https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 04 Apr 2026 01:27:54 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-dodid-you-cope-with-ttc-disappointment/page/2#post-353379 Mon, 22 Oct 2012 08:55:39 +0000 Alivoo01 353379@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@AprilK: That's awesome! I wish the hubby and I had availability to do something like that! We did this before we bought our business and it was awesome!</p> <p>I can commiserate with you ladies as I'm into cycle 7 (I think, I'm so far into this I'm starting to lose track - sigh), and when I get a BFN, I totally get bummed out and throw a little tantrum and get super moody. Fortunately, when the hubby finds out why, he's a compassionate about it the first couple days to help me through it, especially post m/c. That alone helps me tremendously, but I still feel down in the dumps so I totally indulge in food that is considered a no no in pregnancy, sushi, alcoholic beverages, deli sandwiches, coffee/caffeine, etc. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-dodid-you-cope-with-ttc-disappointment/page/2#post-353317 Mon, 22 Oct 2012 08:21:28 +0000 AprilK 353317@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We tried for our son for about a year, so each month when I got the BFN, I scheduled a trip for when I would have been 7 months pregnant and probably not able to travel anymore. It was super fun - my husband had travelled a lot for work the year prior so we had a load of Southwest vouchers and a companion pass so we both flew for free. But in the year before we had him we went to Boston, Vegas, Napa, St John, Florida twice, Baltimore/DC area....and some random road trips. It was such a fun time and planning the trips totally took my mind off things! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-dodid-you-cope-with-ttc-disappointment/page/2#post-353218 Mon, 22 Oct 2012 02:08:48 +0000 mrsvdv 353218@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@cherrybee: how exciting!! I'm sure you'll love it!</p> <p>I've been running for a few years, sometimes regularly, sometimes hardly at all, but over the last few days it's become a real focus for me again! Sometimes I think I run just to get away from stuff that's stressing me. DH remarked the other day that I'm a very goal-oriented person: I do the research, determine a plan of action, follow that plan meticulously and get the result I want - unfortunately it doesn't work that way when ttc and I'm having a hard time understanding why my body won't do what I want it to! At least a 10km training plan won't let me down! :-) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-dodid-you-cope-with-ttc-disappointment/page/2#post-353190 Sun, 21 Oct 2012 23:11:38 +0000 alayaya 353190@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I admire all you ladies trying to make exercise a priority in your lives. I really should start jogging or something, but I just never seem to get the motivation. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-dodid-you-cope-with-ttc-disappointment/page/2#post-353183 Sun, 21 Oct 2012 22:50:45 +0000 mango.sprays 353183@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@foodnerd81 Yep, this is my 2nd cycle of charting. I like it because it feels like I have a bit more control in this whole situation, but I also hate it for that same reason...because in reality I don't really have any control over when we get that BFP...<br /> If it seems like I'm Oing pretty predictably, I may stop after a few more cycles, we'll see. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-dodid-you-cope-with-ttc-disappointment/page/2#post-353179 Sun, 21 Oct 2012 22:39:39 +0000 mango.sprays 353179@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@cherrybee Oh my goodness, I'm so impressed by your motivation! I really need to get back to exercising too...you might have just inspired me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-dodid-you-cope-with-ttc-disappointment#post-352905 Sun, 21 Oct 2012 17:39:34 +0000 singingbee 352905@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: Yes!!!! You had two major life changing events to deal with and then all this TTC stuff on top of it. That's a lot. </p> <p>I know I'll be major sore because I don't really do anything, but my walking I do at school, which is more than I did last year, but it's still not enough of what I SHOULD be doing. </p> <p>Good luck! The hardest thing for me is just making it a habit. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-dodid-you-cope-with-ttc-disappointment#post-352901 Sun, 21 Oct 2012 17:36:24 +0000 Cherrybee 352901@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@jojogirl: Thank you!!! :-) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-dodid-you-cope-with-ttc-disappointment#post-352897 Sun, 21 Oct 2012 17:35:04 +0000 Cherrybee 352897@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Jennimac: It will help to have something to do other than rattling around my house, counting another month away!! Plus, I'm sure I'm a little depressed after losing my dad and a pregnancy within 2 days - I hear that exercise is a good way of alleviating depression and I'm willing to try anything to stop these feelings spiraling out of control! Good luck with your working out, too! Let me know how it's going (and I'll let you know how much i ache for the first few weeks! I'm so unfit!!) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-dodid-you-cope-with-ttc-disappointment#post-352874 Sun, 21 Oct 2012 17:16:30 +0000 singingbee 352874@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: that's fantastic! I've decided that I have to get back to the gym too! It helps to put the frustrations of TTC into working out. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-dodid-you-cope-with-ttc-disappointment#post-352871 Sun, 21 Oct 2012 17:15:54 +0000 chibee 352871@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm in the middle of cycle 3 and although I certainly haven't been trying as hard as some, I too was surprised by how disappointing the last two times really have been. I didn't cope too well the first cycle, I cried and was depressed for a couple of days. Last cycle, I just knew it didn't work and was ready for a new cycle for another chance. Not sure if that's how i'm "coping" but keeping my expectations really, really low I think helped me last cycle to move on a lot quicker than the first cycle. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-dodid-you-cope-with-ttc-disappointment#post-352869 Sun, 21 Oct 2012 17:14:42 +0000 JoJoGirl 352869@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: YEAH!!!!!! Way to go!!!!!!! Throwing myself into working out, setting new goals etc was definitely my best coping mechanism during ttc. So proud of you, girl :-) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-dodid-you-cope-with-ttc-disappointment#post-352818 Sun, 21 Oct 2012 16:23:40 +0000 Cherrybee 352818@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@jojgirl: You're right!! I mean, you're wrong, you're so wrong - and that's what makes you right!! I don't do ANYTHING for fun! I work full time, I study part time, I clean the house, I cook, I clean some more and I am entirely, 100% focused on being a wife and, eventually, a mother. </p> <p>Before "settling down" I was a party girl - I was out almost every night. I also used to sing in bands (which involved going out drinking, basically). I've never had any other hobbies. Ever. I said to DH, after reading your comment "what do I like to do, darling?" He replied "moaning". Then "drinking...? eating? sleeping, oh you like sleeping!" </p> <p>So..... I've decided to join a gym! I've discussed our budget with DH tonight and I'm going tomorrow to sign up! It might not be the most exciting new hobby but getting fitter is something I can do for me... and I'll see how it goes! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-dodid-you-cope-with-ttc-disappointment#post-352787 Sun, 21 Oct 2012 15:32:59 +0000 MsMini 352787@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I coped by shopping, and sometimes drinking. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-dodid-you-cope-with-ttc-disappointment#post-352783 Sun, 21 Oct 2012 15:31:17 +0000 JoJoGirl 352783@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: Oh honey! It's okay!! It does take time to process a loss - don't beat yourself up for feeling sad.</p> <p>And I don't believe for a second you 'have nothing else to focus on' - there is so much more to life than the extremes of partying or a baby. Do you have any hobbies? Do you bake or cook? Enjoy fitness? Run a marathon? Take up a sport? Take up salsa dancing? Learn to knit? Learn to paint? Learn to sculpt? What are you passionate about? </p> <p>Point being, think of all the folks out there without families either by choice or not and all the ways they fill up their time - there is nothing depressing at all about sitting in your jammies watching TV. If you'd rather use that time for something else, try to think of some worthwhile way to spend it! I know this is hard, but don't for a second tell yourself there is nothing more to life than a baby. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-dodid-you-cope-with-ttc-disappointment#post-352781 Sun, 21 Oct 2012 15:26:28 +0000 Cherrybee 352781@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I've been thinking a lot today and I think the reason it hit me so hard yesterday was because I hadn't dealt with last month's m/c at all. Rather than pressing stop and eject, I'd pressed pause at 5wks and was just waiting for my body to catch up. Seeing AF was like an enormous punch in the face with a note reading "when will you get it through your thick head, you are NOT pregnant you pathetic woman". It hurt. </p> <p>The other thing that makes it hard is that I waited until I was in my thirties, had my house, had my career locked down and was completely 100% over partying (like so, so over it) before I even considered TTC. I've nothing else to focus on. Plus, I just don't have any friends to go out partying it up with now - they're all settled down and pregnant. There's nothing more depressing than sitting in on a Saturday night, watching TV in your jamas, forcing yourself to gulp wine down and saying "gosh, I'm so glad I don't have a baby, I'd have to stay in on the weekend if I did. Oh, I am". </p> <p>It's comforting to hear that I'm not the only one who felt/feels like this. DH thinks I'm massively over-reacting, which just makes me over-react more of course!!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-dodid-you-cope-with-ttc-disappointment#post-352780 Sun, 21 Oct 2012 15:26:03 +0000 Foodnerd81 352780@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mango.sprays: Yes, I started charting when I went off BCP so I would know when AF was coming and to TTA in the beginning, so kept it up when we started TTC. I like the "control" of at least knowing where I am in my cycle, and knowing when I've already Oed I can relax. So in that sense I prefer charting. I may stop after O is confirmed this cycle so I don't read too much into a random high temp. Are you charting? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-dodid-you-cope-with-ttc-disappointment#post-352740 Sun, 21 Oct 2012 14:56:17 +0000 mango.sprays 352740@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@foodnerd81 I'm so glad that your DH is "all in"! :) Mine has been great with emotional support when I'm having a hard time, though I don't think he's feeling the urgency of wanting that BFP quickly like I am. I'm also trying to put less pressure on myself than last month. Are you charting? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-dodid-you-cope-with-ttc-disappointment#post-352736 Sun, 21 Oct 2012 14:52:03 +0000 mango.sprays 352736@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrsvdv Right?! I kind of wish I could go back to the uninformed, relaxed days of NTNP, but I went on research-overload mode after my ectopic in August and now I know too much!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-dodid-you-cope-with-ttc-disappointment#post-352731 Sun, 21 Oct 2012 14:47:37 +0000 Foodnerd81 352731@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mango.sprays: I guess we are at the exact same place-- just started cycle #2 yesterday officially. I had a really hard time with the disappointment, I think I had to let go of the romantic idea of it happening on the first try. I'm hoping that this next one is a little easier, and am really trying to put less pressure on myself for it. One tiny plus is DH saw how hard it hit me and he is actually a little more invested now. As he put it, he's 'all in' now on the baby making train. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-dodid-you-cope-with-ttc-disappointment#post-352712 Sun, 21 Oct 2012 14:30:00 +0000 mrsvdv 352712@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mango.sprays: I know! I'm still shocked about how this whole ttc business got so intense so fast! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-dodid-you-cope-with-ttc-disappointment#post-352711 Sun, 21 Oct 2012 14:29:47 +0000 singingbee 352711@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Someone (I think on here) said that someone else's success doesn't mean your failure. I have to remind myself of that when I hear of quick successes or people that have an easy time with it. Coming from a loss, I do tell myself it's in God's hands. I have to believe that otherwise I'd be crazy with the fact that my daughter is gone. </p> <p>I take it one day at a time and I dress up a little more on days that I'm having trouble with everything. I have a good friend with teenagers and I go hang out with them and that makes me a bit more patient to gettig our kids. :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-dodid-you-cope-with-ttc-disappointment#post-352704 Sun, 21 Oct 2012 14:24:28 +0000 mango.sprays 352704@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm at the beginning of cycle #2, and I was totally taken by surprise at how hard the first TWW and BFNs were. I didn't expect to feel so worried/hopeless so soon! I think I'm going to try to pick up some extra work shifts and make some plans with friends during the TWW this time because the days were seriously dragging by... sigh. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-dodid-you-cope-with-ttc-disappointment#post-352692 Sun, 21 Oct 2012 14:08:32 +0000 mrsvdv 352692@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I started cycle #3 as well yesterday and it was awful... In fact it's what made me join hb! So this month I started looking online for support and I try to keep as busy as possible with running, tackling house chores, etc. We got our wedding pictures back this week and they've been a lifesaver! I really hope you feel better soon but I know it's hard to let go! We'll hang in there together! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-dodid-you-cope-with-ttc-disappointment#post-352666 Sun, 21 Oct 2012 13:24:58 +0000 Foodnerd81 352666@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Grace: Yes-- the planning for the baby thing, with the timing, and telling people at Christmas! I had it all in my head that it would be so perfect-- we could tell immediate family at Thanksgiving, everyone else at Christmas, so not only was I hormonal and disappointed to get AF, I also had that entire thing pulled out from under me, when I really never had it in the first place. I think that's a really good point to not think about those things until you get there. </p> <p>I also figured one good coping mechanism-- make plans with fun people who are no where near having kids. We went out last night with my BIL and his girlfriend, who are younger, right out of school, and getting pregnant is NOT on their agenda right now. It was really fun and I was very aware that I could not have done it if I was pregnant (or it would have been really hard to hide not drinking at least). So this month I might be drinking a lot and eating a lot of oysters and sushi :) </p> <p>On the less postive side, I'm pretty sure for that the next 3 months, I'll be due for AF on Thanksgiving, Christmas, and my birthday. Hopefully one of those days I'll have happy news, but it could really suck if I don't. Nothing I can do about it though. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-dodid-you-cope-with-ttc-disappointment#post-352655 Sun, 21 Oct 2012 13:08:24 +0000 Grace 352655@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@alayaya: heehee, if you do, you should start a post and give us the play by play. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-dodid-you-cope-with-ttc-disappointment#post-352581 Sun, 21 Oct 2012 12:16:11 +0000 alayaya 352581@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Grace: Such a good point! I think that was what made this month so tough for me. I figured out that if I was pregnant we were going to be able to tell people at Christmas and the baby would be due at the end of the school year (SO perfect for my job). When I ended up not being pregnant it made it so much worse because all those things I had been dreaming about were all gone too. I need to stop doing that!!</p> <p>But the next time someone says "relax and it will happen" to me I might just punch them in the nose </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-dodid-you-cope-with-ttc-disappointment#post-352518 Sun, 21 Oct 2012 10:16:23 +0000 Grace 352518@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Oh, I remember another one. A friend of mine seemed to figure out that it was taking awhile (apparently my vagueness isn't keeping people from figuring it out) and she told me to remember that God's time is perfect. Now, this only helps if you believe in God and also if you are in a place to hear such a thing (I think a lot of women might place that comment in the same category as "relax and it will happen"). For me, I found it comforting.</p> <p>ETA: I thought of another one: I stopped planning for the baby. I stopped pinning nurseries on pinterest, I stopped planning what holiday I was going to tell people about the baby, I stopped worrying about what trimester I would be in during a vacation. That way when I got a negative result, the dream I had lost was a little bit less. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-dodid-you-cope-with-ttc-disappointment#post-352516 Sun, 21 Oct 2012 10:16:02 +0000 JoJoGirl 352516@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: I'm sorry to hear you're having such a hard time :( With 5 cycles of BFNs I definitely needed some coping strategies. The #1 thing I always tried to do that helped was to make sure to prioritize everything in my life OTHER than TTC.. working out, work, reading, seeing friends, planning a vacation.. anything. If it was out of my control that I couldn't get a BFP, I'd focus on all the wonderful things in my life that were in my control. Every time AF arrived I'd try to see it as an opportunity to squeeze in one more month of freedom, being able to travel, spend money on myself, go out with friends spontaneously, stay up late watching TV. Just try your best to appreciate and focus on all the fabulous things you have in your world and your BFP will be here before you know it. xo </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-dodid-you-cope-with-ttc-disappointment#post-352506 Sun, 21 Oct 2012 09:59:43 +0000 blackbird 352506@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Really enjoyed my life and realized that just because I want something, doesn't mean it happens when I want it to. But that when it DOES happen, I will be even more grateful and thankful for it. I just kept reminding myself that it would be ok and it would happen at the "right" time. Cliche, but it kept me grounded. And I'd read others' stories and realize that it could be much harder. I always have to give myself perspective. I just sort of focused on other things in life. </p>