https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sun, 12 Apr 2026 08:57:11 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-your-kids-address-elders#post-2298942 Wed, 23 Sep 2015 08:02:46 +0000 Bao 2298942@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We only do first names except for at school and that's Ms. First Name. I never grew up using Mr/Mrs except for teachers as well. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-your-kids-address-elders#post-2298941 Wed, 23 Sep 2015 08:02:02 +0000 littlebug 2298941@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with others that I think this is a sign of the times we live in. With the divorce rate being so high, unmarried couples having children, and women not taking their husband's last names, it just gets too confusing to try to call people Mr/Mrs. Lastname. I also have 2 sets of friends who's husbands took the wife's last name! </p> <p>I grew up calling adults by Mr/Mrs. Lastname, unless we were expressly told to call them something (which pretty much only included our babysitter and friends' step-parents). We called my mom's best friend Aunt So-and-so.</p> <p>D calls all adults Ms/Mr. Firstname. We don't really use Aunt/Uncle for close friends, and I've noticed that's kind of fallen out of favor within our circles of friends. The only people he calls by their first name is my BILs' girlfriends.</p> <p>ETA: Teachers and other "authority" figures were always Mr/Ms. Lastname, and I would expect the same from our children. I would be shocked to hear D refer to a teacher (not a daycare teacher, but a school teacher) by Mr/Ms. Fristname </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-your-kids-address-elders#post-2298935 Wed, 23 Sep 2015 07:52:48 +0000 LuLu Mom 2298935@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I grew up calling my parents friends (and friends' parents) by their first names. It never crossed my mind to refer to them by Mr./Mrs. and we were never taught to do so. We did call our teachers and doctors by Mr./Mrs./Dr. but that was it. I think it's a regional thing because everyone did this in our area and it was in no way disrespectful.</p> <p>My daughter calls her aunts/uncles by that title followed by first name, otherwise everyone else is their first name. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-your-kids-address-elders#post-2298924 Wed, 23 Sep 2015 07:41:57 +0000 rachiecakes 2298924@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>About half of the moms I know didn't take their husband's last name, so they are not Mr. &amp; Mrs. X - and that just gets confusing for small kids.<br /> Usually it's Mr./Ms. first name for people we don't know well and First Name for our friends and neighbors. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-your-kids-address-elders#post-2298889 Wed, 23 Sep 2015 06:29:50 +0000 SugarplumsMom 2298889@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Oh man, it's articles like this that worry me. We live abroad where it's the norm to refer to people by their first names. Titles aren't mentioned, heck, most people aren't even married, so there's no such thing as Mr. and Mrs. So-and-so. DD knows and is taught to address people by their first names. I insist that she calls her favorite uncle (and only one living nearby), Uncle-first name. But it's considered odd, old-fashioned, and signifies formality, which equates to not being very close (which makes it even more odd, since they're like best buds).</p> <p>But I still repeat "uncle" in front of his name because I'm Asian American and everyone that's older than you is either an aunt or an uncle. I'm not sure what the heck we're going to do whenever we visit my friends and family in California. But she's only 3, so it's not a big deal at the moment. </p> <p>DD is just going to have to learn to distinguish who she can call what. It's really tricky, because any expats are lumped into the Mr. &amp; Mrs. Last name or auntie and uncle category as well. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-your-kids-address-elders#post-2298869 Wed, 23 Sep 2015 04:58:20 +0000 Mrs. Peanut 2298869@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I actually think a lot of this is regional. In my area, kids typically call adults Mr/Mrs last name. However, the kids that I used to nanny for were from another part of the country. Where they originally grew up, it was always first name or Mr/Mrs first name. They thought anything different was odd. In the end, I don't think it really matters. It's cultural. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-your-kids-address-elders#post-2298837 Wed, 23 Sep 2015 00:01:53 +0000 Mrs Green Grass 2298837@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm in Ca and grew up in the 80's and called teachers by mr/mrs and friend's parents by their first name. It would feel really weird to be more formal than that with friends but at the same time, first name doesn't feel quite right so I would avoid using their name at all. I wish there was an in between </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-your-kids-address-elders#post-2298831 Tue, 22 Sep 2015 23:46:58 +0000 lamariniere 2298831@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Champagne: agree. It would be so awkward to have my LOs address my friends as Mr./Mrs. First name! When I was a kid, I addressed all of my parents' friends by their first names. I think the only people we would use the naming convention for are elderly people we don't know (and we don't really know any IRL!)</p> <p>ETA: we were recently visiting people (who live in the south/are fairly conservative) who had a 12 yo who called me ma'am. I told him it was very polite that he said that, but that he could call me by my first name. His dad was really uncomfortable with that idea, but I really didn't want to be called ma'am and insisted that it was ok. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-your-kids-address-elders#post-2298734 Tue, 22 Sep 2015 19:35:41 +0000 woodentulip 2298734@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We do first names only--and I only know one parent who wants to be called Mr/Mrs last name, but even her kids call us all by first names. </p> <p>I am good with it! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-your-kids-address-elders#post-2298731 Tue, 22 Sep 2015 19:30:04 +0000 Mrs.KMM 2298731@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Torchwood: Agreed! What LOs call adults will ultimately depend on the preferences of those adults! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-your-kids-address-elders#post-2298522 Tue, 22 Sep 2015 15:23:42 +0000 Mrs. Carrot 2298522@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Torchwood: This is exactly how I feel. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-your-kids-address-elders#post-2298521 Tue, 22 Sep 2015 15:23:40 +0000 Torchwood 2298521@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So to answer the actual question, my LO will call adults in her life whatever they wish to be called. Is it really so hard to just ask? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-your-kids-address-elders#post-2298519 Tue, 22 Sep 2015 15:22:46 +0000 Torchwood 2298519@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I just read this response today- <a href="http://www.patheos.com/blogs/lovejoyfeminism/2015/09/what-happened-to-teaching-kids-to-respect-adults-name-preferences.html" rel="nofollow">http://www.patheos.com/blogs/lovejoyfeminism/2015/09/what-happened-to-teaching-kids-to-respect-adults-name-preferences.html</a> Basically she argues that requiring your kids to use a particular name convention every time is ultimately disrespectful to adults, not respectful. Because it disregards their preference in the matter. Personally I would not like to be called Mrs. Smith; I'd much prefer Ms/Mrs. Liz, or just Liz if they go that route. To force your kid to call me Mrs. Smith is rude and disrespectful to me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-your-kids-address-elders#post-2298485 Tue, 22 Sep 2015 14:54:04 +0000 Mrs. Carrot 2298485@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Freckles: I wonder if it's different regionally? I actually never hear anyone refer to people by last time. I grew up doing that, but since I had a kid, it seems to not be a thing for anyone. I'm not against it at all, but I do think that it's hard to figure out last names - women have different names from their husbands, so the likelihood of making that error is high; divorced couples, mixed families, etc. I think that might be the driver for the change. First names are someone's to own. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-your-kids-address-elders#post-2298481 Tue, 22 Sep 2015 14:51:55 +0000 mediagirl 2298481@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Freckles: operation bring back Mr/Mrs Last Name! :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-your-kids-address-elders#post-2298473 Tue, 22 Sep 2015 14:45:52 +0000 Freckles 2298473@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't think there was anything wrong about the article nor did I think she was judging. I was actually thinking the other day that it's weird we teach our kids to refer to or friends by their first name. However, we say "auntie/emo" or "uncle" first name. </p> <p>At DD's Montessori, she calls her teachers mrs. Last name, and in turn I call them "mrs last name" as well. I agree with @mediagirl: no one I know does it so it feels weird to be the only ones to do so! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-your-kids-address-elders#post-2298460 Tue, 22 Sep 2015 14:29:26 +0000 mediagirl 2298460@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This is something I struggle so hard with. I grew up calling every single one of my parents friends Mr and Mrs Last Name. I would like to do that today but no one else does it so I feel awkward doing it. I don't know how to start telling my lo to use last names when half the time all I know are my neighbor's first names! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-your-kids-address-elders#post-2298458 Tue, 22 Sep 2015 14:29:06 +0000 Alivoo01 2298458@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Close friends are Aunt/Uncle (first name). Daycare goes by Ms./Miss/Mrs (First Name). Haven't interacted with people outside of that realm, but I'm guessing we'll go with Mr/Mrs (Last name) unless we decide otherwise? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-your-kids-address-elders#post-2298457 Tue, 22 Sep 2015 14:28:45 +0000 Mrs. Champagne 2298457@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We just do first name only. I don't know anyone who would want a "miss" in front of their first name. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-your-kids-address-elders#post-2298390 Tue, 22 Sep 2015 13:46:45 +0000 beloved 2298390@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>we do Mr./Mrs. FirstName! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-your-kids-address-elders#post-2298386 Tue, 22 Sep 2015 13:43:27 +0000 mrbee 2298386@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I get referred to a lot by my son's friends as "Charlie's Dad"! Even though they know my name, I guess that's what they are used to.</p> <p>Our daycare, pre-schools, etc. often use our first names (once they get to know us) - which means that our last names almost never come up. That was a big surprise to me, because sharing last names in a family was a big deal when I was growing up. But now that so many places refer to parents by their first name (or as "So-and-so's mom/dad"), the last names are almost moot. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-your-kids-address-elders#post-2298384 Tue, 22 Sep 2015 13:43:01 +0000 Mae 2298384@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Also am I the only one that thinks "Ms." is sort of weird anyways...? At least for close friends. I mean I guess maybe we'll do it because thats what you do, apparently. I don't want my kid to be rude. But I actually did not grow up calling everyone Mrs. Teachers, strangers/acquaintances, and parents of friends I didn't know well were Mrs. The rule was to default to "Mrs. Last name". But my mom's best friends I just called Patti and Flo. And most of my good friends' parents told me to call them by their first names so I did. Maybe we were just an informal bunch. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-your-kids-address-elders#post-2298381 Tue, 22 Sep 2015 13:41:54 +0000 rattles 2298381@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Mr/Ms. First Name. I'm southern though, so I grew up doing the same. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-your-kids-address-elders#post-2298377 Tue, 22 Sep 2015 13:40:29 +0000 daniellemybelle 2298377@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We do Mr &amp; Ms First Name though not all the time. That is what I did growing up too. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-your-kids-address-elders#post-2298372 Tue, 22 Sep 2015 13:38:56 +0000 cheesetomywhine 2298372@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We also do Mr. And Mrs/Ms/Miss first name. I know I did the mr/mrs last name but that was for my friends parents when I got older, not for close family friends.</p> <p>ETA- for our older neighbors we refer to them as mr/mrs last name. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-your-kids-address-elders#post-2298371 Tue, 22 Sep 2015 13:38:27 +0000 Mae 2298371@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hm. I should probably figure that out lol. My LO isn't talking yet but will be any day now. She doesn't see non-family members all that terribly often so it hasn't really come up but I guess I should sort that out. </p> <p>FWIW I would guess that a big part of the change from Mrs. Lastname to Ms. Firstname came from the rise of daycare? I think most daycares have the kids say Ms.Firstname because it is a lot easier to pronounce a first name than a last name usually and they are working with very tiny kids to start. If I was a SAHM forever I think it would be easier to teach my kid Mrs. Lastname because she probably wouldn't have to learn people's names that much out of our family until she was older and had an easier time with names than she would now at 16 months. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-your-kids-address-elders#post-2298355 Tue, 22 Sep 2015 13:32:59 +0000 Mamaof2 2298355@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I didn't read the article but we do Mr and Miss First name</p> <p>Now that DS is in public school he does call teachers Mrs/Mr Last Name </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-your-kids-address-elders#post-2298350 Tue, 22 Sep 2015 13:29:24 +0000 MamaG 2298350@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I didn't read the article but we use Mr/Mrs FirstName. At daycare it's up to the teacher and we respect that. But they are all Ms something of their choosing.</p> <p>There are certain people that I would want my child to use Mr/Mrs LastName, but universally no. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-do-your-kids-address-elders#post-2298341 Tue, 22 Sep 2015 13:26:00 +0000 Mrs. Carrot 2298341@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I came across this today: </p> <p><a href="http://www.washingtonpost.com/news/parenting/wp/2015/09/18/what-happened-to-kids-addressing-adults-by-their-last-names/?tid=sm_tw" rel="nofollow">http://www.washingtonpost.com/news/parenting/wp/2015/09/18/what-happened-to-kids-addressing-adults-by-their-last-names/?tid=sm_tw</a></p> <p>And I rolled my eyes. I have no issue with what parents teach their kids in this regard, but I think this post takes it a bit far in generalizing this toward a generational change or somehow having it be less respectful to call elders by names other than Mr/Mrs. I don't consider myself Mrs. Lastname, it sounds weird to me, and on top of that, my last name is ridiculously long and hard to pronounce. I've taught my daughter to call everyone Ms. and Mr. First Name, including very close friends, and her daycare does the same. No one seems to feel less respected. </p> <p>Thoughts? </p>