https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Thu, 09 Apr 2026 17:51:42 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-know-if-its-you-or-if-its-them#post-2158119 Mon, 27 Apr 2015 09:52:40 +0000 kiddosc 2158119@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ShootingStar: Just to add, we switched daycares because we moved. Our old daycare was technically fine, and I liked the director, but there were just things that rubbed me the wrong way. His face was always dirty at pick-up, there was a lot of turn-over, we were never introduced to new teachers they just showed up, transitions between rooms was bad, and I didn't care much for their menu. There weren't any earth shaking problems, but I was just not feeling this place. I chalked it up to just being daycare though.<br /> Our new place has none of these issues though. When we were looking at places in our new location, I knew better what kind of questions to ask. The teachers here have been with the center for years, and I think that speaks volumes about an industry where turnover is generally high. I really like his new center so much better. I think if you're iffy on your current daycare, it is DEFINITELY worth looking around. There is probably a much better fit for you, and you are more aware of what you want. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-know-if-its-you-or-if-its-them#post-2158091 Mon, 27 Apr 2015 09:40:35 +0000 Smurfette 2158091@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>The sucky naps in the infant room is totally normal.</p> <p>I don't understand, he cries at drop off cause you don't spend enough there? That makes NO sense to me. You work how are you supposed to spend time there. It isn't about you being there, it is about LO spending time there and being comfortable. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-know-if-its-you-or-if-its-them#post-2158081 Mon, 27 Apr 2015 09:34:13 +0000 edelweiss 2158081@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>as for naps--my LO barely napped in the infant room for the first 6-9 months. it was brutal.</p> <p>the finger thing was a bit weird--all the doors in our daycare have the finger guards, including the emergency exits (i looked at them after your post a while ago).</p> <p>my LO has problems at drop off also--i know it gets tiring for everyone, but a teacher always comes over to help out if he isn't settling down. </p> <p>taken together, i'm not sure they add up to deal breakers if i loved the rest of the daycare, but i think it's important to go with your gut and kudos to you for looking around for a new daycare. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-know-if-its-you-or-if-its-them#post-2158073 Mon, 27 Apr 2015 09:30:44 +0000 nana87 2158073@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would hate a daycare where the teachers didn't interact with a child who was clearly upset during drop off. If the teacher is too distracted with diaper changes and snack, then to me that means there aren't enough teachers there. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-know-if-its-you-or-if-its-them#post-2158069 Mon, 27 Apr 2015 09:29:53 +0000 2PeasinaPod 2158069@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ShootingStar: I think the most important part of feeling comfortable with a day care is how the director and teachers address your concerns. If you feel like you're being brushed off, then I agree that it's time for a new day care whether those issues are common or not. </p> <p>LO only went to day care 2x/week when he first started, and he cried for the better part of a full year before it got better. That was with the same teacher every day. I attributed it to the fact that he was only going 2x/week. They were incredibly patient with me when I called to check on him in the first few weeks, and the teacher always made it a point to let me know that he only cried for a few minutes and then got better. It was all about making me feel comfortable.</p> <p>There was also an issue where a substitute wasn't paying close enough attention when I dropped him off. He grabbed another girl's hardboiled egg (he's allergic to eggs) while she wasn't looking, but I was there. I immediately grabbed it out of his hand, and also just brought it up to the director as an issue. I was treated with respect, the substitute was incredibly apologetic both there and after I spoke with the director, and I thought they handled it beautifully. The next time I came in, there were signs all over the place about knowing the childrens' allergies before you take charge of them. Again, all about making me feel comfortable.</p> <p>The fact that the director blamed you for the issues you brought up sends up a red flag in my book that your concerns aren't respected or taken seriously. I'd move LO for that reason alone, no matter how petty the issue was. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-know-if-its-you-or-if-its-them#post-2158065 Mon, 27 Apr 2015 09:28:50 +0000 Adira 2158065@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This mostly sounds like normal daycare issues.</p> <p>The infant room sleep problem is something almost all daycares have. Infants sleep like crap at daycare. It gets better once they are in a toddler room and all nap at the same time!</p> <p>The crowding the door thing happens at my daycare too. It's always hectic at drop-off and pick-up and kids are clamoring to see who's there and where their parent is. And the teacher is trying to get people organized and talk to whoever they need to and do whatever they need to - it's hard to wrangle a bunch of kids and do everything else you have to do at drop-off/pick-up time! Sounds normal!</p> <p>Crying at drop-off is definitely normal. Xander LOVES daycare and is excited to go, but as soon as we get there, he's clinging to me and doesn't want me to leave! He's not like that when Hubs drops him off though. Plus his normal toddler teacher isn't there in the morning when we drop him off. It was better when his favorite teacher was still working there, but she had to stop working due to back issues, so it's been harder lately. And daycare turnover is pretty normal.</p> <p>BUT your director not being empathetic and brushing off your concerns is NOT normal. That would concern me, although it wouldn't make me switch daycares unless there were other issues. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-know-if-its-you-or-if-its-them#post-2158034 Mon, 27 Apr 2015 09:16:10 +0000 looch 2158034@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ShootingStar: we went through something similar, where the day care was being closed down and teachers were leaving and subs were brought in...the inconsistency was really tough on my son and we ended up pulling him out ahead of the initial planned closure. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-know-if-its-you-or-if-its-them#post-2157996 Mon, 27 Apr 2015 08:56:55 +0000 ShootingStar 2157996@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@kiddosc: Sorry, I wasn't clear in my earlier post about the sleep thing. That was a problem we encountered just while he was in the infant room. As for the door thing, they told me they were doing everything they could, which was total BS. The teachers were not actively keeping the kids away from the door and I got a ton of pushback from all of the administration there, which was really frustrating.</p> <p>@Anagram: This is where I am right now - wondering if my expectations are too high, or if everyone else expects less. </p> <p>I feel like I'm constantly having something or another pop up where I get really unhappy with them. And part of why I'm unhappy is whatever the issue is, and part of it is that the administration and teachers don't address my concerns and my frustration snowballs. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-know-if-its-you-or-if-its-them#post-2157979 Mon, 27 Apr 2015 08:47:33 +0000 Anagram 2157979@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it's great that you are changing daycares. I switched daycares during my summer break (I'm a teacher) for a variety of reasons. The main reasons was actually cost--but secondly, there were "small" things I didn't love about the old daycare and for what I was paying, I was overall not super happy with them. I never felt like my LO was unsafe, but I just felt like they weren't very effective with things like naps, feedings (also, like they just didn't care much) and for what I was paying, I wanted better.</p> <p>And I have been SO MUCH happier with my new daycare. The teachers at the new daycare really work to make sure my LO has a good nap, and they were much better at reporting her food intake. And overall, it just seemed like the teachers cared more and were more on-the-ball. WAY fewer kids crying in the infant room (the old daycare, there were always several kids crying when I picked up/dropped off).</p> <p>Sometimes you just have to follow your gut instinct. One thing that was difficult for me personally was that I had a close mom friends whose LO was in the exact same class as my LO, and she thought the old daycare was great and her LO still goes there. It was hard for me to discern whether I was expecting too much or she just expected way less--but now that we've moved daycares, I am so so happy with our decision (except for the longer commute with LO). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-know-if-its-you-or-if-its-them#post-2157975 Mon, 27 Apr 2015 08:47:01 +0000 ShootingStar 2157975@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>To clarify, he's no longer in the infant room, he's in a toddler room and sleeps much better because they have a dedicated nap time. I just brought it up as it was something I struggled with them for a while about. I was constantly told they were doing everything they could. </p> <p>@looch: So what bugs me about the drop off is that I don't believe it's 100% his personality. In the past when we've had a consistent teacher there in the morning to take him from me and distract, he didn't cry. But in the last 4-5 months they've had a bunch of teachers quit and they keep making changes. The one teacher that's fairly consistent verbally greets him in the morning, but she's usually too busy with diaper changes or snack to do anything else. I feel like if he liked the teachers more like he has in the past (and if they were more active in getting him acclimated), then he'd handle drop off better. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-know-if-its-you-or-if-its-them#post-2157967 Mon, 27 Apr 2015 08:43:37 +0000 kiddosc 2157967@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't think these are really standard daycare issues, I would be pretty concerned:<br /> 1) by 17 months, he should be in a room where there is some sort of schedule. I can understand the young infants not being on a schedule, but older infants should have more designated nap times where the room can be darkened and quieted by now. Do they not split younger and older infants?<br /> 2) The teacher in the room should definitely be helping to keep the kids away from the door. This would be a huge concern to me. Is she not engaging them in other activities? Is she overwhelmed with the number of kids in the room?<br /> 3) It's a fact that some kids will have trouble with daycare and I don't think you can necessarily say his crying is because he's unhappy at the daycare. But our teachers have always come and tried to distract LO or comfort him during tough drop-offs. </p> <p>The director's reaction is 1000% not OK. She should be working with you to find solutions to the issues, not blaming you. Even at our first daycare that I was only meh about, the director was extremely nice and willing to discuss and work out issues. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-know-if-its-you-or-if-its-them#post-2157932 Mon, 27 Apr 2015 08:26:46 +0000 AggieDaze 2157932@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>These types of problems are very common so it's tough to say if you'll experience them at other daycares or not. </p> <p>Even within our daycare, I've noticed some teachers who are more helpful with drop off/calm down than others. In the toddler room, the kids do crowd the door but the teachers would never let one get behind me (I also stand in the space blocking the door and have LO walk to me). As far as nap issues, I think the depends on the kid and I would say its pretty common in the infant room. But, by 17 months, I'd think your LO would be in a slightly older room that included nap time all at once. Then, it's dark and quiet cus all the kids are sleeping? </p> <p>Overall, it sounds like you are just uncomfortable with your LO there, and that in itself could be causing the drop off and nap issues. And, it's reason enough to try somewhere else! I'd just remember that there is going to be a period of readjustment that will probably include nap and drop off issues too. Good luck!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-know-if-its-you-or-if-its-them#post-2157925 Mon, 27 Apr 2015 08:23:07 +0000 My Only Sunshine 2157925@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ShootingStar: It sounds like the actual things that happened were pretty standard daycare issues. But the response of the director was definitely NOT standard. When my LO was in daycare, the director always listened and tried to reassure or problem-solve. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-know-if-its-you-or-if-its-them#post-2157920 Mon, 27 Apr 2015 08:21:34 +0000 hotchildinthecity 2157920@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>The door thing is weird but the rest seems par for the course. My LO used to cry and cling at dropoff and I would hand him off to a teacher but I actually have been avoiding that because I don't want him to think someone will always pick him up. So now I either set him at his little table in the morning and wave bye bye or a teacher holds his hand and walks him in. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-know-if-its-you-or-if-its-them#post-2157916 Mon, 27 Apr 2015 08:20:27 +0000 looch 2157916@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I had a clinger/cryer at drop off and it nearly drove me to the edge of insanity, until I got some advice from an experienced mom...she told me that my son might stop crying, but he also might not, it has nothing to do with time spent at drop off, the passing of time, etc. It's personality and there's not much I can do to influence it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-know-if-its-you-or-if-its-them#post-2157908 Mon, 27 Apr 2015 08:17:44 +0000 mrbee 2157908@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It's hard to say for sure... but when our kids cried at dropoff, the teachers would always come over and help with the transition. And when I did pickup early, the teachers would always do their best to make sure the kids didn't crowd the door. They didn't always succeed, but their effort meant a lot to me! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-know-if-its-you-or-if-its-them#post-2157906 Mon, 27 Apr 2015 08:16:04 +0000 autumnlove 2157906@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Most of it sounds like normal daycare stuff so I would just hang in there. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-know-if-its-you-or-if-its-them#post-2157898 Mon, 27 Apr 2015 08:13:02 +0000 babynumber1 2157898@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Most of those sound like par for the course for daycare. I accidentally smashed my LO's finger in the door leaving a few months ago. Naps when they are young generally suck. It got better when they were down to one nap time in the toddler room. Also, some kids just don't do well at drop off. My SIL had to have my brother do drop off's because they never could get my nephew to calm down. With my brother he was absolutely fine. </p> <p>I would say hang in there, especially since there are not big pressing issues. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-know-if-its-you-or-if-its-them#post-2157888 Mon, 27 Apr 2015 08:04:20 +0000 Truth Bombs 2157888@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yikes. It is NEVER your job to take responsibility for children other than your own. That alone would make me leave the day care.</p> <p>Nap issues due to noise I think are par for the course at day care and sometimes you just have to accept that (if you want your kid to have total peace and quiet than a nanny at home is your best bet). But the other stuff seems like it's definitely an issue with the day care. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-know-if-its-you-or-if-its-them#post-2157883 Mon, 27 Apr 2015 08:01:49 +0000 ShootingStar 2157883@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have repeatedly had problems with my daycare, and I'm wondering if this is just the typical daycare experience or if our daycare is just particularly crappy.</p> <p>DS is 17 months and so far we've had:<br /> - Months of nap problems due to a loud and busy infant room/too many distractions<br /> - A little girl got hurt by putting her finger in the door while I was there/kids were constantly playing in the doorway and crowding us as we came in<br /> - Months of clinging, crying and screaming at drop-off, teachers not trying to help</p> <p>For most of these problems I get told that they're doing everything they can, and that to some extent it's my fault. I had a conversation with the director last week and I was told:<br /> - I should have been more aware of what could happen with the door when the little girl walked behind me and that I should have taken responsibility for it<br /> - The drop off problems are my fault because I don't spend enough time there</p> <p>For many reasons we are going to be using a new daycare, but I'm curious whether constant problems/dissatisfaction is normal, or if I just need to lower my expectations. And maybe my expectations are high because what we spend there is equal to our old mortgage. </p>