https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Mon, 18 May 2026 02:44:51 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-decide-when-its-time-long/page/2#post-1431386 Tue, 18 Feb 2014 13:13:39 +0000 CottonCandy 1431386@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm so sorry you are going through this. For me, I think my family missed "the right time". We were so devastated at the thought of losing our family cat. We had him since he was a kitten and discovered he had a brain tumor when he was about 8 years old. One morning, we found him in a trance like state just staring at the wall. We brought him to the vet and they sent us to a specialist so he could get an MRI. It was confirmed that he had a brain tumor, and it was inoperable. They prescribed him a steroid pill to slow the swelling and that definitely helped bring him back to normal, but the vet was very clear that that would only work for an indefinite amount of time. Anyway, fast forward a month and one morning we found him again in a zombie like state, only this time he was screaming in pain and totally out of it. We rushed him to the vet immediately and put him to sleep that morning. We all felt horrible for not doing it sooner. To see him suffer like that was awful and on our part a bit selfish. We just wanted the medication to work so badly, that even though he was "fine" while on it, we knew at some point it would stop working and we all wished we had just put him to sleep when we found out about the tumor. Having that extra month with him was great and all, but not worth the pain he had to go through in the end. I know this is a personal decision for everybody and I just thought I'd give you an idea of our situation so perhaps you can have some peace of mind if you do chose the right time. I always tell friends/family when they are in situations like this to not wait too long like we did. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-decide-when-its-time-long/page/2#post-1431340 Tue, 18 Feb 2014 13:01:27 +0000 MediaNaranja 1431340@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrs. wagon: I just started to read them and I am crying, now :(</p> <p>I know where you are coming from, I have two senior dogs, 16 and 14. They are both still so lively that it's hard for me to imagine that they may only be around for another year or two :(</p> <p>I'd follow Mrs. Bird's suggestion about making a list of the things your pup enjoys. </p> <p>I can't imagine having to make that decision (and it's hard because I know that I will have to eventually).</p> <p>Just try to enjoy the snuggles for now, and I think that you will know when it's time. I wouldn't want to say goodbye to that face, either. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-decide-when-its-time-long/page/2#post-1431329 Tue, 18 Feb 2014 13:00:15 +0000 deactivated_account 1431329@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@IRunForFun: I think if she is eating, enjoying snuggling or being in the sun, and wagging her tail, I would be unable to put her down. But if she can no longer control her bowels, then it might be time....... :crying: :crying: :crying: :crying: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-decide-when-its-time-long/page/2#post-1431294 Tue, 18 Feb 2014 12:54:16 +0000 IRunForFun 1431294@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Torchwood: You're absolutely right, I am kicking myself for not getting pet insurance. </p> <p>@pinkcupcake: :crying: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-decide-when-its-time-long/page/2#post-1431255 Tue, 18 Feb 2014 12:45:02 +0000 pinkcupcake 1431255@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I haven't read all the responses, because I am absolutely, 150% crazy about my dogs and the thought of having to say goodbye to them makes my heart twist so much. I have a 10.5-yo Yorkie who is my heart, my love, and I honestly do not know what I am going to do when it's time. Like @mrs. wagon: , sometimes I dread what is to come so much that I cannot enjoy my present with her. It's something I'm constantly working on :(</p> <p>I am so, so, so sorry for what you are going through. Personally for me, I will go through any lengths, in terms of finances, treatments, time, etc if it meant my dog could spend even one more day with me. Sometimes I feel like I'm being selfish... even if she's suffering, I honestly don't think I can let her go, even if it might be the *right* thing to do... I just don't know how I'm going to live without her. </p> <p>Okay, now I'm crying. Again, I'm so sorry you are facing this. My heart breaks for you. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-decide-when-its-time-long/page/2#post-1431242 Tue, 18 Feb 2014 12:40:52 +0000 Torchwood 1431242@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It's no help now, but if you were to get another pet, we got insurance for our dogs to avoid exactly this type of situation. It won't cover everything, but it will help take financial worries out of the picture in these sorts of debates.</p> <p>I'm SO sorry you're going through this. I can't imagine how hard it would be to make this kind of decision. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-decide-when-its-time-long/page/2#post-1431223 Tue, 18 Feb 2014 12:37:29 +0000 snowjewelz 1431223@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm so sorry you have to go through this! You can only do the best you can, to your abilities. I hope you will find peace w/ whatever decisions you make! </p> <p>I was told that sometimes the dogs let you know when they're ready. No matter how bad of a condition they are in, they either have that will to live on, or they will let you know somehow that it's time.</p> <p>My dog was 7 when she had cancer. Thankfully, we were able to afford the surgery to remove the tumor and no chemo/additional treatments were needed. Since then, we definitely think a lot about our dog's health. It's a really tough choice to make, but know that if you already provided Lucy with a happy and healthy life, she will always thank you no matter what! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-decide-when-its-time-long#post-1431214 Tue, 18 Feb 2014 12:34:25 +0000 mrs. wagon 1431214@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@IRunForFun: I can't read the responses to your post because I will cry here at work!!</p> <p>I have two small dogs (high five for small dogs!) and I have not yet had to face this decision. It is the one that Wagon Sr. and I are so dreading. We sometimes even let the dread overtake our ability to enjoy our time with them while they are perfectly healthy and happy and looking for our attention. So I am so, so sorry you are going through this and my whole heart goes out to you at this time.</p> <p>I love @mrs. bird: 's suggestion!</p> <p>I would also second several others' suggestions of speaking with the vet or any vet techs that you like and trust. I am fortunate to have a vet tech as a close friend, and the fact that she has seen and treated my dogs personally as well as has seen so many families in the same situation make these decisions would make me value her opinion greatly. I know it's ultimately your decision, but if I were stuck, I would go to her and ask her for some objective advice and perspective.</p> <p>Wagon Sr. and I love dogs and will always have dogs. But the fact that they aren't supposed to outlive you... so heartbreaking. Many many snuggles and kisses to your furbaby. Btw I totally started crying when I saw her picture. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-decide-when-its-time-long#post-1431202 Tue, 18 Feb 2014 12:30:11 +0000 psw27 1431202@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Just wanted to offer you some hugs. Losing a pet it the worst, and making the "its time" decision is impossible. :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-decide-when-its-time-long#post-1431177 Tue, 18 Feb 2014 12:21:33 +0000 IRunForFun 1431177@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@kjpugs: That perspective was really helpful for me. Thank you, again.</p> <p>Well, we just got back from the vet, and then we're seeing the eye specialist tomorrow to discuss more details about potentially going forward with the eye removal. My regular vet (love her) talked me through some of the thoughts I was having and offered her perspective, which was good, but I'm still unsure. Basically she said some dogs adjust completely fine to being totally blind, especially if they can learn to respond to noise cues...but another thing I forgot to mention is Lucy is already completely deaf. Being completely blind and deaf might be really stressful for her. </p> <p>Argh. I'm no closer to making this decision than I was yesterday.</p> <p>Thanks for all the advice/support though, it has given me a lot of good things to think about and been really helpful! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-decide-when-its-time-long#post-1430665 Tue, 18 Feb 2014 09:40:57 +0000 mrsjyw 1430665@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am so so sorry :(</p> <p>When DH decided to put his childhood dog down (16 YO), he said the number one factor in his decision is that her quality of life was gone. She could barely walk on all fours, had many pee/poo accidents, constipation and other digestive issues. She also had too many cysts to count. It was one of the hardest days for him, but he was at peace with his decision. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-decide-when-its-time-long#post-1430655 Tue, 18 Feb 2014 09:37:14 +0000 cheert16 1430655@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This makes me tear up a bit. DH and I were having this same conversation a few days ago. Our Chihuahua/ Pekinese mix is 14.... and he is going blind. Also he has been plagued with the terrible Chihuahua teeth- so that has been cause for pain over the last year or so. DH basically is refusing to bring him to the vet because he knows what the vet is going to recommend- but I am so worried that he is in pain, and we don't know. Urg- the loss of a pet (especially when you have to make the decision- is the absolute worst...) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-decide-when-its-time-long#post-1430623 Tue, 18 Feb 2014 09:29:14 +0000 swurlygurl 1430623@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This is the worst, absolute hardest part of owning and loving a pet.</p> <p>I had to make that choice with my cat when I was a senior in college. She was about 13 years old. She wouldn't eat or drink, and couldn't control her bowels at all. I took her to the vet and in the span of 2 months she had gone from 8 lbs to 4 lbs - totally broke my heart. It turns out she had liver problems, intestinal issues, colon problems, and she just wasn't retaining any nutrition when she did eat. Despite all that, she was still SO loving and cuddly, and greeted me every day when I got home. I had to make the choice alone because my family really did not care for her (she pretty much always hated everyone but me), and it was so hard. It was obvious that she had to be miserable (weak, not eating and rapidly losing weight), but she seemed outwardly fine. I ended up making the choice to put her down, and even to this day, 4 years later, I still feel like I abandoned her and gave up :(</p> <p>So, even when it's obvious, it's SO hard.</p> <p>It might help for you to try to find owners of other pups that are blind, to see how their lives are doing? I'm so sorry! &lt;3 </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-decide-when-its-time-long#post-1430566 Tue, 18 Feb 2014 09:11:02 +0000 kjpugs 1430566@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@IRunForFun: anytime, friend. Something we also considered was that we had to remind ourselves- we were "at peace" with if he was to pass in his sleep. We felt good with that because we knew he had been happy and loved for at least as long as we had him. We had to remind ourselves that the ONLY difference between that and us making the decision, was just that- us making the decision. If we were feeling ok for him to go on his own, there was not much difference for him passing another way, as long as it was peaceful. It just sucks to HAVE to be the decision maker. If that makes sense!</p> <p>Sounds like she has been blessed with a wonderful family! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-decide-when-its-time-long#post-1430299 Mon, 17 Feb 2014 23:15:24 +0000 Katrocap 1430299@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@irunforfun: I'm so sorry you have to go through this. My parents and I had to put down my childhood dalmatian 14 years ago. That remains one of the toughest days of my life. I understand how the what ifs could haunt you and guide your decision. Like many other posters suggested, I'd consult with the vet if I were in your shoes. I'm afraid I may be facing a similar decision soon. My 8 year old cat hasn't been eating lately and in July I took her to the vet because there was blood in her urine and they said it might be kidney disease. We can't afford to pay for costly treatments, but it seems so heartless to have these decisions be based on money. I hope you find peace with your ultimate decision. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-decide-when-its-time-long#post-1430263 Mon, 17 Feb 2014 22:37:50 +0000 IRunForFun 1430263@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>:sad: I'm so sorry about your pup. Your post totally made me cry. I can really relate, though. Lucy is also at the point where she sometimes she doesn't know she's peeing/pooping, or she will realize, like, as it's happening. Poor DH got pooped AND peed on when he picked her up to carry her outside yesterday. It is so hard. For right now, even before we make a decision, I am keeping her as happy and comfortable as I can and giving her extra love.</p> <p>ETA: Oh and she only has like 4 teeth left. Her teeth were horrible when we adopted her, from neglect, and she had to have a bunch removed, plus some fell out.</p> <p>Thank you for the support. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-decide-when-its-time-long#post-1430251 Mon, 17 Feb 2014 22:25:02 +0000 kjpugs 1430251@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We had to make that decision two months ago. I still struggle with it. Our pug Harley was also 13. We had spent a LOT of money (that year alone probably about 1k) on him, we had done a senior well check with xrays, blood tests, etc, to figure out why he was excessively drinking. Turned out he had bad bladder stones and a UTI. The meds cleared it temporarily but they came back. Finally after issues with that vet we went to a new one and found that the old vet had either misread the xray person's report or failed to communicate with us, but it turns out he had a tumor. Nothing could pick my jaw off the floor when the new vet said "so what did you decide to do about the tumor?" ("WHAT TUMOR?") He was really too old to do much, and just the ultrasound/xrays they wanted to do to investigate it and the stones would be $800. Just to CHECK IT OUT externally. It was heartbreaking. He also had arthritis, and his teeth were horrendous. We didn't feel comfortable putting him under to fix any of these things- he had horrible breathing, and should have had the pug nose surgery when he was young (rescued him at 7 or 8). Despite having essentially rotted teeth, arthritis so bad his legs sometimes dragged, and a UTI that left him with almost zero control of his bladder, he was super happy. Always running around and playing, loved eating, tried to keep up with the other pugs. But he was losing control. He would not realize he was peeing or pooping, and I was constantly - with a newborn - cleaning up pee. He would pee while walking so it would be 15 or 20 feet of pee to clean. I let myself normalize it but when our Nanny seemed horrified, I realized wait- this isn't ok. If I had no control of my bowels and was too old to really fix it, I wouldn't be happy with my quality of life. I called my mom crying one night, overwhelmed, and as I talked to her he walked by peeing blood. She convinced me that it was time. I felt horrible that he still would get happy and excited, but it was just a downward spiral from there. Did I really want to wait until he was in too much pain to get up? He got really excited when we got his leash on to take him to the vet to say goodbye, and we cried for days, honestly. But I wanted him to go in peace, and in dignity. He honestly was 95% gone (if not fully) after they did the first sedative (they do a sedative to just sedate them, then the heavy-duty sedative to put them to sleep.) It reaffirmed for us that he wouldn't have survived surgery. The vet wasn't able to feel his tumor in October, and in December he could- so I know that was taking it's toll too.</p> <p>Bottom line, I felt the same thing as you did beforehand. Dh and I had felt it for a while that maybe it was time, but we kind of were hoping that he might go on his own, in his sleep. Eventually the peeing blood was a breaking point that made us realize there was no "getting better" for him. It was hard to have to make the decision for him. I think it's rare that you are 100% about it. But I think you can be at peace with it. We were sad and heartbroken but we reassured each other (and the vet did too) that we gave him a good life and made him happy.</p> <p>Is it possible to keep her in a confined area (one room, or put a gate up, etc) to help control any of the issues in the meantime? I think you just make it work as long as you can until you know it's time. KNow that we felt like you do for a while before it was as close to "knowing" it was time as I think you get. I wouldn't spend the money on those things. 13 is so old for a dog. What you CAN do is do things with her she enjoys and make sure that, especially now that she's not in pain, her life is full of things that she loves.</p> <p>I'm here if you ever want or need to talk. Dogs are such a huge part of our family too and I know how hard these things can be. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-decide-when-its-time-long#post-1430202 Mon, 17 Feb 2014 21:49:52 +0000 Silva 1430202@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm so sorry. These are awful decisions to have to make. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-decide-when-its-time-long#post-1430175 Mon, 17 Feb 2014 21:37:05 +0000 yoursilverlining 1430175@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrs. bird: that is such a good idea.</p> <p>@IRunForFun: I'm so sorry you have to make this decision. It is the hardest thing we have to do as fur-parents - decide what is best for our pets. I think when quality of life is compromised and a pet is in pain, it is unfair to keep them here with us, and we should let them go. That is, of course, easier said than done. I would also ask my vet what they would do, if this were their dog. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-decide-when-its-time-long#post-1430172 Mon, 17 Feb 2014 21:34:59 +0000 IRunForFun 1430172@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrs. bird: That is good advice! So far she still enjoys eating most of the time, and snuggling. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-decide-when-its-time-long#post-1430168 Mon, 17 Feb 2014 21:30:56 +0000 owlteach 1430168@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@IRunForFun: such a sweet picture, we have a chihuhua mutt that lays just like this :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-decide-when-its-time-long#post-1430167 Mon, 17 Feb 2014 21:30:20 +0000 owlteach 1430167@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrs. bird: Such a good idea! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-decide-when-its-time-long#post-1430120 Mon, 17 Feb 2014 21:09:19 +0000 mrs. bird 1430120@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>a very sweet bee once gave me the advice to make a list of all your pet's favorite things, then cross them off as they're no longer able to enjoy those favorite things. when you see that they're no longer able to enjoy their favorite things, you'll know their quality of life is depleted enough where it's time to let them go. </p> <p>i'm so sorry you're having to make this choice, it's such a hard one! my heart goes out to all of you &lt;3 </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-decide-when-its-time-long#post-1430112 Mon, 17 Feb 2014 21:06:33 +0000 owlteach 1430112@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@IRunForFun: I'm so sorry! We haven't had to make this decision as adults yet, and I can't imagine doing it. Our dogs are our babies! In our family, I would be willing to do what we can to save our dogs as long as they can still experience joy when their people are around and when they eat ;) We have gone into debt for them in the past, and I'd be willing to do it again, to a certain point (I don't know what that point is though). </p> <p>I'm so sorry that you are here! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-decide-when-its-time-long#post-1430106 Mon, 17 Feb 2014 21:04:10 +0000 jhd 1430106@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm so sorry :( I have no advice but sending you a hug. I can't bring myself to even think about having to make a decision like this for my own pup! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-decide-when-its-time-long#post-1430100 Mon, 17 Feb 2014 21:01:20 +0000 IRunForFun 1430100@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Here's a gratuitous photo of her snuggling with me on the couch. </p> [attach=3557/14/n165mb.450x600.20131214_140509.jpg] https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-decide-when-its-time-long#post-1430085 Mon, 17 Feb 2014 20:55:46 +0000 MrsSCB 1430085@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>With one of our cats, we actually asked the vet what he thought and at first he said, "well, she has about a 25 percent chance of good quality of life after the surgery" -- very clinical. Then H said, "what would you do if she was your cat?" He kind of hesitated a sec, but then he said, "given the state she's in, that 25 percent would not be enough for me." He was so wonderful, that really gave us a lot of comfort in deciding it was time, which is SO hard any time you have to do it. For our other cat who died last august... I'm still paying off the bills, so I guess that says all about where I stand re: finances. She was young though, only 7, and got sick out of nowhere. If she'd been older like your girl, it might have been a different discussion. Anyway, sorry to ramble, and big hugs to you. I know this is not a difficult decision. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-decide-when-its-time-long#post-1430084 Mon, 17 Feb 2014 20:55:46 +0000 Mae 1430084@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>The "rule" in my family has always been that if the pet is still eating then they still have the will to live and we save them, so long as we are financially able (i.e. no debt). But this sounds like a really hard decision and I don't think anyone would fault you either way. Ultimately you have to be comfortable with your choice. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-decide-when-its-time-long#post-1430063 Mon, 17 Feb 2014 20:46:44 +0000 IRunForFun 1430063@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrs. 64: I will absolutely be asking the vet!! I'll be asking everyone, haha. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-decide-when-its-time-long#post-1430051 Mon, 17 Feb 2014 20:39:59 +0000 mrs. 64 1430051@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm so sorry. I haven't had to make this decision as an adult yet, but we did with several pets when I was growing up and it is always so hard. Can you ask your vet their opinion? I remember the vet saying once that he felt it was time when we asked. Thinking of you. :heart: </p>