https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Fri, 17 Apr 2026 04:32:18 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-keep-from-being-angry-when-dh-messes-something-up/page/2#post-2516487 Tue, 05 Apr 2016 19:25:04 +0000 Mrs. Sketchbook 2516487@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I like the grace stuff...but this warrants a legit apology. Unfortunately it is impossible to get an apology from a defensive person<br /> I think if you want a true apology you should let it go and let him come to you. I also think you should buy yourself a new winter coat and a really nice umbrella. Or rain coat, headphones, whatever, as a treat for getting over this and enduring the walk for another year. I think the grace stuff is good but it is hard to stuff our disappointment and you don't want to create a dynamic where you are parenting your spouse. So for me this means finding a non-argumentative consequence. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-keep-from-being-angry-when-dh-messes-something-up/page/2#post-2516388 Tue, 05 Apr 2016 17:17:46 +0000 hb3233 2516388@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@oliviaoblivia: This is my DH exactly with mail, have had very similar experiences. I don't feel weird checking his mail, I just don't want to because I have enough to do already, but I do want to cash checks and pay bills. If there's a way to get him to do it, I haven't found it... I am the sole keeper of the mailbox key, exactly to avoid him tossing my mail into the mess on his desk. </p> <p>@Modern Daisy: This sucks, so sorry this happened. Is there anything your husband can do to make your commute better? Do you live in a major urban area? If so, there might be uber pool (shared uber) you can take from the parking lot to your office, and it shouldn't be more than $2 or $3, maybe less, unless they jack up their prices. I would make my husband pay for it (then again, we have separate finances). Or maybe he could buy you a folding bike that will easily fit in the back of your car if the traffic permits cycling, not that this helps in winter... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-keep-from-being-angry-when-dh-messes-something-up/page/2#post-2516356 Tue, 05 Apr 2016 16:21:33 +0000 Modern Daisy 2516356@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@gingerbebe: ugh don't remind me! It's such a horrible part of my commute and I am just so upset that it could have ended but didn't only because DH hates dealing with the mail and did not follow my system of leaving each other's mail out for review. You've actually come up with the best suggestion so far with the his and hers mail bins!!! I can't believe I hadn't thought of that. It's genius because it eliminates the mess which he hates and it is fool-proof as far as letting me review my own mail. Thank you! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-keep-from-being-angry-when-dh-messes-something-up/page/2#post-2516354 Tue, 05 Apr 2016 16:17:38 +0000 Modern Daisy 2516354@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: I know, you're totally right that we all drop the ball sometimes. It's a good thing to keep in mind when you're the one feeling "wronged". That story about your dh's work cell sounds frustrating! I'm like him and I hate doing stuff like that too so I can totally relate. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-keep-from-being-angry-when-dh-messes-something-up/page/2#post-2516349 Tue, 05 Apr 2016 16:14:34 +0000 Modern Daisy 2516349@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@oliviaoblivia: haha! Yes, deep breaths. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-keep-from-being-angry-when-dh-messes-something-up/page/2#post-2516347 Tue, 05 Apr 2016 16:11:29 +0000 Modern Daisy 2516347@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@littlejoy: good point and I definitely recognized his contributions ( of which there are many, maybe even more than mine!) once I calmed down. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-keep-from-being-angry-when-dh-messes-something-up/page/2#post-2516345 Tue, 05 Apr 2016 16:10:09 +0000 Modern Daisy 2516345@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Anagram: thank you!! Yes I think the hard part is keeping emotions in check so you don't upset the other person too much.. But at the same time it can be good to get mad! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-keep-from-being-angry-when-dh-messes-something-up/page/2#post-2516343 Tue, 05 Apr 2016 16:08:54 +0000 Modern Daisy 2516343@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrsjyw: yeah I think my scream/cry flip out was def intensified because he got defensive!! Lol. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-keep-from-being-angry-when-dh-messes-something-up/page/2#post-2516341 Tue, 05 Apr 2016 16:07:34 +0000 Modern Daisy 2516341@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Corduroy: oh no I'm so sorry!! I hope there's something you can do.. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-keep-from-being-angry-when-dh-messes-something-up/page/2#post-2516340 Tue, 05 Apr 2016 16:06:05 +0000 Modern Daisy 2516340@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Happygal: that is a beautiful way to look at it and I agree! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-keep-from-being-angry-when-dh-messes-something-up/page/2#post-2516041 Tue, 05 Apr 2016 12:40:47 +0000 gingerbebe 2516041@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Ummmmm, I would be so flipping angry!!! </p> <p>Step 1 would be to lose. my. marbles. and be angry. Fo' sho.<br /> Step 2 would be to verbalize why I was angry - perhaps an email, or perhaps a calmer conversation. I'd probably feel like I wasn't heard, that the things I said were important to me don't matter to him, that it makes me feel so upset that he'd be so careless about something that requires his wife to walk half a mile, rain or shine, while grinding it out at work full time, and now I'd have to keep doing it for another year or more.<br /> Step 3 I'd definitely create some bright-line rule about the mail. His and her mail bins would be my first thought. Anything with my name on it, goes in my bin, period. Anything with your name on it, goes in your bin. I don't care if my mail has been sitting there for a year, don't touch it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-keep-from-being-angry-when-dh-messes-something-up/page/2#post-2516033 Tue, 05 Apr 2016 12:38:17 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2516033@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would be so mad in your situation, but in all honesty there are times when I let DH down too and he's really upset.</p> <p>Over the years I have learned if it's something I can do myself just do it because waiting on him is just aggravating. DH hasn't quite learned this himself and thinks of me as what feels like an assistant. Example he received a new work phone and was supposed to return the old one. After two months he was reminded that he hadn't returned the old phone. He asked me to send it and gave me the Corp account info for billing. Well, I didnt do it the very next day. The implication of me waiting until day two was that we had to spend $60+ out of pocket for it get whereever it needed to go. He was very upset that a) he was on another list and b) I didn't do what he asked quickly. Later when he was less upset he admitted he wished he remembered to send the phone back on his own- me too.</p> <p>We all drop the ball sometimes. :bummed: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-keep-from-being-angry-when-dh-messes-something-up/page/2#post-2515993 Tue, 05 Apr 2016 12:13:01 +0000 oliviaoblivia 2515993@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'd have a hard time cooling off from that one. I'm really sorry.<br /> DH is absentminded and lazy. He never checks his mail. I should just do it for him but I feel weird opening someone else's mail.<br /> So I finally do a couple weeks back and found tax refunds from last year totalling a few thousand dollars. Like wtf how do you forget about a few thousand dollars?<br /> Like @mfalady said we're playing the long game. I breathe deeply and think of ways I can change myself so that either I take care of something myself or find a way for it to not bother me.<br /> In your case it'll be deep breaths every day which sucks but I'm sure he's sorry and you'll find a way to like him again. 🙃 </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-keep-from-being-angry-when-dh-messes-something-up/page/2#post-2515939 Tue, 05 Apr 2016 11:41:52 +0000 littlejoy 2515939@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If you feel like you overreacted (not saying you did), you could always apologize to him about your response. Reiterate how it would have made your commute more convenient and express that it was just so important to you. I'm sure he'll apologize, and even though the parking spot is gone, you'll both feel better that it's settled a bit. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-keep-from-being-angry-when-dh-messes-something-up/page/2#post-2515937 Tue, 05 Apr 2016 11:40:26 +0000 littlejoy 2515937@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I try to remember how I'd like to be approached for a mistake. With that said, I think that it's appropriate to share your feelings, and have your partner be receptive. </p> <p>I usually preface things with, "I know we both work so hard for the house to run smoothly, but we really need to talk about this ..." - Sometimes it turns out to be a fight, but usually it's ok.</p> <p>I'm sorry that happened to you. That's gotta be so frustrating!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-keep-from-being-angry-when-dh-messes-something-up#post-2515817 Tue, 05 Apr 2016 10:03:41 +0000 Anagram 2515817@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yeah, I get angry and then move on. I make just as many mistakes, and I expect DH to get angry and move on too. But it's hard--that's why relationships are hard! They take work. In your particular situation, I would have been livid. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-keep-from-being-angry-when-dh-messes-something-up#post-2515813 Tue, 05 Apr 2016 10:01:22 +0000 mrsjyw 2515813@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If his reaction was to be defensive, I would most def get angry first. That's just my fireball nature :P</p> <p>After the cooling down period, (which would def entail some sort of me-time/gym time), I would move on. And DH would def ensure it would never happen again. </p> <p>I'm so sorry for the frustrating wait you're in! How annoying. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-keep-from-being-angry-when-dh-messes-something-up#post-2515807 Tue, 05 Apr 2016 09:54:49 +0000 Corduroy 2515807@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Modern Daisy: I'm about to find out. DH just texted me saying he missed the FSA dependent care filing date and we're out 5k. :crying: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-keep-from-being-angry-when-dh-messes-something-up#post-2515689 Tue, 05 Apr 2016 08:55:06 +0000 cascademom 2515689@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@catomd00: I like the idea of blanket rule or maybe using an app. Yesterday, DH put away some towels for me with the instruction of the laundry basket staying in the master bathroom. He walked downstairs with the basket in hand. I used our Todoist app to note it. Seconds later, he went upstairs and completed the task. For us, seeing the task in writing helps. As for the anger, I still struggle with that over stupid small things he does or doesn't. The employment situation makes it harder. Just one of the things we're working through in general. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-keep-from-being-angry-when-dh-messes-something-up#post-2515675 Tue, 05 Apr 2016 08:45:48 +0000 Happygal 2515675@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>One word--grace. I make mistakes, too, and some of them are big ones and others are annoying habits. When he lets go of things and forgives me, I feel relieved and grateful. We're playing the long game here! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-keep-from-being-angry-when-dh-messes-something-up#post-2515555 Tue, 05 Apr 2016 07:11:59 +0000 Modern Daisy 2515555@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. High Heels: that's so pretty! We do have a place where mail goes, but we only put bills there that need to be paid. Junk mail gets thrown out and anything else should be left out for the recipient to look at - this is where we failed. I always leave ALL mail addressed to him out where he can see it and he checks the mail so infrequently (because he hates it and I always try to get to it first just to look for this letter!!) that he doesn't really have a system. It was a really unfortunate incident that has prompted is to have several real discussions about the mail and what the procedure is going forward. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-keep-from-being-angry-when-dh-messes-something-up#post-2515554 Tue, 05 Apr 2016 07:07:59 +0000 Modern Daisy 2515554@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsSRS: I agree and I totally would have asked DH to clean up the mess if it was anything else, but I have been dealing directly with this parking system for 1.5 years (no spot yet haha) and it's easier for me to just call. Turns out they gave the spot away weeks ago so there is no exception to be made because they can't create a spot. Yeah, he knows getting defensive was the wrong response because I really lost my $h!t and I never do that! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-keep-from-being-angry-when-dh-messes-something-up#post-2515553 Tue, 05 Apr 2016 07:04:01 +0000 Modern Daisy 2515553@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@catomd00: that's a great idea! We do have a system but it clearly wasn't good enough to prevent something like this from happening. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-keep-from-being-angry-when-dh-messes-something-up#post-2515329 Mon, 04 Apr 2016 19:13:29 +0000 Mrs. High Heels 2515329@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Modern Daisy: Maybe you can get a wicker folio bin to put all your mail in! We have this from Target on our console table, and it's functional as well as decorative. <a href="http://www.target.com/p/wicker-folio-bin-dark-global-brown-threshold/-/A-14105213" rel="nofollow">http://www.target.com/p/wicker-folio-bin-dark-global-brown-threshold/-/A-14105213</a> </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-keep-from-being-angry-when-dh-messes-something-up#post-2515307 Mon, 04 Apr 2016 18:51:35 +0000 MrsSRS 2515307@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I might ask DH to call and ask for an exception, or I might just be mad for a while then try to let it go, but I would definitely tell DH that getting defensive wasn't cool and that I'd be ready to hear a real apology when he was ready to give one and understood what he did and how it will impact me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-keep-from-being-angry-when-dh-messes-something-up#post-2515303 Mon, 04 Apr 2016 18:46:29 +0000 catomd00 2515303@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Modern Daisy: I'd say either discuss a blanket rule of he doesn't get the mail or put a basket for mail in an easy place, and all mail goes into the basket. We have two in our kitchen - one for important mail and one for stuff that needs shredding. I usually do the organizing, but at least it isn't stashed in an obscure place where I can't find it! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-keep-from-being-angry-when-dh-messes-something-up#post-2515236 Mon, 04 Apr 2016 16:44:19 +0000 Kimberlybee 2515236@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You have every right to be mad! That was a careless mistake on his part that could have been avoided. 30 minutes extra a day is huge for me but now that he is aware that it was a big issue, the best thing to do is channel your frustration into something else (not him) that will benefit you. Maybe boxing or kickboxing? LOL Staying mad won't fix the issue but your feelings should be validated. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-keep-from-being-angry-when-dh-messes-something-up#post-2515199 Mon, 04 Apr 2016 15:59:27 +0000 Modern Daisy 2515199@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@youboots: ugh that would make me so mad too!! But I totally would have done the same thing as you and I actually did before with DH's "fun" car. It was a bad idea financially and logistically to buy it and it turns out I was right, but instead of making him feel bad I just tell him that I know it makes him happy despite these things so I am okay with it. Everyone should have little leeway to make bad decisions like that if it will at least provide them happiness! But yeah, we talked about it and at first he was defensive and would not admit to doing anything wrong but eventually came around and genuinely feels terrible about it. So there is no point in staying mad.. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-keep-from-being-angry-when-dh-messes-something-up#post-2515189 Mon, 04 Apr 2016 15:54:26 +0000 Modern Daisy 2515189@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Truth Bombs: I agree and you better believe I will be double checking the mail "stash" every day from now on! He does feel bad though and I believe he will do better from now on but I reminded him that just because I get the mail doesn't mean I've seen it - I pick up DS from daycare and our evenings are a blur until he's in bed. Meanwhile DH gets home and calmly sorts through the mail while I'm doing bath, etc. so ANY mail that's mine cannot be touched or moved by anyone but me :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-keep-from-being-angry-when-dh-messes-something-up#post-2515183 Mon, 04 Apr 2016 15:52:14 +0000 youboots 2515183@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'd be pissed. Big time.</p> <p>Something similar happened recently- we bought a boat and he insisted it would fit in the garage. I was sure it would not. I decided it would not be my 'hill to die on' and he would have been disappointed if I had put my foot down- we could not give it a test run since it was 2 hours away. Well it did not fit. Luckily right now our friend is letting us keep it in his barn- if that were not the case we would be paying for storage. It's still inconvenient to have it 20 min away on a gravel road. We got into it- then moved on. Not sure how possible this is for you. </p>