https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 26 May 2026 21:15:56 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-keep-your-family-unit-strong#post-2558615 Sat, 28 May 2016 11:13:39 +0000 808love 2558615@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I love this thread!! I've learned a lot of new things- about anticipating needs- never had a name for that.<br /> For us, shared values and the direction of family as well as knitting our schedules together around that has been gluing us together. </p> <p>When friends announce separations, it shakes me up too. Three sets haven't done actually divorced yet and it's been 2 years, so I still have hope and wonder if they'll make it. DH's dad divorced early this year. We were totally shaken as to how fast it happened. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-keep-your-family-unit-strong#post-2558264 Fri, 27 May 2016 12:58:56 +0000 ShootingStar 2558264@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It's funny, I keep thinking about this question and I can't exactly put my finger on how we stay so strong. We forgive a lot, and we try not to nickel and dime each other on household stuff, and we both pull our weight. We also started as really good friends, so like another poster said, we not only love each other, we really like each other and spending time together.</p> <p>Another thing we do is recognize how fortunate we are. We feel lucky to have found each other, financially fortunate, and lucky with the amazing son we have a daughter on the way.</p> <p>Lastly, we have a lot riding on our marriage. With having a child we feel like we can't take it for granted. DH spent most of his life with divorced parents and they only just started getting along the last couple years. Neither of us want that kind of childhood for our kids. Most of the time we make it work because we want to. But if it comes down to it, we make it work because we have to. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-keep-your-family-unit-strong#post-2558182 Fri, 27 May 2016 11:36:22 +0000 youboots 2558182@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Communication and flexibility I feel is what keeps us strong. Also putting eachother first. A mindset of what can I do for you today, if you both buy into that idea then someone is always looking out for you.</p> <p>T is only 14 mo but with her we have already started traditions big and small. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-keep-your-family-unit-strong#post-2558173 Fri, 27 May 2016 11:28:42 +0000 Anagram 2558173@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@DillonLion: oh wow. So her husband asked for the divorce, and she doesn't even know why? That's insane....</p> <p>There's a great column in the NYTs called "Unhitched" about couples who decide to split up. Like "Modern Love" for divorced people. <a href="http://www.nytimes.com/column/unhitched" rel="nofollow">http://www.nytimes.com/column/unhitched</a> </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-keep-your-family-unit-strong#post-2558089 Fri, 27 May 2016 10:21:34 +0000 DillonLion 2558089@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Anagram: Not really. That's the part that is hard for me, because I feel like I'll never really know what happened. I'm really close with my aunt (one of the couples who is divorcing) and even she is dumbfounded. We've talked several times about what's going on and neither of us have any idea what to make of it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-keep-your-family-unit-strong#post-2558086 Fri, 27 May 2016 10:19:27 +0000 Anagram 2558086@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>On a seperate note--I'm one of 6 kids and 3 of my siblings have been through divorces (and 2 have also remarried). In every single case, there was a BIG reason for divorce (cheating, married super young at like 19 and spouse totally not responsible, etc). </p> <p>I don't know too many couples that divorce over just not being in love any more--I think that tend to come later. So I guess I would love to hear from couples married 20+years. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-keep-your-family-unit-strong#post-2558084 Fri, 27 May 2016 10:18:16 +0000 Mrs Green Grass 2558084@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We have gone through some Pugh times and are currently at our strongest point ever which is awesome!</p> <p>Date nights are important to us.</p> <p>Really sharing our feeling has been transformative whether is little stuff or sexual...</p> <p>We get alone time, especially DH. He is recharged by sitting at a bar watching sports while D is napping...id prefer to sit on the couch and watch tv. So it works out. The trade off is that he takes D in the mornings since he's an earlier riser. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-keep-your-family-unit-strong#post-2558083 Fri, 27 May 2016 10:17:33 +0000 Anagram 2558083@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@DillonLion: Are you close enough to the couples to know what happened?</p> <p>I don't really have any answers to this question, as my marriage isn't that long (we've only been together 5 years in total!), but I love hearing from couples who've been together a loooong time to see how they do it.</p> <p>My parents were married 33 years before my dad passed and my inlaws have now been married 35 years. One thing I have observed in both of their marriages is that there isn't a lot of conflict. Hardly any, actually. I asked my mom once how that is, because I for one think it's hard to never have conflict with someone you live with every day for years, especially when you add in the monumental task of parenting into the mix. So I was relieved when she said the DID have conflict in the first 5-10 years of their marriage, and then after that they just knew what their "buttons" were and stayed away from those things and although she didn't use this term, I guess they both learned the conflict resolution skills with each other.</p> <p>In each of these marriage, I notice the each spouse has their responsibilities/jobs and the other spouse just keeps their mouth zipped about those things. Maybe that's the key. If it's not your "job" in the house, you keep your mouth shut about it. I don't know. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-keep-your-family-unit-strong#post-2558040 Fri, 27 May 2016 09:27:43 +0000 2PeasinaPod 2558040@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@gingerbebe: Anticipation of needs is a big one for us. </p> <p>We try to be considerate of each other. If I got dinner together, he cleans up and does the dishes. We both know exactly what needs to be done for the next morning to get the kids off to school, so no one rests until that stuff is done. We both work really hard during the day and have tough days and want to relax as soon as possible...so working together gets us doing that faster. </p> <p>Making sure we each get runs in when we need to. Running is a huge stress relief for both of us, so if we ask to go for a run, we do everything possible to accommodate each other. </p> <p>@justjules: "We don't just love each other, we genuinely LIKE being with each other. " THIS - DH is my most favorite person in the world to be with along with the boys. He's constantly making me laugh and see the funny side of things, and I appreciate that about him so much. We try to keep the goofing on each other as much as we can and even use the kids as allies in this. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-keep-your-family-unit-strong#post-2558033 Fri, 27 May 2016 09:16:20 +0000 justjules 2558033@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Speaking each other's love language is big for us. DH likes words of affirmation so I make sure to tell him how much I love him, send notes with him to work, thank him for specific things he does so he feels seen, noticed and affirmed. </p> <p>He knows I like quality time, so we try and do date nights when we can, and when E goes to bed we sit and talk about our day and have serious conversations that are uninterrupted by baby needs. </p> <p>Lastly, we both have a big need to laugh with each other and make sure we ENJOY each other's company. We don't just love each other, we genuinely LIKE being with each other. I hope we never lose that </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-keep-your-family-unit-strong#post-2558023 Fri, 27 May 2016 09:03:05 +0000 cascademom 2558023@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Divorces of longtime couples freak me out all the time. I have to remember that you never know what's going on inside of a couple because they're not you and your spouse. They may have long simmering issues that finally broke them. I focus our marital issues and problems and work on them. If it sounds weird, I'm also terrified of divorce in the context of my MIL. She said that she thought we would break up when we got engaged. She said this a year after we married. We had a really really rough patch partly brought on by her, so I see her as eagerly awaiting our self destruction since she's divorced twice and DH grew up without much contact from his bio dad that left. </p> <p>We make sure to do dates at home and out. I haven't hooked us up with a new marriage counselor yet, but it really does help us when our communication is stalled. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-keep-your-family-unit-strong#post-2557801 Thu, 26 May 2016 23:03:40 +0000 Mrs. D 2557801@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We've also had two separations in our friends this past year. </p> <p>Hubby is away A LOT for work, so when he is home we try to make sure we do as much family time as possible. Nice long walks are on the top of the list since it's tech free. Next week if dd goes a whole week with no dd accidents we'll go see a movie. That's always fun. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-keep-your-family-unit-strong#post-2557542 Thu, 26 May 2016 17:49:24 +0000 gingerbebe 2557542@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH and I are big on giving each other focused bursts of attention. Like if I stop by his home office to say something, DH immediately pushes back from his desk and swivels his chair around, folds his hands in his lap and faces me and gives me his full attention. I told him that was overkill once and he was like "I don't want to get in an argument later about how I didn't pay attention to you because I was trying to do two things at once at my desk. I just want to hear what you need to say and then go back to what I was doing and this helps me do that." If he sees me looking tore up BFing the newborn as he walks by, he stops and makes eye contact and says "I love you very much and I'm very grateful for you" - like in a very serious tone, which is sort of hilarious.</p> <p>We try to snuggle and recap our day before we fall asleep at night, which means we usually try to go to bed at the same time. This is hard when one of us is exhausted or has to stay up with a kid, but most nights we try to chat for a few minutes before we go to sleep.</p> <p>A big one is also trying to anticipate needs. DH does daycare drop pickup and drop off but he's really forgetful about stuff so I always do the daycare bags and load them in the car for him. DH also moves laundry if he sees it as he walks by or folds stuff that's dry. DH handles getting the toddler up in the morning and any night wakings for him right now so I prep DS' breakfast the night before and put it in the fridge and preload syringes of Advil in the right dosage for night wakings when DS is sick so DH can just grab and shoot the meds into his mouth. I'm taking care of our newborn right now so DH is constantly asking me if I've eaten (usually I forget) or refilling my water bottles for me.</p> <p>We also are big on putting our marriage first, especially because we do not live near family and we really need to rely on each other. Plus we think it's the best thing we can do for our kids in the long run. We aren't into cosleeping or roomsharing past the newborn stage, we sleep train with early bedtimes so we have some time to ourselves in the evenings, we try to fit in lunch dates when we can, we mutually agree on all our parenting decisions, and we spend money on things that will reduce our stress (regular babysitters, housecleaners, lawn service, etc). </p> <p>But above all, we are very committed to our faith and it unifies us and keeps us grounded and it informs our actions towards each other. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-keep-your-family-unit-strong#post-2557458 Thu, 26 May 2016 16:20:03 +0000 LuLu Mom 2557458@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We've had a few divorces in our circle lately, for us we need adult time and when we start to fight it means we need a date night without kids. Usually one on one time does wonders for our marriage. I'm the first to admit I push intimacy to the backburner and I need to remember to be better about that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-keep-your-family-unit-strong#post-2557439 Thu, 26 May 2016 16:06:37 +0000 Mrs. Lion 2557439@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think being in agreement about your values and the direction of your family is huge, so talking through these issues as they come up and being able to find unity is the biggest thing. I think prioritizing your marriage is important too...so making time to spend time together and have fun and talk about something other than the day to day drudgery. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-keep-your-family-unit-strong#post-2557430 Thu, 26 May 2016 16:01:21 +0000 DillonLion 2557430@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Two sets of couples in my family (who were both married for decades) have announced divorces this year and combined with some other bad news about relationships in our circles, we are just spooked! </p> <p>I think we've got a good framework and get along well, but I want to make sure we always focus on each other and try to work out our problems before it is too late. </p> <p>I also want to make sure we continue to cultivate a strong bond with our LO so we can have a positive relationship for well into her adulthood. </p> <p>How do you keep your relationships strong? </p>