-being-anxious-about-your-parenting-choices#post-1196764 Tue, 05 Nov 2013 09:58:32 +0000 Mamaof2 1196764@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>When #2 came along!</p> <p>I was a mess with my first but when my second came along I was sooo much more relaxed as a parent - I enjoyed it much more! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-stop-being-anxious-about-your-parenting-choices#post-1196747 Tue, 05 Nov 2013 09:49:35 +0000 Mamasig 1196747@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I was the same way in the beginning but time is what helped. I always worried if he was sleeping enough, eating enough, etc. was I screwing him up somehow? But as he got older I could see he was growing and learning and was happy. As your baby gets older, she'll show you that she is ok. Every baby is different and they don't fit the cookie cutter mold. Don't worry about bad habits either! They will continuously grow out of them or into them. Do what your heart is telling you to do. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-stop-being-anxious-about-your-parenting-choices#post-1196665 Tue, 05 Nov 2013 09:20:27 +0000 BKCaribBaby 1196665@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Part of it is recognizing that all babies are different and so are parents. What works for one baby may not work for another. I always wonder why people think that one method works solely for all babies. Also some parents have different priorities. If you want to exclusively BF all the time, by all means do it. At the end of the day you know what your kids needs. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-stop-being-anxious-about-your-parenting-choices#post-1196661 Tue, 05 Nov 2013 09:18:55 +0000 looch 1196661@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't think the anixety ever goes away...your kid gets older and the problems become different. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-stop-being-anxious-about-your-parenting-choices#post-1196649 Tue, 05 Nov 2013 09:14:48 +0000 autumnlove 1196649@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think stopped being as anxious when I went back to work. The time away made me chill out! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-stop-being-anxious-about-your-parenting-choices#post-1196643 Tue, 05 Nov 2013 09:13:25 +0000 Cherrybee 1196643@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You get more confidence by trying things and either seeing them work or changing back when they don't work - and seeing that no damage was done. It's all practice. I was an anxious mess in the beginning and now, I'm still a stress head, but my confidence is growing every day. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-stop-being-anxious-about-your-parenting-choices#post-1196642 Tue, 05 Nov 2013 09:13:24 +0000 butterbean 1196642@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@illumina: i agree with the pp...and like you said, you just got to go with your instinct...some folks may not agree with your decisions but who cares because in the end, you are doing what is right for your child... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-stop-being-anxious-about-your-parenting-choices#post-1196636 Tue, 05 Nov 2013 09:11:44 +0000 Foodnerd81 1196636@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't know. C is 3 months and I still constantly feel like I'm making the wrong decisions. It's not a good day (week? Month?) in this house. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-stop-being-anxious-about-your-parenting-choices#post-1196626 Tue, 05 Nov 2013 09:08:34 +0000 hilsy85 1196626@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it just takes time, and seeing that your decisions are leading to a healthy, happy baby. I definitely questioned myself in the beginning, but having LO grow and be healthy and develop well made me feel more confident. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-did-you-stop-being-anxious-about-your-parenting-choices#post-1196606 Tue, 05 Nov 2013 09:03:14 +0000 illumina 1196606@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I guess the obvious answer is to trust your instincts, but it's tough when you're a first time Mum and everything is overwhelming and other parents feel the need to chime in with "you don't want to do that!" or "that's a bad habit!" Etc.</p> <p>Sometimes I feel scared to choose to do something, but then by not choosing to do that particular thing I'm also making a decision. I guess what I'm asking is, how and when do you realise what your instincts are?</p> <p>For example, choosing to exclusively breastfeed over occasionally allowing her to have a bottle of formula if it makes it easier... Or allowing her to comfort nurse on a regular basis. </p>