https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Fri, 08 May 2026 16:13:10 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-far-would-you-go-to-help-your-child-if-they-had-a-mental-illness#post-454663 Tue, 18 Dec 2012 22:55:09 +0000 autumn865 454663@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrs. bird: How awful :( I'm so sorry this is happening. Your sister is very fortunate to have a supporting and loving family who is there to help her. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-far-would-you-go-to-help-your-child-if-they-had-a-mental-illness#post-454644 Tue, 18 Dec 2012 22:46:53 +0000 autumn865 454644@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I grew up with a brother who suffered from mental illness and substance abuse issues and experienced first hand how difficult it is to get your loved ones help even when they are young. Factors such as availability of inpatient programs and insurance funding unfortunately often take presence over doctor recommendation and parent and patient need. I would hope that if my daughter ever struggled like my brother did I would fight with all my power to get help. My brother is happy, independent and most importantly ALIVE because of my parents strength, support and willingness to always fight to get him the help he needed no matter what cost emotionally or financially. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-far-would-you-go-to-help-your-child-if-they-had-a-mental-illness#post-453793 Tue, 18 Dec 2012 14:18:52 +0000 smocks 453793@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Anagram: +1. I have a family member with schizophrenia. He's 30, it was adult onset (his first episode was last semester of college - he never ended up graduating). </p> <p>His immediate family is very well off, like $300k+ income a year, and he lives at home because his mom is a SAHM because it is just not affordable to do long term inpatient care. They've had him arrested when he has become "violent" - not threatening stabbing, etc, but more like shoving people. He's been hospitalized, but they only will let you stay for the minimum amount of time. His reckless behavior has tapered off significantly, and they have found a cocktail of medication that controls his behavior pretty well, thank God. </p> <p>It is very difficult to live with a loved one who suffers from mental illness, but it's ridiculously expensive to treat them in an in-patient setting. This is why there are SO many homeless people who have mental illnesses. The system is not set up to support them. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-far-would-you-go-to-help-your-child-if-they-had-a-mental-illness#post-453791 Tue, 18 Dec 2012 14:16:54 +0000 Shutterbug 453791@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Anagram: Wow, I'm so sorry you and your family are going through that. I wish there were better alternatives out there :( Thank you for sharing your story. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-far-would-you-go-to-help-your-child-if-they-had-a-mental-illness#post-453787 Tue, 18 Dec 2012 14:15:09 +0000 Anagram 453787@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It's been hard for me to come to terms with, as before my dad died, I thought we were a perfect family, and normal in every way. Then my dad got cancer. Then my brother got cancer (he survived though--thank god!), then my sister started exhibiting these weird symptoms.</p> <p>You have to understand---it's downright traumatic when someone you've grown up with, who has never showed any signed of any kind of mentall illness, has a sudden and complete personality change and loses touch with reality. my sister went to a small, christian college. At her sickest, she was hanging out in clubs, because she was convinced she was "in the music biz", that she was famous, that she was the agent for famous people, that these people were stalking her and stealing her ideas, the list goes on and on.</p> <p>And the people that think that parents just aren't "trying hard enough" have no idea how the system is set up against parents. When the child is underage, psychiatrists won't diagnose (usually). I had a student that was already exhibiting paranoid schizophrenic earmarkers but his mom couldn't get a doctor to officially diagnose him because he was only 12.</p> <p>Insurance companies won't pay for medications and treatment without an official diagnoses, so it's a never ending circle of phone calls. </p> <p>When the child is a legal adult, it's even worse because then a parent CAN'T legally hospitalize their child. My sister had to commit a crime (thankfully, a "small one) before they would take her in. Then she (luckily, in a sick way) got even worse in jail because they didn't give her the meds, so the judge saw her at her worst, screaming and being generally completely insane, so then gave my mom temporary custodial rights when my mom applied for them later (small town, same judge).</p> <p>That was all just sheer luck. In a big city, that probably never would have happened and my sister would have been "free" to live on the streets, totally unmedicated.</p> <p>It's frightening. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-far-would-you-go-to-help-your-child-if-they-had-a-mental-illness#post-453777 Tue, 18 Dec 2012 14:12:28 +0000 mrs. bird 453777@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Anagram: thank you for sharing your experience with this! The financial burden that falls upon families with members needing services is enormous! Most of DH's students are wards of the state because their families cannot care for them and can't afford the care that is needed. I hope your sister finds a great program and is able to stay on her meds &amp; functioning soon! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-far-would-you-go-to-help-your-child-if-they-had-a-mental-illness#post-453757 Tue, 18 Dec 2012 14:02:54 +0000 T.H.O.U. 453757@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Anagram: Thank you so much for sharing your story. It really does help paint the picture of reality that many families face for this situation. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-far-would-you-go-to-help-your-child-if-they-had-a-mental-illness#post-453750 Tue, 18 Dec 2012 13:59:06 +0000 Anagram 453750@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My little sister has schizophrenia. It was adult onset, around the age of 22 when the first signs started showing up. She just managed to finish college, even though symptoms started rearing their head her last semester. That's a typical "average" age for females. For boys, severe psychiatric illnesses usually present themselves sooner, in the late teens. There are cases of them showing up VERY soon, but psychiatrist will *rarely* diagnose someone so young, even if they have every symptom in the book.</p> <p>I think some of you maybe be underestimating inpatient care. Unless you are filthy rich, the good facilities are completely unattainable financially for most people. My dad passed away from cancer when I was in college, when my sister was in HS and still completely, in every way normal. He managed to leave my mother a not-huge sum of money in the bank, as well as an annuity and a smallish pension. My mother had been a teacher in Texas for almost 27 years, so bought out her last few years and retired early, then moved to another state and kept working full-time as a teacher.</p> <p>When my sister reached her low point, we realized that she would need to be hospitalized. This is not as easy as it sounds. State hospitals only keep a patient--even if they are completely, off the rails insane, as my sister was at that point, for the minimum time, until they are "stabilized", which usually means drugged to a state of sleeping 22 out of the 24 hours a day. This usually takes 1-2 weeks for that amount of antipsychotic drugs to take effect. Then they release them. That part is paid by insurance (I hope you have good insurance!).</p> <p>Then it's up to the family to find another solution. My mother was willing to do whatever she could afford, so we scoured the state for the best inpatient facilities, and I took time from work to fly there and help her go on visits. We found two places we liked. The cost was $11,000 a MONTH for one, and $8000 a MONTH for the other.</p> <p>No, I am not joking. How many of you would be able to afford that much money, every month, for years on end? I would guess.....less than .5% of the US population. </p> <p>My mother applied for a scholarship for the second place and got a financial need based scholarship, which reduced her monthly payment to $6,000 a month. Insurance kicked in a rather arbitrary monlthly payment of about $800 a month, which meant my mom paid $5,200 a month for my sister's treatment....for 16 months.</p> <p>You can do the math on that. My mom had to start cashing in everything my dad had left her for her retirement---for my sister's daily care. But there were/are no alternatives! State hospitals will not take patients long term, and all private residence programs are similar in price. </p> <p>However, even though that place was amazing, a person can't be put there permanently, even if they can afford it. So, after 16 months, my sister "graduated". She lived successfully with my mother for a year....and recently she secretly stopped taking her meds again and went off the rails again.</p> <p>And now we're starting back at the beginning again. My sister is back in a state hospital (temporarily). We are looking for another longer-term solution. My mother is running out of money.</p> <p>And again, our family is in a better-off situation financially than the average american family. Most families don't have an *extra* $62,000 a year for their child to be in in-patient care.</p> <p>The other alternatives we've looked into are halfway houses....even private ones. These are sad places (one was even a mobile home! It was awful!) where there's no psychiatrist, but people running them have taken a state course to dispense psych meds and watch very drugged up patients. They will not take patients who are exhibiting violent tendencies.</p> <p>Seriously, bees....I can tell you because my family is currently in this struggle. It's not easy. Even if you feel like you are financially equipped to do this for your child, you probably aren't. =(</p> <p>Just wanted to give you all a realistic idea of what mental illness is like. Even in a highly-motivated, not bad off type of middle class family. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-far-would-you-go-to-help-your-child-if-they-had-a-mental-illness#post-453699 Tue, 18 Dec 2012 13:35:14 +0000 mrs. bird 453699@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH &amp; i both are terrified of this. these are the students he works with, so we are very familiar with the system and its limitations. most of his students live in residential programs and will none will ever be able to live on their own. he has scars all over him from being attacked by the students, he's had his fingers broken &amp; a student's fingernail through his cornea and he's only with them for part of the day! i can't imagine what it would be like to live in fear of being physically harmed by your own child. i think it would depend on of family and financial situations how far we'd go. i know people that have been able to afford to build special areas in their homes where the walls are padded &amp; there were special locks on doors &amp; they had specially trained help each day to help ensure the child and the rest of the family was safe, but i know we could never afford that. i would never want to send my child away, but if i felt like i couldn't keep them safe or the rest of my family safe, then i know it would be in everyone's best interest. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-far-would-you-go-to-help-your-child-if-they-had-a-mental-illness#post-453681 Tue, 18 Dec 2012 13:27:00 +0000 Adira 453681@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Bee: I'm amazed that the parents are still together! They spent 2.5 years basically living in separate apartments and just swapping back and forth so they could spend time with their children! How did they have any time for each other?? It's such a sad story, although I'm glad it had a happy-ish ending and that things are getting better! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-far-would-you-go-to-help-your-child-if-they-had-a-mental-illness#post-453677 Tue, 18 Dec 2012 13:24:31 +0000 mrs. wagon 453677@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Bee: I saw a TV show on this family!!!!! Just starting to read the article now but I remember how they had to rent two apartments in one complex to keep the daughter away from the son. :( </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-far-would-you-go-to-help-your-child-if-they-had-a-mental-illness#post-453666 Tue, 18 Dec 2012 13:21:13 +0000 Mrs. Bee 453666@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Adira: yah powerful stuff that makes you ask yourself how far you would go to help your child.... at the expense of the rest of your family. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-far-would-you-go-to-help-your-child-if-they-had-a-mental-illness#post-453659 Tue, 18 Dec 2012 13:15:17 +0000 Adira 453659@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Bee: That article made me cry. :( </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-far-would-you-go-to-help-your-child-if-they-had-a-mental-illness#post-453656 Tue, 18 Dec 2012 13:14:14 +0000 Bookish 453656@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Thehistoryofus: Thank you! Yes, I am definitely in a happier place now! I try not to worry too much about it, because if they have problems, they have problems, and I will support them the best I can! :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-far-would-you-go-to-help-your-child-if-they-had-a-mental-illness#post-453652 Tue, 18 Dec 2012 13:09:54 +0000 T.H.O.U. 453652@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Bookworm: I am sorry to hear about your journey but it sounds like you are in a much better place. I too worry about it since many mental illnesses seem to be genetic/hereditary and it runs heavily on my IL's side. I think like you said the best thing you can do is acknowledge the issue and help find treatment. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-far-would-you-go-to-help-your-child-if-they-had-a-mental-illness#post-453645 Tue, 18 Dec 2012 13:06:43 +0000 Bookish 453645@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I worry that my kid will suffer from mental disorders, probably not to this extreme, but both DH and I have a history of depression, and our family members run the gamut. I know that I will do everything in my power to recognize any signs and get them the help they need, including hospitalization if necessary. My parents ignored my depression signs for years, and treated it as if it was embarrassing to them-that is NOT the way to go. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-far-would-you-go-to-help-your-child-if-they-had-a-mental-illness#post-453603 Tue, 18 Dec 2012 12:45:25 +0000 Mrs. Bee 453603@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Thehistoryofus: this is another great post on childhood schizophrenia.</p> <p><a href="http://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/edge-of-the-abyss-20120820-24h4r.html" rel="nofollow">http://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/edge-of-the-abyss-20120820-24h4r.html</a>\ </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-far-would-you-go-to-help-your-child-if-they-had-a-mental-illness#post-453587 Tue, 18 Dec 2012 12:39:48 +0000 pastemoo 453587@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This is my biggest fear. Like before I got pregnant I worried about this--what would I do if my kid turned out to be a serial killer?<br /> I don't know what I would do but I know it would be fairly extreme. I might not be able to keep the family together and in my limited experience most of the marriages that have broken up were broken up due to inability to agree on care for a special needs child.<br /> I guess this is one where you can't know until you're there. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-far-would-you-go-to-help-your-child-if-they-had-a-mental-illness#post-453553 Tue, 18 Dec 2012 12:23:11 +0000 KT326 453553@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would do whatever it takes. Outpatient, inpatient, mental health hospitalization (not permanent though). Family counseling, individual counseling. I would work very hard to not split my family up but if it comes down to the safety of my other kids we would have to figure something out. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-far-would-you-go-to-help-your-child-if-they-had-a-mental-illness#post-453542 Tue, 18 Dec 2012 12:16:13 +0000 Alivoo01 453542@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This kind of reminds me of Max from the TV show Parenthood. And I like the approach they took from hiring an in-home behavioral therapist and sending him to a specialized school of similar kids until he was "well" enough to be send back into mainstream schools. I'd go to all lengths to help him find a "cure" and protect my family from outbursts. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-far-would-you-go-to-help-your-child-if-they-had-a-mental-illness#post-453507 Tue, 18 Dec 2012 12:03:46 +0000 mrsmenow 453507@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would do whatever it takes. Getting mental health treatment is really difficult, beyond outpatient counceling it is really difficult to get people actual in patient treatment, and if you can find a place that will take them paying for it is another issue. working in a hospital and having a sister that has needed in patient mental health treatment, I have seen how difficult the system can be. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-far-would-you-go-to-help-your-child-if-they-had-a-mental-illness#post-453506 Tue, 18 Dec 2012 12:03:41 +0000 mrs. wagon 453506@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I didn't read it but I've heard about the "I am the shooter's mother" blog post. Wagon Sr. and I talked extensively about it and I think that if trusted medical professionals thought the child posed a threat towards anyone in the family, I would find a way to pay for a private special needs boarding school or institution depending on the severity of their condition. It would be tough to maintain a family unit feel, but if there's a threat I would do everything in my power to protect everyone in the family, including the child. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-far-would-you-go-to-help-your-child-if-they-had-a-mental-illness#post-453481 Tue, 18 Dec 2012 11:56:12 +0000 tororojo 453481@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Wow, just read that article...if my kid were as troubled as her son, I don't know what choice I would have but to put him in a facility that could help him. It doesn't seem fair for the other 2 kids in the house or that parents to live in fear of violence. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-far-would-you-go-to-help-your-child-if-they-had-a-mental-illness#post-453400 Tue, 18 Dec 2012 11:37:30 +0000 mrbee 453400@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would do my best to keep them as part of the family unit! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-far-would-you-go-to-help-your-child-if-they-had-a-mental-illness#post-453394 Tue, 18 Dec 2012 11:36:04 +0000 T.H.O.U. 453394@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I know for my family member, IMO, there was an issue early on that probably wasn't addressed and now its a bigger issue. </p> <p>I think things like counseling and such can be very helpful if done early on. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-far-would-you-go-to-help-your-child-if-they-had-a-mental-illness#post-453366 Tue, 18 Dec 2012 11:26:15 +0000 blackbird 453366@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm not quite sure what I'd do because I don't know what the options are, but I felt that my other children were threatened, I'd consider some sort of permanent hospitalization or center. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-far-would-you-go-to-help-your-child-if-they-had-a-mental-illness#post-453360 Tue, 18 Dec 2012 11:24:57 +0000 T.H.O.U. 453360@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p><a href="http://anarchistsoccermom.blogspot.com/2012/12/thinking-unthinkable.html" rel="nofollow">http://anarchistsoccermom.blogspot.com/2012/12/thinking-unthinkable.html</a> </p> <p>This post along with the issues we have with a family member got me thinking, how far would you go to help your child? </p> <p>I hate to say this, but if things got bad I would look into a boarding school or something early on. I would pay whatever price I could to try to help the situation while they were still a child. </p>