https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Mon, 20 Apr 2026 05:23:12 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-handle-unwanted-gifts#post-2670740 Tue, 27 Dec 2016 20:53:47 +0000 Astro Bee 2670740@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We've gotten a bunch of stuff like the above from MIL in the past. This weekend she gave DS a decoy duck that her father had had many years ago for hunting. They found it when cleaning out their garage. The reason it hadn't been sold is that the bottom had a crack in it so it didn't float anymore. FIL stuck duct tape all over the bottom and they gave it to DS for his bath because he loves rubber ducks. He was in his bath already when she plunked it in, but it later sank and gross silt and mud started oozing out where the tape was coming off. What in the world were they thinking, I put my son in the bath to get clean, not get covered in decades old slime!!! Needless to say I left it at their house, still in the bathtub. Wasn't touching that again!!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-handle-unwanted-gifts#post-2670669 Tue, 27 Dec 2016 17:51:02 +0000 IRunForFun 2670669@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Well, she didn't bring TOO much crap for Christmas. Some of the stuff wasn't exactly gifts and was just junk from around her house she wanted to offer us, and we sent most of it back with her, thankfully. A couple items she insisted on leaving and we will probably get rid of those things. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-handle-unwanted-gifts#post-2670637 Tue, 27 Dec 2016 16:21:58 +0000 Mrsbells 2670637@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@IRunForFun: in this case where she is relentless about it I would have DH emphasiz that anything she gives us will end up being given away because we arent a junk yard and cant accept all her junk.<br /> My mom is like this and i refuse to accept certain things. I just say no and i make her take it back with her. its the only way to get it to sink in </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-handle-unwanted-gifts#post-2670595 Tue, 27 Dec 2016 14:48:26 +0000 ValentineMommy 2670595@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Greentea: OMG that's awful!!!</p> <p>I just came by to see what everyone else's suggestions were. We are dealing with this with my IL's. </p> <p>First, DH had a talk with them about all the stuff they were receiving for Christmas and that, if they'd like some ideas, he could provide them. They had a talk, and decided it would be a good idea if we purchased the gifts for them to give to the kids (and they would reimburse). We were happy with that. But then we found out (luckily before Christmas), on top of that, they bought the kids a giant wooden playset (an extremely $$ gift, that they didn't mention beforehand). After explaining to them the many reasons that we couldn't/wouldn't accept it, they reluctantly returned it. When they showed up on Christmas Eve, with the agreed upon gifts, they also showed up with a gigantic ride on train. I do not live in a mansion. We are expecting a third child and are already cramped as it is. I have no idea what they were thinking, or where they thought they would set this up. I'm grateful that they want to be so generous, I guess, but I have no idea what people are thinking when they pick out these gifts. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-handle-unwanted-gifts#post-2667744 Mon, 19 Dec 2016 21:26:05 +0000 Greentea 2667744@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am estranged from two family members that still send me things with ill intent. Likely most people don't have ill intentions, but these two are true psychopaths (personality disorders, they also have mental illness). Anyhow, it will be a shampoo, half used bottle, that ruins your hair, or a shirt they purchased for themselves while manic and realized (after wearing) it is the most awful pattern and universally unflattering. It is actually a cruel act on their part- they live off inheritance and are relaying the message- "oh, you poor person, you deserve this awful thing." The boxes of awful keep coming and it is horrible. Once again a strange tale, likely most people don't have ill intentions but unfortunately some people do. Either way, you deserve to love and choose what is in your life. That gets complicated if feelings are involved, but as for my situation I've had to consider my own.</p> <p>@youboots: sometimes that's the best thing to do! I had to do that with some horrible outfits they sent! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-handle-unwanted-gifts#post-2667730 Mon, 19 Dec 2016 21:09:00 +0000 IRunForFun 2667730@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Anya: Thanks for that! </p> <p>@Mama Bird: :shocked: :shocked: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-handle-unwanted-gifts#post-2667724 Mon, 19 Dec 2016 20:57:25 +0000 newlypregnantlady 2667724@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@IRunForFun: oh man your comment about returning things that were just donated reminded me of this moment from my teenage years! I was telling my father I needed to go to donate some stuff because it was just my birthday and my mother bought me a bunch of crap (like she'd literally give me a birthday gift of a garbage bag with ribbon around it, full of used clothes and shoes). And he laughed and said he had a bunch of stuff that needed to be donated so we'd need to make a run "so mom can buy back more of our junk". :silly: </p> <p>I totally sympathize and I've been the villain on more than one occasion because my father buys me tons of expensive stuff that he can't afford and I don't want. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-handle-unwanted-gifts#post-2667698 Mon, 19 Dec 2016 20:06:57 +0000 azjax 2667698@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I decline where possible and say thanks and donate when not. We've got a Ronald McDonald House near us that is happy to take clean clothing and toys that are in good shape, so that helps! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-handle-unwanted-gifts#post-2667689 Mon, 19 Dec 2016 19:34:39 +0000 Mama Bird 2667689@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@IRunForFun: from day care parties... I've got 20 of these alone! </p> [attach=4958/16/oigk9r.218x231.images--1-.jpg] https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-handle-unwanted-gifts#post-2667682 Mon, 19 Dec 2016 19:22:28 +0000 Anya 2667682@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This is from konmari's book. It sums up how I feel about MILs trying to offload their stuff onto us. It may be well intentioned but it's wrong. </p> [attach=4576/16/oigjpg.573x227.IMG_1724.PNG] https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-handle-unwanted-gifts#post-2667675 Mon, 19 Dec 2016 19:04:27 +0000 Mrs. Washi Tape 2667675@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@irunforfun I wrote the blog post about just dealing with some unwanted gifts for the sake of the relationship. But I have to say, your situation seems really extreme! I don't know that it would be feasible to graciously accept that much stuff! It really seems almost like your mil is trying to give the stuff for some emotional reason, like to have some power over you guys or something. Especially with making a road trip just to bring you stuff you don't even want. I don't know what I would do in your situation. Probably I would ask DH to tell her nicely we appreciate everything so much but really don't have room for it. Then if she insisted on giving it anyway, I would again say we don't need it, but would be happy to sell or donate it for her if she needs help cleaning things out. But then again, I am not in your shoes, so it is easy for me to say that. Good luck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-handle-unwanted-gifts#post-2667672 Mon, 19 Dec 2016 18:55:49 +0000 ocean81 2667672@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@IRunForFun: haha, same! It's not worth hurting their feelings when they are just trying to be nice so I just donate again! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-handle-unwanted-gifts#post-2667667 Mon, 19 Dec 2016 18:45:30 +0000 Smurfette 2667667@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would be pissed if someone gave us 7 rugs that we didn't need. That is just ridiculous. I have no issue taking hand me downs or gifts to Goodwill if not my style. But if it was all the time I would have to put my foot down. I don't have the time to be making all those trips to Goodwill. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-handle-unwanted-gifts#post-2667663 Mon, 19 Dec 2016 18:32:58 +0000 IRunForFun 2667663@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Anya: Yes I'm definitely realizing it's just going to be better to say no to everything than say yes to a few things b/c that just opens up a door. </p> <p>@Mama Bird: Party favors??? </p> <p>@youboots: Ha! Yeah I'd love to throw stuff out. Well, I did throw some things out (unbeknownst to DH) when we moved. I am just going to have to donate the rugs though. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-handle-unwanted-gifts#post-2667660 Mon, 19 Dec 2016 18:15:22 +0000 youboots 2667660@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I passive aggressively threw away a bunch of crap from MIL because it was therapeutic. I told my sister about it and felt like I should dig it out and done it but she said to let it be.</p> <p>Usually I donate or return. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-handle-unwanted-gifts#post-2667653 Mon, 19 Dec 2016 17:38:07 +0000 Mama Bird 2667653@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Oh my... if your husband won't say it, tell him you'll do the talking, but have the conversation in front of him so she doesn't then go complaining to him how you were rude and ungrateful.</p> <p>I've complained about the same thing here often enough :silly: We've been able to stash away some things and re-gift them, and I've sold some stuff on eBay but it's really not worth the effort. Not sure what to do about all the slightly used toys and especially the party favors (those are the worst). The toy drives don't take them, I don't know many families that would, so maybe they will go on Freecycle in a giant bin. They do say one man's trash is another man's treasure. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-handle-unwanted-gifts#post-2667646 Mon, 19 Dec 2016 17:28:05 +0000 Anya 2667646@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I've learned to always say no to my MIL. Always. Even if it might be something I'm interested in, it's not worth trying to decline 7 rugs just to get one. That's for crap she's trying to offload on me. As for actual gifts, like Christmas gifts, I'll politely accept of course and most things I'm willing to try out (like decor). But if I live with it for a while and it's not working out, I will donate without guilt. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-handle-unwanted-gifts#post-2667641 Mon, 19 Dec 2016 17:25:04 +0000 mrsmacSLP 2667641@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@IRunForFun: hahaha my husband is an only child but I'm right there with you! Now that I'm having a boy-I'm determined to never be like his mother! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-handle-unwanted-gifts#post-2667639 Mon, 19 Dec 2016 17:23:08 +0000 IRunForFun 2667639@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@gotkimchi: Hmmm that makes sense, it'd be nice to be able to have that mindset and not care what she thinks after the gift is given...</p> <p>@mrsmacSLP: If DH had any (married brothers) I'd be convinced we had the same MIL!! That sounds terrible! Lucky you won't have to deal with it for Christmas though. They're coming to our place and I'm scared to see what comes with them! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-handle-unwanted-gifts#post-2667635 Mon, 19 Dec 2016 17:17:09 +0000 mrsmacSLP 2667635@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@IRunForFun: oh goodness, Thanksgiving day was AWFUL! Hubby kept saying no and eventually she stormed to her room and stayed there for two hours! Sometimes I just laugh because there is nothing I can do about it! My mom said I did the right thing and straight up told her honestly what I'd do. Thankfully my husband supported me and told her again, that we didn't want any of the things! </p> <p>I'm thankful Christmas will be in a different city and I won't have to deal with thing again! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-handle-unwanted-gifts#post-2667631 Mon, 19 Dec 2016 17:09:26 +0000 periwinklebee 2667631@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Ugh, since it's your MIL, I think ideally your husband would be the one to make it very clear to her that you appreciate the thought but absolutely don't have room or a need for said stuff. My MIL can be somewhat overbearing (though not in this regard) and at first I was shocked at how seemingly rude my husband would be in putting his foot down, but now I realize that it's really necessary. </p> <p>Perhaps the greatest service my brother has ever done for us was to convince my mother not to rent a u-haul to bring a ton of old, probably disintegrating stuff when she drove up for our wedding (she lives 2000 miles away, so fortunately not many opportunities to push stuff on us). We have a one bedroom apartment in the city with very limited storage. I know she doesn't want to throw stuff away and loves the thought of getting even more use out of however much she originally spent on the stuff, but no, no, no... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-handle-unwanted-gifts#post-2667629 Mon, 19 Dec 2016 17:08:50 +0000 gotkimchi 2667629@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@IRunForFun: I agree with @Bao: the magic art of tidying up says that gifts have done their job once they've been given. It made the giver happy. You don't need to hold on to things or be trapped by that though. So I accept because it makes them happy to give, say thanks and then deal with it how I see fit. Keep, donate, or trash. Very freeing </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-handle-unwanted-gifts#post-2667628 Mon, 19 Dec 2016 17:06:57 +0000 Greentea 2667628@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Donate. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-handle-unwanted-gifts#post-2667627 Mon, 19 Dec 2016 17:05:49 +0000 Bao 2667627@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@IRunForFun: I guess I've never had anyone ask where something they gifted us was... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-handle-unwanted-gifts#post-2667626 Mon, 19 Dec 2016 17:03:12 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2667626@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Ok, this is bad, but it totally depends on who is gifting.</p> <p>For instance, my dad kept saying over and over how great Sherwin Williams paint was although I have been happy with Benjamin Moore. To appease him we went to SW. Later I bought a bunch of samples. Painted swatches all over my house just not to be thrilled. I went to BM on my own, got some new swatches and am painting the house in colors that speak to me. Had the well intentioned suggestions come from my mom I would have been like "Hell No, mind your business!" from the very beginning.</p> <p>In general I only say no (thank you) once and if people are not listening I just don't use it. MIL gave LO a bunch (maybe 4-6) 3 month outfits, I put him in one for a doctor's appointment and didn't even try out the others. She never saw pics of him in any more of her clothes and never gifted clothes again. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-handle-unwanted-gifts#post-2667625 Mon, 19 Dec 2016 17:02:43 +0000 IRunForFun 2667625@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Bao: Even if you know it will upset the person who gifted it? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-handle-unwanted-gifts#post-2667624 Mon, 19 Dec 2016 17:02:04 +0000 Bao 2667624@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I just accept, thank, and then donate. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-handle-unwanted-gifts#post-2667622 Mon, 19 Dec 2016 17:01:16 +0000 IRunForFun 2667622@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrsmacSLP: Sounds like our MILs are very similar! Mine is super passive-aggressive as well. And I know if I'm bluntly honest she'll be offended and say she's just trying to help us out. But I may need to go that route because our basement looks like something from the show Hoarders right now and half of that is crap she's given us that we don't know what to do with! </p> <p>@ocean81: It's funny b/c lots of the stuff she gives us she's gotten for free or at a place like Habitat Restore so when I donate it I basically feel like I'm giving it back! </p> <p>@newlypregnantlady: I think I'd definitely be more comfortable being upfront if it was my own family. But perhaps if I make it obvious I'm going to donate or give away something she gives us (that I've told her not to give us) she'll stop and it won't be as awkward as me directly telling her to knock it off. </p> <p>I just feel like if someone asks what I want or could use, and I tell them (gift cards), or I tell them what not to give me, and they ignore my request, they're kind of disrespecting me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-handle-unwanted-gifts#post-2667620 Mon, 19 Dec 2016 16:56:42 +0000 NorthStar 2667620@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My mom does this and OMG, so annoying. She made something for DD's nursery when she was a baby when I specifically told her that I wanted to pick out everything and to NOT make anything. So, I never put it up because it was ugly. </p> <p>She's made or given other things to me and I'll put them away in closets. When they come to visit, they will *magically* appear, aka, she rummages through our stuff to find them! It's a passive aggressive suggestion to put it out. She won't say anything, but instead will find it, set it out as a hint that maybe I should use it or display it. (eye roll) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-handle-unwanted-gifts#post-2667610 Mon, 19 Dec 2016 16:48:05 +0000 newlypregnantlady 2667610@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I've had to accept the role of being the Grinch and I've hurt lots of people's feelings. It usually is only an issue for me with my father because he's the only one who is spending well outside his means. With most things like toys I just quietly accept them and then give them away. If anyone asks I just say "oh I just did a purge because we have too much stuff and I donated it to the local woman's shelter". It's hard for people to get mad when you're donating to needy children. </p> <p>For big stuff like furniture or kitchen stuff I tend to donate it to a local Camphill community, which is basically like a coop for people with developmental disabilities:<br /> <a href="http://www.camphill.org/communities/" rel="nofollow">http://www.camphill.org/communities/</a> </p> <p>There are very few of them though, so I'm lucky to live by one. Again, it's hard for people to get mad when you're donating to a specific organization who definitely is needier than you. </p> <p>I'm hoping that eventually they'll stop gifting me stuff that I just end up donating. But when it's my family I'm not afraid to be a little rude (and maybe hurt some feelings in the process). It's harder with in-laws. </p> <p>When it's small stuff (my SIL is constantly just giving me soap and lotions that I'm allergic to), I try to discreetly hide them in her house so she'll find them sometime later and hopefully use them. Because I definitely can't use that stuff but I'm not about to be like "oh thanks for the lotion that gives me a big rash!" </p>