https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 13 Jun 2026 00:12:13 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-many-times-do-you-have-to-ask-your-kids#post-2865796 Wed, 09 Jan 2019 12:58:00 +0000 Hypatia 2865796@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@bhbee: Oh yeah, eye contact is key! I start with her name, and she knows she’s supposed to respond by looking at me and saying “Yes, mama?” And THEN I give instructions. Ideally, anyway. </p> <p>So an interaction might be some variation of this. </p> <p>“Jane?”<br /> *no response*<br /> “Jane, look at me.”<br /> *looks*<br /> “Put your shoes on now, please.”<br /> “Yes, mama.”</p> <p>If she doesn’t respond after prompting, that’s when I get down on her level with my Mama Means Business Voice. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-many-times-do-you-have-to-ask-your-kids#post-2865788 Wed, 09 Jan 2019 12:13:24 +0000 Mrs. Cereal 2865788@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I seriously feel like I repeat the same three or four things at least 100 times over the course of a few days. It drives me insane. I was literally just venting to my husband last night about how tired I am of saying the same damn thing over and over again. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-many-times-do-you-have-to-ask-your-kids#post-2865786 Wed, 09 Jan 2019 12:08:06 +0000 Alba4 2865786@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So many times!!! My boys are 2.5 and 5 and I feel like a broken record. Once I turn things into a competition or race, it helps!!</p> <p>I teach grades 5,6,and 7 and it’s not much better with that age group! 🤷‍♀️ </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-many-times-do-you-have-to-ask-your-kids#post-2865754 Wed, 09 Jan 2019 09:28:14 +0000 2littlepumpkins 2865754@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Foodnerd81: maybe try sitting them together by the front door and put shoes on together and help whoever needs help. But more directly when I have to help them for a couple/few days in a row I either have them both doing the same task, or I just focus on one kid and then back to the other after those few days. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-many-times-do-you-have-to-ask-your-kids#post-2865725 Wed, 09 Jan 2019 05:19:15 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2865725@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have to repeat, repeat and get loud too creating a routine @gotkimchi: Aha Moment! Tonight, I made sure during pick up I gave instructions with LO looking at me like @LBee: said and voila! We were out the door so much faster. Funny thing is LO always says my name first to get my attention when he requests something. Typically I will turn to look at him or look up if I was on my phone :sad:. He knows that’s an effective trick. As a mom though I have to be better about not barking orders from across the room.</p> <p>@Iced Tea: I had a no shoe morning yesterday!! LO’s dad told him he was buying Spider-‘Man shoes for him. Well, they’re not here yet and every day LO asks to wear these damn shoes. He took off the shoes I put on him in protest so off to school we went with no shoes. LO was defiant until he had to walk on the “yucky” gym daycare floors to get to his classroom and was more than happy to put his shoes on.</p> <p>@PurplePeony: thank you for that one too! Last night LO kept turning on/ off stuff in my office and just wasn’t listening even with eye to eye instructions. I finally asked him to repeat and show me what he was allowed to touch and wasn’t. Hoping next time it should be better. </p> [attach=3033/19/pl27c3.600x450.5EC9DC5B-2029-4AAE-9CD6-9FD1FCBB318D.jpeg] https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-many-times-do-you-have-to-ask-your-kids#post-2865722 Wed, 09 Jan 2019 01:02:55 +0000 bhbee 2865722@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LBee: this is so true about eye contact. I’ve started prefacing any request/comment that I think might not be followed by the preschooler with “I need to see your eyeballs” and once I have that contact it makes a huge difference. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-many-times-do-you-have-to-ask-your-kids#post-2865720 Wed, 09 Jan 2019 00:07:51 +0000 oskarsmommy 2865720@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Foodnerd81: its like you are in my head - haha :grin: Same - and I all always good for one or two days ok, 'ok, you need my help, I will help you' - then on that third day, I lose it - because I KNOW he can do it... I guess there is my answer - me.. maybe I am not being consistent with my approach.. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-many-times-do-you-have-to-ask-your-kids#post-2865635 Tue, 08 Jan 2019 16:18:57 +0000 DesertDreams88 2865635@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Foodnerd81: When I was home on my 6-month maternity leave (unpaid, don't get jealous, haha) I always packed the car the night before. I even have a stroller that lets me load up the bottom basket and then fold it to put it in the trunk. </p> <p>I keep a bunch of gallon ziploc bags with the basics (snacks, change of clothes, small toy, wipes, a diaper) labeled per kid stashed in the closet, my car, my diaper bag, and DH's diaper bag. This makes "packing up" decently easy. </p> <p>I put a kid in the car first (usually the toddler) with a snack, book, and/or small toy. Then I get the other one ready and/or myself. My toddler just hangs out in the car for literally 10 minutes just chilling.... he's so NOT a chill person generally though but this happens every day so he doesn't fight it. </p> <p>Right now I have a 3 and 1 year old so maybe this seems easy. Obvi the 1-year old is pretty compliant. But my 3-yr-old..... *deep breath* I've posted a ton of threads about him. :bummed: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-many-times-do-you-have-to-ask-your-kids#post-2865633 Tue, 08 Jan 2019 16:15:33 +0000 PurplePeony 2865633@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My DD is really good at finding things to do other than what she had been asked/told to do. I’ve started having her repeat it back to me (“A, it’s time to put your shoes on now. What did I just ask you to do?”) This eliminates her very favorite answer of “But I didn’t hear you!” and the runner-up of “But I didn’t understand what you meant!” and gets faster results. I’m going to try the tomato staking method as well, though. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-many-times-do-you-have-to-ask-your-kids#post-2865625 Tue, 08 Jan 2019 15:41:21 +0000 alphagam84 2865625@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We do consequences. If she doesn't do it after a couple of asks, then we tell her she has to the count of three to do it or X happens. It works 90% of the time. I missed out on my weekly donuts this weekend because we said it was a consequence and I was so bitter having to follow through :silly: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-many-times-do-you-have-to-ask-your-kids#post-2865598 Tue, 08 Jan 2019 14:40:57 +0000 macintosh 2865598@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@oskarsmommy: DS is 3.5 so...approximately 1 million times. He gets so distracted in the middle of a routine or he'll interrupt me with his "mommy...mommy...mommy" thing which means he has a completely unrelated but urgent question :silly: </p> <p>@Hypatia: This is really interesting, I'll have to give this tactic a try. How old is your DD? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-many-times-do-you-have-to-ask-your-kids#post-2865594 Tue, 08 Jan 2019 14:31:12 +0000 Ajsmommy 2865594@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have to say my DD is pretty good about it bc if I think really hard I'd say 3 times is the max that we ask in our house. And usually it doesn't even get to that. The times she doesn't is usually when she's playing and doesn't want to stop or if she's watching tv and doesn't want to stop. </p> <p>Our DS is going to be our challenge, I can already tell..... LOL.. but so far he's not even 2 so we can't expect him to follow directions immediately... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-many-times-do-you-have-to-ask-your-kids#post-2865590 Tue, 08 Jan 2019 14:20:17 +0000 JennyPenny 2865590@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Foodnerd81: I just do it when I can. For example, say I'm putting DS2's shoes on when I ask DS1 to do his shoes and he hasn't done it by the time I finish with DS2. That's when I take him and say "you're having a hard time following directions, so let's get your shoes". So, it isn't always immediate, but I don't think that undermines the method. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-many-times-do-you-have-to-ask-your-kids#post-2865582 Tue, 08 Jan 2019 13:48:26 +0000 Hypatia 2865582@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Foodnerd81: I have an almost two year old. During the training phase, I get myself ready, then get the toddler ready and put her in the car seat, bring out any bags I need, and finally focus on my DD. The toddler has to wait on us in the car, but I figure that’s a valuable lesson in patience, too, ha. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-many-times-do-you-have-to-ask-your-kids#post-2865581 Tue, 08 Jan 2019 13:41:47 +0000 Foodnerd81 2865581@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I also have to ask 100 times, or more often, ten times then I yell. So, I need to break this habit. </p> <p>So for all of you doing the “ask once then guide them” thing- what do you do when you have two kids? When we are trying to leave I have to get my own shoes and coat on, help the 3 year old, and I expect my 5 year old to get her own shoes and coat on. This is a crunch point in our day when I often end up yelling at everyone, so clearly I need to switch it up. I usually also have 5 different bags I need to carry out to the car as well so I get frustrated pretty quickly. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-many-times-do-you-have-to-ask-your-kids#post-2865571 Tue, 08 Jan 2019 13:03:51 +0000 SweetiePie 2865571@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LBee: omg my 4yo says that to me all the time. But he’ll just ask me for something once (let’s say a snack) and I won’t be able to do it right away because I’m changing the baby. Then he’ll say “why do I have to ask you a hundred times????” in a very exasperated voice 😂</p> <p>@oskarsmommy: so to answer your question, apparently a hundred times. I have to ask him a hundred times. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-many-times-do-you-have-to-ask-your-kids#post-2865546 Tue, 08 Jan 2019 10:56:02 +0000 Iced Tea 2865546@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>A lot of good advice here. I have one more. If you can use a natural consequence when they fail to follow through, all the better. </p> <p>My 3 year old didn't put her shoes on for school, so I walked her out to the car in her socks and put her in her car seat. She went into preschool without shoes (the ground was wet too, really helped my point!). Yes, her teacher noticed, but she knew what we were doing. By then, my daughter was unhappy that she wasn't wearing shoes, so I told her she could put on her extra school shoes (they keep an entire extra outfit at school) and talked about how important it is to do every step of our morning routine on time, so we are prepared for the day. </p> <p>She put her shoes on promptly every morning for 6 months after that! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-many-times-do-you-have-to-ask-your-kids#post-2865529 Tue, 08 Jan 2019 09:39:09 +0000 looch 2865529@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If my son doesn't do it on the first time I ask, I ask him what I he is having trouble understanding and what I can do to help him understand the ask.</p> <p>That is enough to get him to repeat back to me what I asked of him so I know he is engaged and I also give him a time limit. Instead of asking him to put on his shoes, I give him a command. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-many-times-do-you-have-to-ask-your-kids#post-2865528 Tue, 08 Jan 2019 09:38:19 +0000 DesertDreams88 2865528@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>They will need as many reminders as you are willing to give them. Agree with @LBee: and@Hypatia: .</p> <p> I would strive for one reminder as much as possible. I try to implement this in my 5th &amp; 8th grade classrooms as well as with my kids. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-many-times-do-you-have-to-ask-your-kids#post-2865527 Tue, 08 Jan 2019 09:30:17 +0000 LBee 2865527@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Asking your child to do something multiple times makes an unspoken contract that when you ask the first time they can ignore. When I ask something I ensure that he is hearing me (a hearing specialist once told me that hearing is greatly impaired if you aren't able to see the person's eyes when you are speaking so I try to ensure I can see him) and then if he doesn't do it I either physically make him or I start counting. I have no patience for repeated requests. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-many-times-do-you-have-to-ask-your-kids#post-2865521 Tue, 08 Jan 2019 09:08:24 +0000 josina 2865521@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Apparently 5 times a lot... my DS has started saying back to me, 'why do i have to tell you 5 times'. lol.</p> <p>Some good tips on here that I will have to implement! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-many-times-do-you-have-to-ask-your-kids#post-2865520 Tue, 08 Jan 2019 08:51:39 +0000 Becky 2865520@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Hypatia: I love this idea and will definitely have to try it. I’ve definitely noticed with my girls that sometimes they won’t do something because they’re frustrated/mad/sad that I’m busy getting myself ready and not spending more time with them. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-many-times-do-you-have-to-ask-your-kids#post-2865515 Tue, 08 Jan 2019 08:10:38 +0000 gotkimchi 2865515@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ShootingStar: this is true because I read once don’t say “don’t run” because kids only hear run you should say “please walk” and I find that works with kids and adults! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-many-times-do-you-have-to-ask-your-kids#post-2865514 Tue, 08 Jan 2019 08:08:22 +0000 JennyPenny 2865514@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I heard something recently (maybe the unruffled podcast?) that said you should only say something once. Then, like @hypatia said, take their hand and guide them to do it. I do think they get in a habit of not having to listen till we yell. For us, it has definitely cut down on our frustration though it does take more time. Before that we were repeating ourselves 10 times for every single step of the day and getting super angry. We’ve been trying this new approach for about a week and our anger is down for sure though I don’t know if he’s listening any better yet. </p> <p>ETA: it’s not meant to be a punishment though, it’s more “you aren’t listening so you must need my help” </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-many-times-do-you-have-to-ask-your-kids#post-2865513 Tue, 08 Jan 2019 08:07:05 +0000 erinbaderin 2865513@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>What I've been trying to do lately is only ask three times at the most, so I'll ask twice and then I'll say, in a nice but "I mean business" voice: "I have already asked you to do this two times. I'm going to ask one more time and then I'm going to start getting frustrated. Can you please [whatever]?" Something that I need to work on more, though, is making sure they're paying attention to me the first few times I ask, because I think if they're playing or watching tv or involved in something they probably honestly don't even hear me/register my words, and then they don't understand why I'm upset because it seems like it came out of nowhere. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-many-times-do-you-have-to-ask-your-kids#post-2865512 Tue, 08 Jan 2019 07:58:59 +0000 ShootingStar 2865512@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My 5 year old is kind of a meanderer. If I go upstairs with him and tell him to put on his PJs he’ll take off his shirt and then maybe throw it and think that’s hilarious. Then he’ll sit down and do a somersault on the floor then he’ll take off one sock and put it in the hamper. He’ll spend some time checking out his penis when his underwear’s off. I have to constantly refocus his attention. </p> <p>He is better with shorter steps, like putting on shoes. He’s also usually motivated to leave the house so that one’s quicker. </p> <p>But as much as he does things in his incredibly slow way, he does usually go do them. I don’t usually have a case where I tell him to get dressed or get pajamas on and goes off and plays with or toy or does something else entirely. I agree with others that if he needed to be told more than once, and not just refocused on finishing the task, there would either be consequences for not listening or I would be next to him making sure it got done. </p> <p>One other thing I’ve started trying will sound kind of hokey. But I took this management training class based on tons of research and they talked about different methods of communication. When we say “Go put your clothes on” its called directive communication. And most people will respond better and their brains will kind of turn on better if you use requestive communication. So saying, “Can you go put on your clothes now.” </p> <p>I know it sounds weird. But we’d get in cycles before where I’d say the same thing about ten times in a row, and he’d still be doing what he was doing what he was doing because it wasn’t clicking in his brain. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-many-times-do-you-have-to-ask-your-kids#post-2865509 Tue, 08 Jan 2019 07:43:40 +0000 gotkimchi 2865509@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Usually when I find something repeating like this (so you said it happens everyday) I find because the kids think it’s the routine. So you ask, he doesn’t listen repeat until you yell. So i try to do something to break that routine and create a new one. A reward for listening (even just attention or a hug) or a punishment if we absolutely need to (natural consequences if we can - like i ask once you don’t pick up we miss fun event) Or changing the order of things or whatever. Something to shake it up and create a new routine where listening is what’s expected. Someone mentioned music on a thread - so when a song comes on they know they have 2 mins to pick up. Something to change it up </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-many-times-do-you-have-to-ask-your-kids#post-2865497 Tue, 08 Jan 2019 02:16:43 +0000 2littlepumpkins 2865497@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Hypatia: we do a bit of that too, but sometimes more or less days just depending how it's going.. didn't know there was a name for it! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-many-times-do-you-have-to-ask-your-kids#post-2865496 Tue, 08 Jan 2019 02:15:20 +0000 Hypatia 2865496@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We do something that I think is called tomato staking. If we see DD struggling like that, I make it a priority to stay right by her side for at least three days. It’s inconvenient but it seems to really work. </p> <p>So normally, I might be doing other things to get ready to leave while asking her to put her shoes on. But with tomato staking, first I plan some extra time (or know we might be late), get my stuff together first, and then ask her to put her shoes on, with me right there with her. I don’t do any of these things FOR her, but I’m right there the whole time at eye level and going with her to the shoe area, etc. The same with putting away toys, etc. </p> <p>The technique has a few benefits. One is that you’re focusing 100% on encouraging and overseeing their behavior, so you’re reinforcing what they should be doing without just talking about it. Also, the intense attention makes it harder for them to disobey (I only say the command once, then if she doesn’t do it I physically take her hand and guide her over to the thing). It breaks the old habit the child created and creates a new one. And finally, it shows the child how much they should value their freedom—by day 3, she’s ready to be doing all this on her own and is tired of constant supervision. I talk to her about trust and how she can go back to doing things on her own if I can trust her to follow through. She’s young enough that I’m not sure she really gets that, but she seems to instinctively know that big girls get to do stuff on their own. </p> <p>It doesn’t always work, but it’s the best we’ve come up with so far. That, and I have to remind myself to break my own habits—if I want her to obey the first time, I should only ask once and take action after that (either guiding her physically or giving a time out or whatever), not repeating myself over and over. It’s hard, though! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-many-times-do-you-have-to-ask-your-kids#post-2865495 Tue, 08 Jan 2019 02:13:00 +0000 2littlepumpkins 2865495@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Depends what it is, but we are starting to get stricter, meaning, we are trying to be more clear what the consequences are and just follow through, rather than repeat ourselves over and over again. It usually sticks better that way, rather than us scolding them.</p> <p>ETA, and no I personally don't think your expectations are too high. Obviously certain times they will get distracted. But imo by that age it's ok to expect them to accomplish certain tasks and routines on their own or with minimal direction. They can, but they know what they can get away with too. </p>