https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 07 Apr 2026 18:45:47 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-or-plan-to-discipline#post-815643 Wed, 29 May 2013 13:48:12 +0000 banana 815643@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@HLK208: We count down in seconds because my son wouldn't know how long a minute is, too! If it's something he's really into, we'll say 60 seconds. Otherwise it's 30 seconds. Sometimes he bargains with us. We'll say "Ok 30 seconds!" and he says "No! 60 seconds". We'll say "Ok 40 seconds! But that's it". I think it's ok to bargain sometimes because it teaches how to compromise and meet halfway. But I know some moms wouldn't tolerate bargaining from their 3 year olds. lol. If we're in public, I'll start the countdown "Ok.. ready? 60, 59, 58, 57,.." to give it a running start and then start up again when it's 10 more seconds so that I"m not sitting there counting the whole time. :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-or-plan-to-discipline#post-815386 Wed, 29 May 2013 12:36:52 +0000 HLK208 815386@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@banana: do you count to 30 then before you leave? Some of our friends tell their kids "5 minutes until we leave" but DS doesn't understand how long 5 minutes is! Counting to numbers that he understands might be better for us. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-or-plan-to-discipline#post-815383 Wed, 29 May 2013 12:35:05 +0000 HLK208 815383@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I used redirection until 2.5 years then hitting became a problem so I started giving timeouts for 2 minutes. After a timeout, I get on his level, explain what he did wrong, ask for an apology and hug him. We talk about what he is feeling and how he can convey those emotions. Also, I learned that story telling + asking him to problem solve REALLY helps (thanks, Mrs. Jacks!). When all of that is done, sometimes I have to take away privileges and toys. If the bad behavior continues, he usually needs a healthy snack and a nap. Also, if he does something like he won't share, we give him 3 warnings for a timeout. If he throws his toys or hits, it's an instant timeout and usually around 5 minutes.<br /> Very rarely have we given spankings (mostly when he's been in danger and he really did not understand how his actions were wrong). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-or-plan-to-discipline#post-815338 Wed, 29 May 2013 12:22:38 +0000 banana 815338@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We just kind of use common sense. Toddlers don't really understand complex thoughts and concepts so we try to keep it as simple for him to understand. Our basic rules are:</p> <p>Hitting = ouch! :(<br /> Sharing = feels good! :)<br /> Tantrums = ignore<br /> Destruction of toys = no toy<br /> Time to leave = a 30 second countdown<br /> Wants something but I don't want him to have it = compromise to be fair</p> <p>We've used time outs a handful of times when he was being REALLY disobedient. Letting him time out by himself only results in full blown tantrums, which doesn't work because we want him to sit there and think about how he was being. If he's tantrumming, he's not thinking straight so we sit with him quietly until he apologizes.</p> <p>That's basically it. If we're not sure how to handle the situation (none of the above), we explain in one brief sentence why we're upset and then walk away. He almost always comes running after us and apologizes. He hates not getting our full attention. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-or-plan-to-discipline#post-814939 Wed, 29 May 2013 09:49:18 +0000 CupQuakeWalk 814939@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: I totally get that. I didn't mean it the way I think you may have understood it. I take dessert to be equal to....a movie after dinner or any other "privilege" so I meant and should have said "take a privilege away". That was bad wordig in my part. I remember the only times my mom room away dessert is if we refused to eat dinner first. Which in that case, makes nutritional sense;)<br /> @Cole: great book suggestions! Apparently they're highly rated on Amazon as well. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-or-plan-to-discipline#post-814876 Wed, 29 May 2013 09:29:40 +0000 looch 814876@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My son has started to understand what it means to be sad and happy, so we use that a lot in terms of discipline. I am big on how his actions make other people/kids feel and he's starting to now understand. It's amazing.</p> <p>Before this, we used a lot of redirection and I was careful to monitor sleeping and eating, because G tended to act out when he was hungry or tired.</p> <p>I wanted to mention the tantrums/no dessert thing mentioned by the OP...I am very careful not to reward behavior with food. We don't do dessert with dinner often, it's a treat for the whole family and has nothing to do with behavior. I learned early on that my parents would try to bribe me with food and it's not something I want to repeat with my son. When my son's having a tantrum and we are in a safe place, I leave him alone and we talk about it after he's calmed down. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-or-plan-to-discipline#post-814872 Wed, 29 May 2013 09:28:53 +0000 Lozza 814872@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cole: I LOVE the idea of running. I'm totally going to start that once LO is a little older :)<br /> You also reminded me about the redirection/validation of feelings thing that Mr. Bee posted about once (I think Charlie wanted a cupcake at the grocery store and instead of saying no, Mr. Bee had a whole conversation with him about cupcakes and how awesome they are and what kind of cupcakes they'd like). We do this with LO all the time and it works great, and I'd never have thought of this on my own. I guess I don't think of it as "discipline" because it's not usually in response to misbehavior, but we use this all the time to kind of head off LO getting upset. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-or-plan-to-discipline#post-814857 Wed, 29 May 2013 09:24:49 +0000 Lozza 814857@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Like @Honeybee: , violence or repeatedly/belligerently disobedience get automatic time outs, and they work really well for us. We'll sit him in time out for about 30 seconds by himself, then go talk to him about why he's in time out, etc. He doesn't get to leave time out until he is able to articulate what he did wrong and what the rule is (i.e. if we say "Do we hit people?" and he says "YES," he stays in time out, but that almost never happens).<br /> Like @deerylou: , if LO is having a tantrum and just being pissy, we'll let him work it out on his own as long as he's in a space where he's not going to hurt himself or hurt/seriously inconvenience others. If he's having a meltdown because of things he can't totally control (like he's tired or sick), I'll tend to just try to comfort him through it and redirect. Counting has been WAY more successful than I would have ever imagined in getting LO to do what we're asking him to do, whether it's saying "Ok, you need to come over here, I'm going to count to 3" or "Ok, you can play with X until I count to 10 and then we have to go."<br /> At just over 2, LO has also begun (in the last couple of months) to be really responsive to talking through things like sharing. Like, if he grabs a toy away from another kid and the other kid starts crying, I'll bring LO over to me and talk about how now the other kid is sad, and that what LO did wasn't nice, and about sharing and taking turns, and what he can do instead, etc., and 9 times out of 10, he'll be quiet and think on it for a minute and then turn around and give the toy back, and we'll talk to him about how he did a good job and we're proud of him. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-or-plan-to-discipline#post-814805 Wed, 29 May 2013 09:08:52 +0000 Honeybee 814805@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cole: Playful Parenting is up next on my reading list! I think you and I have pretty similar disciplinary styles. :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-or-plan-to-discipline#post-814800 Wed, 29 May 2013 09:06:41 +0000 Maysprout 814800@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Right now we're figuring it out as we go along. Ignoring temper tantrums def, though if we're in a out and about I've left a couple times, but luckily she usually saves temper tantrums for when we're at home. She just turned two and I've put her in her room a couple times and while I wouldn't want to do that regularly, the few times I have she just needed a reset button and a safe place to really throw a fit and it worked well. She came out of her room a happy girl, I think at this age they're just figuring out how to deal with all their emotions and what they can and cannot control. We def try to explain things, usually after she calms down and ask her to hug and say sorry (also after she's calm, no way that works when she's in a fit). And so far that's worked well, she's much more aware when she hurts someone accidentally and will go up and say sorry. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-or-plan-to-discipline#post-814795 Wed, 29 May 2013 09:02:42 +0000 Cole 814795@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have had the chance to practice discipline techniques on a variety of kids and to watch different parents handle a ton of different situations. Here are a few of my favorite tactics:</p> <p>Redirection-- I use this even with older kids, it is the biggest staple for me because often when kids are misbehaving it is because they are hungry, tired or bored. I love the "magic wand" technique for when they desperately want something, they demand a toy when we are picking out a birthday gift and I counter with "we are just here to get a gift for X but if I had a magic wand I would definitely get that for you, I would also get you that giant stuffed bear and every single book on the bookshelf, what else would you get?" and we turn it into a silly game. This is still going strong with 9 year olds, often they just want to be heard.</p> <p>Badgering/Grumpy behavior-- this sounds sort of mean but I promise I don't handle it in a mean way-- but they run. If it is raining they do laps around the house or run stairs if they are old enough, if it is nice out they do laps around the yard or up and down the block. I don't think I have ever had this not result in a much happier child.</p> <p>Time out-- this is usually limited to direct disobedience and repeated inability to get along with others. Don't dump your cereal on the floor followed by an upended bowl will land them on the bottom step for a few minutes. Screeching at your sister, pestering me about wanting a different snack and refusing to do your homework means you are doing your homework in your room (with carrots if I think they are truly hungry.) Most of the time with time outs I limit it to one minute per year of life or until you can pull yourself together, whichever comes first. If they are still a mess after that time it usually becomes time-in and I will sit with them and help them calm down. </p> <p>Time-in-- I use this a lot when it is clear that misbehavior comes from feelings instead of tired/hungry/bored. Finding out mom won't be home in time for bedtime and then having an outburst is different in my mind then just being a grump.</p> <p>I spend a LOT of time preventing misbehavior (but I don't walk around nagging). I offer or remind them to get a snack when the are seeming hungry, offer a job or remind them of something they wanted to do when they seem bored, we do random story times/silent reading when they are looking tired and I make sure they know exactly what is on the docket for the day and give them warning for transitions. These things are second nature at this point but it makes a world of difference in how our days go.</p> <p>I am relatively strict but on the flip side I am very clear about what I expect so I have never had an issue. I actually let kids do a lot of things that their parents might not but they are expected to treat those things responsibly or they lose the privilege. I think offering kids that responsibility and showing them I trust them goes a long way. </p> <p>I think ultimately having a large bag of tricks is your best bet. Try reading Playful Parenting and How to Talk so Kids will Listen for some more ideas. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-or-plan-to-discipline#post-814710 Wed, 29 May 2013 08:28:48 +0000 MamaBehr 814710@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>When DD is having some sort of meltdown or has done something really terrible, we do use timeouts. This has proven to be very effective for us, and now that she is older we can even do the count to three and she stops. I always try to hear her side of the story as well. I don't want her to think that her feelings aren't valid just because she is little, but then we discuss how her friend might have felt or why pushing her brother is bad. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-or-plan-to-discipline#post-814675 Wed, 29 May 2013 08:09:34 +0000 loveisstrange 814675@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@deerylou: I agree with most of what you said.</p> <p>Redirection when they are little and then loss of privileges and time outs when they are older. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-or-plan-to-discipline#post-814663 Wed, 29 May 2013 08:04:28 +0000 regberadaisy 814663@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think I'm in line with most of @deerylou: techniques. I'm still not sure on "time out" though. Definitely don't plan to use any kind if smacking bc it was never used on me. But I also did not grow up in a houseful of 3 rowdy boys all within a year of each other which is what my husband grew up in! :P </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-or-plan-to-discipline#post-814648 Wed, 29 May 2013 07:57:08 +0000 Honeybee 814648@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We use gentle parenting techniques. I would recommend the book Positive Discipline for Infants to Toddlers. We also use techniques from Dr. Sears' Discipline Book, the No Cry Discipline Solution, Love and Logic, and a couple Montessori books.</p> <p>The only offenses we use traditional time outs for are violence (hitting, kicking, etc...) and repeatedly disobeying in a way that may be dangerous (e.g. slamming the door after mom and dad say to stop). Right now we still use a lot of redirection and distraction, even with DD, who is almost 3. We use a lot of positive reinforcement and try to be proactive so we don't get into bad habits. We also talk a lot about our feelings, what it means to be respectful, how our behaviors affect others, etc... we just try to make parenting decisions based on what will be long-term beneficial rather than what resolves the behavior most quickly. Both kids (even DS, who's 14 months) also get logical consequences for their actions. Misuing an item in a way that is dangerous or not respecting the item (e.g. tearing books purposefully or not cleaning up toys after playing with them) gets that item taken away and has to be earned back. (DD is currently eating her oatmeal without any silverware because she refused to put her spoons and forks back into the drawer last night after playing with them. It's actually pretty funny, lol.) We're trying to give the kids the tools to eventually make good decisions on their own, so they're always allowed to question us on why we made certain choices (and DD questions why a lot right now, lol!).</p> <p>Truthfully, parenting has been a constantly evolving thing for us. Ignoring tantrums worked great when DD was around a year; now that she's older we have more success with talking through tantrums. There is always a new challenge to address, and sometimes behaviors we had corrected months ago come back in full force. It's always something new. :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-or-plan-to-discipline#post-814436 Tue, 28 May 2013 22:39:26 +0000 CupQuakeWalk 814436@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@deerylou: I 100% that tantrums should be ignored and not fed with attention from the parent! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-or-plan-to-discipline#post-814406 Tue, 28 May 2013 22:07:21 +0000 deerylou 814406@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm a behaviorist by trade, and plan to use similar strategies with DD, when it comes to discipline. Like @BAO mentioned, I will probably just use prompting and redirection when she's younger. </p> <p>Once she's able to comprehend, I would love to start a simple sort of token economy/visual reinforcement system so she's able to track her own behaviors, and see when she's earned or lost privileges. </p> <p>Personally, I think children thrive on attention, regardless of whether it's positive or negative. I believe in praising desirable behavior, and ignoring negative behavior. As long as my child, and those around her are safe, I don't plan to discipline temper tantrums with my attention. Instead, I will withhold eye contact and communication until they've gotten it together. If they need to be removed from the environment (i.e. take them out of the grocery store, and to the car seat), and it's feasible, I plan to do so quietly. In my experience, kids eventually learn that mom is not giving in, and they're not getting what they want from pitching a fit. Usually, you see a decrease pretty fast, especially if they're losing access to privileges *and* attention.</p> <p>Oh, I'm also totally for a time-out chair (just not in their room, where there are toys and entertainment). They seem to work pretty well! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-or-plan-to-discipline#post-814383 Tue, 28 May 2013 21:45:44 +0000 Bao 814383@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I will use redirection when she is younger and then take toys/privileges away as she gets older. Not sure what else I will do as LO is only 9 months old. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-or-plan-to-discipline#post-814353 Tue, 28 May 2013 21:22:26 +0000 CupQuakeWalk 814353@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I haven't decided what type of parent I'll be when it come to the department of discipline. I haven't ruled any methods out, although I hope to use methods that are effective on a long term basis rather than just for that moment.<br /> LO is 7m so, I hope I have time to set a game plan before the monstrosities begin!</p> <p>P.s: please include what types of behavior constitute which dicipline. Example: hitting=time out / tantrum = no dessert with dinner </p>