https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Fri, 24 Jul 2026 21:37:46 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-helicopter-mom-are-you#post-2022429 Tue, 13 Jan 2015 15:39:48 +0000 Lindsay05 2022429@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am very much the opposite of a helicopter mom. I have on a few occasions asked "where are my children?" Of course in a safe environment like my in-laws house or whatever. No offense but it drives me nuts when other mom's try and be protective of MY child. I want to say, just relax, if they fall and bump their leg, it's no big deal. They need to learn this stuff! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-helicopter-mom-are-you#post-2022423 Tue, 13 Jan 2015 15:35:58 +0000 fairy 2022423@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I never really considered myself a helicopter parent but my daughter is 19 months and has never been cared for by anyone besides me, her dad, or one of her grandmas (and only a handful of times for less than two hours each lol..they don't live nearby). I am the only one who has ever put her down for bed/nap. But it isn't that I am afraid to leave her necessarily, I just enjoy being a SAHM and we don't know anyone in the area that we would trust to babysit her (admittedly I haven't really looked into it). My MIL is moving in with us next month though, and I would have no problem leaving my daughter with her if needed, as long as it isn't overnight because DD still nurses to sleep so that would be hell for MIL. So while some might consider her very rarely being out of my care "helicopter parent" behaviour, I don't really think so. </p> <p>She plays on her own in another room just fine while I do other things and when we go to park, classes, or playgroups I don't hover over her or anything. Sometimes she wants to stay by me and other times she wants to run free, I follow her lead. I let her make mistakes and learn from them. I definitely don't plan on being a pest to her when she's in college, etc lol </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-helicopter-mom-are-you#post-2021893 Tue, 13 Jan 2015 11:48:28 +0000 ScarletBegonia 2021893@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm a teacher at a private school and sometimes I feel like all I do is email, call and meet with parents about the most minor issues to do with their children...and my husband is a university lecturer who regularly has parents calling him up to argue their (master's candidate!!!) children's results. We had many, many conversations when I was pregnant about nurturing independence and self sufficiency in our son. he's only 10 months, so we'll see how we do by the time he's in school and such, but we are both committed to not being helicopter parents and so far we have given him as much independence as possible for his age. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-helicopter-mom-are-you#post-2021784 Tue, 13 Jan 2015 10:41:25 +0000 Ra 2021784@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm super laid back. I try hard to let my son learn from his mistakes. I don't let him get in situations where he can seriously get hurt but I encourage his independence and exploration. He knows I'm always close and I check on him or he will check on me (when I'm in the shower, for instance). He stays overnight with my mom at least once a month and we allow trusted friends and family to babysit and/or take him places regularly. I don't think it's necessarily something you can give advice on, for me I think it's just my personality. I love my son more than life itself, I love spending time with him, but we are two separate people. I need my space and independence, so does he. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-helicopter-mom-are-you#post-2021777 Tue, 13 Jan 2015 10:35:47 +0000 2PeasinaPod 2021777@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I feel like I'm middle of the road. I have no issues leaving him with others for care - my dad and FIL watch him while I work and he goes to day care 2 days/ week. I'm fine with someone else disciplining him, but find that I'm much harder on him than most when it comes to that. </p> <p>I do wish he would go off and play on his own more. I feel like that's where he sort of makes me a helicopter parent. He'll pull me into wherever it is. I don't mind it, but I'm hoping he becomes less dependent on us to play with him and enjoys other kids more. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-helicopter-mom-are-you#post-2021771 Tue, 13 Jan 2015 10:33:44 +0000 Ginabean3 2021771@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I thought I would be.....but not really! Even all my mom friends say I'm way laid back about LO. As a result she's fiercely independent and she's a great problem solver (for a 22 month old that is! :happy: ) I do confess that there are times I wish she needed me more...or acted like she needed me more. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-helicopter-mom-are-you#post-2021762 Tue, 13 Jan 2015 10:27:28 +0000 bushelandapeck 2021762@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It depends...for some reason I'm much worse with DH than when I leave the kids with our nanny or with DS school. I can't seem to stop myself from telling him how to do things, despite the fact that he's perfectly capable. In public, I'm usually pretty laid back but I do a lot of redirecting DS because he tends to be clumsy and can accidentally hurt himself or bump into other kids if he's not careful. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-helicopter-mom-are-you#post-2021759 Tue, 13 Jan 2015 10:26:57 +0000 .twist. 2021759@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm not. I've spent multiple nights away from him and I've left him to play in rooms by himself. He knows that if he calls for me I will appear. I check on him from wherever I am, but I don't need to sit in a room constantly watching. Somtimes I need to fold laundry and he doesn't want to be in that room. Sometimes I need to go get something and need to leave the room he's in. </p> <p>I don't run after him making sure he doesn't fall, because kids need to fall and learn to pick themselves back up again (at least in my opinion). I also want L to learn how to deal with certain things on his own. I can't and won't always be there to help him out of situations that are unfavourable. It's best if he can learn how to find the solution to them himself. </p> <p>There are definitely things that he can't control right now that aren't necessarily learning. I like to be in control of what he eats. It's one of my weaknesses! I'm getting a lot better about it myself, but my IL's would feed him chocolate all day long if they were allowed and I just don't agree with that. Or the expression "grandparents get to spoil their grandkids". Doesn't fly with me. But that's my beef and I know that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-helicopter-mom-are-you#post-2021716 Tue, 13 Jan 2015 10:00:42 +0000 Mamasig 2021716@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think I'm in the middle. I worry a lot about some things but not so much about others. </p> <p>Honestly, when I first heard your description I didn't think of it as helicopter parenting but more like anxiety. My sister was very much as you described. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-helicopter-mom-are-you#post-2021665 Tue, 13 Jan 2015 09:35:27 +0000 LuLu Mom 2021665@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would say I fall more toward laid back, I have no issues with LO having overnights with grandparents, she's been doing them regularly since she was a baby. I know I was a lot more "helicopter" when we were dealing with eating/allergy issues, I got all sorts of momma-bear when I saw people giving her food without asking me first, I found it incredibly disresepecful when everyone was aware of her issues.</p> <p>Otherwise now at 2 1/2, I let her have her independence (which she needs) and I do my best to stand back and let her deal with things on her own. She's naturally very independent (as I am) so I know she needs to do things on her own to learn. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-helicopter-mom-are-you#post-2021617 Tue, 13 Jan 2015 09:10:25 +0000 Orchid 2021617@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am trying pretty hard not to hover! My son plays well independently (if he's not tired or hungry) only if he can crawl over and "check-in" frequently. If I'm in a different room, there's no chance he'll stay put unless he's found something super cool to explore (which should probably not be explored by a 10 month old unsupervised). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-helicopter-mom-are-you#post-2021511 Tue, 13 Jan 2015 07:32:26 +0000 looch 2021511@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am a helicopter mom.</p> <p>I hover, a lot, because my son needs to know I am watching him otherwise he manipulates the situation. In some instances with younger children, they just can't work issues out on their own and it escalates.</p> <p>I also call the school on a regular basis to make sure we are working on issues and that my son isn't being targeted unfairly wrt to behavior.</p> <p>Will I call his college? Never say never, especially if I am paying for it, but it might not be in my son's favor! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-helicopter-mom-are-you#post-2021124 Mon, 12 Jan 2015 20:59:03 +0000 Mae 2021124@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Depends on the area of care. In terms of leaving her alone for longer periods of time-- I can't/won't because she typically refuses food from anyone except DH and me (wouldn't even eat for my mom at Christmas, sigh), so I am extremely strict on making sure we are always around to feed her on time. </p> <p>But other words I don't think I'm super helicopter-y. I let her fall. I let her dunk her head under the bath water tonight because she needs to learn what happens when you stick your head under water. I trust my husband completely with her and am always encouraging him to trust himself. He didnt stay with her alone all that often early on, so he always had a lot of questions but I felt like he need to find his own way with her and he has. And I've left her for short periods with both of our moms and with a friend. I don't really worry about her safety with people that much because I feel like kids are tougher than we give them credit for and anyone we'd leave her with has enough common sense to keep her safe. I mostly just helicopter over the schedule/eating issue. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-helicopter-mom-are-you#post-2021123 Mon, 12 Jan 2015 20:58:49 +0000 MrsMccarthy 2021123@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Kemma: i am hoping to try a preschool coop soon which would be an hour or two a week.</p> <p>@jmarionsmith: thats a good idea! she will be here the 14th and i am due the 17th so maybe then since i doubt i will go early. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-helicopter-mom-are-you#post-2021116 Mon, 12 Jan 2015 20:54:15 +0000 jmarionsmith 2021116@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>The first night I spent away from LO was when I was in the hospital having LO2. I was so anxious about it and it was pretty hard, but since then (4 months) he has spent the night away from us twice.</p> <p>For me, I think it was not being able to control the situation if I wasn't there that caused me so much anxiety. When I was forced to give up that control (because I was pushing a baby out) it made me realize everything was ok. And each time since then has been easier.</p> <p>Maybe you could let LO spend the night with your MIL once before your baby girl is born. I know that is a HUGE step but maybe ripping off the band aid will help you get more comfortable with the idea of him being away from you.</p> <p>(FWIW, I think it's fine to always be with LO at this age. They're still babies! But I know once baby girl is here, being able to let LO1 go out with dad or MIL for a few hours and not stressing about it the entire time, will be so nice for you!) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-helicopter-mom-are-you#post-2021114 Mon, 12 Jan 2015 20:51:44 +0000 Dandelion 2021114@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsMccarthy: at first, I was so nervous leaving M with DH. But I got over it cause he's his dad and I trust that he can care for M. Now I will leave them together for a few hours so that I can have some one on one time with D. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-helicopter-mom-are-you#post-2021112 Mon, 12 Jan 2015 20:48:06 +0000 Kemma 2021112@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsMccarthy: do you have a regular play date or play group where you could "practice" leaving T? I'm thinking even just thirty minutes at a time might be a way to work on being apart :-) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-helicopter-mom-are-you#post-2021079 Mon, 12 Jan 2015 20:30:40 +0000 artsyfartsy 2021079@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm a laid back mom overall, but I have my helicopter moments too. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-helicopter-mom-are-you#post-2021076 Mon, 12 Jan 2015 20:28:43 +0000 MrsMccarthy 2021076@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Vegmama: independent play isnt an issue thank goodness and im not worried he will fall or that type of thing but i am not good at being apart from him or taking my eyes off him for very long and its probably a bit more than it should be. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-helicopter-mom-are-you#post-2021072 Mon, 12 Jan 2015 20:25:05 +0000 Mrs. Lion 2021072@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@blackbird: right there with you... :): </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-helicopter-mom-are-you#post-2021068 Mon, 12 Jan 2015 20:22:39 +0000 blackbird 2021068@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm not at all, because frankly, it stresses me out too much. And I think about all the kids out there nowadays with helicopter moms, whose parents are calling their colleges for them. I had a helicopter mom myself....and it's not healthy and I know it firsthand, so I swing the opposite way for sure. Negative personal experiences will do that </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-helicopter-mom-are-you#post-2021064 Mon, 12 Jan 2015 20:19:13 +0000 Mrs. Lion 2021064@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsMccarthy: &lt;3 baby steps! Hopefully it will get easier with time! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-helicopter-mom-are-you#post-2021057 Mon, 12 Jan 2015 20:14:20 +0000 MrsMccarthy 2021057@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Bao: Im thinking you are right and i do need to try to have more time apart before baby comes even though it kills me since its the last months before i have no choice. I went to a baby shower and my husband was with him for 5 hours saturday which was huge for me. I missed them but it was nice. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-helicopter-mom-are-you#post-2021052 Mon, 12 Jan 2015 20:12:11 +0000 MrsMccarthy 2021052@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@yellowbird: I'm okay with him doing his own thing but i check on him a lot. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-helicopter-mom-are-you#post-2021051 Mon, 12 Jan 2015 20:10:44 +0000 MrsMccarthy 2021051@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Lion: yeah i do. unfortunately I have so much big stuff on my plate right now that i can't really fit in therapy but its on my short list for next year or as soon as things are more stable in terms of fiances, transport and my sons sensory stuff. I am definitely going to have to learn to adjust when our daughter comes. meditation helps a bit. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-helicopter-mom-are-you#post-2021046 Mon, 12 Jan 2015 20:08:32 +0000 yellowbird 2021046@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm not really helicoptery at all. There are times when other people do something for her and I think i could do it better of course, but I've been away from her several times for overnights and long weekends and I really don't worry about her. I know she's well taken care of, but I do miss her like crazy. I usually let her do her own thing while we're out, but she's never out if my site or if she's being naughty I correct her, but that's about it. I've just never been a huge worrier at all. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-helicopter-mom-are-you#post-2021040 Mon, 12 Jan 2015 20:02:28 +0000 hotchildinthecity 2021040@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Both my husband and I are really laid back parents. Probably more than most. We're probably the opposite of helicopter parents lol. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-helicopter-mom-are-you#post-2021034 Mon, 12 Jan 2015 19:59:10 +0000 Mrs. Lion 2021034@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsMccarthy: I can understand that. I started leaving LO when he was really little because I had been advised by women much wiser than me that the longer you wait the harder it is. I think that really helped me...that and the fact that I have faith that all I can do is make the best decisions I can, and that ultimately I cannot protect him from everything forever. Have you had anxiety issues in the past? Maybe it would help to talk to a professional about them. Extreme circumstances aside, I don't think it is typical to experience anxiety when your child is with his dad or other trustworthy family members. &lt;3 </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-helicopter-mom-are-you#post-2021025 Mon, 12 Jan 2015 19:54:37 +0000 MrsMccarthy 2021025@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Lion: oh i absolutely recognize the value. And i let him and fall and fight his own battles pretty well but i am not good at being away from him or letting him out of my sight unless its very close friends or family and even then i do worry sometimes. I am that mom who goes nuts at the thought of him riding the bus alone or being in a gym daycare whilst i workout. i know i have some time one some of this stuff but i hate the way it makes me feel. I have trouble enjoying myself but i know its going to be good for he and i both. </p> <p>@Greentea: I'm fine with the attachment stuff but not the anxiety I have over him being out of my personal sight when he is with other trusted professionals. I think i watched too many abduction movies on Lifetime or something.</p> <p>Leaving him overnight when I go into labor is going to be so hard but thankfully my MIL will be with him and she is awesome. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-helicopter-mom-are-you#post-2020981 Mon, 12 Jan 2015 19:00:26 +0000 Greentea 2020981@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsMccarthy: I don't think there is anything wrong with that, unless you aren't comfortable with the way things are (like you are having anxiety or something).</p> <p>I don't subscribe to a philosophy, but I guess "attachment parents" would be what we kind of are. I believe that a close connection to parents gives kids confidence for life. Hey, the opposite happened to me, and I see it working for LO, so that's why I have these beliefs.</p> <p>When she is with someone I trust, however, I know she is in good hands. </p>