https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Thu, 28 May 2026 14:31:50 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-address-selfishentitled-behaviour#post-2227982 Mon, 06 Jul 2015 16:20:31 +0000 Mama Bird 2227982@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think maybe it's too early? I'm not sure when they grow out of it, but seems to be after three as far as I can tell! I recently went to a birthday party where DS, another kid, and the birthday boy (who just turned three) spent all evening taking toys from each other/crying when theirs got taken away. I'd never seen such a drama-filled birthday before :grin: Aside from that, the three of them are best buddies, and they have lots of empathy for other people... as long as toys are not involved. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-address-selfishentitled-behaviour#post-2227906 Mon, 06 Jul 2015 15:02:01 +0000 Freckles 2227906@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Dandelion: @Mrs. Tiger: @Jess1483: thanks, I will have to look into those books and song! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-address-selfishentitled-behaviour#post-2227903 Mon, 06 Jul 2015 15:00:59 +0000 Freckles 2227903@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Maysprout: @mrbee: I may have to try the box method, and if she doesn't let kids play with a toy not in the box then there will be consequences!</p> <p>@looch: I don't believe in everyone has to share either, and I'm okay with her asking for her sand toys back if someone is playing with them (without asking her). But I get annoyed when she won't let a playmate play with every toy he picks out! I have done the "these are mommy and daddy's toy" bit but she doesn't seem to care. </p> <p>@gingerbebe: I like your parents!! I may have to react dramatically the next time something like this happens. I'm glad their style worked on you guys! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-address-selfishentitled-behaviour#post-2227894 Mon, 06 Jul 2015 14:54:45 +0000 Freckles 2227894@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@aegie: we do this a lot...like when I share my snack with her, I will make a point that I'm sharing with her. Also, we will tell her (similar to @KayKay:) that her friends share their toys with her when we go to their house, and if she can't share her toys in our home then she won't be able to go to their house anymore.</p> <p>@Truth Bombs: we do give consequences but I try to give her a chance to fix things before going through with a threat. I never thought about not giving her the gift bag (this was at an adult party) but I may have to do that next time.</p> <p>@catomd00: that's what I tell myself but it's hard when I see other kids her age showing empathy and generosity. I don't want her to do these things in fear of being punished either...but because it makes her feel good.</p> <p>@AprilFool: "because I don't want her/him to play with it." :meh: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-address-selfishentitled-behaviour#post-2227645 Mon, 06 Jul 2015 11:32:42 +0000 looch 2227645@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Another parent on the boards suggested that toys belong to the family or the parents, rather than the children. I have found this to work extremely well with my son and other children when there is a dispute over a toy. I used it with some kids at a park fighting over some sand toys and they all backed right off, and the parents were kind of shocked that it worked!</p> <p>I also let my son have some things that are just his and allow him to keep them in his bedroom, so I don't follow the "everybody share" philosophy. I don't share all of my things with my son and I don't expect him to share just because some one else wants something of his or that he is playing with. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-address-selfishentitled-behaviour#post-2227638 Mon, 06 Jul 2015 11:23:41 +0000 gingerbebe 2227638@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it's just consistency over time. My parents lectured endlessly about sharing because they had zero tolerance about fighting over things. If my brother or I had the slightest argument about something that escalated to parental involvement it was gone - like in the trash or destroyed. Their response was always "we do not work our tails off to provide you with a nice life if you bring discord into the family." If it involved other people, same thing - share or it's gone. If we had a fit, the visit was over - shut it down. And then there were big consequences when we got home because my folks would be furious and embarrassed. It might sound extreme but my parents were generous to a T and could not stand entitled or selfish behavior. One time my brother and I fought over a Popsicle and my mother took it and rest of the whole new box, smashed it up in the yard with a bat, and hosed it all off the patio. "There, now there's nothing to fight over!" So we learned real quick through their consequences that it was in our interest to share. I guess it worked - my brother and I would give the shirt off our backs and consider hospitality and giving extremely important. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-address-selfishentitled-behaviour#post-2227632 Mon, 06 Jul 2015 11:17:37 +0000 aegie 2227632@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>how about instead of focusing on her not sharing, try showing her how you share? That might make it more tangible. For example, when my 3 year old wants something I'm eating, I will say, "okay Paige, here you go. I will share it with you." or if I'm writing my grocery list and she wants to suddenly write with me, I will tell her, "you want to write with mommy? Okay, let's do it together." It reminds her that I'm constantly sharing and doing things together with her. That way, when it's time for her to do things with her friends or share ... I remind her that mommy shares with her, could she also share with her friend? I think normalizing the sharing (by exposing how you do it with her) makes it feel less like she's being forced to share to just something we do. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-address-selfishentitled-behaviour#post-2227562 Mon, 06 Jul 2015 10:26:05 +0000 mrbee 2227562@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We had an issue with our eldest not wanting to share his favorite items. We took a bunch of his favorites out of the toy rotation, and he was much more willing to share his less favored items with his sister and friends! Then we slowly added them back in.</p> <p>We also got more of some heavily contested items, like MagnaTiles. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-address-selfishentitled-behaviour#post-2227560 Mon, 06 Jul 2015 10:24:14 +0000 KayKay 2227560@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@freckles: we have similar actions re: sharing toys when friends come over. we just do a lot of talking about why we need to share our toys, remembering how we got to play with friends' toys when at their houses, etc. i try to watch closely so that if she takes something out of turn, i can immediately help her correct her actions (and give logical consequences if she fights it!). it's a pretty brutal stage for playdates, at least with particular friends -- younger ones seem worse!</p> <p>all that to say, it sounds like you are doing the "right" things, and now it's just a waiting game for her to learn or outgrow it :( i'm with ya! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-address-selfishentitled-behaviour#post-2227521 Mon, 06 Jul 2015 09:54:56 +0000 Truth Bombs 2227521@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Are you giving her actual consequences? What do you do when she snatches a toy from a friend? In our house that would be give the toy back and apologize and a time out if she didn't do so without any push back. If she showed up at a party and asked where her goody bag was my LO would not be allowed to take a goody bag and would be told that that will be the case every time she is demanding/ungrateful. At over 3 your LO can understand those consequences. If you just talk to her about why her behavior isn't ok but don't actually give consequences I doubt you'll see much improvement. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-address-selfishentitled-behaviour#post-2227375 Mon, 06 Jul 2015 07:52:32 +0000 catomd00 2227375@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Kids are egocentric into the teen years and beyond. I think encouraging the development of empathy, religion and consistency are what matters. She will get it! Don't stress its developmentally normal. When she is being helpful or sharing, praise her! Hopefully over time she will realize that it makes her feel good to do those things and want to do more. As long as you are modeling appropriate behavior and correcting her indiscretions you are doing a great job, and there's probably not much more you can really do. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-address-selfishentitled-behaviour#post-2227339 Mon, 06 Jul 2015 06:33:47 +0000 Dandelion 2227339@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I bought D the book "Mine a saur" has a good lesson in it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-address-selfishentitled-behaviour#post-2227312 Mon, 06 Jul 2015 05:22:25 +0000 Mrs. Tiger 2227312@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Freckles: maybe the "how do dinosaurs say happy birthday" book, abd others in the series that discuss appropriate behavior, would help? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-address-selfishentitled-behaviour#post-2227297 Mon, 06 Jul 2015 01:14:15 +0000 Jess1483 2227297@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I've found reminding my little guy that his friend won't be taking the toy home (it's still his even if his friend plays with it) is helpful. Also Daniel Tiger's episode. Then I'm able to sing the song to remind him that his friend gets a turn, then he can have it back. The song is really helpful in the moment. But it's ongoing. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-address-selfishentitled-behaviour#post-2227272 Sun, 05 Jul 2015 23:08:13 +0000 AprilFool 2227272@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This is such a tricky one! I am noticing this in my friends son who is almost three so at least you aren't alone in this. Hopefully it is a phase! Have you asked her why she doesn't want to share? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-address-selfishentitled-behaviour#post-2227271 Sun, 05 Jul 2015 23:05:51 +0000 Maysprout 2227271@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I let them have a couple toys they can be possessive of, usually it's a baby doll and stuffed animal or some building block project. But those go away then when friends come over and there's no taunting about you're not allowed to play with this, if that happens there's a timeout. </p> <p>For taking toys away Id tell her to stop doing that and suggest something else she can play with, if it happens again Id tell her to stop again with a warning, third time it's up to her room. </p> <p>I think with the books I would have just put them away until she was done playing with her friend, I think new toys can sometimes be trouble at that age with sharing. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-address-selfishentitled-behaviour#post-2227254 Sun, 05 Jul 2015 22:05:00 +0000 Freckles 2227254@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@BabyBoecksMom: She is doing it to her little brother too! If she sees him playing with her toy, she will snatch it out of his hand. Or if he is playing with one of her old baby toys, she will get upset that he is playing with it. It sucks that you're going through it too!</p> <p>@irene: Yes, constantly. We actually told her that if she can't share her toys with her friend, she can no longer go over to his house...especially since he shares all of his toys with her. She is pretty aware that her actions are not good, so it's as if she is determined to be this way. Ugh, we have read both books to her but it just goes through one ear and out the other... :bummed: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-address-selfishentitled-behaviour#post-2227245 Sun, 05 Jul 2015 21:49:17 +0000 irene 2227245@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Can you explain to her, repeatedly, for 100 times, over and over, that it is important for us to share our toys and our books, and that we need to wait for our turn to play? My friend and I have same age boys (3.5 years old), and they are such good "sharer", and they are always very good at sharing toys. We just talk their ears off since they were 1 years old, over and over and over that they have to share, and praise them everytime they share toys, and pull them aside and give them a lecture when they don't. They are just very good now.</p> <p>Another one is books with stories about sharing also really help too. We have the "Llama Llama Time To Share" it was a nice way to explain to them why sharing is so important. I like "Llama Llama and the Bully Goat" too, because it shows the kids that how no one likes a "bully goat" who doesn't share and are mean to other children.</p> <p>Good luck!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-address-selfishentitled-behaviour#post-2227240 Sun, 05 Jul 2015 21:43:38 +0000 BabyBoecksMom 2227240@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm not sure I'm much help but I can commiserate. DD1 is this way and I have yet to figure out how to curb it. She does it all the time to DD2 as well to her friends. I try to explain why her actions are bad but she doesn't seem to understand. I really hope it's just a phase. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-address-selfishentitled-behaviour#post-2227238 Sun, 05 Jul 2015 21:38:32 +0000 Freckles 2227238@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I find selfish behaviour gets me really upset now that DD is over 3 years old. </p> <p>Examples: we went to the library and took out a ton of books. She was going to hang out at our neighbour's house afterward and she asked if she could bring 1 book. I said sure, and suggested she bring another book for her friend and she refused and got upset because she didn't want her friend to have one.</p> <p>Her friend ended up coming over. Every time he chose a toy to play with, she would run over and start playing with it or take it away. He is 1 year older and it's a good thing he was so laid back about it.</p> <p>When we go to birthday parties, she asks the host where her gift is (gift bag). Cue complete embarrassed look from me. I think this is why I dislike gift bags!!</p> <p>How do I address this infuriating behaviour? She has been like this since the toddler stage and it has only gotten worse (despite our best efforts). </p>