https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 11 Apr 2026 20:01:18 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-deal-with-in-law-drama#post-2247269 Mon, 27 Jul 2015 16:41:43 +0000 Rockies11 2247269@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>When we have IL problems, I very passionately plead my case to my husband and tell him how i think we should handle a situation and then let him make the decision about how to deal with it. We have had some pretty serious problems with my MIL and SIL and at the end of the day I view it as his family dynamic and his decision. The only time i have ever directly engaged in direct confrontation is where there is a safety issue (i.e. catching my MIL attempting to spoon feed my 3 week old). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-deal-with-in-law-drama#post-2247223 Mon, 27 Jul 2015 15:36:21 +0000 gingerbebe 2247223@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Honestly, if your husband isn't willing to confront the issue, there's not a whole lot you can do. Because if you try to take the wheel, you will just come off as the problem. Perhaps your DH has to do some soul searching to figure out WHY your SIL is treating you guys this way and then see if its something he feels like he needs to face for his own sake. If he feels like its not something he wants to address, you can't do it for him. THAT SAID, you can definitely pressure your husband to deal with it. </p> <p>When we got married, DH had some boundary issues with his mother and I got furious with him for not standing up to her. I told him it was his duty to protect his family (us) and that if that meant setting his mom straight, then that was his job. If he didn't deal with it, then I told him I would see that as really offensive because its like he won't do what it takes to keep our family healthy and sound emotionally. So he got the message. We read the book Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud together and he pieced together what the issue was behind his mother's behavior and had a talk with his mother about how he needed to do what was right for his family now and that sometimes meant it would be different from what she wanted. He said he didn't want to make her upset, but it wasn't going to change his decision matrix. MIL got over it and she's extremely respectful now. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-deal-with-in-law-drama#post-2247208 Mon, 27 Jul 2015 15:18:49 +0000 Raindrop 2247208@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Wow this sounds tough. I'm sorry you have to go through with this.</p> <p>Is this a younger sister?</p> <p>I think I'm like your DH, I would just keep to myself and hope it blows over. Though I guess if this was causing a lot of stress in my life I think I would at least sit down with everyone giving me grief and explain to them what's really going on.</p> <p>Something similar to this happened to my BIL (who is DHs younger brother), he was totally being selfish and disrespectful to us. He still is to some extent but I'm working hard on creating boundaries with him. Luckily for us most of the family is pretty easy going and just let whatever happened be something between us and treat us fairly the same after the big event happened.</p> <p>I feel like this is a time to ask "Why can't we all just be nice to each other!?".</p> <p>I guess I'm saying why is your family taking sides? Why can't they just mind their own business? (Sorry if that came out mean!)</p> <p>Good luck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-deal-with-in-law-drama#post-2247157 Mon, 27 Jul 2015 14:29:58 +0000 skipra 2247157@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I need some advice on how to improve things with my in-laws. If there is an issue with your in-laws, how do you and your SO handle it? </p> <p>Just some backstory on our situation in case it makes a difference. Sorry it is so long! DH and I are not on speaking terms with my SIL and have not been for about 2 years now. She is very selfish and disrespectful and eventually we had to cut ties for our sanity and to protect our family and marriage. DH's parents live near SIL and rely on her for a lot so they obviously sided with her (without even asking or listening to our side) so things have been tense with them ever since. We still see them but honestly do not put in the effort because they don't either. After a big family party back in early April SIL was back to her old ways and I had had enough so I did what I needed to fix what she had done to us and it royally pissed her off to the extent that she threatened us and now, almost 4 months later has gotten DH's entire extended family involved. DH's parents, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. are all mad at us for this drama with SIL when she is the one that has been bullying us for years. DH is not the type to involve other people or say mean things. His go-to "solution" is to ignore something and hope it goes away. If we want any type of relationship with his family, that is not going to work. I don't mind confrontation and making my point but it is his family and not my place to do it. DH is really upset but has just kind of given up. I have no idea what to do. </p>