https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Mon, 13 Apr 2026 20:05:56 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-handle-close-friends-and-family-getting-pregnant-around-you-when-you-cant/page/2#post-365709 Mon, 29 Oct 2012 07:15:27 +0000 Grace 365709@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ladybee: Agreed! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-handle-close-friends-and-family-getting-pregnant-around-you-when-you-cant/page/2#post-365682 Mon, 29 Oct 2012 06:08:59 +0000 ladybee 365682@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@grace: I think hearing it first really helps. A women at work found out she was pregnant and my bf found out first. She called me at home and let me cry so I could be happy for her the next day. Keep in mind, my bf struggled with getting pregnant and has been in our shoes so she knew exactly what I needed! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-handle-close-friends-and-family-getting-pregnant-around-you-when-you-cant/page/2#post-365553 Sun, 28 Oct 2012 23:02:20 +0000 Grace 365553@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@marionberry: @ladybee: Hey girls - just wanted to send hugs. Friends of ours just announced their pregnancy too, but luckily the grapevine got to us first, so I was prepared. When I first heard it, I had a little cry too. But, when they actually announced, I was able to be really happy for them (even though it was an oops). And you know, that made me feel so good. So, I think my new method is going to be to tell myself over and over (like a mantra): I want to be happy for them and this is not a race. I'm hoping that if I tell it to myself enough times, that it will make it true! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-handle-close-friends-and-family-getting-pregnant-around-you-when-you-cant/page/2#post-365014 Sun, 28 Oct 2012 14:12:20 +0000 ladybee 365014@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@marionberry: you're feelings are very familiar to me. My best friend was pretty unsupportive of my loss, and married this summer. She dove right into trying and I'm so worried she will get pregnant before me. I know it's nothing I can control but it will honestly break my heart. I don't wish that she struggles I just wish she'd wait to try and enjoy married life. Or be sensitive to the situation I'm in. I'm afraid to post too much. I'll write my email on your wall if you want to talk bust know you're not alone and I so get how you're feeling. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-handle-close-friends-and-family-getting-pregnant-around-you-when-you-cant/page/2#post-364864 Sun, 28 Oct 2012 11:25:46 +0000 marionberry 364864@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ladybee: thank you! I may take you up on that offer. It's been quite the roller coaster of emotions lately. One moment I'm ok with it and another I'm really not. I feel depressed but I just keep trying to remind myself to be positive. I think it's one of those time heals all wounds things. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-handle-close-friends-and-family-getting-pregnant-around-you-when-you-cant/page/2#post-364726 Sun, 28 Oct 2012 09:22:33 +0000 ladybee 364726@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@marionberry: I just checked in to your blog, I'm sorry. I'm sure you're happy for her but super disappointed for yourself. I'm here if you need to talk. I know nothing is fair in ttc. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-handle-close-friends-and-family-getting-pregnant-around-you-when-you-cant/page/2#post-363580 Fri, 26 Oct 2012 20:16:39 +0000 marionberry 363580@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrstiz: I'm so sorry about your miscarriage and today's d&amp;c. I remember when you got pregnant. It must be even harder after a miscarriage to see others get pregnant. But jealousy is totally natural and we're here if you need someone to vent to. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-handle-close-friends-and-family-getting-pregnant-around-you-when-you-cant/page/2#post-363471 Fri, 26 Oct 2012 18:29:59 +0000 MrsTiz 363471@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Ooh I struggle with this so often. I git pregnant after 3 months, and ac miscarried. Actually had d&amp;c today :/ I know we werebt trying long but it is still really hard to see all of the girls I graduated with getting pregnant..with unwanted pregnancies and ex biyfeiends to boot. It makes me jealous when they announce genders and invite me ti baby showers </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-handle-close-friends-and-family-getting-pregnant-around-you-when-you-cant/page/2#post-363156 Fri, 26 Oct 2012 14:16:28 +0000 ShootingStar 363156@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I just want to say I empathize with the jealousy thing. I have only been trying for a few months but I do have fertility problems (PCOS). Right around when we started trying 4 friends of mine got pregnant and I wanted to be pregnant with them too. </p> <p>And then a 5th girl in our group got pg aft spouting off all this nonsense like her doctor saying she'd get pg right away, and at one point she was talking about symptoms when she hadn't ovulated yet. And then you know what? She got pg on her first frigging try! I felt like I had been doing all this research and timing and opks and this girl who knows nothing and gets it her first cycle off BC when most people don't even ovulate.</p> <p>So anyways I don't have a lot of advice, but just know you're not alone and feelings of jealousy are totally normal and justified. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-handle-close-friends-and-family-getting-pregnant-around-you-when-you-cant/page/2#post-363107 Fri, 26 Oct 2012 13:52:20 +0000 autumnlove 363107@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@marionberry: Sounds like you handled it well with your friend! I'm sorry you are sad! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-handle-close-friends-and-family-getting-pregnant-around-you-when-you-cant/page/2#post-362887 Fri, 26 Oct 2012 11:59:43 +0000 marionberry 362887@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So today it happened. She told me she's pregnant. Luckily for me it ended up being in written form because we haven't been able to get together in person for coffee, but it allowed me to be able to answer her in a very excited way and answer her questions and be there for her in a way that in person I may not have been able to handle right that second...because I bawled for about 45 mins while texting her on the phone. I feel much better now, more at peace with it, and while I'm sure there will be hard moments going forward, I feel proud of myself and happy for her. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-handle-close-friends-and-family-getting-pregnant-around-you-when-you-cant/page/2#post-359038 Wed, 24 Oct 2012 18:25:22 +0000 ladybee 359038@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This is why I love HB. No one in my life knew or knows how I feel after our loss and now ttc. I'm reading everyone's posts and tearing up because without this community I would feel so alone.<br /> @mrscheckers: you've expressed exactly how I've been feeling in the 5 months since our loss.<br /> @jennimac: the people on bc, the unwanted or expected pregnancies are the hardest to swallow. Seems so unfair.<br /> @marionberry: I agree with @cherryberry I was one of those ignorant women that got pregnant month one of trying and off bc. I never would have understood the pain others face with trying to start a family. I am thankful for the opportunity to grow in that way. It's important to see the silver lining. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-handle-close-friends-and-family-getting-pregnant-around-you-when-you-cant/page/2#post-359019 Wed, 24 Oct 2012 18:09:16 +0000 Mrs Checkers 359019@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@marionberry: Wow. I think everyone else has addressed the negative comment, so I'll just respond to the ORIGINAL post.</p> <p>I think many of us can understand how you're feeling. Anyone who has had difficulty getting pregnant or has experienced a miscarriage or infant loss would understand! I'm thinking of writing a post on this now...</p> <p>I did experience a miscarriage, and my FB feed too was blowing up with announcements and ultrasound pictures. Close friends became pregnant. And everyone was so excited, and rightly so! And while I wasn't "not happy" for them or wishing ill on ANYONE'S pregnancy, it was incredibly hard. Each sticky pregnancy was a painful reminder that I was no longer pregnant. </p> <p>Friends who were close to me were more sensitive about it, which I appreciated. And I gave myself the freedom to take some space too. I wasn't cutting people off...but I needed time to mourn and grieve and being around a bunch of pregnant ladies wasn't exactly the cure. What I needed was time and space to heal and be hopeful again. If you need some space too, I think that's okay. Sometimes it also helps to talk to other women who have been there. We can all tell you you're not being selfish or a bad friend!</p> <p>Hang in there. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-handle-close-friends-and-family-getting-pregnant-around-you-when-you-cant/page/2#post-359018 Wed, 24 Oct 2012 18:09:00 +0000 singingbee 359018@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@jh524: I would never, ever in a million years wish what I went through on anyone else. Until you go through a loss, you really don't have any idea of how gut wrenching it is. I would never wish that on anyone, let alone my friends or coworkers who are pregnant and who will be pregnant in the near future. </p> <p>It's just hard dealing with announcement after announcement of people who were on BC, yet still conceived and others who didn't even want to be pregnant and they get pregnant in the blink of an eye.</p> <p>I don't know how else to say unless you've gone through months of trying or a loss, it's hard to fully comprehend what people on this thread are saying. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-handle-close-friends-and-family-getting-pregnant-around-you-when-you-cant/page/2#post-358959 Wed, 24 Oct 2012 17:07:45 +0000 marionberry 358959@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@jojogirl, @blackbird: Thank you ladies. You're right, months from now when we're all hopefully pregnant or have had kids, we'll forget we even had these feelings or who we were worried about. But it's good that we can deal with these feelings now, together, while they're happening. I am honestly SO grateful for the family I have at HB, because this isn't stuff I can so easily talk about with friends and family. You guys are fabulous!</p> <p>@prettylizy: That's how I tend to deal with things too...pregnancy or non-pregnancy related. Happy face in public, bawling in the bathroom to myself. It works pretty well. So glad to see you got your much wanted bundle of joy! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-handle-close-friends-and-family-getting-pregnant-around-you-when-you-cant/page/2#post-358668 Wed, 24 Oct 2012 14:20:13 +0000 blackbird 358668@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@marionberry, do not feel badly. This is something that so many women have dealt with (something like 10% of women have infertility and 90% will have a m/c in their life, so, yes, i firmly believe that most every woman will have these feelings at some point. Sadness is normal. Taking it and lashing out towards others is not, which we all realize)</p> <p>There's always a way to tactfully phrase an opposite opinion. And some people do not know how to do that in a respectful manner. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-handle-close-friends-and-family-getting-pregnant-around-you-when-you-cant/page/2#post-358562 Wed, 24 Oct 2012 13:48:41 +0000 JoJoGirl 358562@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@marionberry: Don't feel badly AT ALL. I started a similar thread not too long ago - <a href="http://boards.hellobee.com/topic/coping-with-pregnancy-announcements" rel="nofollow">http://boards.hellobee.com/topic/coping-with-pregnancy-announcements</a> Part of HB is reaching out for support and help if you don't have people in your life who understand. And we do. :) xo</p> <p>ETA: If it makes you feel any better I don't have the foggiest clue who I even started that thread about. So it does pass. Haha. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-handle-close-friends-and-family-getting-pregnant-around-you-when-you-cant/page/2#post-358552 Wed, 24 Oct 2012 13:46:19 +0000 prettylizy 358552@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I cried alone. Not proud of it, and I didn't even take us that long to get pregnant, but I did. I sat in our basement, and I cried and cried every time a close friend/family member. </p> <p>I never said anything but great happy things to them, but I had my moment alone, and that's how I dealt. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-handle-close-friends-and-family-getting-pregnant-around-you-when-you-cant/page/2#post-358547 Wed, 24 Oct 2012 13:45:29 +0000 marionberry 358547@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I certainly never wrote this thread to be any sort of negative. To be extremely clear, I love my friends, and I will love their babies, and it will be me who throws their baby showers. But this post was to ask how to deal with that feeling in your gut when you first find out and your own heart drops because it's what you've been longing for for so long. I will be elated for them when they tell me, I will smile and I will congratulate them and they will never know how I feel inside. But we can't eat our feelings and we must deal with them, so this is why I asked what others have done to move on past this situation. I appreciate everyone's input and I think it really helped me to accept the situation as God's decision and enjoy the moments pre-pregnancy where I'm not stressed about no sleep and can drink at a dinner party. I'm a glass half full kind of girl and I need to see this situation in the same light. Thank you to everyone who has helped me get to that point through this thread, and I'm sorry to anyone it (or its related comments) may have offended. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-handle-close-friends-and-family-getting-pregnant-around-you-when-you-cant/page/2#post-358537 Wed, 24 Oct 2012 13:43:59 +0000 dagret 358537@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@jh524: I'm sorry that you have to deal with someone personally who will be devastated by your pregnancy...but if you know how hard it will be for this person to deal with it, I'm kind of confused at how resentful you sound of this person. Trust me, if this person reacts negatively to your pregnancy, they WILL feel like a horrible, terrible friend. They don't need your judgement on top of it. </p> <p>I had more than a few friends suffering with infertility that I had to tell about my pregnancy, and you know what? I was perfectly OK with however they chose to process it. Their feelings are not mine to judge. </p> <p>No one who ever announced a pregnancy during my nearly 2 years of TTCing heard me say a negative word or reaction about them or their pregnancies. Just because I was angry or jealous or sad doesn't mean i took it out on anyone, or even talked about the feelings to anyone but a fellow infertile person or DH. A lot of times I got their announcement in the mail, and cried, or got off the phone with them and burst into tears. It took a LONG TIME before I realized that having these feelings was a natural part of the process - and trust me, they make you feel like a horrible person. I thought it was the absolute worst "side effect" of infertility. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-handle-close-friends-and-family-getting-pregnant-around-you-when-you-cant/page/2#post-358534 Wed, 24 Oct 2012 13:43:28 +0000 spaniellove 358534@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@jh524: "it's a sucky feeling to not want to share my news because I know she will not be happy for me" - it's not all about you. If you really cared about your friend you would have compassion for her and understand that in her heart she wants to be happy for you, and will be able to express it someday but not today. You wouldn't go out of your way to hurt people who are already hurting because you're bummed that your friend doesn't have the strength to fake it for you. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-handle-close-friends-and-family-getting-pregnant-around-you-when-you-cant/page/2#post-358493 Wed, 24 Oct 2012 13:31:28 +0000 JoJoGirl 358493@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@jh524: I think there is a line between "I disagree with your opinion" and "You are bitter and hateful want company on your train to miserable" (even if that's not directed at one person, but rather a group of people). I understand it's frustrating to be on the other side but compassion toward people who are going through something you haven't can go a long way. Just my .2. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-handle-close-friends-and-family-getting-pregnant-around-you-when-you-cant/page/2#post-358467 Wed, 24 Oct 2012 13:23:30 +0000 jh524 358467@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I was not attacking anyone personally so I dont know why my post was flagged. Hellobee policies state ...If you disagree with someone, feel free to express your disagreement. That's exactly what I did. The post above mine when I responded and a few others, made me express my feelings toward negative ttc-ers. This upset me and I responded because Im dealing with someone like this in my life and its a sucky feeling to not want to share my news because I know she will not be happy for me, it will devastate her and that hurts me knowing this. And that being said, is why i expressed my feelings. Sorry for any other ttc-er who read it and got upset by it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-handle-close-friends-and-family-getting-pregnant-around-you-when-you-cant#post-358454 Wed, 24 Oct 2012 13:19:23 +0000 mediagirl 358454@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@marionberry: It's kind of from a different perspective but my husband and I were together for a long time before we got married and started trying to have our daughter. During that time, I found myself feeling bitter and sad when my friends would announce their pregnancies and we weren't able to try to have a baby yet. I felt like my "prime" baby making years were passing me by and it was never going to be my turn. It finally was my turn but I was just sad and angry until that time came around. Those were feelings I had to work out within me, though. </p> <p>To my friends, I was happy and told them how happy I was for them (because I really was!) To my husband, I cried. Every. Single. Time. someone announced their pregnancy, I cried. Once that pregnancy announcement was over and the baby was here, things were okay and I loved seeing their kids and being around them, though. Everyone handles it differently.</p> <p>It sounds like you have a good perspective on things (your pill comment made me giggle). I think that and your trust in God is probably going to help you get through these rough times when others announce their pregnancies until it's your turn. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-handle-close-friends-and-family-getting-pregnant-around-you-when-you-cant#post-358434 Wed, 24 Oct 2012 13:10:26 +0000 Modern Daisy 358434@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I just started TTC, but due to my PCOS I know it's going to take a while and I've already gone through three months of testing before I was even allowed to start. I'm still not feeling desperate or helpless, but I totally understand your feelings. There are actually certain people in my life that I know I'll cry if I hear a pregnancy announcement before I make mine.</p> <p>I guess how I deal with it at this point is I take it one day at a time and try to separate everyone elses situation from mine. It's kind of annoying when I go out to lunch with new moms who will ONLY talk about their baby, but I'm never rude or impatient because they are allowed to be happy. Plus if the person was my friend to begin with then I can always find the strength to be truly happy for them. </p> <p>Like PP's though, it really really helps to do things that preggo's can't - like go out for sushi, make a fabulous cocktail, etc. The little things that you aren't looking forward to giving up don't have to be given up on yet! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-handle-close-friends-and-family-getting-pregnant-around-you-when-you-cant#post-358431 Wed, 24 Oct 2012 13:09:39 +0000 DpeachLu 358431@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Although I am not struggling. I have been on the pregnancy loss end. I was also YOUNG. Perhaps too young. However I also felt very sad, depressed, confused and had a few other friends pregnant - that had their babies (they are now ages 5 and 6.)<br /> To this day.. even after having my LO... I see their girls and LOVE THEM however... there is always that thought in the back of my mind *I would have a child this age right now too* and yes it does make me sad - the jealousy kind of wore off.<br /> Maybe partly because I realized I was maybe a little on the young side - and it could have really just not been something I would have been able to handle - parenthood at that age. (or we - because this pregnancy was also with DH although he was not my husband yet at the time)</p> <p>I still always wonder if it was something I did.</p> <p>any who. this may be a *who cares* post on here ... but after reading that not so nice post a member wrote.. I just wanted to agree that jealousy and sadness is a normal feeling. No one should feel bad for feeling a feeling. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-handle-close-friends-and-family-getting-pregnant-around-you-when-you-cant#post-358424 Wed, 24 Oct 2012 13:05:53 +0000 MK0180 358424@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@jh524: wow - just. wow. You must know that you were going to be recieving responses from your post. If you have no idea what it is like to TTC for months/years or experience a loss or anything like this then you should not judge others in how they feel versus how you think they should feel. Just like @Dagret posted, these feelings also exist in other aspects of our lives, whether we or friends/family experience them, they are very real. I also take offense to your comment that we are all bitter and hateful and that our so-called stress causes infertility. It was a bit uncalled for. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-handle-close-friends-and-family-getting-pregnant-around-you-when-you-cant#post-358396 Wed, 24 Oct 2012 12:57:20 +0000 wahine08 358396@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have only been TTC for a couple cycles now, but the constant updates on FB make it clear to me how much I want this for our family and I do find myself being a little less then thrilled sometimes.. although I just do suck it up and pretend it's all honky dory, because in actuality I am happy for these people. I'm just not happy it's not me yet, if that makes sense.</p> <p>Baby dust to all who are TTC &lt;3 &lt;3 </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-handle-close-friends-and-family-getting-pregnant-around-you-when-you-cant#post-358392 Wed, 24 Oct 2012 12:56:39 +0000 jh524 358392@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@raintreebee: My comment was in response to the negative posts...none of which were yours. Im sorry If my comment upset you.</p> <p>@mrbee: I absolutely understand and agree to not comment on these threads. I responded to the "few" posts that made me explain how I feel towards those negative comments and people. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-handle-close-friends-and-family-getting-pregnant-around-you-when-you-cant#post-358383 Wed, 24 Oct 2012 12:53:51 +0000 Mrs. Pickle 358383@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with what @trailmix and @dagret have said. My husband and I have been TTC for 18 months. I've seen several of my friends announce pregnancies and have babies in that time. I've gone to their baby showers, held their sweet babies, and been nothing but happy for them. But sometimes I do feel sad (not angry or bitter) that my husband and I cannot conceive on our own. And that's ok. I'm allowed to feel that way. What helps me is having a couple people I can talk to IRL about what I'm going through. They give me a shoulder to cry on, rejoice with me when I get good news, and meet me for sushi when AF arrives. </p>