https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 05 May 2026 15:57:08 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-seduce-your-so/page/2#post-172458 Tue, 29 May 2012 15:37:44 +0000 Adira 172458@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Coco Bee: You don't sound preachy AT ALL and you're sooooooo helpful! Thank you so much for taking the time to read through my posts and give feedback!</p> <p>I think part of the problem for us, and I'm not really sure how to fix it, is that I feel like I DO do things selflessly for him. There are definitely things I don't enjoy doing, but I do them because I know HE does enjoy them. I even try to enjoy myself while we do them! And immediately after, he'll seem really thankful and appreciative of my efforts. But later he seems to act like I'm not doing ENOUGH and that even though I try to do things he likes, I'm not putting enough effort into them. Maybe he's not explaining himself well or I'm taking what he's saying the wrong way, but it just seems like he's not satisfied if I don't also LIKE the things he likes. I mean, I LIKE pleasing him and I do these things FOR him, but it seems like if I don't like the act in and of itself, it's not enough.</p> <p>I definitely agree - stating things like "you never" is a terrible way to communicate and I know that when he says stuff like that, I immediately get defensive, and then he gets mad that I'm taking "never" so literal. I'm sure part of the problem is that the last time we really "talked" about this stuff was when we were arguing about it during my fertile period and I was definitely overly emotional because I knew it meant a BFN coming my way.</p> <p>I'm probably not the best at being completely selfless either. I think part of me thinks "Okay if I do this for him this week, he'll do that for me next week" and then if THAT doesn't happen, I get REALLY upset. That's definitely what happened last cycle and I'm STILL upset about it, but I probably need to just get over it.</p> <p>Relationship issues are the worst! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-seduce-your-so/page/2#post-172439 Tue, 29 May 2012 15:24:13 +0000 Mrs. Pen 172439@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Adira: don't worry, you're not complaining or coming off whiny at all. You have a need and a hurt and it's good to work through this, and of course we're here for you!!</p> <p>One thing DH and I learned is that even though we may like different things, for instance I hate blowjobs, he loves them - part of being lovers to each other is being SELFLESS for the other person. I please him because I love him, and he pleases me because he loves me. And it's not even about "taking turns" or "you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours" - you have to have the mindset that even if you get nothing in return, you are giving to them because you unconditionally love each other.</p> <p>When you discuss things, accusing my say "you never" is an ambiguous and accusatory statement that will only lead to a defensive argument. Starting off by calmly saying, "I feel like ___", and even initially offering something you feel you may need to apologize for. "I'm sorry I don't get into pleasing you as often as you'd like, I love you so much and I want to do this for you, will you forgive me."<br /> Taking those steps - though hard because you may feel he is mostly at blame (don't we all!!), will speak volumes to him and when you start a "confrontation" with an apology and open vulnerability about your feelings, he WILL be caught off guard and 10 times less likely to get defensive and accuse.</p> <p>I hope that doesn't sound preachy - I just want to help!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-seduce-your-so#post-172433 Tue, 29 May 2012 15:17:06 +0000 Adira 172433@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Coco Bee: Thank you for your kind words. I think communication is definitely a huge issue for us. We've been good about it in the past, but I think we've gotten bad at it lately. I'm honestly not sure how to broach the subject with him at the moment and I'm not really sure what we can do to fix things.</p> <p>Part of our problem is that we like different things. I've been trying to do the things he likes, but I'm never as "into it" as he'd like, and so he always ends up a little disappointed. I honestly don't know what to do about this. He doesn't want me to "fake" being "into it" but he's upset that I don't like what he likes.</p> <p>He's usually pretty good about doing the things I like, but I feel like I'm really easy to please. Now that we've been doing what I like for the past eight years, he's bored of it, but I don't like switching things up!</p> <p>The last time we tried talking about some of the issues, he'll complain that I "never" initiate things, but I feel like I'm the only one that's been initiating things! I think he thinks just saying "I'm horny" is him initiating things, even when I end up having to take the lead to actually get things going.</p> <p>Oh my gosh, now I'm just complaining. I'm sorry you guys. I think I'm just at the end of my rope AND TTC is probably just putting even more stress on it, haha. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-seduce-your-so#post-172418 Tue, 29 May 2012 15:10:24 +0000 Mrs. Pickle 172418@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Like @mrs.wagon I'll go to bed before him and get naked. He knows whats up after that. We really like shower sex so when I ask him to shower with me that works. Some days I'll fix my hair and makeup and put on lingerie and wait for him to come home and then jump him. We don't usually do morning sex because I am grumpy in the mornings and snap at him when he tries.</p> <p>Since ttc we have gone through a couple of rough patches sexually, mostly from the stress to perform. We got through it with a lot of communication and now have no issues. Well my husband would probably say we don't do it enough, but we could have sex twice a day and he'd still say that :p. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-seduce-your-so#post-172401 Tue, 29 May 2012 15:00:49 +0000 littlebug 172401@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We usually do it in the morning. Hubs always complains that he's too tired at night. I get up before him and shower, so I'll crawl into bed naked after my shower to wake him up. That usually gets him going. </p> <p>Another thing that seems to work (on the weekends or if I'm feeling particularly randy on a weeknight) is I'll be upstairs and I'll put on some lingerie. I'll call him to come "help me" with something. He gets all flustered when he comes upstairs and I'm laying there scantily clad. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-seduce-your-so#post-172394 Tue, 29 May 2012 14:59:27 +0000 Mrs. Pen 172394@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Adira: It sounds like you're really frustrated and even emotionally hurt. When you as his wife are doubting your ability to be a lover to him I think it's a lot more emotionally damaging than you, and he, may realize.</p> <p>It sounds like, in addition to trying some new stuff to add a little sizzle, you should really talk with him about your feelings and what you need/want. You have sexual desires just as much as he does and he needs to be selfless when it comes to that area with you, and vice versa. You or he will eventually begin to build resentment if things aren't worked out. It can be surprising how big of a role sex plays in a husband-wife relationship.<br /> I think maybe one of the main reasons my husband and I have so much "fun" together is because neither of us are ever afraid to communicate our wants/needs/desires/dislikes etc, even in the moment. But I know it can take a lot to get to that point. I'm very honest with DH and he is with me, so we always know what the other likes. I never doubt my ability to seduce or please him and that is SO important for my self-esteem and self-worth as his wife, and it goes both ways.<br /> I don't like to see you hurt or feel you aren't a good enough lover! You should really talk to him dear. ((HUGS)) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-seduce-your-so#post-172378 Tue, 29 May 2012 14:53:42 +0000 MaisyMay 172378@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If the problem is that he's feeling used, I'd try to set up some sort of signal so that he knows it's a good day, and then let him initiate. It might help you guys out. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-seduce-your-so#post-172365 Tue, 29 May 2012 14:50:00 +0000 Adira 172365@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrskc: That's actually often my usual start, but now I'm thinking I need to do MORE before I jump into that? I'm not sure... but the last couple times, that didn't really work for us. :( He claims he was tired so maybe it's a matter of doing it EARLIER in the day instead. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-seduce-your-so#post-172357 Tue, 29 May 2012 14:44:48 +0000 mrskc 172357@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Adira: Hope this isn't too much, but what about foreplay? Going down on him. Guys usually love that! lol </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-seduce-your-so#post-172355 Tue, 29 May 2012 14:43:29 +0000 mrskc 172355@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Love morning sex. I think it's the best! We used to play truth and dare with each other which would always end up being sexual. heh</p> <p>What about reading sexy stories to each other? We used to read Penthouse Letters together. Though I'm not into that as much because that mag is geared towards men, but that might be good for your hubby. Or have you considered watching a sexy video together to get him in the mood? If you're open to those things, try it! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-seduce-your-so#post-172353 Tue, 29 May 2012 14:42:05 +0000 Adira 172353@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@jessiejo17: I think that is probably part of the problem. My husband is probably starting to feel "used" especially because the only time I really initiate things in during my fertile window. Maybe I need to be better about doing stuff outside that window too. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-seduce-your-so#post-172340 Tue, 29 May 2012 14:35:04 +0000 LuLu Mom 172340@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Adira: I know it's hard with TTC to come up with ideas to keep it fun and light. My husband didn't like feeling like a "sperm bank" as he called it, so I had to really make sure he knew it was about us and not just about making a baby! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-seduce-your-so#post-172331 Tue, 29 May 2012 14:33:59 +0000 Adira 172331@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Ugh, I'm so jealous of you ladies who don't have a hard time getting your man in the mood! Lately my husband has seemed sooooo uninterested and I've been clawing my eyes out trying to think of what I can do differently! Definitely the things that USED to work don't seem to work anymore, which is sooooo frustrating!!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-seduce-your-so#post-172323 Tue, 29 May 2012 14:32:06 +0000 MaisyMay 172323@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Adira: I highly doubt you are bad at seducing him. He just needs to realize how relaxing intimacy can be! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-seduce-your-so#post-172310 Tue, 29 May 2012 14:25:36 +0000 MrsCastro 172310@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>hubs needs no seducing...he actually finds it more attractive when i take more of the lead then the other way...</p> <p>after BC my "appetite" went way down so he knows i am on the prowel when i iniciate... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-seduce-your-so#post-172309 Tue, 29 May 2012 14:25:23 +0000 Arden 172309@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It's not hard. lol<br /> I will usually just start kissing him, shove him onto the bed, and he's ready to go! Haha...<br /> Or if we're already in bed, I can just run my fingernails up his back, or nibble his ear, and we're on. :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-seduce-your-so#post-172308 Tue, 29 May 2012 14:24:56 +0000 Adira 172308@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@jessiejo17: haha, a sexy outfit is definitely a good idea! I guess maybe I just need to put a little more effort into things! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-seduce-your-so#post-172303 Tue, 29 May 2012 14:21:00 +0000 LuLu Mom 172303@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Adira: Ahhh in that case where a sexy little outfit &amp; have his favorite meal in the oven and say you recorded his favorite baseball game ;) What guy can resist that! </p> <p>haha my DH just likes when I make a move, because it is usually him so when I catch him off guard he loves it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-seduce-your-so#post-172267 Tue, 29 May 2012 14:00:46 +0000 mrs. wagon 172267@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Adira: maybe you could try some sexting? words, pictures... something that will ensure he's in the mood by the time you're together ;) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-seduce-your-so#post-172264 Tue, 29 May 2012 13:58:09 +0000 Adira 172264@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MaisyMay: haha, you would think! Maybe I'm just bad at seducing him? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-seduce-your-so#post-172253 Tue, 29 May 2012 13:53:54 +0000 MaisyMay 172253@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Adira: doesn't he know that it'll help him to relax? lol. :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-seduce-your-so#post-172238 Tue, 29 May 2012 13:48:18 +0000 Mrs. Pen 172238@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Adira: hehe I like to think so. But since having LO it's been REALLY hard. I am anxious to LO to learn to sleep in his bed since it's ruining our sexy time lol </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-seduce-your-so#post-172237 Tue, 29 May 2012 13:48:08 +0000 Adira 172237@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@jessiejo17: Hmm... maybe I just need to try being more overtly sexual when I give him a hello kiss or something! I have every-other Friday off, so I've often tried to seduce him as soon as he gets home from work, but sometimes it backfires and he'll complain that he just wants to relax first! Ugh!</p> <p>During the rest of the week, Hubs gets home before I do, so by the time I get home, he's on his computer playing video games and totally immersed! If I try to interrupt him, he often gets annoyed. :( </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-seduce-your-so#post-172235 Tue, 29 May 2012 13:47:34 +0000 mrs. wagon 172235@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@highwire: @Adira: our favorite used to be morning!! I think mostly because when I first wake up my guard is down and I'm completely relaxed. He's always ready to go but I need to be seduced, so the times when I'd be willing to wake up the mornings were always great. I miss those Saturday mornings pre-baby :) we'd go back to sleep and then get late brunch around noon! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-seduce-your-so#post-172232 Tue, 29 May 2012 13:46:55 +0000 Shimmer 172232@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Adira: I've always been more of a morning person, so it's not so bad for me. My sexy pregnancy dreams have definitely helped in that department as well. </p> <p>@Coco Bee: We shower together a lot as well! And I definitely chuckled with your Monopoly story lol </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-seduce-your-so#post-172231 Tue, 29 May 2012 13:45:57 +0000 Adira 172231@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Coco Bee: Oh my gosh! You and your husband sound like you have so much fun with sex!!!</p> <p>My problem with middle of the night or morning sex is that I will NOT wake up unless I set the alarm, and then that would probably wake up the Hubs and annoy him! I don't just naturally wake up in the middle of the night. Although maybe if I drank a ton of water before going to bed, that would work... I'm honestly not sure how he'd respond to be woken up though... guess I'll have to find out! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-seduce-your-so#post-172230 Tue, 29 May 2012 13:45:39 +0000 MaisyMay 172230@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Interesting. My hubs would rather go at night and get a little extra sleep in the a.m.<br /> @Coco Bee: We've done strip games before as a fun way to get in the mood, usually Rummy or Farkle work well. :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-seduce-your-so#post-172229 Tue, 29 May 2012 13:45:35 +0000 LuLu Mom 172229@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have found the best time is to start dinner/have it in the oven when he gets home (I'm home first.) And when he comes in for my "hello" kiss I just show a little more lust than normal. (throw in a little tongue/press my body against him) and he normally reacts right away. He's pretty easy to get going though! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-seduce-your-so#post-172223 Tue, 29 May 2012 13:41:55 +0000 Mrs. Pen 172223@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Adira: I agree on different times of day! On the weekends I would wake my DH up in the middle of the night by kissing, stroking or even straddling hehe! He absolutely loved it and there is something about doing it in the middle of the night that made it so exciting and different.</p> <p>Sometimes I "dance" for him too, it's more comical than sexy cause I can't dance lol but he loves it and we always end up in bed together.</p> <p>We shower a lot too.</p> <p>If you're willing to wake up a little earlier, mornings are fun! And they say a man's sperm is at it's best right in the morning too!!</p> <p>We play a lot of games together, and would use sexual favors as bargaining tokens. Like, while playing monopoly I'd say, "If you give me Park Place I will give you a quickie right here and now."<br /> He agreed :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-seduce-your-so#post-172209 Tue, 29 May 2012 13:34:12 +0000 Adira 172209@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@highwire: Okay, I promise to try it! I'll have to pick a morning where we've gone to bed at a reasonable time so hopefully we'll be fully rested and ready to go when we wake up, haha! </p>