Hellobee Boards Topic: How do you deal with your threenager?

Hellobee Boards Topic: How do you deal with your threenager? https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sun, 26 Apr 2026 08:44:18 +0000 snowjewelz on "How do you deal with your threenager?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-deal-with-your-threenager#post-2790085 Tue, 05 Dec 2017 09:36:44 +0000 snowjewelz 2790085@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Wanted to give an update! I would say she had 2 weeks or so of being really defiant. We more or less gave her tough love, and she has pretty much gotten over it! She's totally fine with changing and not even picking out her clothes; dinner she is still pretty distracted, but we implemented "5 more bites" rule when she starts to get restless, and it has more or less worked. I so appreciate everyone chiming in! The best thing is knowing I'm not alone in dealing with a threenager! snowjewelz on "How do you deal with your threenager?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-deal-with-your-threenager#post-2787721 Mon, 20 Nov 2017 10:41:57 +0000 snowjewelz 2787721@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @FaithFertility: Hmmm I will have to think of more consequences! Sometimes she cares, sometimes she doesn't. And sigh it's so cute/sad when she just unloads and wails in my arms! @SweetiePie: I will def be talking to DH and coming up with what she doesn't want to loose the most. Probably screen time! Sigh, I'm glad I'm not alone in this, but this totally caught me by surprise! When she is sweet, she is sooo sweet but when she's "bad", I'm like where did my child go!? @2littlepumpkins: Yeah, we're just kinda pushing through. We have to work on ourselves too b/c DH tends to be overly strict while I tend to be too soft. We need to work on being very neutral! @Kemma: Thank you for the perspective! I do find that when I go into these tantrums with the mindset of "I'm helping you", it's easier for me! @Becky: Wow, to think that one would get up and dress themselves without prompting is a dream now, lol! @Cherrybee: I half heartedly tried that a while ago, but totally worth re-visiting again! Thanks! Cherrybee on "How do you deal with your threenager?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-deal-with-your-threenager#post-2787675 Mon, 20 Nov 2017 03:31:43 +0000 Cherrybee 2787675@https://boards.hellobee.com/ We had success with "sticker lists" - they were strips of paper (I made 4 per sheet of A4) with clip arts pictures of tasks on and a space next to each for a sticker. We made one for night time and one for morning, with tasks like brushing teeth, getting dressed and putting on shoes. Doing the task without too much fuss earned her a sticker, a complete list earned her a treat to eat in the car. Becky on "How do you deal with your threenager?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-deal-with-your-threenager#post-2787523 Sat, 18 Nov 2017 21:15:04 +0000 Becky 2787523@https://boards.hellobee.com/ 3 was very, very hard for us. In terms of getting dressed I'd do it at night to make the morning run more smoothly. Mornings are awful here and I should practice what I preach more often with that as our lives are sooo different when I do! We just dress her forcibly (sounds so mean--we aren't hurting her!). My older daughter is a huge space cadet so asking her to do something in the morning while watching a show is pointless. We struggled with her freaking out after turning off a show before she was ready for a long time but it was better when we were consistent about it and didn't give in. She just turned 4 and she's fine with it now, and gets dressed on her own right when she gets up sometimes. We don't make our kids finish dinner with us. Our older one hasn't ben hungry at dinner time recently so we will leave her food out as long as is safe, and then refrigerate it if she doesn't eat it and offer it later if she says she's hungry. However when she was about 17 months and not wanting to eat at dinner we got a kids table and that solved all our problems--have you tried that? 3 might be a little old for that (we required her to eat at the big table by then) but if you're concerned might be worth a shot. Kemma on "How do you deal with your threenager?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-deal-with-your-threenager#post-2787465 Sat, 18 Nov 2017 14:41:30 +0000 Kemma 2787465@https://boards.hellobee.com/ No specific advice except to say that I always have much more success when I work with my kids rather than against them! I remember my Mum telling me that I would never win a battle against a baby and I've carried and applied that bit of advice with me as my kids have grown up and through the toddler years! And the only other thing I'd say, is don't even turn the tv on! 2littlepumpkins on "How do you deal with your threenager?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-deal-with-your-threenager#post-2787457 Sat, 18 Nov 2017 14:05:13 +0000 2littlepumpkins 2787457@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @snowjewelz: I think even with JL, you can set firm boundaries. My dd was finicky about changing at that age too, and it did pass! Our issue was more about what to wear but it became "pick this or this, it's time to change. You can help me or I can do it." The end, crying or not. Move on to the next thing. And my dd could throw monster tantrums so I understand hesitating to do that. Three can be so tough but my dd' teacher at that age used to always say they are pushing for boundaries and sometimes even negative attention. (ETA, and many would argue that is anti-RIE/JL but it was what I could handle with also a newborn!) Regarding dinner we just put the food away when she got up and left. But I didn't have the heart to leave her hungry before bed and didn't want to wake up all night and super early hungry and grumpy the next day so I left out certain snacks for a period- easy stuff like crackers or grapes. My dd is five now and still a grazer- prefers small meals- but supposedly that's healthy anyway! SweetiePie on "How do you deal with your threenager?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-deal-with-your-threenager#post-2787440 Sat, 18 Nov 2017 13:14:37 +0000 SweetiePie 2787440@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Turned 3 in Sept and same as you - two was actually really pleasant overall. 2.5 and on was a slow decline and 3 has been trying. However I still think he’s easier than a lot of 3 year olds so I shouldn’t complain. Changing clothes he’s mostly fine with. If he doesn’t want to change my threat is that if he can’t cooperate he will loose a story at nap or bedtime (whichever is next). And I have to follow through (no empty threat). That almost always works for most things (brush teeth, get into bed, change into PJs, take bath) EXCEPT sit for dinner. So that’s where I’m on the same page as you. In the last month or two he just doesn’t ever want to sit for a meal. Lunch is better but dinner is almost impossible. He says “but I just want to play”. And I’ve mostly stopped battling. Because it’s not that he doesn’t like the food. He just literally has no interest. He does eat well for breakfast, lunch and snacks. And I’ve read that dinner is usually the hardest because they’ve been eating all day and they are usually tired and spent. So I guess I’m hoping it’s just a phase but as long as he’s eating well other times of the day I’m tying not to stress about it. FaithFertility on "How do you deal with your threenager?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-deal-with-your-threenager#post-2787396 Sat, 18 Nov 2017 09:54:00 +0000 FaithFertility 2787396@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @Nutella: Yes to the cuddles! I one night looked her in the eyes when she was just a mess and said you seem upset can I hold you, and she melted into my arms :heart: FaithFertility on "How do you deal with your threenager?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-deal-with-your-threenager#post-2787395 Sat, 18 Nov 2017 09:52:21 +0000 FaithFertility 2787395@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @snowjewelz: We have a three-nager too but more of the attitude part not so much the regecting! I definetly place consequinces like, your behavior owl at school is down = no Vampirina at home she definetly makes the connection and knows now, also the dinner thing G does it too, wants pretzels and says but I am hungry....I leave her plate on the table and calmly continue to tell her your belly needs dinner not snacks if you are hungry dinner is right there! She will go back to it 80% of the time! snowjewelz on "How do you deal with your threenager?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-deal-with-your-threenager#post-2787333 Fri, 17 Nov 2017 21:39:16 +0000 snowjewelz 2787333@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @Nutella: she was kicking and pushing me tonight crying about changing into PJs! She ended up listening to DH bc she knows he will he’ll af her, no mercy lol. Ugggh. I need all the wine. Nutella on "How do you deal with your threenager?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-deal-with-your-threenager#post-2787328 Fri, 17 Nov 2017 21:23:57 +0000 Nutella 2787328@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @snowjewelz: i’m with you, I commiserate and fully understand the pain!! I once just let him go to daycare in his Batman pyjamas because I couldn’t be bothered dealing with a big fight AND I was running late for work. I keep him far away from the supermarket, toy shops and basically avoid the zoo/aquarium at all costs because all he wants is us to buy him the dinky toys at the end rather than seeing the animals. I find if I reach my limit & just ignore him he gets concerned and sort of tries to get my attention by being good again, but I’m not a fan of the silent treatment so I don’t do it on purpose, more in a self-preservation way! @Alba4: 4 is harder than 3?! I’m scared! birdofafeather on "How do you deal with your threenager?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-deal-with-your-threenager#post-2787315 Fri, 17 Nov 2017 20:53:41 +0000 birdofafeather 2787315@https://boards.hellobee.com/ The reality of how I dealt with it: wine and yelling and crying. 😖 3 was the hardest time for me and my oldest. Not looking forward to it again when my second gets there. 😭 snowjewelz on "How do you deal with your threenager?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-deal-with-your-threenager#post-2787288 Fri, 17 Nov 2017 17:24:18 +0000 snowjewelz 2787288@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @Nutella: hahaha our kids are twins. she loves sucking off the toothpaste too! we don't even bother with brushing in the morning :shocked: The most frustrating thing is she rejects ALL the choices. She picks, I give her options, I pick, everything is just being resisted!! Nutella on "How do you deal with your threenager?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-deal-with-your-threenager#post-2787286 Fri, 17 Nov 2017 17:19:49 +0000 Nutella 2787286@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @snowjewelz: it really is like that!! Haha - he is actually eating vegetables again this month after months of basically only eating white food. I did hear somewhere that if he is eating a good breakfast and lunch then dinner can really just be whatever he can take. Brushing teeth was a bit traumatic for a while but we now do one serious brush a day (night time) and I let him ‘brush’ in the morning which is essentially him sucking the toothpaste off 🙄 I also find giving him a choice of two things helps: do you want to wear A or B, both of which are things I’ve chosen but then he gets the final say. It’s good to empower them! But I need to find the balance between that and pandering to his every whim! Also sounds corny but sometimes if I offer a cuddle when he’s freaking out that will often calm him down. And me too probs 😂 snowjewelz on "How do you deal with your threenager?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-deal-with-your-threenager#post-2787272 Fri, 17 Nov 2017 16:39:08 +0000 snowjewelz 2787272@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @Nutella: Ok, at least once day she'll eat again, haha! Finding the silver linings here! She fights bath and teeth brushing and changing at night too :meh: I so agree with you; stuff I can let go I just don't even bother with! bubblegum on "How do you deal with your threenager?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-deal-with-your-threenager#post-2787267 Fri, 17 Nov 2017 16:30:09 +0000 bubblegum 2787267@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @snowjewelz: Ugh kids! They're the best and worst all at the same time Nutella on "How do you deal with your threenager?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-deal-with-your-threenager#post-2787266 Fri, 17 Nov 2017 16:27:19 +0000 Nutella 2787266@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I feel your pain, threenagers are real and this was with our LO who sailed through 2s without any drama at all! Morning changing times were frustrating and lots of tears, we found giving him a list of things that needed to be done before going to kinder helped. So getting changed, breakfast, teeth, toilet and out the door. Sometimes we had success with tempting him with tv in the AM only if he did all his jobs, but that could backfire. Now I won’t use it unless we are running really early and I need the time (for LO2). Dinnertime was a crapshoot for nearly a year. LO Is 3.9 and is only just eating proper dinner again! For most of this year he didn’t eat dinner but would then complain of being hungry at bedtime 😑😑😑 Bedtime was another rigmarole where he did not have any interest in sleeping in his own room...scared of monsters etc. Has been very testing BUT the upside is that he is super sweet and kind to his younger brother. And is a genuine help most of the time when it comes to his bro. All of this to say, I think it’s getting better as we approach 4! He still cries and tantrums but only when he’s overtired and pushed to his limit, which we try with all our might to avoid (keep him awake, no naps, home by 6pm no matter what so that he can be in bed by 7). I found letting go of stuff also helped. He was bathed every day until he turned 3! Now it’s only when we are all in the mood otherwise it turns into WW3. Good luck!! I found it so hard and like he was a new person (in a less than ideal way), but I think it’s not permanent! :happy: snowjewelz on "How do you deal with your threenager?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-deal-with-your-threenager#post-2787263 Fri, 17 Nov 2017 16:21:49 +0000 snowjewelz 2787263@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @josina: Yes, literally started super recently! @bubblegum: If she doesn't fight me about that at night, lol! @Purpledaisy: That is super helpful. Oh she is 100x worse with me cause I'm the softy too. I def need to be more stoic to her crying fits too! Thank you for sharing!! Purpledaisy on "How do you deal with your threenager?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-deal-with-your-threenager#post-2787259 Fri, 17 Nov 2017 16:04:12 +0000 Purpledaisy 2787259@https://boards.hellobee.com/ My DD (now 4.5) went through a tough stage right after she turned 3 (right around when baby brother was born). What worked for us was being tougher on her and just ignoring tantrums and crying. I especially am a big softy and would always comfort and try to negotiate/bribe and that just was not working. Her behavior greatly improved after a few days of tough love and not getting attention for crying. For example, with the clothes situation, which we had issues with too, I would give her two options to choose from that I knew she liked, if she didn't pick I would pick for her, then I would help her get dressed even though tears or whatever. I would not comfort or get frustrated, basically just have no reactions. Then after I would just continue like nothing happened. Like, "ok, now that we are dressed it's time for breakfast, eggs sounds good huh?" As for the food situation, I don't do food battles, if your hungry you will eat. I did have to be strict with no snacks until you eat your food(especially if I made her something she specifically asked for!) then if she asked for a snack I would just bring her plate back out. I feel like this sounds mean but I swear I'm actually a huge softy! I think she just responded well to knowing where the boundaries were. bubblegum on "How do you deal with your threenager?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-deal-with-your-threenager#post-2787255 Fri, 17 Nov 2017 15:56:20 +0000 bubblegum 2787255@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Lots a booze and lots of patience. My threenager is much better but a trick for dressing in the morning...put them in their clothes for the next day at night. (if they're comfortable enough) josina on "How do you deal with your threenager?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-deal-with-your-threenager#post-2787243 Fri, 17 Nov 2017 15:41:08 +0000 josina 2787243@https://boards.hellobee.com/ No advice really, but right there with you, especially lately! It just seems like his mind is going 100 different places so if I tell him to get dressed, I have to tell him 10 times before he'll do it. I used to bribe him with you-tube on my phone, but that rarely works anymore. I usually ask him at 7 to get ready (giving him 15 minutes to do so). If he's not ready by 7:15 I pick out clothes for him and get him dressed. Dinner is hit and miss too, sometimes he eats great, other times he just plays with it, but we can usually get him with "2 more bites and then you can go", and can often trick him into 1 more bite after that so he's at least eating something. Vegetables are impossible right now. snowjewelz on "How do you deal with your threenager?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-deal-with-your-threenager#post-2787238 Fri, 17 Nov 2017 15:35:40 +0000 snowjewelz 2787238@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @Dahlia: that's an option too. I know people do that to save time but in our case it's to save a tantrum! Dahlia on "How do you deal with your threenager?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-deal-with-your-threenager#post-2787231 Fri, 17 Nov 2017 15:21:51 +0000 Dahlia 2787231@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Can she sleep in her clothes for the next day? That way changing happens at night, not in the morning? Rocker2014 on "How do you deal with your threenager?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-deal-with-your-threenager#post-2787229 Fri, 17 Nov 2017 15:16:13 +0000 Rocker2014 2787229@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @snowjewelz: Oh, she's never asked for her dinner back, but she gets offered it when she cries for a cookie :grin: Once she eats the designated amount, she gets the requested cookie. (edited due to posting too soon!) snowjewelz on "How do you deal with your threenager?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-deal-with-your-threenager#post-2787198 Fri, 17 Nov 2017 14:20:21 +0000 snowjewelz 2787198@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @Alba4: Ugggh she is over the race game too! The "who wants to go first!" used to work flawlessly and then she stopped caring! And race only works if I can START the process, lol!! And I agree with the appetite thing, which is the only reason I haven't gone crazy yet. I've seen how much she can eat! @Rocker2014: Thanks for the commiseration! I like the saving dinner part, tho she has never asked for dinner again later! @PinkElephant: :heart: @hilsy85: I am going to try not turning on screens until she is dressed. I've done turning TV off when she wouldn't get dressed. She then would just sit there, totally fine with TV off but not fine with changing still. And thanks for the reading idea! I am going to try that! @Mae: Totally agree. I just need to completely 100% let it go! I think in theory I was trying to not stress about it, but of course I still do! And yes so far we forcefully change her with lots of tears! Mae on "How do you deal with your threenager?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-deal-with-your-threenager#post-2787196 Fri, 17 Nov 2017 14:15:06 +0000 Mae 2787196@https://boards.hellobee.com/ For #1- getting dressed is not negotiable. We try to give options but days when she isn't having it, we just dress her by force and let her be angry lol. For #2- I don't stress over dinner. We don't let her crawl on or under the table, and we don't let her take food out of the dining room, but if she doesn't want to eat she can go play. If she does want to eat, she can eat what and however much she wants. We don't even make rules about snacks. If she doesn't want what I made, she can have a yogurt or string cheese. Ideally she has a bit of protein for dinner, but if she refuses everything, I'm not going to stress about it. By 3 she can tell me if she's hungry. hilsy85 on "How do you deal with your threenager?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-deal-with-your-threenager#post-2787191 Fri, 17 Nov 2017 14:10:35 +0000 hilsy85 2787191@https://boards.hellobee.com/ 1. If you want to keep tv in the morning, I would make the rule that she has to get dressed or the tv goes off. If she refuses, runs away, etc. TV goes off. Personally, I have found that tv in the morning is horrible for my son's mood, so I don't do it anymore. 2. As long as she's getting 2 adequate meals a day I wouldn't stress about dinner. My 2 year old often only has a few bites of fruit, or nothing at all for dinner. With my son, reading a book to him at dinner worked to get him to stay in his seat. PinkElephant on "How do you deal with your threenager?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-deal-with-your-threenager#post-2787182 Fri, 17 Nov 2017 14:02:15 +0000 PinkElephant 2787182@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Wine. Rocker2014 on "How do you deal with your threenager?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-deal-with-your-threenager#post-2787181 Fri, 17 Nov 2017 14:01:59 +0000 Rocker2014 2787181@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Ugh, are you living my life? I have exactly zero advice for #1, as we often scream through clothing changes in the morning, but want to echo previous posters in that we've completely taken the argument out of dinner by just not worrying about it. If she eats the amount we designate, she gets snacks later. If not, she doesn't. Some nights she eats, and some not. At this age, she seems to get the actions=consequences piece, and it's working out well so far. We also let her keep her dinner in the fridge until bedtime so if she decides she's hungry she always has the option to eat more dinner and earn her snack. Alba4 on "How do you deal with your threenager?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-deal-with-your-threenager#post-2787175 Fri, 17 Nov 2017 13:45:32 +0000 Alba4 2787175@https://boards.hellobee.com/ We’re dealing with similar issues and my son turned 4 in Aug. 4 is actually harder for us than 3!!! I do have a chart and that works sometimes but he really despises getting dressed and it takes a lot of nagging. Sometimes turning getting dressed and undressed into a race or game works. He has to race me dressing/undressing my 17 month old. Dinner is the same. He has a hard time sitting at the table and even eating. I ask him to take a few bites, but after that I let it go. We don’t offer food to him after dinner time, so if he doesn’t eat dinner he won’t eat again until breakfast. It’s his choice. To tell you the truth, I find his hunger comes and goes and when he is hungry he eats a lot of food and I think some days he just isn’t that hungry.