https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Fri, 15 May 2026 07:52:29 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-handle-self-tattling#post-2863622 Wed, 26 Dec 2018 15:43:26 +0000 PinkElephant 2863622@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You did exactly what I would do. I treat it the same way I treat it when my kids tell me about something someone else did at school/the gym childcare/the playground. I ask what they did about it, how they felt, and if the adult in charge did anything. We talk a little about what they could have done differently/better to react or solve the problem (if they didn't make a great choice). I praise them for telling me, because as they get older, I want to keep that line of communication open. It might be more trivial stuff now, but I want them to continue to "self tattle" later on when it involves drugs, sex, alcohol, harming behaviors, etc. related to themselves or friends. So I try to not scold now, since it makes them not want to talk to me. </p> <p>As far as no consequences/punishments for things I didn't see...I'm 100% on board with that. I've also had a kid tattle to me on the playground that my child did something, and will say "DD, I hope that's not true, and if it is, I hope you'll say you are sorry and won't do it again" - but I'll also tell the tattling child "I'm sorry you're feeling upset, but I don't know what actually happened and can't punish DD without having seen it" - unless there's another reliable adult backing up stories. We can give them guidance, but to some extent, kids just have to learn to work things out. It sounds like your daughter told you b/c she felt a little guilty - IMO that was her "punishment", and you were totally right not to spoil the day by taking away the Mommy date :) :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-handle-self-tattling#post-2863621 Wed, 26 Dec 2018 15:42:04 +0000 SweetCaroline 2863621@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lady baltimore: same as what you did. Now that my daughter is almost 4, on occasion she will recount things she did where you can tell her actions bothered her. I am happy that she is thinking about it and realizing she is not proud of her actions. For my DD, I can tell she has remorse, that is why she wants to talk about it. As such, and because I wasn't present to observe, we simply have a convo about it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-handle-self-tattling#post-2863619 Wed, 26 Dec 2018 15:26:36 +0000 MamaBear87 2863619@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Same as you did. We talk about a better way to behave and I try to make sure my 3 year old understands that what she did was unkind. But as I didn't have direct experience that that is what happened there's no consequences. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-handle-self-tattling#post-2863616 Wed, 26 Dec 2018 14:55:34 +0000 lady baltimore 2863616@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I just wrote and erased a whole long backstory. I think it's better just to give the example that triggered this question:</p> <p>DD is newly 3. I leave her in the Stay &amp; Play at the gym a few times a week while I work out. Today, as we were driving away from the gym, on our way to Starbucks for a pre-arranged mama-daughter croissant date. Chattering in the backseat, DD told me proudly how she'd used the potty at Stay &amp; Play, and then went on to tell me how another child had a doll she wanted when she came back from the bathroom, so she snatched it out of that child's hand. :shocked: </p> <p>I talked to DD about how it didn't sound like she'd been very kind, and reminded her about sharing and taking turns. We practiced the language she can use when she wants a toy that another child has, and I reiterated that she may just have to find something else to play with.</p> <p>I was initially tempted to tell her that we couldn't go to Starbucks because she shouldn't get a treat if she couldn't remember to share, but I didn't because she's only three, so her stories are often not reliable. If it happened how she said, I want to trust that the teachers at Stay &amp; Play addressed it then, but it's also possible that she was recounting something from another day, or another setting, or several events blended together. What do you do when LO tells you about misbehavior that occurred when they were not under your supervision? </p>