https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Mon, 11 May 2026 00:33:55 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-deal-with-tantrums-25-35year-olds#post-2458820 Thu, 11 Feb 2016 19:02:11 +0000 Applesandbananas 2458820@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Foodnerd81: hugs, mama :heart: I'll be joining you in toddler + infant land in a matter of months. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-deal-with-tantrums-25-35year-olds#post-2458772 Thu, 11 Feb 2016 18:33:55 +0000 gingerbebe 2458772@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So, we are not dealing with toddler tantrums yet (DS is about to turn 18 months), but we've been dealing with these mini tantrums lately that have sorta come out of nowhere and throwing us for a loop (and its making me scared for full on toddler meltdowns). Not sure if its applicable, but this is what we've been doing that's actually been helping:</p> <p>- DH and I try mostly to keep DS safe when he throws his tantrums. Our first goal is to give him a safe space to have a fit so we will do thins like move him from hard flooring, pick him up off the sidewalk, or away from furniture he can bang into. Sometimes this makes the tantrum worse temporarily, but ultimately if he gets hurt during a tantrum, it makes him atomic so its worth it.</p> <p>- We bring ourselves physically down to his level. We're trying really hard to incorporate this more during play time and snuggle time too, because we find it puts him in a much better mood and less likely to throw a fit. So instead of pulling him up to us on the couch or table, or standing over him, we go sit down on the floor or lay inside his tent with him and engage him eye to eye. When he's having a tantrum, it seems to help him calm down faster when I plotz myself down at his level and just murmur something over and over like "I have no idea what's bothering you, but I'm here" or "Its okay buddy, you're okay" or "I'm sorry you're upset, but no is no." If he lets me, I'll hug him or pat his back at the same time. If not, I will just try to sit next to him or leave a small bowl of snacks next to him and stay nearby.</p> <p>- If the adults are too pissed off and aggravated, we walk away and try to collect ourselves. Ideally, we tag another parent in, but if not, we keep most of the house childproofed and keep certain rooms locked and off-limits, so if Mom or Dad have to step away to cool off, we know DS can at least continue screaming safely for a minute or two while we calm down. Then we return and try to do the whole "get down at eye level" thing. </p> <p>- My son tends to be an introvert and gets easily overstimulated, so sometimes if we know the tantrum stems from that, we will just go sit in a dark room or lay on our bed in the dark together for a while. Other times, he really does need to be alone and we'll get a tip off because he'll often he be having that type of fit in his own room. In that situation, we walk away and let him do his thing and it will usually end with him playing quietly alone with his toys. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-deal-with-tantrums-25-35year-olds#post-2458753 Thu, 11 Feb 2016 18:12:34 +0000 Mrs. Cheesecake 2458753@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DS will be 3 at the end of March. We haven't seen tantrums from him in a long time, small instances of him acting out are more common. What I mean is that he will grab a toy from DD or stand in her way when she tries to reach for something. He's also pushed her away with his hands and feet. DS has had tantrums before but I think those have been when he was hungry or tired and was already in a bad mood to begin with. We've used timeouts when he is aggressive towards us or DD and I'm not sure it helps, but he usually knows the reason why he's in a timeout. I'm wondering if DS will have larger emotions once he turns 3. :bummed: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-deal-with-tantrums-25-35year-olds#post-2458547 Thu, 11 Feb 2016 16:16:04 +0000 Foodnerd81 2458547@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@JoJoGirl: @AggieDaze: yeah I feel like the extra screen time could be leading to more tantrums- about more shows and about everything else. But I'm so spent and she was sick and we couldn't go anywhere for so long, we watched more. Bad cycle. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-deal-with-tantrums-25-35year-olds#post-2458516 Thu, 11 Feb 2016 15:53:27 +0000 daniellemybelle 2458516@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We are also inconsistent. I try to decide based on the circumstances. If she is just tired or hungry or overwhelmed and freaking out, I will talk her through it and help her calm down. If she is throwing a fit because she just didn't get what she wanted, I will usually ignore it. And if she throws something or hits someone while having a tantrum, she gets time out. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-deal-with-tantrums-25-35year-olds#post-2458510 Thu, 11 Feb 2016 15:47:22 +0000 JoJoGirl 2458510@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@AggieDaze: Ours is 2 years, 8 months too. I find screen time leads to more tantrums (not necessarily tantrums *about* screen time, if that makes sense). I think it shortens their patience. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-deal-with-tantrums-25-35year-olds#post-2458506 Thu, 11 Feb 2016 15:45:14 +0000 AggieDaze 2458506@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Foodnerd81: Your tantrums sound like ours, and I'm wondering - is it the age? is it the new baby? both? does it even matter or should that change how I handle them? </p> <p>We've been using way more screen time than normal at our house due to the baby, and the tantrums have increased epically about that too!</p> <p>LO1 is almost 2 years, 8 months and LO2 is 3 months. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-deal-with-tantrums-25-35year-olds#post-2458505 Thu, 11 Feb 2016 15:45:11 +0000 JoJoGirl 2458505@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We sometimes have to do timeouts for tantrums too, but usually because NOTHING else works :( We give her choices (you can sit with me and take deep breaths, or do time out), we ignore, we validate her feelings, and whatever we do sometimes it escalates. Last night I ended up doing a timeout where I was sitting in it with her and she was SUPER violent with me, then the second the timer beeped she THREW herself in my arms and wrapped her arms around my neck and broke down sobbing. It was HEARTBREAKING, but also seemed an effective way to end the tantrum?? :( </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-deal-with-tantrums-25-35year-olds#post-2458503 Thu, 11 Feb 2016 15:42:35 +0000 JoJoGirl 2458503@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Following - our tantrums have devolved into scratching, hitting, pulling hair, and spitting at us. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-deal-with-tantrums-25-35year-olds#post-2458498 Thu, 11 Feb 2016 15:41:29 +0000 Foodnerd81 2458498@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@charlotte: at lunch today she started crying because I wouldn't take the orange piece I had just swallowed out of my mouth and give it to her. For real. </p> <p>@Applesandbananas: sorry to thread jack. It's been a rough day... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-deal-with-tantrums-25-35year-olds#post-2458487 Thu, 11 Feb 2016 15:34:08 +0000 charlotte 2458487@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>That is my mantra. "He's only 2. He's only 2. He's only 2. ". Argh. Someday I can flush the toilet alone again without a tiny person losing his mind over it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-deal-with-tantrums-25-35year-olds#post-2458410 Thu, 11 Feb 2016 14:52:13 +0000 Foodnerd81 2458410@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@charlotte: yes what I really want to do is scream in her face to make her stop. But I know that wouldn't even help so I resist. And try to remind myself that this is a short term phase. I hope. Oh and that I am the adult and she's only two. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-deal-with-tantrums-25-35year-olds#post-2458403 Thu, 11 Feb 2016 14:50:02 +0000 charlotte 2458403@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Foodnerd81: exactly. At least you have a plan, my exact words to husband just now = "I want to scream as loud as possible. Aghhhhhhhhh!!!" Haha </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-deal-with-tantrums-25-35year-olds#post-2458400 Thu, 11 Feb 2016 14:47:05 +0000 Foodnerd81 2458400@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@charlotte: I just texted my husband that I'm leaving the toddler at the fire station. Is that the kind of day you're having too? :crying: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-deal-with-tantrums-25-35year-olds#post-2458381 Thu, 11 Feb 2016 14:34:14 +0000 charlotte 2458381@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Same same same. On some days things will work and I'll post about it if people ask and then other days, like TODAY, everything is just awful. Overall it works better for me when I am extremeeeeely calm and unaffected by the meltdown but it's very hard to stick to when the screaming wakes the baby. As has happened 3 times today. :shocked: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-deal-with-tantrums-25-35year-olds#post-2458321 Thu, 11 Feb 2016 13:54:26 +0000 Foodnerd81 2458321@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Kemma: we watched the Daniel Tiger where they "give a squeeze nice and slow, take a deep breath, and let it go"... my toddler watches it and says "but I don't want to take a breath!" She just wants to be contrary right now and is driving me insane. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-deal-with-tantrums-25-35year-olds#post-2458319 Thu, 11 Feb 2016 13:53:42 +0000 lovehoneybee 2458319@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Kemma: This has been really effective with E. As soon as it starts I tell him to take a deep breath and calm his body. He usually does it right away, and then we'll talk about why he's upset and what a better way to respond might be, but if he's ramping up I'll make exaggerated inhales and exhales until he mimics me. </p> <p>Sometimes, if he's really not calming down, I'll ask him if he wants to go sit in his room...have some alone time to calm down. He usually hates that, and I'll tell him that he needs to calm down so we can talk, then. </p> <p>The breathing works best, though, at stopping it in it's tracks and calming him down enough to use words. It's what they do at school, too, so we're consistent. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-deal-with-tantrums-25-35year-olds#post-2458267 Thu, 11 Feb 2016 13:28:04 +0000 Mamaof2 2458267@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>For my DD ignoring worked the best or sending her to timeout to calm down - she could calm herself down w/o us intervening</p> <p>For DS when he had a huge tantrum I had to hold him very tightly in my lap - he fought me tooth and nail but he could not calm down on his own. After a few minutes he would calm down and then we could gentle talk about his behavior - I also noticed that more times than not once he calmed down he wanted to stay in my lap for a bit longer - I think he felt safe there. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-deal-with-tantrums-25-35year-olds#post-2458264 Thu, 11 Feb 2016 13:26:25 +0000 Applesandbananas 2458264@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hilsy85: that's a good way to categorize them! I struggle with how to handle because not all tantrums are the same, but I like those categorizations! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-deal-with-tantrums-25-35year-olds#post-2458259 Thu, 11 Feb 2016 13:22:31 +0000 hilsy85 2458259@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don;t discipline for emotional tantrums--i.e., he can't have a cookie so he flips out and tantrums. I just let him know it's ok to be angry and when he's ready to talk I'm right there. If it's a behavioral tantrum (i.e. I am trying to get his pajamas on and he is just flipping out and screaming and running away, I will use consequences--no bedtime stories if he doesn't cooperate. But honestly, the screaming doesn't bother me-it's running away from me when I am trying to get something done that I discipline for. He can be upset and scream and yell to show he's upset, that's fine. Unless we're in a museum or something--which actually happened last weekend, and a security guard ended up saying something to him, which scared him and shut him up! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-deal-with-tantrums-25-35year-olds#post-2458235 Thu, 11 Feb 2016 13:11:50 +0000 Kemma 2458235@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm trying to teach our big girl to take deep breaths so she she has a way of calming herself, it hasn't been very effective so far but she is starting to do it! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-deal-with-tantrums-25-35year-olds#post-2458116 Thu, 11 Feb 2016 11:58:45 +0000 Alba4 2458116@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We haven't had too many yet, since he'll be 2.5 at the end of the month. When he does tantrum, we usually ignore. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-deal-with-tantrums-25-35year-olds#post-2458074 Thu, 11 Feb 2016 11:39:29 +0000 Adira 2458074@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Foodnerd81: Yep! I think these are the years you just try to survive and hope for the best, haha. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-deal-with-tantrums-25-35year-olds#post-2458067 Thu, 11 Feb 2016 11:36:24 +0000 Foodnerd81 2458067@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Adira: yeah putting her in the crib is also where she goes to time out, but it helps her calm down either way so I don't know what else to do. And I think putting her in the crib and walking away is better than me screaming at her, which has also happened... It's hard. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-deal-with-tantrums-25-35year-olds#post-2458041 Thu, 11 Feb 2016 11:27:44 +0000 Adira 2458041@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Tantrums are hard and we're probably not consistent either. I think I usually try to have him "use your words" to explain what's up, but if he won't or if he's crying over something ridiculous, I just ignore it. But sometimes it grates on my last nerve and I'll get exasperated with him. And he's been in timeout before for tantrums, which isn't something I agree with, but we've done. :bummed: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-deal-with-tantrums-25-35year-olds#post-2458035 Thu, 11 Feb 2016 11:26:28 +0000 catomd00 2458035@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Empathize and talk her through it. Definitely hold her if she lets me. After she starts calming down I suggest she take deep breaths and use her words to express herself. Mostly we just try to avoid triggers - hunger and being tired are big ones. We always give multiple warnings before transitions which has also helped and instead of telling her it's time to put x away, we invite her to be in control of the situation and make the decision by giving her choices. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-deal-with-tantrums-25-35year-olds#post-2458015 Thu, 11 Feb 2016 11:19:55 +0000 Foodnerd81 2458015@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Ugh. We are inconsistent and I'm sure that doesn't help. Usually I start out trying to help, saying things like, please use the words to tell me what's wrong. I can't help you if you don't use your words. If that doesn't work I'll say, ok when you calm down and tell me what's wrong I will help you. I'll let you calm down now, then ignore her and walk away if I can. If that doesn't help or she is having a huge meltdown, we put her in the crib to calm down and walk away. Usually she screams harder for a minute then calms down enough and I come back and we talk about it. She just needs to be taken to another room to snap out of it I guess. </p> <p>That's on a good day. On my less patient days I might yell, ignore, walk away myself in anger... Most mostly yell. :bummed: DH at least is pretty much the same as me... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-deal-with-tantrums-25-35year-olds#post-2457948 Thu, 11 Feb 2016 10:44:41 +0000 Applesandbananas 2457948@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We're seeing bigger tantrums and we are struggling with consistency and presenting a united front. </p> <p>Do you ignore? Do you console? Do you try to hold your child in attempts to calm them?</p> <p>Does it differ depending on the severity or length of the tantrum?</p> <p>DH and I are really in disagreement and we really want to find a solution that helps our LO. What's been most useful/effective for your family? </p>