Hellobee Boards Topic: How do you find balance in being supportive?

Hellobee Boards Topic: How do you find balance in being supportive? https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Fri, 01 May 2026 20:28:35 +0000 Peasinapod on "How do you find balance in being supportive?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-find-balance-in-being-supportive#post-2148386 Sat, 18 Apr 2015 08:57:20 +0000 Peasinapod 2148386@https://boards.hellobee.com/ My parents seemed to find a good balance of not discouraging or encouraging any great plan I had. I hope to be the same and let my daughter find her own path. Even. If she starts out with a degree that's not that useful it's not the end of the world, people rarely stick to one career now anyways . pui on "How do you find balance in being supportive?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-find-balance-in-being-supportive#post-2148327 Sat, 18 Apr 2015 07:46:10 +0000 pui 2148327@https://boards.hellobee.com/ If say my child wanted to be a professional singer but wasn't very good at singing, I'd try and set her up for singing lessons, put her in to a choir, ect. I'd support her interest 100%, even if I think she isn't good at it. As for the day-to-day I would try to encourage the areas that I am proud of, even if it's just "you are so self-confident about your singing!" I think as long as she is giving something all she's got, it's vauable to her growth. I also am a firm believer that 99.9% of anything can be learned. If she wants to do it, and really DOES it, I bet she can. On the other hand though, I feel like there is such a thing as being so supportive you're almost passive. For instance my parents were very accepting of anything I wanted to do in life. When I got to college age I was trying to choose between majoring in Theatre or graphic design. When I asked my parents their opinion, they just said "do what you love, honey!" I ended up majoring in Theatre. I do not regret it, those were some of the best years of my life, and I did end up becoming a professional graphic designer anyway with no formal education in it. Still, I kind of wish they at least gave me some thoughts on my possible career path because it made me feel like I had no support they gave me so much support... if that makes sense. I think it is possible to be supportive while still being critical and critical while still being supportive. Mrs. Turtle on "How do you find balance in being supportive?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-find-balance-in-being-supportive#post-2148213 Fri, 17 Apr 2015 22:52:56 +0000 Mrs. Turtle 2148213@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I don't have kids yet so am not qualified to answer in that context, but I do have some personal feelings on the subject. My parents were super supportive of anything I wanted to do. I went to prestigious prep schools because my dad was an administrator, so college seemed like a given, which I'm thankful for. I originally planned on Vet school, but I also had a very strong passion for dressage (horses). After college I decided it was now or never, and took an apprentice type position with a top trainer, putting off vet school. I wanted to see if I was good enough to be a trainer myself. One thing led to another. I was good enough, much to my surprise. I spent most of my 20s working my ass off and riding everything I could with some of the best trainers in the country. I started my own business, got some clients, had some competition success, all with the constant support of my parents. It all sounds great, but I found that the more I did it, the less I liked it. The people are brutal, the horses often poorly treated, and the clients don't necessarily appreciate honesty and kindness. Most of all, though, I got scared. Fast forward a few years, and here I am, 33 and just beginning to figure out what I might want to do with my life, wildlife biology. I don't ride at all at the moment. I don't know that it would've made a difference, but sometimes I wish my parents had guided me a bit more. Maybe offered suggestions that turning your passion into your career can have negative aspects too. ShootingStar on "How do you find balance in being supportive?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-find-balance-in-being-supportive#post-2148064 Fri, 17 Apr 2015 18:26:31 +0000 ShootingStar 2148064@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I don't want to discourage my kids from anything they love while they're kids. When I was little I used to say I wanted to be an astronaut. Instead of encouraging me in math and science, my parents laughed it off. My mom later told me she was sorry she didn't encourage me. I want my kids to believe they can do anything they dream of. Of course the realities of being an adult and choosing a major and a career are much different. But we can deal with reality when they're older. 2littlepumpkins on "How do you find balance in being supportive?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-find-balance-in-being-supportive#post-2148018 Fri, 17 Apr 2015 17:01:47 +0000 2littlepumpkins 2148018@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @deerylou: well said! deerylou on "How do you find balance in being supportive?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-find-balance-in-being-supportive#post-2147641 Fri, 17 Apr 2015 11:58:46 +0000 deerylou 2147641@https://boards.hellobee.com/ We plan to encourage and cultivate our daughters' interests, assuming we can afford it, and it's not majorly interfering with academic obligations. Right now, she's under two, so as long as it's not dangerous or a choking hazard, you do you, girl. In the grand scope of things, I feel it's not about being a perpetual champion; it's about enjoyment and personal fulfillment. You want to be great at something? Practice, but be honest with yourself. That's the mantra in our house. Obviously, my kid's not going to get into a prestigious music conservatory if she sounds like a dying goose, on the clarinet. But these are just average life lessons that don't really need much micromanaging. My parents didn't need to gently tell me I wasn't an accomplished artist...my wonky stick figures were pretty telling. I excel at other things, the end. gingerbebe on "How do you find balance in being supportive?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-find-balance-in-being-supportive#post-2147588 Fri, 17 Apr 2015 11:19:45 +0000 gingerbebe 2147588@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Mike Rowe, the guy from Dirty Jobs, tells a story about how his grandfather, whom he absolutely adored, was a talented carpenter and he wanted to do the same work. So his grandfather and him spent hours and hours doing woodworking and his grandfather helped him as much as possible. But he was terrible at it. Mike says the best advice he ever got was when he was like 16 or 17 and his grandfather lovingly told him he should find a different line of work. I agree you should let kids pursue their personal interests with regards to extracurriculars or even class choices in middle school and high school, but I do think if a kid says at 16 or 17 that they want to be a professional (insert career) that they are just not that good at, I have an obligation as a parent to help them look at the situation carefully. Decisions you make at that point affect college choices (or whether to attend at all) and majors and I think that's a huge decision to make on a whim. Perhaps I would find a mentor in that profession he/she could apprentice with, or help them meet people in the industry to see what it takes to succeed in that line of work, or encourage them to try their hand at the work part-time first. Perhaps an Etsy store, for instance, to see how it goes. This would be in addition to teaching my kids about money, savings, retirement, budgeting, how compound interest, student loans, and mortgages work, which would happen regardless. I'd need my kids to see how they might actually make a living and support themselves doing the work they want to do. I'd hope that by that kind of real life experience my kid would decide on their own that there's work they are better suited towards. I do agree that personal interests can help you in life even if it doesn't become your main profession. Personal story: I wanted to go to cooking school in high school because I loved food and cooking at home. My very traditional Korean parents were not okay with that, but my parents were pretty smart about it. My mother explained to me that I didn't have to make a personal passion a career and that the Culinary Institute of America was not going to give me the kind of financial aid and scholarships that traditional colleges would and that even if I excelled, I would spend years on my feet washing dishes and peeling potatoes before getting to do any kind of cooking. While paying off private culinary school loans. And that I would work horrible hours, get paid next to nothing, and even if I succeeded at at the fine dining level, I probably wouldn't be able to have my own restaurant unless I went into crazy debt or become beholden to a high power investor. She then also put in the kicker: if I went to college and found that I still had a burning passion to be a chef, then she wouldn't say a word if I wanted to go to culinary school. So I made a personal decision to go to college on scholarship as a political science major and worked part-time for several years in the kitchen of a well-regarded dining establishment. I learned a LOT while getting paid relatively well. I honed my cooking skills, but I also learned that not only did I NOT have what it took to be a star chef, I did not want to do that work full-time. However, I did learn enough to set up a part-time small business as a personal chef that I ran for 6 years while working full-time in Washington, DC. And then I became an attorney. While I took on big loans for law school, I was able to do it without as much stress because I paid virtually nothing for undergrad. So thanks, mom. Mrs.Scientist on "How do you find balance in being supportive?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-find-balance-in-being-supportive#post-2147583 Fri, 17 Apr 2015 11:17:02 +0000 Mrs.Scientist 2147583@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @Adira: My parents did the same thing with me when I was trying to determine what I wanted to major in in college. Even though I enjoy what I do now, I am still somewhat resentful that they weren't just supportive of me taking whatever path I chose for myself and sometimes I wonder how my life would be different if they hadn't tried to influence my future so much. I've vowed to not be the same way my parents were with my own children (within reason, of course). I'm glad to hear that it worked in your favor and it's interesting to hear your point of view! Adira on "How do you find balance in being supportive?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-find-balance-in-being-supportive#post-2147451 Fri, 17 Apr 2015 09:29:00 +0000 Adira 2147451@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @Anagram: haha, well, you might be very different from me! My parents knew I was kind of materialistic and would want the $$$, so they pushed me to take that into consideration, and I'm glad I did! Mae on "How do you find balance in being supportive?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-find-balance-in-being-supportive#post-2147448 Fri, 17 Apr 2015 09:27:47 +0000 Mae 2147448@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I feel like you are borrowing trouble here. Before a kid is a teenager how can you even tell how good they might be at something. You don't need to be a childhood savant to become great at something. If you kid wants to be a singer and it is within your means, get them singing lessons (not to become a singer so much as to do something they love). If they really suck maybe say something like "I love how happy you are when you sing!" Anagram on "How do you find balance in being supportive?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-find-balance-in-being-supportive#post-2147441 Fri, 17 Apr 2015 09:24:09 +0000 Anagram 2147441@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @Adira: that's interesting, because I was an English major and I'm doing exactly what I never knew I always wanted to do ;-) And I'm so happy my parents believed in me and my interests and didn't try to push me into a career where they though I might make more money. As it is, I make decent money and I only work 10.5 months a year and am off every day at 3:15. For me, it's a win-win. I definitely wouldn't discourage my children from following their own path, as long as they HAD a plan and it seemed realistic. Anagram on "How do you find balance in being supportive?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-find-balance-in-being-supportive#post-2147437 Fri, 17 Apr 2015 09:22:24 +0000 Anagram 2147437@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @Torchwood: in your friend's situation. I have a FB friend just like this (wonder if it's the same girl? heh), who makes..ahem..."crafts" (I'll just leave it at that), and I personally think it looks like a 3rd grader did it. Would I buy it? no. But she has an Etsy shop, and I know 1-2 things have sold because she posts about it. And at the end of the day, she's a SAHM which can be hard and unfulfilling sometimes, so if her husband is okay with financing the supplies, and it makes her happy--I'm glad she's finding her bliss, you know? She's not taking out a business loan or doing anything detrimental financially, so I would remain supportive. blackbird on "How do you find balance in being supportive?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-find-balance-in-being-supportive#post-2147434 Fri, 17 Apr 2015 09:18:35 +0000 blackbird 2147434@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I think it's great to encourage all interests from a young age. I think once someone is older, constructive criticism is fine. Otherwise we have this generation of adults who can't be told that they need to improve at some things! And i think that's an important lesson--you cannot be a star at EVERYTHING. Everyone is great at something, though, you just have to figure out what it is. And you do that by following your interests and trying everything. But, again, not really a lesson for childhood I think *most* people know when they are good vs bad at something, though, when they are not children. There will always be people who put their head in the sand about it, though. Anagram on "How do you find balance in being supportive?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-find-balance-in-being-supportive#post-2147433 Fri, 17 Apr 2015 09:16:36 +0000 Anagram 2147433@https://boards.hellobee.com/ As a parent, I would encourage them to try, even if I feel like they may fail. 1) I may be wrong 2) I feel like people learn from failure, if they've been TAUGHT to learn from failure. 3) but if asked, I would offer a fair assessment of risk/reward....and if not asked, I would keep out of it and just be generally supportive. Adira on "How do you find balance in being supportive?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-find-balance-in-being-supportive#post-2147432 Fri, 17 Apr 2015 09:16:29 +0000 Adira 2147432@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I think it's good to be supportive, but at some point, you have to be realistic. I really wanted to be an author growing up. I read a ton of books and loved writing stories. But when it came time to apply to colleges, my parents really made me think about my options and definitely pushed me away from doing an English major. I'm sooooooooooooooooo thankful that they weren't just blindly supportive of me and forced me to think realistically about my skills and ambitions and what would actually make a good career for me. Instead of doing English, I majored in Computer Science and now am a Software Engineer and I LOVE it. So thankful they didn't just let me do what I originally wanted!! mrbee on "How do you find balance in being supportive?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-find-balance-in-being-supportive#post-2147423 Fri, 17 Apr 2015 09:07:06 +0000 mrbee 2147423@https://boards.hellobee.com/ My son really loves to draw and likes to call himself an artist, but his early drawings weren't that great. He practiced like crazy though, and his drawings are much better! I skew towards the side of being supportive, even if kids aren't that good yet. Cole on "How do you find balance in being supportive?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-find-balance-in-being-supportive#post-2147417 Fri, 17 Apr 2015 09:01:57 +0000 Cole 2147417@https://boards.hellobee.com/ This is an interesting thing to think about. With your friend I would just keep on going the way you are, be supportive of her but maybe not go out of your way to encourage her to spend her life savings. With kids though I am all about being supportive of their interests. I was listening to a podcast yesterday (Happier with Gretchen Rubin) and she was talking about what activities made people happy when they were years old. She had a bunch of examples of how people's favorite activities as a child played into their careers later. Her sister wished she had watched more TV and is now a TV writer, one guy talked to himself in the mirror and is a news anchor. So maybe your kid can't carry a tune but will wind up being an executive at a music label. A child I used to nanny for loves sports but frankly he is awful at them- largely due to a medical condition but they don't let you play on varsity because they feel bad for you. However, I would never discourage his interest, for one, it's good to get exercise and if you like an activity you should do it! Also, he has an amazing brain for statistics, maybe one day he will use his love of sports and his brain for statistics and put them together for a great career. My perspective might change if they are trying to get into Julliard and can't play a note or something like that where they have a specific goal as opposed to a specific interest. I think usually at that point they are old enough to understand though that there are varying degrees of talent. I also am not likely to have been telling them they are the best piano player ever, praise would be more like "you have been practicing a lot lately and I can hear improvement." lamariniere on "How do you find balance in being supportive?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-find-balance-in-being-supportive#post-2147137 Fri, 17 Apr 2015 02:39:20 +0000 lamariniere 2147137@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I think it's good to encourage their interests, no matter how little talent they have. At least they are doing something they enjoy. Torchwood on "How do you find balance in being supportive?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-find-balance-in-being-supportive#post-2147121 Fri, 17 Apr 2015 00:40:59 +0000 Torchwood 2147121@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I'm running into an issue with my best friend that has raised some questions for me for parenting (though far off in the future). Basically, my friend has started doing a ton of crafty stuff, and wants to try to sell it (she's got an Etsy already). Including planning to set up a gofundme to rent studio space so she can do it more seriously. Which in theory is great. Good for her. Except that she's actually really, really not good at any of the crafting she's doing. Part of it is her choice of medium (perler beads are only going to look meh most of the time no matter how good you are), part of it is her skill level, most of it is her standards. She thinks it looks really good. With her, she's a grown woman, I'm just staying supportive without being unrealistically enthusiastic. And hey, spend some time on Etsy and you'll realize pretty quickly that actually being good isn't much of a requisite for getting people to buy your stuff. But it does make me wonder how people handle similar situations with their kids. How do you encourage them to really believe they can do anything, without setting them up to fail? The obvious example being someone who wants to be a professional singer, but genuinely can't even carry a tune. How do you find balance there? Like I said, this is way off in the future for us, so it's not like I'm worrying about it. It just got me wondering how people choose to handle it.