https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Fri, 24 Apr 2026 19:53:43 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-feel-about-pressure-cooker-schools#post-2168068 Tue, 05 May 2015 18:01:50 +0000 erinpye 2168068@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I want my girls to pursue their passions and learn with fire, not feel pressure to retain facts and stress trying to regurgitate them perfectly on tests. </p> <p>I searched high and low for a preschool that *doesn't* do letters of the alphabet, counting, etc., for next year. So no, not a fan of pressure to perform, at any age or stage.</p> <p>It all depends on what the "best" school means to you-- is it high test scores, happy students, small class sizes, inspired teachers, art programs that haven't been cut, programs that meet specific needs, etc etc? It can mean so many different things. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-feel-about-pressure-cooker-schools#post-2168037 Tue, 05 May 2015 16:32:45 +0000 travellingbee 2168037@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@tofuwad: I wouldn't consider a high pressure school to be a good school either.<br /> @Mae: ditto! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-feel-about-pressure-cooker-schools#post-2168032 Tue, 05 May 2015 16:27:45 +0000 Mrs.KMM 2168032@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I went to an intense, private, college preparatory middle school and high school and I had a wonderful experience! I honestly don't think that I would've been nearly as successful in college without the preparedness that I gained through my experiences at that school. I think so long as a child has enough academic ability to handle that type of school, the benefits are wonderful! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-feel-about-pressure-cooker-schools#post-2167964 Tue, 05 May 2015 15:12:24 +0000 catomd00 2167964@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Torchwood: yes! There's a lot to be said for that experience of being told how smart and gifted you are from a young age, then finding out as an adult you are pretty darn average and learning to cope with that. </p> <p>For me, it really depends on the kid and what environment they will thrive in based on their interests and personality. I want my kids to learn tangible skills that will help them be successful in a career that interests them, and that doesn't always come from the typical school environment. </p> <p>Like @Mae I just want my child to be happy, whatever that means for her. My mom loved vicariously through my achievements and put a lot of pressure on me (plus I already have a personality that lends itself to putting a lot of pressure on myself to be a high achiever) and it has really shaped my views on the topic and how I hope to raise my children bc it wasn't the happiest path for me growing up. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-feel-about-pressure-cooker-schools#post-2167955 Tue, 05 May 2015 15:02:16 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 2167955@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Catlady: @T-Mom: There should be a quiz or some kind of profile we could do to determine best fit! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-feel-about-pressure-cooker-schools#post-2167954 Tue, 05 May 2015 15:01:59 +0000 catlady 2167954@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Jacks: I agree that this is a (or "The") critical question. And it is nerve-wracking to try to figure it out when your LO is still very young and you are looking at a very expensive home purchase to get into a good school district! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-feel-about-pressure-cooker-schools#post-2167951 Tue, 05 May 2015 14:58:33 +0000 T-Mom 2167951@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Jacks: Yes! That is the question. I wish I could figure that out. Or have a crystal ball lol. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-feel-about-pressure-cooker-schools#post-2167942 Tue, 05 May 2015 14:52:12 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 2167942@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It depends on the kid. I have met kids that are so much more relaxed in that kind of environment. The drive of the school matches the drive of the kid. I've also met kids who would wilt in that kind of environment.</p> <p>The real question for me is how to determine what kind of environment your child would thrive in. I'd love to know how to do that. I see my kids so much that I see glimpses of all types of learning. Not sure what their dominant learning types are... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-feel-about-pressure-cooker-schools#post-2167936 Tue, 05 May 2015 14:43:39 +0000 bunnylove08 2167936@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree that it depends on the kid. Some kids thrived on the pressure where others break. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-feel-about-pressure-cooker-schools#post-2167931 Tue, 05 May 2015 14:39:15 +0000 Maysprout 2167931@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I liked that my high school was academically and economically diverse. I learned a lot from that environment and our public high school was big enough that we had all the AP and college courses a kid could want. I do want my child to have the opportunity to advance.<br /> DH went to a academically very competitive private school and there were distinct advantages to being expected to succeed. He didn't feel negative pressure though about being pushed too hard and they had lots of exercise and fun stuff to do so that might helped it not be a pressure cooker.<br /> @tofuwad: i agree, Its almost like learning a new language and behavior going into a different community with how things are dealt with and what upsets people and that can be more intimidating to learn that then the actual academics </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-feel-about-pressure-cooker-schools#post-2167919 Tue, 05 May 2015 14:33:11 +0000 T-Mom 2167919@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't know what we will do yet, but my DD (first grade) will have the opportunity to attend a magnet school in middle school because she is in a gifted program. I think whether something is high pressure depends on the child. From what I know of my DD right now, it will be very stressful and I would really have to think about it. But I have heard that some kids really thrive at this school. So we'll see. My own high school is a very good school but it was only intense because I pressured myself that way. There were plenty of kids who seemed relaxed! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-feel-about-pressure-cooker-schools#post-2167918 Tue, 05 May 2015 14:31:40 +0000 Mae 2167918@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>At 30 years old I've come to the personal opinion that high academic achievement is not a sure (or even the most likely) path to happiness. All I want is for my kid to be happy and be a nice person. So no, I don't really care about the best education honestly. It's a factor, but not nearly the most important one. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-feel-about-pressure-cooker-schools#post-2167906 Tue, 05 May 2015 14:24:44 +0000 Torchwood 2167906@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@tofuwad: Totally agree that I hate our cultural emphasis on "smart." I'm as smart or smarter than DH, but he's a much, much harder worker, and guess who is by far the more successful of the two of us? I was always praised as a kid for being so "smart" when things came naturally to me, so when I got to a point where things started to actually be a challenge for me, I felt like a failure because I had basically been conditioned to see smart as being able to learn without working at it. I didn't know how to study, and felt like I was dumb for having to. I still struggle with it. DH was taught to work hard and was praised for his effort, so he had a much easier time when he was in classes that challenged him later in life. I know not everything can be attributed to upbringing, but it definitely had an effect on us both. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-feel-about-pressure-cooker-schools#post-2167901 Tue, 05 May 2015 14:20:41 +0000 regberadaisy 2167901@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I want them to go to a great school all the time hence why we bought where we did. Agreed that high pressure is unnecessary for elementary and middle. But I'm ok with it for high school. </p> <p>I actually went to a specialized high school that I tested into so it was definitely high pressure! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-feel-about-pressure-cooker-schools#post-2167891 Tue, 05 May 2015 14:14:43 +0000 Corduroy 2167891@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm not familiar with the pressure-cooker term so I'm not sure how to answer. I started elementary school at a Catholic school and moved to a public Gifted Magnet after a few years. Scholastically the Gifted Magnet had much higher achievers and higher standards but I never felt pressured - not sure about the other kids. Maybe I should have. We did things that sound stressful now (like take the SATs in 6th and 7th grade, preform Shakespeare in 6th grade) but everything seemed chill at the time. In contrast, I recall feeling pressured all the time at Catholic school. I think it depends on the culture &amp; attitude. I wouldn't want to purposefully pressure my kids though. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-feel-about-pressure-cooker-schools#post-2167882 Tue, 05 May 2015 14:11:20 +0000 Mama Bird 2167882@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Torchwood: that's a great point! I think a lot of people don't benefit at all from college because their skills are in business or a trade, not academics. My uncle and two of my cousins dropped out of college and started businesses, and I don't think the little time they spent in school contributed to their success. They were just there because they were expected to be. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-feel-about-pressure-cooker-schools#post-2167876 Tue, 05 May 2015 14:06:03 +0000 mrscobee 2167876@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Lion: Although I echo all of your sentiments about the need to be a well rounded individual to succeed in life! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-feel-about-pressure-cooker-schools#post-2167872 Tue, 05 May 2015 14:04:52 +0000 mrscobee 2167872@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think they are fine depending on the kid. A kid that is already super smart and motivated and expresses interest to be in that environment might thrive in it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-feel-about-pressure-cooker-schools#post-2167851 Tue, 05 May 2015 13:55:12 +0000 danda 2167851@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it depends on the child. I went to a very competitive magnet high school (Richmond VA version of the school that MrsSCB mentions) and I know there were some extremely stressed out students, but like her I didn't feel tons of pressure and likely would've been equally stressed/hard on myself at any school that challenged me. To be honest, I don't consider my high school to have been a high pressure environment but I'm sure other students would have felt differently. I probably would've suffered/been really bored in less challenging environments. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-feel-about-pressure-cooker-schools#post-2167836 Tue, 05 May 2015 13:48:48 +0000 Mrs. Lion 2167836@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I just want to add that ultimately, I don't think success in life is determined by success in school. I certainly don't think it is determined by putting kids in a high pressure environment (unless there is a specific reason to do so). I think having time for extracurricular activities, friends, etc. are incredibly important parts of being a well rounded individual. Book smarts aren't the only things that count. I also think it is really important for high school and college kids to have the time to work. I think, hands down, the thing that prepared me most for life was working a job outside of just school. </p> <p>I also think it is important that you match academic expectations to your own personal child. My DH hated school fiercely, but in high school got hooked into an apprenticeship program. He was hired straight out of high school and never went to college. And while he does sometimes wish he had gotten a degree, he financially supports our family with a job he enjoys. A high pressure school environment, where academics were the only focus, would have been extremely destructive to his future. </p> <p>Just throwing that out there...academics aren't everything. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-feel-about-pressure-cooker-schools#post-2167807 Tue, 05 May 2015 13:35:37 +0000 Mama Bird 2167807@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It depends on the child, some kids would not do well in a high pressure environment, and some would not do well without it. </p> <p>It also depends on what your other option is! My experience with local public schools was that they're extremely no-pressure, to the point where some "classes" involved doodling and crossword puzzles, and kids gave me the stink eye whenever I was stupid enough to show I actually want to learn. And this was in sixth and seventh grade... luckily I didn't start in that system in elementary school, and got into a "high pressure" high school which was heaven by comparison. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-feel-about-pressure-cooker-schools#post-2167783 Tue, 05 May 2015 13:26:43 +0000 tofuwad 2167783@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have a million very strong feelings and opinions on this topic. And crafting this reply has helped me sort through some of them. I definitely don't like the area where I live because it's a very high-pressure environment for kids (particularly high school aged kids). There's a lot of pressure and competition to be "elite" and as a consequence, lots of schools with patterns of suicides and kids transferring out due to depression and anxiety. I take the position that even one suicide is too many, let alone a pattern (but I'm a transplant to this area so maybe that's why I get so upset???). </p> <p>And the other thing that I have discovered is that I have different opinions based what I felt in college, versus looking back at my experience as an adult. </p> <p>While I was in college I thought that because I went to a crappy high school I was somehow not prepared for college. Looking back as an adult I see that that was just me responding to being from a very poor background and being surrounded by kids who went to prep schools and who had never had to worry about the kinds of things I grew up worrying about. I placed myself into a different class because I felt awkward, not because I was actually unable to do the work. </p> <p>As an adult I can see that part of the reason I've done so well in life is because I didn't go to one of those elite schools. I learned at my very violent, under performing school that people don't hand you things in life and that you have to work to get places. </p> <p>As for my children, I'm very much focused on raising them to be good people and hard workers, rather than rewarding them for being academically advanced. I hate this part of our culture that thinks that "smart" is somehow the best trait a child can have. I personally would not consider a high-pressure school to be a "good" school. I want an environment which will encourage my children to do things and prepare them for life, rather than prepare them to take tests. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-feel-about-pressure-cooker-schools#post-2167727 Tue, 05 May 2015 12:59:07 +0000 farawayyama 2167727@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>For elementary, no. Middle/high school would depend on her. </p> <p>I went to one for the first half if high school. Academically it was great for me, but a social disaster. I transferred to a lower pressure school that was better for me socially. While I know it was the best choice, I kind of wish I had been sent to tutoring or something because my grades fell - I still got into college where they picked up again very quickly, but I assumed some majors were out of reach, when looking back they weren't. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-feel-about-pressure-cooker-schools#post-2167721 Tue, 05 May 2015 12:55:20 +0000 catlady 2167721@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So many interesting responses! </p> <p>@Truth Bombs: I was one of those kids who struggled at an elite college (at least at first) due to lack of preparedness in high school. Some of my friends who went to better high schools breezed through.</p> <p>@Torchwood: This is a really good point. We have no idea what college will even be like when our LOs are old enough to go! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-feel-about-pressure-cooker-schools#post-2167714 Tue, 05 May 2015 12:50:35 +0000 Torchwood 2167714@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Also, I'm curious to see how things are on the whole issue of college by the time LO is older. It's gotten so ridiculous with it being so expensive and only sometimes helpful in finding a good job, that who knows whether preparing her for college will really be the goal by then? Maybe it would be better to focus on preparing her for actual working in a career, which high pressure schools frequently don't. I don't want her to become a career student and have no idea how to transition after schooling time is over. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-feel-about-pressure-cooker-schools#post-2167708 Tue, 05 May 2015 12:47:30 +0000 blackbird 2167708@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Truth Bombs: I had a similar experience. </p> <p>I'm not familiar with the term "pressure cooker school", but from first glance, 'high pressure' can have a bad connotation bad, though....as does mediocre. I don't want my kid doing homework until 3am or cracking on a weekly basis, either. I don't think a demanding school is necessarily a bad thing--plus there are usually numerous levels. Regular classes, AP, IB, etc, for different amounts of rigor. I was still able to participate in lots of extracurriculars and keep my grades up, but the school was well known for funneling into big 10 universities. I didn't pursue that path, though. Age is most certainly a factor here. A 13 year old versus a 5 year old? Big. big. difference. </p> <p>It really, really depends on the individual. I thrived in a higher expectation academic environment. My brother did not. Depends how smart the kid is, too. I don't want them going to a mediocre school and slacking out of sheer laziness, either! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-feel-about-pressure-cooker-schools#post-2167707 Tue, 05 May 2015 12:47:18 +0000 Torchwood 2167707@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I went to a magnet school in high school (so much higher academic standards than normal) and did not do well. There were a LOT of factors that went into that, but part of it was just that I don't thrive under pressure at ALL. I would have done much better in an environment where I didn't feel like I needed to take AP and honors classes that were really over my head just to keep up with my peers. DH, on the other hand, went to a pretty crappy high school and would most likely have done really well at the school I went to. I think he even considered applying there, but my school had basically no good athletic programs, and sports were his main interest. </p> <p>So... it depends? I'm totally with those who wouldn't do it for early schooling, but if I had a kid who was interested in a higher pressure school and I felt would do well there, I wouldn't tell her no. It would be weird for me though, since I'm leaning strongly towards homeschooling with a lot of unschooling, so it would go against basically everything that I personally like in a learning environment. But my child may not be like me, and I need to be aware of that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-feel-about-pressure-cooker-schools#post-2167695 Tue, 05 May 2015 12:39:46 +0000 Anagram 2167695@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm okay with "good" rather than "the best" for schools---all the way through college. Obviously, if our kids WANT something more challenging, we will support it. But my nightmare would involve trying to send "good" but not "the best" kids to these schools and pressuring them to be the best with tutors, test prep camps, high pressure to get into expensive universities, etc.</p> <p>My husband and I both grew up in the middle of nowhere (him in a developing country), and both attended pretty average state schools for undergrad and our master's, and we both did a whole lot of socializing while there....and we're doing pretty well career and income-wise. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-feel-about-pressure-cooker-schools#post-2167690 Tue, 05 May 2015 12:37:55 +0000 looch 2167690@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hrm, not sure. I have this conflict going on right now where I want more/better for my son, so unless things change drastically in the next 10 years, he's not attending the public high school where we live.</p> <p>The conflict is that I went to that high school, did well and was able to go to a top university where I made the honor roll every single semsester. Of all of my roommates who went to elite private schools, I am the only one that graduated with honors, so I am not convinced that I would have done any better if I attended one of their schools. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-feel-about-pressure-cooker-schools#post-2167686 Tue, 05 May 2015 12:33:48 +0000 Truth Bombs 2167686@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>At the high school level in particular I would sure as heck rather have my kid in a school I would describe as "high-pressure" than one I would describe as "mediocre". I went to a pretty intense private prep school. I handled it fine, and it resulted in college being a relative breeze for me (and I went to a highly ranked University). My friends who came from less intense high school backgrounds really struggled to adjust to the work load and self discipline needed to succeed in college. </p>