https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Thu, 07 May 2026 16:55:09 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-pay-for-adoption#post-1595005 Sat, 26 Apr 2014 18:10:39 +0000 Mrs. Pen 1595005@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@loveletter: thanks for sharing! that's amazing you were placed in just 3 months - what a blessing! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-pay-for-adoption#post-1594995 Sat, 26 Apr 2014 18:01:33 +0000 loveletter 1594995@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We scrimped and saved, a friend threw a fundraiser for us, we had a lot of family and friends give us monetary gifts, and my husband's workplace has an adoption assistance program. When we first started the adoption process, we weren't quite sure how we would end up paying for it, but between all of those things, it worked out perfectly!</p> <p>There were also a lot of grants that I wanted to apply for, but most of them required that you apply for them after your homestudy was completed, but before you were placed with a child. Since we were placed with our baby 3 weeks after our homestudy was done, we didn't have time to apply for any grants. But there are SO many, so that is definitely an option! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-pay-for-adoption#post-1594769 Sat, 26 Apr 2014 13:56:20 +0000 Mrs. Pen 1594769@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Jacks: Oh! thank you for the clarification. It's definitely a hard decision and not one to be taken lightly! DH and I are finally considering it seriously now, but it would still be 5+ years away.<br /> My dad, sister and brother once visited an orphanage in Asia, which is what started it for me. I was only 9 at the time, but when they came home with videos, pictures, stories etc - that's when I knew this is something I'd want to consider. If we do decide to adopt someday, I would likely look into that specific orphanage as well. There is a local agency that actually works with them. And I am not opposed at all to adopting an older child, quite the contrary actually; I would prefer not to adopt an infant. Still a ways off but something I like to think about :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-pay-for-adoption#post-1594747 Sat, 26 Apr 2014 13:44:56 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 1594747@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Pen: Oh no, not at all! I was trying to say that there are long lines and lots of people waiting for international adoption, which is why it is so expensive. The kids who are truly legally free internationally will get placed. It is the buearocracy that keeps those kids in foster programs or orphanages for so long. It's the foster kids that really are hurting for homes.</p> <p>If I still had my orphanage connections in Uganda, I might consider it... But I know the government and pitfalls there. It was so easy to work in the orphanage when I lived there and say "oh these kids just want to be loved and I should take a child home".</p> <p>But when you live there long enough, you realize some of the kids get picked up by family when the family can afford it. Some may have an opportunity for local placements, which should be preferrable to international placements. Situations that seem clear at a snapshot in time really aren't. So in short, it's complicated...</p> <p>Despite all that, I would never dissuade anyone from adopting if that's what they wanted to do for their family. But saying that it's for the kid makes me want to assure that families know what they are getting in to. I hope some of the other adoptive moms weigh in on this conversation because I'm clearly not expressing myself well when it comes across that I'm anti international adoption :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-pay-for-adoption#post-1594710 Sat, 26 Apr 2014 13:23:32 +0000 Mrs. Pen 1594710@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@photojane: yes! I completely agree with you - very beautifully worded. </p> <p>@Mrs. Jacks: No offense intended and I apologize if this was not your intention, but are you trying to tell me not to adopt internationally?<br /> I think foster care is a <i>wonderful</i> thing and I do plan to keep my mind and heart open - but it's not for everyone. </p> <p>I understand you (obviously) have more experience than I and I'm glad you're here to share your adoption story, and other advice! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-pay-for-adoption#post-1594600 Sat, 26 Apr 2014 12:05:27 +0000 photojane 1594600@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Pen: We'll be saving + fundraising, but most of the costs will need to be covered by fundraising, since we don't make very much. We are blessed in that our church is a huge champion for adoption, and they will help with the fundraising process. I've got lots of other fundraising ideas, but it will be a while until they're put into use -- we probably won't even start the process for another 5-6 years. Whatever your motives are for adopting, it's expensive. If you want a baby &amp; someone is willing to help you get there, why not let them? It takes a village, right?</p> <p>And, I just wanted to quickly touch on the motives topic. I want to adopt because God impressed it on my heart when I was very young. It's always something I've felt called to do. My motivations are spiritual. But, I also see nothing wrong with the viewing adoption as helpful or philanthropic. Of course if you believe your child "owes" you something for adoption him/her, that's not philanthropic. Once you've been in a third-world orphanage, held those babies, and experienced their desperation for love firsthand... you have no idea. I've been there. I've been asked (by multiple children) if I would take them home. I've seen their tears as yet another person leaves them behind. They are generally happy, beautiful children, but they have a deep, deep sadness that only the love of a family can erase. Yes, sending resources to them is helpful. We sponsor children &amp; make donations. But, there is no amount of money that can hug these children, tuck them in at night, kiss their faces. They'll never have parents unless they are adopted. Leaving these precious babies behind ripped my heart out. I wanted to bring them all with me. I want someone to adopt them - hug, kiss, love them. If that means a family needs to raise money, so be it. Whatever the cost - these kids are worth it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-pay-for-adoption#post-1594595 Sat, 26 Apr 2014 12:00:14 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 1594595@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I guess I come at it from the perspective that there is so much demand for adopting infants or internationally that there really aren't a bunch of kids languishing waiting for homes.</p> <p>As an example, when we were waiting for our match, we got called about a down syndrome child born prematurely to a bipolar mother and schizophrenic father. (full fees too) Clearly not right for us and I was apologetic. The agency lady just laughed and said, don't worry I'll have him placed by the end of the day. </p> <p>There are incredibly long lines for international adoptions because there is so much demand while so much buearocracy to ensure the children are legally free.</p> <p>The foster system on the other hand definitely has kids who truly need a good home! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-pay-for-adoption#post-1594566 Sat, 26 Apr 2014 11:37:35 +0000 Mrs. Pen 1594566@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Greentea: I saw that for international adoption, the costs vary so much because certain countries require a donation to the orphanage - like the fees I found for China were higher than any other country in Asia because they required a 6k orphanage donation. There is a specific country I have in mind, and the agency local to me provided a cost list with rangs that didn't go above 20k. It's a consideration.<br /> But foster care is something I am keeping in mind too. If we pursue any type of adoption, it will be at least 6-7 years down the road - and I like keeping my options open. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-pay-for-adoption#post-1594559 Sat, 26 Apr 2014 11:34:04 +0000 Greentea 1594559@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Pen: omg! :( I really want to do that. My other sister is interested in adoption internationally and she was quoted at 50k. To start. Her husband has a very good job but they decided to pursue foster care instead. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-pay-for-adoption#post-1594549 Sat, 26 Apr 2014 11:28:07 +0000 Mrs. Pen 1594549@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yes, for sure it is! I know in my state you can view the profiles of all the waiting children, and I just want to cry reading through them. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-pay-for-adoption#post-1594545 Sat, 26 Apr 2014 11:22:45 +0000 Greentea 1594545@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Pen: that makes me sad. Foster care adoption is something I am going to look in to. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-pay-for-adoption#post-1594544 Sat, 26 Apr 2014 11:21:14 +0000 Mrs. Pen 1594544@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@daniellemybelle: I've definitely struggled with wanting to be one and done or having another one... and I think that adoption is something I DO want to pursue in the future. I've heard it said from someone I know that she personally doesn't want to have a biological child when there are so many children without a home - and I guess I have a similar feeling? I do have one child already, but I'm not sure I want to have more bio children, when I could be giving another child a home. Does that make sense? Adoption was on my heart even as a little girl. We'll see, when the time comes, how it all plays out. But for me that would be my "motive" I suppose. It wouldn't be to rescue or save them necessarily, but to be a family to them - just as much as I would want them a part of my family.</p> <p>@yoursilverlining: it is a hard situation, fostering. I know several who have done it and been amazing foster parents. I admire them for sure! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-pay-for-adoption#post-1594519 Sat, 26 Apr 2014 10:52:26 +0000 yoursilverlining 1594519@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Dandelion: agreed. Adopting to "save" someone sets up a different relationship, and often I think, different expectations for a child's behavior and gratefulness even if those ideas are subconscious. </p> <p>We have a relative who just finally adopted (after being "jerked around" for 2.5 years) from Korea. It cost them substantially more than they were initially quoted because there was always a last minute hearing that had to attend (fly to Korea on 3 day notice, have to do the same 2 weeks later, etc.) Unfortunately, I think that sort of thing happens too often :( they used savings and, I believe, some money from family or else took out a heloc/2nd mortgage (or combination of all 3).</p> <p>I have a friend who adopted through the foster system (foster to adopt, not straight adoption). It was cheaper, though not free - added cost of child in your home, lawyers fees, etc but of course the huge downside is that you bond with a child in your home who can be separated from you and returned to a (questionable) bio parent at any time - I wouldn't wish that stress on anyone! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-pay-for-adoption#post-1594517 Sat, 26 Apr 2014 10:43:32 +0000 daniellemybelle 1594517@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Pen: Definitely not. Like others on this thread, I do see potential issues with framing adoption as "rescuing" a child but ultimately, that is up to the family to sort out. Even if my philosophy does not line up with another family's, I am happy for anyone adding to their family! The family I know personally has a different approach than I would have but I am really happy for them. I agree that's rare that it would become an unhealthy situation (though those stories do happen &amp; are heartbreaking). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-pay-for-adoption#post-1594496 Sat, 26 Apr 2014 10:27:16 +0000 sunny 1594496@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have a friend who adopted a little boy from Africa and I believe they just saved up for the adoption fees. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-pay-for-adoption#post-1594489 Sat, 26 Apr 2014 10:23:41 +0000 hotchildinthecity 1594489@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Pen: we looked at all adoption programs and based on the time you need to stay in country, what we qualified for, how many children were available, etc we narrowed it down to china or korea. It just so happened that the little boy we were interested in is in korea so we are pursuing that path. Since initially deciding, we have learned more about korea itself and how wonderful their adoption process is. Children live in foster homes (not orphanages) and get great medical care. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-pay-for-adoption#post-1594484 Sat, 26 Apr 2014 10:17:04 +0000 Mrs. Pen 1594484@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hotchildinthecity: I'm so excited for you! I hope you continue to post your journey. Out of curiosity, was there any factor specifically that led you to choose Korea? </p> <p>@daniellemybelle: IMHO, I think there are very few "wrong" motives to adopt. I think adoption is a beautiful thing - for the child and the family. Is it really so bad to want to adopt because you want to give a child a home who otherwise wouldn't have one? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-pay-for-adoption#post-1594476 Sat, 26 Apr 2014 10:07:29 +0000 daniellemybelle 1594476@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hotchildinthecity: So exciting! I thought that you had a waiting child in mind. :goodluck: ! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-pay-for-adoption#post-1594474 Sat, 26 Apr 2014 10:04:08 +0000 hotchildinthecity 1594474@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@daniellemybelle: we're adopting a waiting child from korea. We actually have a particular child we're interested in. We're about 7 weeks into the process and we're almost done with our home study. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-pay-for-adoption#post-1594472 Sat, 26 Apr 2014 10:01:03 +0000 daniellemybelle 1594472@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Dandelion: @Mrs. Jacks: Agreed. I feel bad saying that because having the desire to help children in need is wonderful, and I would never judge others' motives (assuming they are good parents which the vast majority are). It's just not my point of view on adoption, or how we would frame the situation if we were to adopt. Ultimately I am not an adoptive parent though so my opinion is just an opinion!</p> <p>@hotchildinthecity: Excited for you :) that is a large figure though! Remind me your adoption plans? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-pay-for-adoption#post-1594470 Sat, 26 Apr 2014 09:56:43 +0000 Mrs. Pen 1594470@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Dandelion: that reminds me of the movie The Blindside - when the lady says to Mrs. Touhy, "You're changing that boy's life.<br /> And Mrs. Touhy replies, "No. He's changing mine." </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-pay-for-adoption#post-1594460 Sat, 26 Apr 2014 09:48:44 +0000 Dandelion 1594460@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@daniellemybelle: I agree with you that adoption shouldn't be a mission thing. You should want a child in your home because you love them. Not to do them any favors. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-pay-for-adoption#post-1594447 Sat, 26 Apr 2014 09:40:49 +0000 hotchildinthecity 1594447@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We're saving, our families are helping, we're applying for a few grants, using the tax credit, and i get assistance from my job. With travel and everything, its going to cost us around $40k. We could have used that money to buy an apartment but we are going to continue to rent for the foreseeable future. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-pay-for-adoption#post-1594419 Sat, 26 Apr 2014 09:10:37 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 1594419@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Pen: for us that ended up not being an issue either. It just is for many people and I wa addressing my thoughts to blue striped bee's post.</p> <p>As for church groups championing adoption, personally I take issue with that because ultimately raising a chil is so much more than just raising them to believe in god the same way as our church does. There are articles on some groups where adopting to save a soul is encouraged and the adopted child has died of abuse. Of course the vast majority of situations are not like that at all, but it gets more confusing when motives are mixed.</p> <p>I'm in no way saying this is your intention or your church's intention. I just think there has to be an element of selfishness to having a child because the resources you have to devote to them will suck you dry otherwise. I strongly believe that adoption is not equal to altruism... An whenever people say M is lucky, I always correct them and say "no, I'm the lucky one!" </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-pay-for-adoption#post-1594391 Sat, 26 Apr 2014 08:46:58 +0000 Mrs. Pen 1594391@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Jacks: for myself personally, it is not an issue of IVF vs adoption. I would adopt for other reasons. :)</p> <p>As for fundraising, to each their own. I see nothing wrong with hosting a get together, or making other fundraising efforts such as yard sales. I know my church is a big supporter of adoption, celebrating adoption Sunday and everything and would likely encourage and support fundraising efforts for families in need. I'm not sure if I would do it, but I'm fine when others do.</p> <p>@Greentea: that is true! Another consideration for sure. I saw there are about 150 waiting children in my state alone needing a home. Most are over 8 years old and many are sibling groups. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-pay-for-adoption#post-1594380 Sat, 26 Apr 2014 08:40:09 +0000 daniellemybelle 1594380@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Dandelion: @Mrs. Pen: I know a family fundraising for their international adoption of two older children. They feel "called" to adopt &amp; so their church family &amp; extended religious network is helping them fulfill this calling, much like they might support a missionary.</p> <p>To each their own &amp; I think this family will make amazing parents (and siblings) to these girls... But I have a different philosophy on adoption so personally I would not take that route. If we were to adopt it would not be as a religious mission to save orphans, it would just be to expand our family in a different way. In that case I would not feel right asking for financial help other than graciously accepting the usual gifts that come with a new child</p> <p>ETA: I have always wanted to adopt if the situation was right. Like you Mrs Pen, I have always been emotionally drawn to it, and know a lot of great adoptive families. But I don't think we will ever be able to afford it without sacrificing elsewhere (retirement, college, etc) and providing for our existing family has to take priority. Perhaps we might consider a special situation down the road such as foster-to-adopt but already having a child, we would need to be very thoughtful about how that could affect our family dynamic. (All new siblings change family dynamics of course &amp; you can never know what to expect but we would just have to be realistic about what we would be able to anticipate.) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-pay-for-adoption#post-1594377 Sat, 26 Apr 2014 08:37:21 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 1594377@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think I've written a blog post about this. The short answer is that we skimped and saved, but the longer answer involves keeping costs low by a variety of approaches, plus sacking money away.</p> <p>I'm not a big fan of fundraising for adoption. To me it seems like a personal thing to enrich family life and therefore fundraising for it seems counterintuitive to me.</p> <p>The whole IVF vs adoption money issue is a big one. I have friends that did decide to put the money towards IVF instead of adoption and to date, all but one has been successful. The one couple ended up deciding to stay childless because they ran out of funds and time (she was mid 40's when they gave up). I take no position on what's the better approach. I think it's highly personal. We had pre-decided no IVF, but I'm a pretty goal oriented person, so who knows what might have happened?! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-pay-for-adoption#post-1594346 Sat, 26 Apr 2014 08:08:57 +0000 Greentea 1594346@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I believe it is free through foster care. My sister used to supervise an agency. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-pay-for-adoption#post-1594344 Sat, 26 Apr 2014 08:05:18 +0000 mrs.shinerbock 1594344@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We have not adopted, but we were pretty far along the process when we had to put it on hold, and here is what I know. </p> <p>Some adoption agencies have a sliding scale that adjusts for your income. There is also a wide range of costs based on the agency you choose and what services they provide. those costs should be available prior to making any commitments to an agency. </p> <p>There are many organizations that provide grants to help pay for adoption costs, such as churches and other not-for-profit groups, as well as employers. Our adoption agency provided us with some information and resources, but I don't remember much of it. </p> <p>The portions of our adoption costs that we have paid so far were paid out of pocket and spread out over 6 months. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-pay-for-adoption#post-1594330 Sat, 26 Apr 2014 07:45:13 +0000 Mrs. Pen 1594330@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Dandelion: I've seen some here and there but I've heard mixed responses on it. Some say it's "tacky" to have people contribute to your adoption and others say they love to help? So I'm not sure. I have heard of doing some fundraisers like hosting a BBQ and asking for donations, but not necessarily a requirement. I think that is a good idea. I personally would love to contribute to someone's adoption if possible.</p> <p>@bluestriped bee: thanks! That's mostly what I figured. I know it's also not one big lump sum you pay up front, and that helps people space out the payments to make it more manageable. I think if I ever adopt, I would like to make sure I have all the money in case hidden expenses come up - you just never know! </p>