Hellobee Boards Topic: how do you refer to your LO with special needs?

Hellobee Boards Topic: how do you refer to your LO with special needs? https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Thu, 18 Jun 2026 22:14:40 +0000 Chuckles on "how do you refer to your LO with special needs?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-refer-to-your-lo-with-special-needs#post-1971841 Thu, 04 Dec 2014 22:50:08 +0000 Chuckles 1971841@https://boards.hellobee.com/ No advice, just commiserating :) My LO has low tone and isn't walking at 17 months. He also has oral motor issues and some unidentified feeding issues so he still uses bottles and eats almost no solids. Since there isn't one specific thing or term I can point to, it's hard to explain to people. I usually just try to avoid it as much as possible. We talked to the pediatrician on call a couple nights ago (long story) and she suggested we give him crackers to settle his stomach. I didn't feel like getting into how impossible that is, so I just said thanks and hung up. I also don't like when people say things like, "he'll be walking before you know it!" or "I'm sure he will eat when he's ready." First, it's not true, but it also feels like it discounts all the hard work that he (and i) do to work on his issues. rrachael on "how do you refer to your LO with special needs?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-refer-to-your-lo-with-special-needs#post-1971798 Thu, 04 Dec 2014 22:14:14 +0000 rrachael 1971798@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I don't have a child with special needs, but I'm a special ed teacher and how to word things is always tricky for us too. How would you feel about staying similar to your current wording? "My younger son has some medical needs", or "my older son is typical and my younger son has some medical difficulties" ... or something like that? We use the word typical a lot instead of "regular" ... it still sounds odd but it has less sting. And needs or difficulties is a little gentler than issues. Of course the most PC way is son with special needs ... but I agree that feels wordy sometimes :) jhd on "how do you refer to your LO with special needs?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-refer-to-your-lo-with-special-needs#post-1971711 Thu, 04 Dec 2014 21:34:54 +0000 jhd 1971711@https://boards.hellobee.com/ DH usually tells work people that LO has had some challenges when they ask about why he has missed work (we've had to travel for a lot of his appointments). I don't think there is an easy way to address it, especially when people compare your children. It's like when people can tell that a child is adopted and they talk about adopted vs "real" child instead of taking the time to say biological child. I agree with @wonderstruck: son with special needs sounds best to me, yet it still doesn't feel quite right. FliegepilzHut on "how do you refer to your LO with special needs?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-refer-to-your-lo-with-special-needs#post-1971690 Thu, 04 Dec 2014 21:26:06 +0000 FliegepilzHut 1971690@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Is "medically complex" problematic? ETA: @ladybee: I think typical is nice and non-stigmatizing. Applesandbananas on "how do you refer to your LO with special needs?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-refer-to-your-lo-with-special-needs#post-1971642 Thu, 04 Dec 2014 21:09:06 +0000 Applesandbananas 1971642@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Hugs. I get so frustrated when people ask about LO. I never know how much to explain. Sometimes I totally blow them off ;) ladybee on "how do you refer to your LO with special needs?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-refer-to-your-lo-with-special-needs#post-1971575 Thu, 04 Dec 2014 20:29:36 +0000 ladybee 1971575@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @Mrs. Tiger: honestly, I don't think there is a good way to say it. Medical disability? Medically handicapped? Medical delay? He has a typical brother? I'm a special education teacher to kids with mild to moderate disability, some on the spectrum. It's hard, they're people so labeling them feels so wrong. I would probably just say he has special medical needs. Mrs. Tiger on "how do you refer to your LO with special needs?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-refer-to-your-lo-with-special-needs#post-1971558 Thu, 04 Dec 2014 20:22:53 +0000 Mrs. Tiger 1971558@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @wonderstruck: I don't run into it enough to have a well formulated answer, obviously! I feel you on the "he'll be just fine" comments - argh! I like @Ms.Badger: 's suggestion, confuse them with the medical term :) I'm much better when he's with me or where we're in a casual environment. I just don't want to get into his whole deal at work, when the person is just asking to get the 5 sec story so they can move on with their life, you know? Like @Mrs. Twine: it feels SO limiting to just say "he has CP." This is probably related to the fact that I haven't fully accepted that he really -does- have CP. I mean, I have, but.. it's still sore enough that I don't bring it up except when I have time to explain that his PT doesn't think he does, he shows only extremely mild symptoms, etc. But, just like your advice above, that would probably shut people right up. ETA: Also, it SUCKS that people ask you for the details about Lucas. What could you even say? As if there's ever a simple answer to that question? Mrs. Twine on "how do you refer to your LO with special needs?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-refer-to-your-lo-with-special-needs#post-1971550 Thu, 04 Dec 2014 20:18:18 +0000 Mrs. Twine 1971550@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I agree that it's tricky. I usually say that Ellie is on the autism spectrum. But don't these labels always feel like SUCH an oversimplification? On the one hand, I know that Ellie is treated differently as a person on the spectrum versus a "challenging kid" or "behavior problem." So that part is good. But people do often make assumptions and those can be harder to address. I always appreciate when people ask questions and aren't nervous to talk to me, because then I feel like they get a better image of Ellie specifically. As she is getting older she tells me that she prefers me saying she is on the spectrum versus autistic or a person with autism. So as he gets older you can defer to him, too. wonderstruck on "how do you refer to your LO with special needs?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-refer-to-your-lo-with-special-needs#post-1971546 Thu, 04 Dec 2014 20:14:51 +0000 wonderstruck 1971546@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @Ms.Badger: Good advice, medical terms usually get people to stop asking questions! And I'm so sorry people ask you questions like that about Lucas' death, figuring out how to best explain it is not something you should have to deal with. Ms.Badger on "how do you refer to your LO with special needs?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-refer-to-your-lo-with-special-needs#post-1971544 Thu, 04 Dec 2014 20:10:39 +0000 Ms.Badger 1971544@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @wonderstruck: On medical forms they say hypotonia, you can use that because people will know it's a medical diagnosis and not a stage but they probably won't know what it means @Mrs. Tiger: Sorry Mrs. Tiger, I got nothing for you. I just told people Lucas was "sick" and now when they asked what he died from I have no good answer. It wasn't clearly congenital and it definitely wasn't infectious so I'm always wordy too, explaining liver failure and transplant rejection.... it's hard because you don't want to put your own kid in a box that other people already have assumptions about. If I were you I'd probably default to CP, because it has such a wide range and people know what it is, but it's such a personal decision wonderstruck on "how do you refer to your LO with special needs?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-refer-to-your-lo-with-special-needs#post-1971531 Thu, 04 Dec 2014 20:01:16 +0000 wonderstruck 1971531@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I think sons with special needs is an appropriate way of putting it - person first language and all that. I got some questions at the doctor's office yesterday because L is clearly very new to walking and still a bit uneasy, and someone asked how old he was and was obviously surprised by my answer and trying to decide how to ask. I just came right out and added onto my answer, "He has low muscle tone." Although I kind of wish that was called something different too because people always say crap like, "Oh, well I'm sure his muscles will get stronger/more toned!" Which is totally not how it works and I don't feel like getting into a big medical history. I either smile and bite my tongue or say, "Well, that's not really how it works, it's how his body is built and won't change, but he seeing a physical therapy for it." Usually I don't feel like getting that in depth though. Depends on my mood and who I'm talking to. But I don't run into it as often as you probably do. Mrs. Tiger on "how do you refer to your LO with special needs?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-refer-to-your-lo-with-special-needs#post-1971512 Thu, 04 Dec 2014 19:53:43 +0000 Mrs. Tiger 1971512@https://boards.hellobee.com/ If your LO has special needs or a disability, do you have a quick way of summing it up for people? I got caught off guard during a work teleconference today, someone asked why I'm only in the office part time, and I said it's because my son has "medical issues." They then asked "so you have 1 child?" and I said "no, I have two, one is regular, one has issues." And that's just a terrible way to put it! If someone had described them that way I would be offended, but that's what came out of my mouth :bummed: Any suggestions? Saying I have a "special needs son" seems like that's all he is to me, saying I have a "son with special needs" feels too wordy although I guess it's not different. I try to default to that description in blog posts but I can't really get myself to use it IRL. I also like the nickname "tubie" for kids with feeding tubes, but almost no one knows what that means. Any suggestions?