Hellobee Boards Topic: How is your relationship with your MIL?

Hellobee Boards Topic: How is your relationship with your MIL? https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 16 May 2026 05:37:52 +0000 RainbowMom on "How is your relationship with your MIL?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-is-your-relationship-with-your-mil/page/2#post-2658538 Tue, 29 Nov 2016 10:51:02 +0000 RainbowMom 2658538@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I chose other. My MIL is good at projecting a sweet little old lady image for a while, but in reality she is very negative, passive-aggressive and would be manipulative if she were smarter. It's not entirely her fault, she has at least one mental health diagnosis. On her good days she can be fine. But much of the time she is very unpleasant to be around. Mrs. Turtle on "How is your relationship with your MIL?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-is-your-relationship-with-your-mil/page/2#post-2658368 Mon, 28 Nov 2016 22:49:04 +0000 Mrs. Turtle 2658368@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I really like her and wish I could get to know her better. I really wish she would visit us. But she's kind of in her own little world and just isn't that involved in her kids' lives. I was hoping when we had kids it would change. So far with the foster kids it hasn't at all (she hasn't even met O) but maybe when we adopt she might start thinking of them as grandkids? One can hope. Dahlia on "How is your relationship with your MIL?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-is-your-relationship-with-your-mil/page/2#post-2658352 Mon, 28 Nov 2016 22:03:51 +0000 Dahlia 2658352@https://boards.hellobee.com/ We get along fine, although we don't have any real connection. She's VERY laid-back and deferential to me almost to a fault - like I wish she's take charge when she visits and start doing things around the house/with DD. But I can't complain at all. pineapple on "How is your relationship with your MIL?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-is-your-relationship-with-your-mil/page/2#post-2658265 Mon, 28 Nov 2016 17:52:28 +0000 pineapple 2658265@https://boards.hellobee.com/ It's very up and down. One, he was a momma's boy. He listens to her no matter what. She is super bossy. But I understand she's a mom and she just means well. The things, though, is calling her "mom." In my culture, we have no choice to because it's a respect thing. I always try and avoid to say it, but there are times I have to get her attention or acknowledgement. It's like biting bullets calling her mom. newlypregnantlady on "How is your relationship with your MIL?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-is-your-relationship-with-your-mil/page/2#post-2658233 Mon, 28 Nov 2016 17:09:42 +0000 newlypregnantlady 2658233@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I'm very lucky to have my MIL. My own mother was a bipolar addict while I was growing up and I had a very unstable home life. My husband, on the other hand, had the exact opposite. I met DH when I was 17 and she's always treated me with respect (which is crazy considering her son married the weirdo with pink hair he met in high school). If I wanted her to be a mother figure to me she would be. But I'm just not the kind of person who leans on other people. The environment I grew up in has made me very independent and disinclined to rely on people. She's a way better person than my own mother and while we do have various issues regarding communication, I'm very lucky to have her in my life. Most of our issues just stem from the fact that we are very different people. She's very outgoing and extroverted and flexible while I'm the opposite. My biggest thing is just that there's very little planning when it comes to family gatherings and it makes me a little batty because I'm never sure what's happening. BSB on "How is your relationship with your MIL?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-is-your-relationship-with-your-mil/page/2#post-2658226 Mon, 28 Nov 2016 16:58:26 +0000 BSB 2658226@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Mine is very complicated. There are highs and lows over the past 15 years that I've dated/engaged/married to DH. Currently 'ok/eh'. purplelilac on "How is your relationship with your MIL?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-is-your-relationship-with-your-mil#post-2658214 Mon, 28 Nov 2016 16:43:24 +0000 purplelilac 2658214@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I constantly remind myself how lucky I am to have such a great MIL. She is amazing. She is similar to my mom in so many ways, but also different in ways that I love. skipra on "How is your relationship with your MIL?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-is-your-relationship-with-your-mil#post-2658207 Mon, 28 Nov 2016 16:32:52 +0000 skipra 2658207@https://boards.hellobee.com/ She is friendly in person but just doesn't put much effort into our relationship. I have tried repeatedly but just get no response so I have given up. I don't really care about having a great relationship with her (although it would be nice!) but I really wish she was more involved with DH and our kids. birdofafeather on "How is your relationship with your MIL?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-is-your-relationship-with-your-mil#post-2658164 Mon, 28 Nov 2016 15:45:11 +0000 birdofafeather 2658164@https://boards.hellobee.com/ we get along fine, but i have a hard time with her formality and overbearing nature, but i guess i have to accept it because she's like that with all her kids. sapphire on "How is your relationship with your MIL?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-is-your-relationship-with-your-mil#post-2658110 Mon, 28 Nov 2016 14:54:51 +0000 sapphire 2658110@https://boards.hellobee.com/ We get along well but we also have our differences. Mrs. Sunshine on "How is your relationship with your MIL?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-is-your-relationship-with-your-mil#post-2658104 Mon, 28 Nov 2016 14:45:59 +0000 Mrs. Sunshine 2658104@https://boards.hellobee.com/ We get along okay but I don't think of her as a mom. I see her everyday but she refuses to watch my kids even in an emergency and acts like every favor anyone needs is just a HUGE burden on her life, so I hear her complain about helping people who aren't me constantly. I will not ask her for any kind of help. She is very judgmental, very nosy and always right. She's also a little, um, dense and will admit to being so but at the same time has all these opinions and "advice" that she will ask you a thousand times if you followed and if you didn't, well, don't get me started. She's fine. I just would like to see her less. Like once a week would be a huge improvement on my attitude towards her. MrsSCB on "How is your relationship with your MIL?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-is-your-relationship-with-your-mil#post-2658100 Mon, 28 Nov 2016 14:43:32 +0000 MrsSCB 2658100@https://boards.hellobee.com/ We have a great relationship. I mean I don't think of her as a second mom really, but we get along well. One reason for that is my ILs are very conscious of never overstepping their bounds or being overbearing. They have pretty busy lives of their own, so they've never been all up in our business or trying to give unwelcome advice. They came to meet our son when he was about eight weeks old -- they stayed in a hotel and were content to do whatever we wanted around the baby's schedule. They were excited to hold and love on him but weren't baby hogs, haha. I'll be honest, I was not super excited to have visitors at the time, but it went really well and I was happy they came. snowjewelz on "How is your relationship with your MIL?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-is-your-relationship-with-your-mil#post-2658089 Mon, 28 Nov 2016 14:35:26 +0000 snowjewelz 2658089@https://boards.hellobee.com/ We get along totally great; but we're not super duper close. I don't see her often and she only occasionally watches DD. Adira on "How is your relationship with your MIL?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-is-your-relationship-with-your-mil#post-2658085 Mon, 28 Nov 2016 14:29:06 +0000 Adira 2658085@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I get along pretty well with MIL, but we don't agree politically, so we argue sometimes, but I think we both know we still love each other, so it doesn't affect our relationship. I don't see her very much because she works a lot and doesn't live close, but we always get along great when we're together. And she's a very generous and sweet woman. SMIL on the other hand... :meh: Modern Daisy on "How is your relationship with your MIL?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-is-your-relationship-with-your-mil#post-2658083 Mon, 28 Nov 2016 14:27:36 +0000 Modern Daisy 2658083@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I have deep respect for my MIL because she is a very good person. We get along great too, but her other daughter in law calls her "mom" and I call her by her first name. So I think we more get along well out of necessity while she has a very loving mother/daughter relationship with my bil's wife. Our positive relationship is all thanks to her though - she's never made me feel bad for anything although I'm sure she's not always happy with the decisions we make. Mama Bird on "How is your relationship with your MIL?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-is-your-relationship-with-your-mil#post-2658071 Mon, 28 Nov 2016 14:17:00 +0000 Mama Bird 2658071@https://boards.hellobee.com/ It's awesome. Of course we fight sometimes, but we make up. And I try to be like a daughter, though that's not saying much because I'm a lousy daughter to my own parents. It's sad, and I know it's unfair, but I resent them for things I don't resent my MIL for, because there's too much history between us. Chillybear on "How is your relationship with your MIL?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-is-your-relationship-with-your-mil#post-2658052 Mon, 28 Nov 2016 14:03:01 +0000 Chillybear 2658052@https://boards.hellobee.com/ My inlaws are very kind, caring and generous people. They have 2 sons and in a very short period of time they both got engaged, bought houses, and started having babies. They bought a house down the road from my BIL and SIL and clearly favor their family/kids over ours. My MIL is very salty that this year we listed our house (that was 10 min from their new house) and bought a house closer to my parents (about 35 min from them and in a spot that they frequently pass through to get to their summer home). We get along just fine and its fairly easy to keep the conversation flowing when we get together we just dont have a lot in common (she watches fox news all day everyday, doesnt work and hasnt for a long time, plays bridge and rummy) She's not very hands on with the kids especially once they start walking (because she cant keep up with them) and my FIL waits on her hand and foot. She doesnt cook, clean, or keep house and never taught or expected her sons to either. So I blamed her for a lot of my husbands laziness in the housekeeping dept, and the first few years of marriage were quite argumentative until he understood that he had to pull his own weight and what having a clean house was like. I love my FIL, he and my husband are very similar and we get along great. He loves playing with his grandkids but often gets pulled away to "do things" for his wife. Having only had sons, for a long time i dont think he knew how to interact with me or my SIL but things are much better esp if we keep to topics he's comfortable with, like work, sports, local news, the kids, or us asking him for advice on finances, home improvements, cars, etc. He's learning a lot about princesses now that he has 3 granddaughters. they're also not very good communicators - they dont call to chat (but neither does my husband) everything is through him and he often forgets to tell me if his parents invite us for dinner, etc erinbaderin on "How is your relationship with your MIL?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-is-your-relationship-with-your-mil#post-2658037 Mon, 28 Nov 2016 13:49:45 +0000 erinbaderin 2658037@https://boards.hellobee.com/ My relationship with my mother-in-law is basically non-existent - I've only met her once in the 15 years we've been together, she didn't come to our wedding, hasn't met our children. We don't have much of a relationship with her and she basically only contacts us when she needs money or wants something. My step-mother-in-law is a wonderful woman who I really love, and the only thing that drives me crazy about her is that she's basically too nice and it gets a little smothering - for example, every time we leave the house she asks me if I need to go to the bathroom before we go and I'm like "I'm 37 years old! If I needed to go to the bathroom I'd just go, you don't have to remind me!" And then I turn into a sullen teenager and say no even if I do, which is basically a real stupid response. They live in England, though, so we only see them a few times a year. tinyperson on "How is your relationship with your MIL?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-is-your-relationship-with-your-mil#post-2658033 Mon, 28 Nov 2016 13:48:39 +0000 tinyperson 2658033@https://boards.hellobee.com/ We're friendly, but they live on an island a 3.5 hr flight away, so we don't interact much. I don't call her to chat . She's very nice, but she's very different from my mom. Different tastes in just about everything. Anagram on "How is your relationship with your MIL?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-is-your-relationship-with-your-mil#post-2658028 Mon, 28 Nov 2016 13:37:04 +0000 Anagram 2658028@https://boards.hellobee.com/ My MIL (and FIL for that matter) and I get along fine, but our relationship is somewhat formal since we've always lived in a different state or country from them. We probably see them 3-4 times a year. We're very different people since my MIL comes from a more traditional/conservative culture and there is a language barrier. But I know both of my inlaws quite literally sacrificed everything for their kids and I 100% respect them as people. They are SO nice and both play with our kids and MIL always cooks for us. Sometimes they have very small "overstepping" issues, but I sometimes wonder how much of that is just miscommunication because of the language barrier. pinkb on "How is your relationship with your MIL?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-is-your-relationship-with-your-mil#post-2658027 Mon, 28 Nov 2016 13:33:00 +0000 pinkb 2658027@https://boards.hellobee.com/ We don't like each other. She was fine while DH and I dated and then it all went down hill. She caused issues at our wedding and then again at my baby shower. At that point I had some choice words for her that she didn't like, then told DH "good luck with her and her family". We ignor each other if we are at same place together. She flakes out on most family functions and flakes on plans to see the kids. It's sad and not type of MIL I wanted to have and it makes me even more sad that this is DHs mom. He has dealt with it his whole life, moms shouldn't be like her. And then even more sad that my kids love her to death and yet she still acts this way and ditches them when we have plans to see her :( winniebee on "How is your relationship with your MIL?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-is-your-relationship-with-your-mil#post-2658004 Mon, 28 Nov 2016 13:15:59 +0000 winniebee 2658004@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @yoursilverlining: love how you put it. SAME! yoursilverlining on "How is your relationship with your MIL?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-is-your-relationship-with-your-mil#post-2658001 Mon, 28 Nov 2016 13:07:05 +0000 yoursilverlining 2658001@https://boards.hellobee.com/ MIL and I land somewhere between your first and second options. As MILs go, I lucked out BIG TIME….and I know that she thinks of me as a daughter and I love her, but if I’m being honest I can’t say I think of her as a mom. She’s my MIL. It’s just different. My MIL is very caring and extremely generous, but it’s also often her way or the highway which makes things hard. She is used to getting her way, and DH is wholly incapable of standing up (at all) to his mom, which doesn’t help. Luckily (I guess) she and I often want the same thing, so we rarely have issues. She is a generally amazing, amazing grandmother and like I said – I really can’t complain. She is the Queen Bee though, with all that comes with. catgirl on "How is your relationship with your MIL?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-is-your-relationship-with-your-mil#post-2657997 Mon, 28 Nov 2016 13:03:15 +0000 catgirl 2657997@https://boards.hellobee.com/ It's a little complicated. She is a nice enough person but we really don't have much in common. She is mostly nice to me but makes a lot of passive aggressive comments. She also has said some nasty things about me to DH in the past - either that has stopped or DH just learned not to tell me. She blames me for the fact that we are parenting differently than how she did. She can't comprehend that DH wants to do things differently. She is trying to respect our choices though when DD is around, which is what matters. We had a long discussion on our top priorities and have tried to let go of smaller things. DD is only around her occasionally so it works out. BUT the biggest thing, and the reason I try to connect with her, is that she LOVES DD. At the end of the day that is what I focus on. psw27 on "How is your relationship with your MIL?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-is-your-relationship-with-your-mil#post-2657985 Mon, 28 Nov 2016 12:54:42 +0000 psw27 2657985@https://boards.hellobee.com/ She isn't like a mother to me. A few years ago I would have described us as "close" - we frequently emailed and texted about common interests (good recipes, new kitchen gadgets, races we were training for, etc.). In the last few years, I can tell she doesn't really like me as much. I've gotten busier now that I'm a mother and don't have as much time for her passive aggressive BS. She gets very defensive when DH and I argue. A few years back she was a witness in person to a very silly argument between DH and I about where to order pizza from and she stormed out of our house and refused to even let us drive her to the airport the next day. Since then, things are strained. I refuse to not be myself and not have discussions with my husband in her presence because she is "feelings phobic" and runs off. Boogs on "How is your relationship with your MIL?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-is-your-relationship-with-your-mil#post-2657983 Mon, 28 Nov 2016 12:53:13 +0000 Boogs 2657983@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Exactly the same as @winniebee: and I'm happy with who I got for a MIL. Mrs. Lemon-Lime on "How is your relationship with your MIL?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-is-your-relationship-with-your-mil#post-2657977 Mon, 28 Nov 2016 12:50:15 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2657977@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @IRunForFun: :sad: your MIL sounds really bad, even on our worse days I can only recall a couple things that any outside observer would agree was messed up. I really hope when your LO arrives you will have a MIL/ baby miracle too. OP, are there any actions you can take to improve the relationship? For me I noticed spending time with my MIL one on one helped. winniebee on "How is your relationship with your MIL?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-is-your-relationship-with-your-mil#post-2657973 Mon, 28 Nov 2016 12:49:48 +0000 winniebee 2657973@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @youboots: same winniebee on "How is your relationship with your MIL?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-is-your-relationship-with-your-mil#post-2657972 Mon, 28 Nov 2016 12:48:48 +0000 winniebee 2657972@https://boards.hellobee.com/ It's mostly very good. She's a little over-bearing and it can be her way or the highway....but she's a good person and means well. She's also very generous with her time and resources and has been a phenomenal grandmother. I don't think of her like my mom (there will always be that bit of distance) and I think she can act a little crazy sometimes, but overall I think we have a very good relationship. IRunForFun on "How is your relationship with your MIL?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-is-your-relationship-with-your-mil#post-2657967 Mon, 28 Nov 2016 12:42:42 +0000 IRunForFun 2657967@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I chose that we get along fine but I don't think of her as a mother, but I should have selected other. We do play nice when we are together and she's really not outright awful to me, but makes a lot of passive-aggressive comments and has made outright comments at pretty much every new forward step in my relationship with DH that indicate she resents me and thinks we didn't wait long enough/consider things hard enough before moving in together, getting engaged, getting married, getting pregnant. (And we were 26 and 27 when we met, 27 and 28 when we go engaged and moved in together, 28 and 29 when we got married, and will be 31 and 32 when the first baby arrives.) She's made it really clear she does NOT like that I am now DH's #1 priority and will get angry treat DH like crap with all her snide comments if we make a life decision she doesn't like; she will pretty much say she thinks I control him and force him to do things differently than he would if he were single. She legit gets upset if we make any major decisions without consulting her. It's ridiculous. This past weekend was a prime example - we told her we wouldn't be traveling 4 hours to them for Christmas because I will be 36.5 weeks pregnant. She got very offended and said that was ridiculous. We offered to host them, but the rest of the whole weekend she made snide remarks about how they'll just spend Christmas bored and alone, how no one cares about family anymore, etc. Ugh. Like I said, I don't confront her really. I just put my time in and get it over with. Grin and bear it.