https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 21 Apr 2026 03:23:08 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-explain-it-to-your-kid-when-your-parenting-decisions-are-different-from-others#post-1547490 Fri, 04 Apr 2014 23:05:11 +0000 wonderstruck 1547490@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mae: I like your response better than mine, haha! Totally filing some of those away just in case.. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-explain-it-to-your-kid-when-your-parenting-decisions-are-different-from-others#post-1547486 Fri, 04 Apr 2014 23:00:32 +0000 sunny 1547486@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My parents always told us "this is what we do in our family". I accepted it for a loooooooooong time before I wanted to rebel against that :-) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-explain-it-to-your-kid-when-your-parenting-decisions-are-different-from-others#post-1547483 Fri, 04 Apr 2014 22:58:11 +0000 Greentea 1547483@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think I plan to be straight forward. Different strokes for different folks sort of attitude about it. For instance I would say something honest but non threatening about why he wasn't circ; "it's not necessary." "People do it for a variety of cultural and religious reasons." That way you aren't really adding judgement. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-explain-it-to-your-kid-when-your-parenting-decisions-are-different-from-others#post-1547472 Fri, 04 Apr 2014 22:48:11 +0000 Torchwood 1547472@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yeah, I'm probably expecting a lot more questions than I'll ever get (and I'm not thinking when they're under 5 really, except for more general things). I'm just remembering back to how many questions I asked as a kid. If I was told no to something a friend/relative was allowed, I would definitely start questioning why it was okay for them and not for me. And I know for sure that there were times when I thought my parents were better than other people's parents because of some of those sorts of lines of questioning. But I know I'm over thinking it.</p> <p>@Mae: The focusing on the "this is why" instead of the "this is why not" is a good way to frame it. The "they used to think it was healthier" is an especially good one to remember. See, this is why I ask these things! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-explain-it-to-your-kid-when-your-parenting-decisions-are-different-from-others#post-1547458 Fri, 04 Apr 2014 22:30:29 +0000 mrbee 1547458@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Our kids are 2 and 4 and these issues haven't come up yet. We've focused so far on teaching our values to the kids, and the answers to a lot of their questions I think will come from those values... at least, that's the hope! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-explain-it-to-your-kid-when-your-parenting-decisions-are-different-from-others#post-1547455 Fri, 04 Apr 2014 22:28:17 +0000 wonderstruck 1547455@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Honestly, I don't think kids need the level of detail you're imagining. They will know people with stricter parents, less strict parents, ones who are about the same but still have slightly different rules or have made different choices, etc. But what they experience at home is likely what they'll consider to be the norm. It very well might not occur to them to even ask these questions, unless they're just complaining about not being able to do something some other kids can do. And if they do ask, I don't see why it would need become a conversation where you criticize other's choices.</p> <p>DD: How come so-and-so has her ears pierced and I can't get mine?<br /> Parent: We have different rules in this house, you can get your ears pierced when you're old enough to take care of them.<br /> DD: *Insert whining here*<br /> Parent: I'm sorry, but we're your parents and that's our rule.</p> <p>As they got older (I'm thinking teenage years here,) I might explain more about why we feel the way we do and made those decisions, but not when they're young. Circumcision? You didn't think it was necessary - no need to go into why you think it's awful and demonize anyone. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-explain-it-to-your-kid-when-your-parenting-decisions-are-different-from-others#post-1547452 Fri, 04 Apr 2014 22:25:46 +0000 Mae 1547452@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'd just frame it in terms of "well this made the most sense to me" vs. "that way is horrible" as such: </p> <p>- I didn't get your ears pierced as a baby because I thought that you should get to pick when you get your ears pierced once you're old enough to decide!</p> <p>- We don't want you to do pageants because they take so much time and are just all about how you look. We already know you're gorgeous and don't need anyone else to tell us you are, so we think we should spend that time doing something more fun, like {soccer, art, singing, swimming, etc whatever activity}</p> <p>-You aren't circumcised because we didn't see any reason to do it. It used to be really common because they thought that it made you healthier, but we know now that isn't true. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-explain-it-to-your-kid-when-your-parenting-decisions-are-different-from-others#post-1547438 Fri, 04 Apr 2014 22:17:10 +0000 Torchwood 1547438@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>More specifically, how do you do so without making them feel like other parents are "bad"? My SIL and BIL in particular have made a lot of decisions that are VERY different from what DH and I will do. It's just been on my mind a bit, and it occurred to me to wonder how we'll handle it when our LO starts asking why our niece is allowed different things than them. Like her ears were pierced when she was a baby, but we absolutely won't do that, and won't allow any piercings until they're old enough to take proper care of them. She also does pageants, which we're not okay with, and I could see a daughter seeing their cousin's awesome trophies (seriously, one is six feet tall) and want to get some too. If LO starts seriously questioning our reasons for why our niece is allowed and they're not, how do we explain it without making BIL and SIL seem bad/wrong?</p> <p>Also, if LO turns out to be a boy, we won't circumcise and I would guess that the question of "why am I different from Daddy" is inevitable. How do you explain that without demonizing his grandparents? Especially if it comes up when he's older (locker room perhaps?) and you need to explain a bit more detail on the reasons why you chose not to have it done? </p>