https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Mon, 25 May 2026 23:41:10 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-much-contact-is-too-much-contact-with-in-laws#post-2421270 Thu, 14 Jan 2016 07:29:15 +0000 Nutella 2421270@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My ILs are anti-technology (&amp; so irritatingly proud of it) so this will sadly never be an issue for us. I just cannot picture them ever even bantering across emails with more than one family member recipient! Mind you, on this topic I am not a big phone person so I don't love receiving regular phone calls from my mil! So I think my limits are pretty low 😁😁😁 </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-much-contact-is-too-much-contact-with-in-laws#post-2421241 Thu, 14 Jan 2016 05:49:17 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2421241@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@aprild: I'm sure he'll do great! When I was little 5 or 6 I saw a speech therapist to help with my enunciation and lisp. It's great you are able to get him treatment even earlier. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-much-contact-is-too-much-contact-with-in-laws#post-2421170 Wed, 13 Jan 2016 23:36:19 +0000 alphagam84 2421170@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have a group text with my sister, mom, and dad which I enjoy. We text a few times a day, sometimes none. Mostly pics of my daughter, my parents send some pics from their beach house (drool), my sister with what's going on with her busy job. It is manageable and not annoying. My MIL started texting my husband and I on a group text when my daughter was born which was annoying so I just quit responding and let my husband respond so I wouldn't get sucked it and set the expectation of a response. (there's a lot of issues with her that would take forever to get into) She was also texting us at crazy hours. She texted one day at 5 am wondering if she'd gotten DD sick by visiting the day before with her allergies. Umm what are you doing up obsessing about that at 5 am?! DH had to tell her to not text at that hour as it woke us up and we need our sleep! Since having DD the in-laws wanted to come over at least once a week, sometimes more, which DH and I felt was too much for us. So we settled and seeing them every other weekend. The in-laws aren't thrilled but it's manageable for DH and I and that's what matters. They don't know we are "scheduling" them every other week but DH deflects them if they try to come over sooner and says we're busy or something. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-much-contact-is-too-much-contact-with-in-laws#post-2421020 Wed, 13 Jan 2016 20:59:30 +0000 cat620 2421020@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Raindrop: I like your approach. It makes sense for things to go through DH, since it's his family. I think his dad thought it would be nice for us all to chat and stay in touch constantly, and from his perspective it makes sense. What dad wouldn't want constant contact with his kids? But from my perspective, it's not as interesting. These are my in-laws, and I would rather just know the important stuff </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-much-contact-is-too-much-contact-with-in-laws#post-2421019 Wed, 13 Jan 2016 20:57:33 +0000 cat620 2421019@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: Thanks for asking! We just got him evaluated, so he hasn't started the actual therapy yet. I'm hoping to see improvements soon though. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-much-contact-is-too-much-contact-with-in-laws#post-2420900 Wed, 13 Jan 2016 19:20:42 +0000 travelgirl1 2420900@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My sisters and I constantly have a group chat on FB going on, and I like it. I couldn't handle it with the ILs though, I feel like I can't be as candid with them. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-much-contact-is-too-much-contact-with-in-laws#post-2420853 Wed, 13 Jan 2016 18:44:14 +0000 ldh112 2420853@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@aprild: Wow! That definitely counts as more than enough! I would just be (somewhat) honest and say "hey guys this is too much for me to keep up with at this time and I am bowing out, but obviously text me personally anything that urgently needs to be shared pertaining the the family!" </p> <p>If they care, I wouldn't take it personally. You just have different boundaries than them and honestly, no one should be expected to keep up with that type of chain- family, friend, or even work-related! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-much-contact-is-too-much-contact-with-in-laws#post-2420790 Wed, 13 Jan 2016 17:35:53 +0000 tofuwad 2420790@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This exact thing happened to me! On my side of the family we have one that's used almost exclusively used for family updates. DH started one for this same purpose and it ended up with his brothers and father arguing about AT&amp;T subsidizing iPhones. I'm like.. Can't we all just calm down and share cute kid photos? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-much-contact-is-too-much-contact-with-in-laws#post-2420770 Wed, 13 Jan 2016 17:23:35 +0000 mauxie 2420770@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have a group chat with my side of the family (me, my parents, my sis, and DH. BIL is not in it bc he doesn't have the particular app we use, but it is a total non-issue). We share things like pics of the LOs and confirm dates for gatherings. I like it overall and don't in any way feel burdened by it. For the most part, it is me and my sis sharing pics and our parents are happy to see them haha. They occasionally send cute little emoticon things but that's about it. They will call/msg me directly to have actual conversations about things. </p> <p>DH also has a group chat with his family and I am NOT in on it. I told him I don't really want to be bc his parents type in Korean and overall, ignorance is bliss lol. DH's brother is in on it so it's mostly like "what time are you working?" type of thing since he still lives with them, and DH sending photos of our LOs.</p> <p>I'd turn off notifications, if I were you. For my family/circle of friends, group chats are pretty common using the Kakao app. All the older generation folks use it to communicate with each other and their kids haha. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-much-contact-is-too-much-contact-with-in-laws#post-2420760 Wed, 13 Jan 2016 17:15:30 +0000 Raindrop 2420760@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@aprild: I think I'm similar to you. I'm an all or nothing type of person. I am either all in or I can't be involved in it at all. I can definitely see getting 30+ messages in less than a day be daunting. I mean I would be thinking I have to commit to reading 30+ messages daily. Even if most of them are silly I would still feel like I *have* to read them. So I would just rather not know what's going on.</p> <p>I had something similar happen what I did was just take myself off and ask DH for updates or I asked to look at DH's phone if I felt like looking at it (aka not trusting DH was saying everything exactly as it was written) when it felt like something important was being shared. Also asking DH to update it if you wanted to keep your in laws in the loop about your kids, and have DH relay anything if people commented. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-much-contact-is-too-much-contact-with-in-laws#post-2420755 Wed, 13 Jan 2016 17:09:08 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2420755@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@aprild: well that was a dissappointing response from your FIL. :bummed: </p> <p>How's your son doing in speech therapy? Any improvements? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-much-contact-is-too-much-contact-with-in-laws#post-2420694 Wed, 13 Jan 2016 16:18:29 +0000 cat620 2420694@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@runnerd: Exactly! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-much-contact-is-too-much-contact-with-in-laws#post-2420692 Wed, 13 Jan 2016 16:18:00 +0000 cat620 2420692@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I've also tried just muting the conversation, so I don't get tons of notifications all day long, but then when I look at the homescreen on my phone, I see the app with the number of unread messages. It's usually something crazy like 30 or 40, and then I feel like I need to read them to see what I've missed. Honestly, I would be happier not to be included in the chat at all. If it's something important, they can message me directly. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-much-contact-is-too-much-contact-with-in-laws#post-2420689 Wed, 13 Jan 2016 16:16:20 +0000 runnerd 2420689@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My sister set up something like this a few years ago and I unjoined pretty quickly. And that was my own family.</p> <p>I would NEVER want that much contact with my In-laws! Especially how you described when the "important" stuff gets treated like a FB status update and glazed over. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-much-contact-is-too-much-contact-with-in-laws#post-2420679 Wed, 13 Jan 2016 16:10:22 +0000 cat620 2420679@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm glad to hear others say a group chat would be too much. If I remove myself, I would be the only family member not on it. Would that look bad? I'm trying to think of how I could frame it, so they don't take it personally. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-much-contact-is-too-much-contact-with-in-laws#post-2420656 Wed, 13 Jan 2016 15:53:27 +0000 youboots 2420656@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would not be a fan of this- not with my own family or a group of friends- just no. I text with my mil several times a week to make plans or send photos, which works great for us. I have marathon phone chats with my SIL every few months. The rest of Ms family its mostly him they stay in touch with. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-much-contact-is-too-much-contact-with-in-laws#post-2420653 Wed, 13 Jan 2016 15:50:08 +0000 Mamaof2 2420653@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@aprild: call me a bitch but my SIL did this and I texted her to ask her to remove me - I HATE group texts and I was getting text messages every 5 mins it seemed - I would leave for 10 mins and come back to 37 new messages.</p> <p>She removed me and then told my DH that I didnt care about them - oy!</p> <p>Anyway - I say be honest - or just leave the group if it gets too much!</p> <p>I am fine with a group text only if you are planning an event and need everyone to chime in </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-much-contact-is-too-much-contact-with-in-laws#post-2420651 Wed, 13 Jan 2016 15:47:02 +0000 ms.line 2420651@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I haven't spoken to my MIL in over a year and my BIL in over 3. I definitely could not handle being in a group chat!!!</p> <p>ETA: I think group chats become obnoxious easily, even when they're filled with people I really like. If I were you I wouldn't give a second thought to leaving! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-much-contact-is-too-much-contact-with-in-laws#post-2420649 Wed, 13 Jan 2016 15:45:26 +0000 cat620 2420649@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: I feel like the relationship is somewhat forced, since prior to this group chat, I talked to my in-laws much less. They aren't phone talkers, so it seems like we share most of our news electronically. I have tried posting non kid/family stuff, but if something important happens (like yesterday I found out my son needs speech therapy) I'll post it to the group chat. Well, when I posted about the speech therapy, all I got was a thumbs up emoji from FIL. Maybe because I'm the only one with small kids, nobody else cares as much as I do, but I would think that would get more than a thumbs up. I guess I'm not seeing the point of the group chat. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-much-contact-is-too-much-contact-with-in-laws#post-2420638 Wed, 13 Jan 2016 15:39:41 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2420638@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I communicate via text with my MIL when I have to relay information. That's a handful of times a year, otherwise I just see her twice a year. I'd probably be open to talking more if I knew what to call her (long story) and if DH shared more with her. I talk to my FIL 6-8 times a year because he demands that I get on the phone if him and DH are talking and I'm around. We just exchange pleasantries. We saw him this year, but that was rare.</p> <p>It sounds like you have more of a relationship with your ILs than I do. What if you skip the kid posts and initiate other topics? I wouldn't feel the need to comment on everything given there are 7 other adults that can carry the conversation. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-much-contact-is-too-much-contact-with-in-laws#post-2420628 Wed, 13 Jan 2016 15:31:50 +0000 cat620 2420628@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This is my story: My FIL created a group chat through a messaging app, and he invited his children (3 sons) and his daughter in laws to join. So we're all in this group chat together. I thought this would be used just for updates on our lives, but he uses the thread every single day to update us on either senseless stuff (like a picture of whatever beer he's drinking that day) or to rant against different things (like electronics or politics). Nobody is really sharing anything personal, it's more just debating and arguing back and forth. When I see these people in real life, I feel like our conversations are more about family. This constant messaging is getting really annoying, and even when I post something about one of my kids or myself, nobody seems too interested. So in summary, I feel like using a messaging app to be in constant contact with in-laws might be too much for me. I feel like I need to read all the messages and respond, and then I get hurt when my posts are somewhat ignored. </p> <p>How often do you talk to or see your in-laws? Do you communicate electronically via texts or e-mails? Do you feel like your level of communication is too much, too little, or just right? </p>