https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 23 May 2026 21:11:45 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-split-up-holidays/page/2#post-2721830 Sat, 08 Apr 2017 12:50:46 +0000 Jess1483 2721830@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We live in the same town as my parents and my ILs are about a 10-hour drive away. Luckily, my ILs are great about this and don't ask us to travel for holidays. We do usually go see them around the 4th of July, but that's just because we get an extra vacation day. Then they visit at odd times. We generally celebrate with my parents, but if we say we're going to do something alone, they're totally fine with that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-split-up-holidays#post-2721829 Sat, 08 Apr 2017 12:18:14 +0000 Littlebit7 2721829@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We've started to avoid it all together by taking a vacation over Christmas! Haha. We throw it out to family that we are going to X location (typically skiing out west) and then see if anyone wants to join. Last year my parents came. Thanksgiving is typically at my inlaws since we see them much less than my parents (but we compromise by inviting my parents to my inlaws around thanksgiving for a day.). They live about 2.5 hours apart. But both live 7-8 hours from us. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-split-up-holidays#post-2721815 Sat, 08 Apr 2017 08:47:41 +0000 skinnycow 2721815@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We have a similar situation but with 3 families (my parents are divorced). For Christmas - we spend Christmas Eve with my in-laws and then host two separate Christmas' at our house for each set of my parents.</p> <p>For other holidays we just go with the flow. Sometimes people get their feelings hurt but we don't want to be stressed! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-split-up-holidays#post-2721812 Sat, 08 Apr 2017 07:57:56 +0000 ottilie 2721812@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Our families are also close together - like 35 minutes apart. It's hard because I have a big family that does lots for each holiday whereas my in-laws it's often just them. This is changing soon as more of their children move back here so this year will be different. Last year, we did Thanksgiving with my in-laws and Christmas with my family and my mil was mad at me that she didn't get to see our son on Christmas. So this year I guess I have to figure out something new. I tried not to feel guilty about Christmas because she didn't tell me her expectations in advance but oh well. I hate causing conflict. Maybe split up Christmas Eve/morning/Christmas dinner between families and just us. I don't know. In the past we've also done an "extra" holiday celebration, like if we had Thanksgiving with my family, we'd have a Thanksgiving dinner with my in laws that Sunday or something. So basically 2 Thanksgivings but on different days and my parents don't do that because usually they have a big gathering with lots of extended family around. </p> <p>So I don't know. Some good ideas and thoughts on here. I'm trying to do what I want and what my son will enjoy because holidays are supposed to be fun, not stressful (right??) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-split-up-holidays#post-2721701 Fri, 07 Apr 2017 15:38:32 +0000 LuLu Mom 2721701@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thanksgiving - DH's family<br /> Christmas - we have 6 celebrations:<br /> 1. DH's mom's side early December, my mom's side Sunday before, my immediate family on Christmas Eve, DH's immediate family the Saturday before, Christmas lunch is with my Dad's side, and Christmas evening is with DH's dad's side. </p> <p>Easter is with my family. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-split-up-holidays#post-2721528 Fri, 07 Apr 2017 11:24:53 +0000 alphagam84 2721528@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Growing up this is what we did for Christmas: Christmas Eve with my Dad's side of the family, Christmas morning/lunch at home with immediate family, Christmas afternoon with my Mom's side of the family. It never seemed like too much to me-as a kid I liked it as I had a lot of present opening opportunities! I can't remember what we did for Thanksgiving. I wouldn't count the 4th of July as a holiday where either group needs to get together to celebrate.</p> <p>My parents live in Florida so we go down at Easter each year (we did that growing up since my Grandparents wintered down there and I LOVED it and have so many great memories) which is nice because we get some warm weather and to play in the ocean! The in-laws live close so we do Thanksgiving with them. Since having my daughter, my parents come to us in NC each Christmas to celebrate. We see the in-laws for a few hours in Christmas day but must of the Christmas stuff is centered around my side of the family. It's more of a big holiday for us with traditions where his family wasn't as into Christmas growing up. I think it's all about what works for you. I wouldn't accept any guilt trips though from either parents and just tell them you're doing what works for your family. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-split-up-holidays#post-2721511 Fri, 07 Apr 2017 10:59:34 +0000 looch 2721511@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@caterw: yes, I think it is important to be fluid. I think you also need to consider aging parents, this wasn't something I considered until recently, it does become more difficult for them to travel as they age. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-split-up-holidays#post-2721504 Fri, 07 Apr 2017 10:49:11 +0000 caterw 2721504@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@dc yoga bee: my ILs expect us to travel to them for every visit and then complain we don't see them enough... I'm like we have a 3 year old and a baby, plus DH works 60+ hours a week and y'all have no other grandkids. </p> <p>@looch: thankfully we are the only ones with kids so far, so I don't feel bad about "claiming" Christmas. I think as our siblings start to have kids, we will accomodate whoever has the smallest baby or the most kids (or maybe we will just keep staying home and everyone else can do their own thing too). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-split-up-holidays#post-2721447 Fri, 07 Apr 2017 09:53:33 +0000 snowjewelz 2721447@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We've had it pretty easy. Both sets of parents are pretty flexible so we often just last minute figure it out! Or we've done joint holidays too, since my family is very small (literally just my immediate family). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-split-up-holidays#post-2721413 Fri, 07 Apr 2017 09:18:25 +0000 Anya 2721413@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I married into a Jewish family- very convenient for splitting holidays!<br /> Passover, Rosh Hashanah, Hanukkah: we go to my in laws (fine by me as i don't wish to host).<br /> Christmas: some years we are on our own, last year we visited my mom out of state, this year she may come to us. No set tradition.<br /> Easter: we don't celebrate but some years we will go to a friend's house if invited.<br /> Thanksgiving is the only pita. Currently we go to my husband's cousin's house a few hours away. She's been hosting for years but as people keep getting married and having kids it's getting crowded so I think within the next few years I'll probably branch off and start hosting myself- just my in laws and SIL, and my mom if she wants to travel.<br /> We don't do any family celebrations for New Year's, 4th of July, etc. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-split-up-holidays#post-2721392 Fri, 07 Apr 2017 08:53:19 +0000 catlady 2721392@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We are in a similar situation, although our families are in the same state and not same town (that would probably be easier actually). DH's family is about an hour away and mine is 30-40 min. For Easter, we will be doing brunch at MIL's house and then dinner with my extended family. For Thanksgiving, it's usually similar. For Christmas, we split it and usually end up doing Christmas Eve with MIL and Christmas with mine. DH's family also gets together on New Years and 4th of July (luckily, mine doesn't so we don't have to split those).</p> <p>This doesn't even count FIL, since he and MIL are divorced. Luckily, he never asks to see us on the actual holiday, so we usually see him "around" the holiday. For example, we will see him the weekend after Easter this year.</p> <p>It's manageable, and luckily everyone is pretty agreeable about it, but sometimes I do feel like we don't do anything except see family on weekends during certain times of year. I keep threatening to just have us take family vacations during the holidays and maybe one year we will do it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-split-up-holidays#post-2721366 Fri, 07 Apr 2017 08:28:29 +0000 looch 2721366@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@dc yoga bee: Yes, and someone's always going to be offended!</p> <p>I think it's important to allow things to be discussed. I am fine if you want to have a conversation about changing things up, but I can't tolerate when someone makes their decision on what is best for only them and doesn't accept a discussion about alternatives. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-split-up-holidays#post-2721348 Fri, 07 Apr 2017 08:08:45 +0000 dc yoga bee 2721348@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: no offense taken. I think I matter how you spin it, somehow it's going to be selfish. We are the only family with a kid, and we think it's selfish the in-laws always want us to travel! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-split-up-holidays#post-2721347 Fri, 07 Apr 2017 08:08:13 +0000 MrsADS 2721347@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Ugh, this is so challenging - thankfully both our families are fairly understanding, but it's still hard. We have DS 19 months.</p> <p>We live a 13-hour drive or 2-hour flight from my family. In laws are two long flights and then a 3 hour drive (it would take us 3 days to drive there). We can get cheap flights to my family, but traveling to the IL's costs about $2k, plus car rental, and 12-15 hours of travel time. It's hell. </p> <p>Since DS was born Aug 2015, we alternated Christmas - first Christmas was with my family, 2nd Christmas (2016) with hub's family. </p> <p>This sounds totally selfish, but I love going to my parents'. They love DS and go out of their way to accommodate him/us - for example, my mom got him a crib, she goes to the store and gets milk, food, everything we need, the house is totally babyproof, they love to play with him and give him attention, they watch him so we can go on a date, etc. It's really nice, even though we do have to fly 2 hours. </p> <p>Husband's parents... well, after 15 hours of travel, I had to stop at Walmart to buy diapers, wipes, milk, DS's food, etc. because they live so far out in the middle of nowhere Amazon doesn't even deliver to their house. MIL makes food that DS can't eat. They have unrealistic expectations (i.e. he will stay up late), they don't play with him, they seem annoyed by him. AND the travel was pure hell (2 flights, 3 hour drive, 15 hours total travel with a 15 month old?!). MIL would like fuss at him for touching stuff and would not turn up the heat even though he was freezing. I told DH I'm not going back until DS is older - not fair to him, and he (sort of) agrees.</p> <p>I think as DS gets older, we will do more Christmas at our house, and travel either before or after to see family. I don't want his Christmas to forever be tons of traveling. We stay home for all other holidays (Easter, Thanksgiving, etc.) because we live so far away. Which is good and bad. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-split-up-holidays#post-2721343 Fri, 07 Apr 2017 07:58:40 +0000 littlebug 2721343@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My husband's family has spent literally every single holiday together since the beginning of time, including the little holidays like Labor Day and Memorial Day. My family (grandparents, aunts, cousins, etc) lived 10 hours away, so we only saw them once or twice a year, usually at Thanksgiving and/or Christmas. So Hubs and I (and his family) had to make huge adjustments to our expectations around holidays. Over the years as traditions have been established, it's kind of worked out that we see everyone around the holidays but nto necessarily on the holiday itself.</p> <p>Easter - spend Saturday with Hubs' family and Sunday with my family. My parents treat everyone to brunch at their country club (which was what my step-father's parents did before his dad died) and it is always Easter Sunday. Hubs' parents have come to accept that.</p> <p>Thanksgiving - we alternate between families. One year we're with his, one with my mom and step-dad, and one with my dad and sister.</p> <p>Christmas - When I was pregnant, I was due in January, so wasn't allowed to travel home for Christmas, and we sort of took that opportunity to establish that we spend Christmas Day at our house, just our family. So we spend a day with my parents and a day with his parents, usually a weekend or 2 before Christmas. </p> <p>We set these "rules" when we lived 2 hours away, and we've mostly maintained them since we've moved and now live just 25 minutes away. It's hard to try to make everyone happy, so we just finally decided to stop making everyone else happy and do what felt right for our family. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-split-up-holidays#post-2721336 Fri, 07 Apr 2017 07:40:22 +0000 looch 2721336@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it's really difficult to approach, especially when one family with kids says that holidays will always be in their own home. I think it's incredibly selfish of a family to do that when there are travel considerations and when they are not the only family with kids. If your extended family and your nuclear family is all on one town, or in a reasonable driving distance, great. But when families are faced with possible plane travel, it's important to allow plans to be fluid and evolving.</p> <p>eta: I only care about this in my family, not the other posters, sorry if it comes across that way. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-split-up-holidays#post-2721330 Fri, 07 Apr 2017 07:35:12 +0000 dc yoga bee 2721330@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It got to be ridiculous with the in-laws guilting us to come for every Christmas holiday since we live far away. We have our own family too. So, once we bought our house, we decided Christmas will be in our own home. Neither one of us went to grandparent's house for Christmas growing up, but the week before or after. It's very selfish for them to expect us to haul all the presents, and drive 11 hours over Christmas to their house every year. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-split-up-holidays#post-2721317 Fri, 07 Apr 2017 07:10:58 +0000 Anagram 2721317@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@caterw: to make it slightly more equitable, you can tell everyone that you will do the opposite next year. So Thanksgiving with inlaws, Easter with your family. Christmas at home with just your fam if you want. It's your family, you call the shots and they will eventually get used to it.</p> <p>Our families are great about this stuff so they have been fine with our every-other-year arrangement. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-split-up-holidays#post-2721298 Fri, 07 Apr 2017 06:09:44 +0000 bubblegum 2721298@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Ahh the good old holiday chaos! DH and I made a rule that once we had children Christmas would not be spent out of the house until the kids were older or could ask to go to their grandparents. We extend the invite to all grandparents every year to come over but honestly they were pissed!!! This thanksgiving we also didn't go anywhere and I felt bad and felt like I was taking all the holidays away from them but man was it soooo much easier and more enjoyable!!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-split-up-holidays#post-2721279 Fri, 07 Apr 2017 01:21:16 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2721279@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We plan to host Thanksgiving every other year and anyone can come. The years we don't host we having a standing invitation to go to my aunt's house- she is local. :happy: Christmas is ours. Grands are welcome/ encouraged to visit at non holiday times too. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-split-up-holidays#post-2721261 Thu, 06 Apr 2017 22:48:28 +0000 ElbieKay 2721261@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We host Thanksgiving. We go to my husband's family on Christmas. My parents host Passover. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-split-up-holidays#post-2721158 Thu, 06 Apr 2017 20:29:56 +0000 travellingbee 2721158@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Only mine live nearby so that makes it easier in some ways. We aren't trekking our whole family across the state to have Easter with my in-laws. They get it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-split-up-holidays#post-2721151 Thu, 06 Apr 2017 20:23:43 +0000 LindsayLou 2721151@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We try to be as fair as possible, but also don't spend every holiday with extended family. It also helps that my parents are flexible about celebrating on an alternate day. We try to switch it up every year. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-split-up-holidays#post-2721130 Thu, 06 Apr 2017 19:59:27 +0000 youboots 2721130@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@caterw: don't mind me sitting on a beach drinking beers in Mexico on Christmas. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-split-up-holidays#post-2721101 Thu, 06 Apr 2017 19:25:30 +0000 Mrs. Goose 2721101@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I like the idea of a trip some other time during the year, inviting those far away to your home if they wish it, and just having holidays for your own little family. I think that's pretty reasonable! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-split-up-holidays#post-2721091 Thu, 06 Apr 2017 19:19:46 +0000 MrsRoo 2721091@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My dad and DHs parents life about 45 minutes from each other and we are an hour from them all, so it quickly got out of hand trying to do both families in one day. </p> <p>Now we do Thanksgiving with my family, and Christmas Eve/day the in laws come to our home every other year. We celebrate Christmas with my dad and siblings on an annual camping trip the second weekend in December. We do Easter with my in laws (my family is Eastern Orthodox, and we are not, so this one by default gets spent with the in laws), but do an Easter celebration and egg hunt with my family the week or two before. </p> <p>Both sides of the family have their moments of trying to guilt us for more holiday time, but overall they get it and are just glad to have any time at all with us and our kids. Thankfully my dad especially has been very accommodating with Christmas and implemented our family camping trip which we all really enjoy and look forward to every year. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-split-up-holidays#post-2721081 Thu, 06 Apr 2017 19:12:19 +0000 caterw 2721081@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@youboots: maybe this is the ticket. We will just travel away for every holiday and hide from the guilt trips. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-split-up-holidays#post-2721054 Thu, 06 Apr 2017 18:41:11 +0000 catgirl 2721054@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Before we had DD we alternated so my family got Easter and Christmas while the inlaws had Thanksgiving. Switch the next year.</p> <p>But after having DD the travel time just isn't worth it. DH has Thanksgiving Day off and isn't allowed to take the Friday-Sunday off that follows. And he generally only has Christmas day off. So we do all Holidays at our place just the 3 of us. We have invited our parents every year but they all typically host other people. We try to go visit for a different weekend as close to each holiday as possible. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-split-up-holidays#post-2721046 Thu, 06 Apr 2017 18:31:50 +0000 bhbee 2721046@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Our parents live a plane flight away and about 4 hours driving from each other. I mostly try to avoid holidays like Easter and Mother's Day for family now although I got guilted into Mother's Day this year with in laws. We typically visit both in the summer (fly to one and drive between). We see both for thanksgiving and Christmas - usually one at our house and one doing the travel to both. We switch who gets what actual day (someone gets Christmas, other gets thanksgiving). It's ok but it means we spend all our vacation time and a ton of money on family travel and have very little nuclear family time on those holidays. So I try to reserve time in between families if everyone is coming to us, and for Christmas we have done a Christmas Day before we travel - off work, santa in morning, nice meal and hang out all day, regardless of date. It's just hard though esp since dh is an only child. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-you-split-up-holidays#post-2721044 Thu, 06 Apr 2017 18:27:53 +0000 Mrs. Goose 2721044@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Currently we are splitting Christmas every second year travelling to a different set of parents. So 50/50. We were also doing Thanksiving (we live in Canada) with whichever set of parents we wouldn't be seeing that Christmas, but now we have a a toddler and another on the way so we won't be doing that this year. It's also a 4 hour two plane flight or 16 hour drive to see one of the sets of grandparents so it's expensive or time consing and tricky to get there. I'm not sure what we're going to do as time goes on. </p>