https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Wed, 29 Apr 2026 16:24:58 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-communicate-about-ttc#post-1958685 Mon, 24 Nov 2014 17:08:05 +0000 MaryM 1958685@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thank you all for the input and for sharing what you do. We won't be home and awake at the same time until Wednesday, but hopefully then we'll be able to talk about this a little further. You've all helped me sort out my thoughts/feelings a bit more by talking about it :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-communicate-about-ttc#post-1958654 Mon, 24 Nov 2014 16:55:09 +0000 Bea 1958654@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We are in cycle 15 and while I think he usually has a general idea of the "time" I still let him know. He will sometimes ask if it's close. He's in med school and his schedule can be tough to work with but he's also the kind of guy that never doesn't want to have sex...I usually say/text something like "today is the day" or "this is the week" or "you're getting lucky tonight!" I've even left a flirty note on his nightstand by his phone if he is still sleeping when I leave. Before TTC, anything close to talking "dirty" was so not something we would normally say to each other. Now, I think we've came out of our shells a little bit and make those kinds of comments to joke around or lighten things up to try to keep the stress/pressure low for both of us. At the beginning, I tried to keep it all on my plate--because of his stressful schedule I didn't want to cause him anymore stress. As it's gone on, I've talked with him more about it (usually when AF comes) and he's expressed that he wants to be kept in the loop about it and not let me carry all the emotional weight. Just asked that I be mindful of the timing of when I decide to lighten my burden...like not the night before a big exam or whatever. I will say that I'm still the one to initiate things (sex, talks, etc.) most of the time. </p> <p>Praying for you. Hope y'all find out what works best for both of you and that you get your baby soon. :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-communicate-about-ttc#post-1958556 Mon, 24 Nov 2014 16:14:46 +0000 Mrs.KMM 1958556@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH didn't want to know the details (he would have NEVER looked at FF). I just told him when our window started and closed so he knew when we had to make sure we BD regularly. (BDing during TTC was way more than our norm). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-communicate-about-ttc#post-1958551 Mon, 24 Nov 2014 16:12:19 +0000 dc yoga bee 1958551@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MaryM: We don't pass gas, use bathroom in front of each other, so I know what you mean! We wanted it to be magical, and just happen without actually ttc. But, sometimes it doesn't work out like that. And going to the RE really made me feel like somehow we were doing it wrong, but sometimes you just need a little help! In the end, the time that did it was the most scheduled un-romantic sex ever! We were told to have sex 48hrs after my HSG before she would start treatment. I was still sore from the test. But, it was worth it in the end, and we laugh about it now. I really hope it happens soon for you. ((Hugs)) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-communicate-about-ttc#post-1958523 Mon, 24 Nov 2014 16:00:09 +0000 MaryM 1958523@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: Oh, I wasn't thinking you were implying anything, I just err on the side of being super clear :)</p> <p>That's what I'm thinking too. Maybe I can't trust him to look at it regularly, but hopefully at least on the weeks when I'm really pushing for him to share his schedule maybe he'd look...or maybe it would be easier to occasionally say "have you looked at the calendar lately?" instead of "You HAVE to have sex with me tonight"</p> <p>I mean, we're the kind of couple that still tries not to pass gas in front of each other. So scheduling sex and focusing a lot on bodily functions isn't really our thing. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-communicate-about-ttc#post-1958518 Mon, 24 Nov 2014 15:56:53 +0000 looch 1958518@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MaryM: I have to agree about not having my husband log my temps, it was just easier for me to do it myself.</p> <p>I wasn't implying that you'd secretly install the app, not at all! I think with that, if he agrees, that is a step in the right direction. My husband would probably allow me to install whatever I liked, but do I trust that he'd look at it? No. He has to be interested and WANT to do something, otherwise, he just doesn't. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-communicate-about-ttc#post-1958481 Mon, 24 Nov 2014 15:46:06 +0000 dc yoga bee 1958481@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MaryM: It took us a year, and I was very up front about our window very early on because we both travel for work. He travels across the country every single week, so he needed a heads up on when not to schedule travel if possible! Did it kill the spontaneity? Sure, but we still kept it fun, and light hearted so it didn't feel like a chore as much. :goodluck: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-communicate-about-ttc#post-1958441 Mon, 24 Nov 2014 15:25:03 +0000 BSB 1958441@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>For me, I gave him a week window. He sometimes can't provide a sample for our IUIs because of the pressure, so we had to freeze his sperm a week or two before our scheduled IUI. Low pressure and stress is how it goes in my house. After TTC for 27 months now, the stress of providing a sample on cue is and can be hard on him. I completely understand and I can't get too upset if things don't work out. I don't really get disappointed. If it happens, it happens. If it doesn't, they'll be next month. Luckily, we haven't canceled any IUIs because there was always at least one sample frozen. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-communicate-about-ttc#post-1958422 Mon, 24 Nov 2014 15:16:46 +0000 mrsvdv 1958422@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I got a copy of TCOYF and when he saw me reading it, he wanted to know what it was about so I explained about temping, cm and opk's. After a couple of months of me telling him when I ovulated, he started asking about it himself. I don't think he felt pressure, but he was interested in knowing the details of tracking fertility and that eased a lot of the pressure I put on myself. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-communicate-about-ttc#post-1958234 Mon, 24 Nov 2014 14:04:35 +0000 MaryM 1958234@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: Yes. Not that he'd have to check it daily or anything, but just so that he'd have a better idea of when peak time is. </p> <p>I'm planning to sit down and talk to to him about how I'm feeling soon, and I'm trying to gather my thoughts and options right now. (so it's not like i'd install it without telling him, but it's one thing I've thought of bringing up with him)</p> <p>One of the suggestions from the couple we learned how to chart from, was that the husband keeps the charts so that he plays more of a roll in TTC. Because of DH's work schedule, there's no way in hell I'm waking him up at 7 a.m. just to have him log a temp, but I'd like for him to at least have the ability to see where we are. </p> <p>I feel like I've been initiating at least 80% of the time. I just want to feel like it isn't all on my shoulders and maybe if he realized how important it was, I wouldn't have to push for it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-communicate-about-ttc#post-1958217 Mon, 24 Nov 2014 13:58:24 +0000 looch 1958217@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MaryM: what's your expectation once you put FF on his phone? That he'd log in and know when your fertile time is? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-communicate-about-ttc#post-1958207 Mon, 24 Nov 2014 13:54:30 +0000 MaryM 1958207@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I feel like he's aware of the window...maybe he just hasn't realized how long it's open for?</p> <p>We took NFP together, so I know he knows how it works. And he's said he can tell what's going on by how full the trash gets (we only have one bathroom and he takes out the trash, so he knows when I'm using OPKs)</p> <p>Maybe we just need to talk about the emotional/stressful feelings I have and not so much the mechanics. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-communicate-about-ttc#post-1958177 Mon, 24 Nov 2014 13:46:18 +0000 alohaorchid 1958177@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would just mention that the "window" starts now. I have an app that has a pop up when the fertile window begins so I would tell him either that day, or the next day and he figured it out himself.</p> <p>ETA: After a while he figured it out himself. Two weeks after AF = fertile. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-communicate-about-ttc#post-1958167 Mon, 24 Nov 2014 13:43:09 +0000 MamaCate 1958167@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MaryM: we struggled with this too and I felt like i was stuck: not enough info and timing suffered, too much info and paralysis! I talked with DH at some point near the start of the cycle and talked about what he wanted. We were able to talk about "windows", ie today starts the window of opportunity, can we squeeze in one more BD before the window closes? And that worked better for us. Good luck! :goodluck: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-communicate-about-ttc#post-1958141 Mon, 24 Nov 2014 13:28:06 +0000 MaryM 1958141@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@raspberries: I think that's the part that's wearing me down lately. That it's on me to initiate. I'm getting tired of it always being on me. </p> <p>@looch: That's why I was considering maybe installing FF on his phone. I've tried getting him to use a shared planner before since his work schedule is so up in the air, but he's seriously low tech and I couldn't get him to do it. But I figure if I put FF on his phone at least he can open it and have a clue. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-communicate-about-ttc#post-1958134 Mon, 24 Nov 2014 13:25:22 +0000 looch 1958134@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I charted in a really low tech way, in a day planner that i kept at my bedside. I'd share it with my husband on a regular basis, and he could look at it any time because it was right there, out in the open. On the flip side, we used it to avoid, so we had to know when we couldn't have sex.</p> <p>If I had to do it now, in an environment where we might be on different schedules, I'd consider a google document or something similar. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-communicate-about-ttc#post-1958131 Mon, 24 Nov 2014 13:23:41 +0000 raspberries 1958131@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Ugh, I've been struggling with this too. We're entering our 9th month trying in December, and it's particularly bittersweet because this is the month I'd be due if it had happened as quickly as I wanted, you know?</p> <p>Anyway, to answer your question, I tell him when we're entering my fertile week - he doesn't want more info than that so he doesn't feel pressure to perform. If I know it's absolutely imperative that we BD, then I'll make sure I initiate.</p> <p>I think it's just a matter of finding out what works best for both of you - striking the right balance between sharing all the clinical details, while letting him know that you're still attracted to him for more than his baby-making ability. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-communicate-about-ttc#post-1958127 Mon, 24 Nov 2014 13:20:16 +0000 blackbird 1958127@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I just let him know i was ovulating and we needed to have sex that night. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-communicate-about-ttc#post-1958121 Mon, 24 Nov 2014 13:16:10 +0000 MaryM 1958121@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I mentioned this briefly on the MC board, but thought I'd look for more opinions. </p> <p>For those who've been at this a while (because I feel like it was different when it was "new"), how do you and your DH communicate about TTC? Do you talk openly about where in your cycle you are or what days you want to DTD? Do you share your charts? Do you text them if you get a positive OPK?</p> <p>We're 9+ months in. At first, I didn't want to share too much with DH because I didn't want him to feel pressured. But now, each month I don't get a BFP I think *I* feel all the pressure. Like I should have done more, pushed for more, etc.</p> <p>DH works in food service, so he works a lot of nights. I know it's not his fault that we often have opposing schedules, so I'm not faulting him. But it makes it hard to communicate openly, and also hard to fit in BDing. </p> <p>I didn't want to be someone who scheduled DTD...but maybe we're at that point? </p> <p>Anyhow, if you don't mind sharing, I just wondered what others do. </p>