https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Mon, 04 May 2026 03:21:54 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-hard-was-parenthood-on-your-marriage-relationship#post-2593095 Tue, 26 Jul 2016 16:36:09 +0000 BabyBoecksMom 2593095@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>The first year was a big change for us because we had a very difficult/independent/energetic child and we had no idea what we were doing HAHA. </p> <p>It wasn't until after the 2nd was born that we decided to seek counseling, but it was more to help us deal with our oldest... and then we got to the root issues that were pushing us apart. </p> <p>I would say we're better than we have been in a very long time - just like old times! - and it feels so good </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-hard-was-parenthood-on-your-marriage-relationship#post-2593081 Tue, 26 Jul 2016 16:14:39 +0000 caterw 2593081@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>The first year of DD's life were super easy for us- we both totally fell for her and watching each other with the baby made our marriage amazingly strong. However, we almost didn't make it through the pregnancy as a couple. DH definitely wanted a baby, but didn't really connect with me as a pregnant person or understand how much his behavior and our relationship needed to change to accommodate children. I also became pregnant right before I graduated college and passed on my dream job in DC in order to make a family life. That was a really bad time, but we pulled through and we are better than we have ever been. I think all marriages go through really low periods at times- having children is a crazy change in your life and I agree with a previous poster that you need to just hang on for the first year and things will get more normal eventually. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-hard-was-parenthood-on-your-marriage-relationship#post-2593071 Tue, 26 Jul 2016 15:56:45 +0000 Corduroy 2593071@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>The first year with LO1 was hard for me. The first with 2 has been really hard on DH and as a result harder on our marriage. We haven't gone for counseling but it would probably help. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-hard-was-parenthood-on-your-marriage-relationship#post-2593054 Tue, 26 Jul 2016 15:29:45 +0000 JenGirl 2593054@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@agold: It was glorious! At first I was like, if we're taking PTO, we should all do something big as a family, but I've slowly come around to the fact that building in these low-key, low-stress days is really good for the whole family. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-hard-was-parenthood-on-your-marriage-relationship#post-2593025 Tue, 26 Jul 2016 14:46:11 +0000 catomd00 2593025@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Overall it wasn't bad. The only issue we have really is snapping at each other more easily when we are tired, but we both kind of just let it go and understand it's just see deprivation wearing on us and nothing more. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-hard-was-parenthood-on-your-marriage-relationship#post-2593021 Tue, 26 Jul 2016 14:39:00 +0000 Rainbow Sprinkles 2593021@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>The first year of parenthood was a walk in a park compared to the first year with 3 kids. :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-hard-was-parenthood-on-your-marriage-relationship#post-2593017 Tue, 26 Jul 2016 14:34:33 +0000 ms.line 2593017@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Bad. The first couple of months was brutal on our marriage. We both had preexisting mental illness though, and with a colicky newborn and not a lot of family support, the odds were against us. Thankfully things are better now, but we still have our days.... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-hard-was-parenthood-on-your-marriage-relationship#post-2593000 Tue, 26 Jul 2016 14:19:53 +0000 Mrs. Train 2593000@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Ours wasn't really bad. We got short with each other but I think we were both good and giving grace to each other when needed. With three infants I was getting pretty much zero sleep. So I was short and cranky at times. </p> <p>One time my husband came home from work<br /> And asked me if there were dinner plans when the kids were maybe five months old. I looked at him and said "I have been keeping three little people alive all day. You are a grown man and can make yourself a f---ing sandwhich. I can not take care of one more human being." Of course looking back on it now I probably should have just said no can you pick a take out place but hey we all need forgiveness from time to time. </p> <p>we used to laugh and say that we could get reacquainted in a year or so When we were getting sleep. That was optomistic, 8 years later and I still am tired all the time but life as a married couple has gotten much better. We have more time for each other and the kids aren't as demanding of ever single second of our time. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-hard-was-parenthood-on-your-marriage-relationship#post-2592940 Tue, 26 Jul 2016 13:05:43 +0000 agold 2592940@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@JenGirl: You are my inspiration! "sex, nap, lunch and movies" sounds like an amazing Friday! :silly: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-hard-was-parenthood-on-your-marriage-relationship#post-2592868 Tue, 26 Jul 2016 11:28:37 +0000 cascademom 2592868@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Anagram: I wish that we had more date nights or day dates. Our last sushi date was a lot of fun. I totally agree with you about how it reduces the tension and picking on each other. We haven't had a babysitter in our new suburb yet. I'm so hesitant to use a high schooler, but can't find any college students yet. We were spoiled by our old daycare and babysitters. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-hard-was-parenthood-on-your-marriage-relationship#post-2592864 Tue, 26 Jul 2016 11:25:07 +0000 Aimed121 2592864@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Not that bad, but I am going to qualify that with I am huge on prevention with marriage issues - paranoid even. So once I got pregnant with my first I started counselling because I know myself and that the transition would be difficult for me. DH joined me for several sessions and I think it really helped prepare us for what lay ahead. we were also lucky in that we had a good sleeper which seriously helped. We had/have stresses in that we live far from family so no access to family sitters etc. but we make sure that we hire a sitter and go on regular date nights. I wish that we were able to take time away alone for longer than a few hours once or twice a month to reconnect as he works super long hours so we don't really connect during the week and the weekends are typically about LO but we do work to try to connect as much as possible. For me, awareness is the biggest thing, if we are starting to get snippy etc., it's time to take some time together to work it out before things get out of control. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-hard-was-parenthood-on-your-marriage-relationship#post-2592849 Tue, 26 Jul 2016 11:09:59 +0000 PawPrints 2592849@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We definitely had general life-and-raising-a-newborn challenges, and I struggled with PPD/PPA for a brief period, but we were lucky that it didn't impact our marriage. DH stepped up tremendously, more than words can describe. We haven't really argued about any of it. It's probably safe to say it strengthened our bond. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-hard-was-parenthood-on-your-marriage-relationship#post-2592792 Tue, 26 Jul 2016 10:18:02 +0000 krispi 2592792@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Somewhere between the first two options? It was hard, and our relationship definitely took a back seat more often than I'd like, but I don't know that I'd call it "bad". </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-hard-was-parenthood-on-your-marriage-relationship#post-2592768 Tue, 26 Jul 2016 09:53:09 +0000 Anagram 2592768@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't know if "bad" is the right word for us, but "challenging", definitely for sure. Mostly the sleep deprivation and that's honestly more my problem than DH because he falls asleep really quickly and easily and manages to get more sleep that way--I have issues with insomnia and coupled with baby sleep problems, I just never slept and was constantly in a bad mood. So that's obviously not good for marriage, haha.</p> <p>I've been lucky in a couple of ways---my husband parents his ass off when he is home. So we are pretty equitable with parenting and chores around the house, so that helps with general resentment. </p> <p>And then just recently, like that past couple of months, we have added back in date nights. It seems like a small thing, but we had had 1 date in the 11 months since LO2 was born (and no nights away) and although normally, my husband *hates* spending money on a babysitter, our nanny needed some extra hours, so I convinced him to do a date night 2-3 times a month. It has done WONDERS for us, truly. And we weren't, like..hashing out problems. We just went out and enjoyed each other and I have noticed that our small spats have decreased dramatically in the last 6 weeks. Dramatically.</p> <p>We had a rough night last night with a sick baby and before, I absolutely would have thrown out some barbs at DH out of general frustration over being awake at 2 am for hours with a screaming child. But instead, we just worked really well together and managed to be nice to each other and trade off holding the screaming baby.</p> <p>SO I guess our problems were not too severe if they were solved by date nights. But definitely, things have been a little rocky after each kid was born for a while. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-hard-was-parenthood-on-your-marriage-relationship#post-2592738 Tue, 26 Jul 2016 09:11:26 +0000 ShootingStar 2592738@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This might be crazy, but I don't think our first year was that hard on our marriage, per se. Yes, learning to parent was difficult. But in a lot of ways it made us feel closer. Sure, there was a little snippy-ness when we were sleep deprived. But there were also times like one night when we were both up at 3am trying to get DS back to sleep, singing "If I had a Million Dollars" together. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-hard-was-parenthood-on-your-marriage-relationship#post-2592727 Tue, 26 Jul 2016 09:04:35 +0000 Maysprout 2592727@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We had an easy transition. But we've moved twice to diff cities since our first and dh's schedule got insane when we had a baby and toddler. That was hard to find time to spend together. And then once his schedule started getting better I got pregnant with our third and was exhausted :wink: Right now we're just looking at it as tiring work to build the foundation we want. And we've def had to learn to communicate around the exhaustion. Nobody is up for any serious talk when they can barely keep their eyes open. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-hard-was-parenthood-on-your-marriage-relationship#post-2592724 Tue, 26 Jul 2016 09:00:18 +0000 cascademom 2592724@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Bad, bad, bad. We adjusted poorly to parenthood with a colicky newborn and a less than pleasant MIL. Nothing like going to blows with her and your spouse during your maternity leave. We went into marriage counseling soon after her visit ended and stayed in it for 8 months. Getting pregnant the second time wasn't bad, etc. I had a fantastic maternity leave and the stress of selling, buying, and moving wasn't as bad as DH losing his job. </p> <p>Honestly, life was fantastic until my husband lost his job last February. Now, we're back to not the greatest terms and need marriage counseling again. Part of it is that I haven't taken many vacation days for the past six months because he's always at home. I'm at risk of losing days because I just don't take them. I need a giant vacation away from him and the resentment and stress. It's tough when he spends a good portion of his day playing video games and some gardening while I'm always working and earning far less than what we need. Even if I get a breather from him, his bad attitude starts showing again. Homeboy needs a job and to talk to other people not me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-hard-was-parenthood-on-your-marriage-relationship#post-2592723 Tue, 26 Jul 2016 08:59:55 +0000 JenGirl 2592723@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't want to jinx it, but so far our first year as parents has been easier than expected on our marriage. Our son's only 10 months, but so far, so good. </p> <p>I read all this stuff about how hard the first year is on a marriage and was really prepared for that. I went so far as discussing with my husband that no matter how bad it got, we shouldn't consider divorce in the first year of parenthood, just because the first year is hard and people say it gets easier.</p> <p>But then, it just hasn't been that bad. Yes, we can get cranky with each other when we're tired. Yes, there's a lot more to do now that baby is here. But we've slid into parenting pretty well.</p> <p>I think a big part of that is that we both took 12 weeks parental leave. I took mine right after birth (he just took a week of vacation right after the birth), we overlapped by 2 weeks, then he had 10 weeks home alone with the baby while I went back to work full time. I think it was really good for both of us to have some time alone with the baby. For households with two working parents, I highly recommend that both parents stay home for at least a solid week alone with baby. </p> <p>We also make a concerted effort to make time for our marriage. We try to do a date at least once or twice a month. Some of those are going to the theater and we hire a babysitter. Some of those are when we take a day off work and send the baby to daycare - last Friday we had sex, napped, had lunch, and went to the movies. And once every month or two we send him to Granny's / Aunt's for an overnight. It can be a pain to organize, but it so worth it to have the time to reconnect.</p> <p>And the other biggie that helps our marriage is that we both make an effort to take care of ourselves and make sure we're getting what we each need. I dropped down to working 4 days per week and my husband has two weekdays off per month, and we both use that time to recharge and get errands done. Having that time really lowers the overall stress in the house. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-hard-was-parenthood-on-your-marriage-relationship#post-2592722 Tue, 26 Jul 2016 08:59:33 +0000 Mama Bird 2592722@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Pretty bad. We didn't go to counseling, but not because we didn't need it. More because we didn't have time, plus counseling is a totally alien concept to DH.</p> <p>I blame the US system that expects a woman to go back to work while her baby is still tiny and helpless, or risk losing her job. Everyone deals with this reality in different ways, but I imagine many of them are stressful. For us personally, this situation led to a lot of insane decisions and everyone getting the short end of the stick. I don't think our relationship will ever recover from that completely. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-hard-was-parenthood-on-your-marriage-relationship#post-2592703 Tue, 26 Jul 2016 08:47:30 +0000 arosebyany 2592703@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Like @KayKay: said, it was hard on our marriage because it was hard on me. Before DS I had always agreed with DH that I would become a SAHM. I went from working 50 hours a week to dealing with a TERRIBLE newborn, who screamed 12 hours a day. I took it reallllly hard, and our relationship suffered because I needed to get myself healthy. On top of that I'm high sleep needs, so for the first 8 weeks, I don't even know who I was. I've never seen that side of myself. Now at 7 months it feels like thing are starting to get into a rhythm, and we're doing much better already. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-hard-was-parenthood-on-your-marriage-relationship#post-2592689 Tue, 26 Jul 2016 08:37:43 +0000 youboots 2592689@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I should add- I did and continue to see a therapist. Going on two years now. Not for marriage but because I had a lot of fear/anxiety around giving birth. Pregnancy was far worse on me/our relationship than the first year. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-hard-was-parenthood-on-your-marriage-relationship#post-2592680 Tue, 26 Jul 2016 08:31:32 +0000 oliviaoblivia 2592680@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We didn't have a difficult first year and kind of feel into a good rhythm. It got difficult when I went back to work. Dh had a long commute and wouldn't see the baby awake during the week. All the household stuff fell to me along with all the baby care. I was tapped out.<br /> Three months into it we were pregnant again, buying a house, renovating, and DH was starting a new company that required some of my help after hours.<br /> Once she was born and I was back on leave things got easier again. DH now works close to home, can take time whenever we need him to.<br /> Changing his work situation changed our family life and marriage for the better.<br /> Thank goodness. I was at the end of my rope with his old company. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-hard-was-parenthood-on-your-marriage-relationship#post-2592674 Tue, 26 Jul 2016 08:24:34 +0000 Ajsmommy 2592674@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Other: while I was on maternity leave it was a struggle! DD was a winter baby and we had a terrible winter so I was homebound most of the time and DH was the only adult interaction I had so I was dying for it by the time he got home and he was tired from work and not used to having to deal with me being so needy. It was rough. Like really. We didn't need counseling and as soon as I got back to work it was so so much better. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-hard-was-parenthood-on-your-marriage-relationship#post-2592657 Tue, 26 Jul 2016 07:57:56 +0000 petunia354 2592657@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It was hard because we ended up having different somewhat parenting philosophies, which was impossible to predict until we'd actually had our first child. We sometimes still disagree on how to handle certain situations but we've gotten way better at compromising and being more laid back. I'm hopeful that when we have another those tough few months will be smoother since we've done it before and know what to expect from each other. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-hard-was-parenthood-on-your-marriage-relationship#post-2592651 Tue, 26 Jul 2016 07:56:05 +0000 edelweiss 2592651@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>it wasn't bad, but i will qualify it with noting that i think we had our difficult period before we had children, and did see a therapist. it was extremely helpful, and would do it again. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-hard-was-parenthood-on-your-marriage-relationship#post-2592633 Tue, 26 Jul 2016 07:33:16 +0000 T.H.O.U. 2592633@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Very hard those first 18m. We were also fairly newlyweds which didn't help but still lots of adjustments. Having our second child went much smoother. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-hard-was-parenthood-on-your-marriage-relationship#post-2592627 Tue, 26 Jul 2016 07:30:44 +0000 KayKay 2592627@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>The first 18m of parenthood were really really hard on our marriage -- mostly because they were hard for me. It got better after that...again, mostly because it got easier for me / I got used to all of the changes to my life that had accompanied it! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-hard-was-parenthood-on-your-marriage-relationship#post-2592603 Tue, 26 Jul 2016 06:50:55 +0000 Cole 2592603@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I voted other. It kind of felt like we were on hold as a couple in terms of growth and enjoying each other. We didn't really argue although there were periods where we were extra snappy with one another. One thing that was harder than I expected is that meal times and car rides were basically my dd's version of hell so we lost that time to talk and connect. She's getting closer to 2 now and things are much better but I wouldn't say we are at a high point in our relationship (we've been together for 16 years.) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-hard-was-parenthood-on-your-marriage-relationship#post-2592569 Tue, 26 Jul 2016 00:58:20 +0000 birdofafeather 2592569@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Other: our first year was golden and honestly were very in sync. We had a difficult second year due to finances and just feeling tapped out. This first year with DD2 has been tough, but coming out of the fog at 7-9 months. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-hard-was-parenthood-on-your-marriage-relationship#post-2592560 Mon, 25 Jul 2016 23:44:25 +0000 LindsayLou 2592560@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Our kiddo will be one in August. This year has been extremely hard, and there have been so many adjustments. Our relationship is different, and we've had plenty of arguements and continue to have some struggles. But our relationship has remained strong, and it's actually been less hard on our marriage than we expected. My husband is 100% not a baby person, so we knew it would be a challenge. He loves our daughter, and he's great with her, but he's looking forward to when she's a toddler instead of a baby. </p>