https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sun, 21 Jun 2026 00:36:16 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-much-do-you-explain-to-people#post-1514092 Sat, 22 Mar 2014 13:36:25 +0000 junebugmama 1514092@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@beaker: similar to what @mrbee: said, I have a friend who printed up a business card. It didn't give her daughters specific story but a link an explanation of her birth injury, and a link to charity associated with the type of injury she had. </p> <p>She had a tough time in the beginning explaining without getting emotional, so this aloud for her to be short and sweet and say you can find out more here, and she felt as though she was helping out others maybe through donations. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-much-do-you-explain-to-people#post-1514068 Sat, 22 Mar 2014 13:21:18 +0000 Applesandbananas 1514068@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@beaker: my LO doesn't have a feeding tube, his situation/equipment are different but maybe you'd be able to find a support group/playgroup too? I'm not sure if maybe EI in your area would have suggestions? It's been so great to connect with other parents and for LO to interact with other kids. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-much-do-you-explain-to-people#post-1514046 Sat, 22 Mar 2014 13:03:34 +0000 Mrs. Tiger 1514046@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Applesandbananas: thank you. Although I don't wish this dilemma on anyone, it's kind of comforting to know we're not the only ones dealing with it! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-much-do-you-explain-to-people#post-1513573 Sat, 22 Mar 2014 08:05:46 +0000 Fronkinzankinsbride 1513573@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@beaker @blackbird: exactly this. You have to remember you're not the one being rude, they are! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-much-do-you-explain-to-people#post-1513501 Sat, 22 Mar 2014 06:38:47 +0000 Applesandbananas 1513501@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@beaker: we have a similar dilemma with visible medical equipment and I wish I had a good answer. I try to be short with inquirers because it's none of their business and I don't want to share LO's medical history but I always feel guilty because they're usually coming from a genuine place (it usually starts with "you have the cutest LO!") so I don't want to be rude but I also don't want to delve into a huge conversation with anyone who asks. We go to a playgroup and I've asked this question there and everyone said they just give as little information as possible and try to divert/end the conversation. </p> <p>I wish I had better advice! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-much-do-you-explain-to-people#post-1511651 Fri, 21 Mar 2014 10:54:29 +0000 blackbird 1511651@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Definitely don't feel like you have to explain every little detail. Some people are curious and well meaning, but many are just nosy nosy nosy. You can always say, "he has some health issues and I'd prefer not to discuss it" when they probe. You're being polite about it and they're getting the hint that you don't want to talk about it! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-much-do-you-explain-to-people#post-1511616 Fri, 21 Mar 2014 10:43:45 +0000 Mrs. Tiger 1511616@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@indi: @MoonMoon: @Mrs Green Grass: @SweetMamaM: @Fronkinzankinsbride: thanks for the suggestions everyone! It sounds so simple now that you've all spelled it out :)</p> <p>@karen: wow, thank you for sharing! I can imagine those questions must be the worst. I know what you mean about sometimes feeling like it's good to educate people... I have never heard of your son's condition, and before my son it never occured to me -why- people get feeding tubes. But we should be able to share on our own terms, not at the whims of curious strangers. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-much-do-you-explain-to-people#post-1510794 Thu, 20 Mar 2014 22:56:52 +0000 indi 1510794@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>While I don't have a child with special needs, so I'm not in your position, I was going to suggest something like @karen: mentioned. Maybe answer their initial question (if it's reasonable, and you feel like it!) about it being a feeding tube that stems from complications from his birth and that it's complicated. </p> <p>I'd also suggest maybe tossing on a question back to them about nearly anything else. It should help signal that this part of the conversation is over. A "but anyway, (insert any other topic)" should be a strong enough hint for most people that further questions re: LO aren't invited. And it's not impolite at all to say "I'm sorry, it's a rather personal family issue" to further questions if they just don't get it. No need to explain yourself to anyone. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-much-do-you-explain-to-people#post-1510783 Thu, 20 Mar 2014 22:47:00 +0000 MoonMoon 1510783@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>The questions must be so stressful, just hearing the same things over and over again. I'm sorry, mama! As PP have said, you're well within your rights to say as little as you want, or nothing at all. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-much-do-you-explain-to-people#post-1510758 Thu, 20 Mar 2014 22:30:50 +0000 Mrs Green Grass 1510758@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think a simple "it's his feeding tube" and then it's complicated as a follow-up if they keep asking would prob work. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-much-do-you-explain-to-people#post-1510757 Thu, 20 Mar 2014 22:30:41 +0000 SweetMamaM 1510757@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I grew up with a sister with a rare and relatively severe intellectual disability and we certainly didn't explain the finer details. In your situation, I'd probably volunteer that it was a feeding tube but then pull the "It's complicated" line for any further questions unless you feel like talking about it. I wouldn't worry too much about strangers thinking that's rude... They are the ones asking about something that's none of their business anyway. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-much-do-you-explain-to-people#post-1510735 Thu, 20 Mar 2014 22:19:23 +0000 Fronkinzankinsbride 1510735@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@beaker: yeah, pretty much. Just direct them to read it. "if you're interested in learning about x here is some information for you. Have a good one!" then do not engage with them! ;) </p> <p>I have to say I never used the cards in my situation... but I wasn't worried about being rude and I just put serious bitch face on if I wanted people to mind their own business. :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-much-do-you-explain-to-people#post-1510728 Thu, 20 Mar 2014 22:13:42 +0000 karen 1510728@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My 8 month old LO was born without sight in his right eye, and his eye is significantly smaller as well. Most people don't know it's a health issue, but I get questions and comments ALL THE TIME about how he's sleeping with one eye open, or he's winking. Most of the comments are well-meaning, and I go back and forth on how to respond. Most times so far I just smile, nod and walk away since I don't want to have the conversation and risk getting emotional. But I'm thinking that I should start giving a more truthful response, if for no other reason than the sake of education. I'd like to keep it short, though!</p> <p>One piece of advice I got was to rehearse possible responses (sounds cheesy, but I guess it works!). You could try to head off further questions by saying he got his feeding tube from a brain injury at birth, and it's complicated! I think you can communicate by body language when you're done with the conversation.</p> <p>But some people are just super curious and won't let it go :) I sympathize! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-much-do-you-explain-to-people#post-1510710 Thu, 20 Mar 2014 22:01:03 +0000 Mrs. Tiger 1510710@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Fronkinzankinsbride: I'm trying to imagine this... I get a nosy question, I give them a card, and then they read it in peace and leave me alone and don't ask follow up questions? Does this really work, and not just fuel the curiosity fire?</p> <p>I'll be waiting for the snappy response :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-much-do-you-explain-to-people#post-1510700 Thu, 20 Mar 2014 21:56:37 +0000 Fronkinzankinsbride 1510700@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Oh that must be frustrating! I like the idea of a card to give out to nosy people with educational resource links or and a brief statement about your family if you want to include that. We had something similar to that for concerned citizens when I was working with people with special needs who were highly behavioral. It's really not a strangers business and its so unfair for you to be required to educate the world. :( I gotta come up with something snappy for you to respond with though. I'll be thinking for you. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-much-do-you-explain-to-people#post-1510688 Thu, 20 Mar 2014 21:48:37 +0000 Raindrop 1510688@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@beaker: Haha I don't think you need to learn anything... just look question-y and do the hand gesture of "I don't know" (both palms upward) and smile and walk away.</p> <p>But seriously I think people are just curious and don't mean any harm... but it does gets annoying at times especially when you are having a rough day. As you can see I have been there many times. :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-much-do-you-explain-to-people#post-1510677 Thu, 20 Mar 2014 21:43:01 +0000 Mrs. Tiger 1510677@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrbee: Interesting. I'd rather not spread his detailed business all around (except for here, haha), but I suppose if his needs start to impact those surrounding him more greatly (when an explanation would be more appropriate/expected) that's a good approach.</p> <p>@RAINDROP: Ha! I will learn to say "sorry, no english" in some random language :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-much-do-you-explain-to-people#post-1510674 Thu, 20 Mar 2014 21:41:42 +0000 Raindrop 1510674@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Sorry if I come out terrible since LO is not special needs but I get a lot of unwanted questions too - he is rather large for a full Asian kid - so I get a lot of wow why is your kid so big, what do you feed him... how much did he weigh when he was born... from complete strangers. </p> <p>Normally I just smile and walk away like I don't know English. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-much-do-you-explain-to-people#post-1510672 Thu, 20 Mar 2014 21:40:53 +0000 Mrs. Tiger 1510672@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs Green Grass: At one point (when one of DH's coworkers was asking why he was in the hospital for so long), I said well he has a range of health issues, including being born 2 months early, and she didn't ask any more questions. But would it be rude to answer "it's complicated" to someone asking "what's that wire?" or would that be more appropriate if they ask follow up questions to the feeding tube answer? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-much-do-you-explain-to-people#post-1510671 Thu, 20 Mar 2014 21:40:46 +0000 mrbee 1510671@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I had a friend whose daughter wrestled with a mental health issue, and she dealth with questions from strangers all the time.</p> <p>She asked around and found out that other people in her situation sometimes printed up cards explaining what was going on, so that if people asked lots of questions they could just hand them a card. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-much-do-you-explain-to-people#post-1510663 Thu, 20 Mar 2014 21:34:18 +0000 Mrs Green Grass 1510663@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Have you tried the it's complicated line? I think that would be enough of a clue for me, but maybe not everyone... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-much-do-you-explain-to-people#post-1510519 Thu, 20 Mar 2014 20:46:25 +0000 Mrs. Tiger 1510519@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>For those with LOs with special needs, how in depth do you go into their issues when random strangers (or acquaintances) ask? </p> <p>DS2 is nearly always connected to his feeding tube, but it just looks like a white wire coming out of the top of his outfit and going to my backpack when we're out and about, so I'll get "what's that?" a lot, and just saying "oh, that's his feeding tube" I then get asked, "oh what's wrong/what happened," and saying he had a brain injury at birth just makes them more curious. Or, since he has swallowing issues, he often sounds congested, so people will ask me if he's sick, if he's ok, and I have to say well, he has trouble swallowing, etc etc... </p> <p>It's just, his deal is complicated. And I hate that I am expected to hash it out with everyone and their mother without getting emotional, and give out his complete medical history. And they always tell me, "but he looks so healthy!" well, he's not. Or they say, "oh, so when can they take the feeding tube out?" and I have to say, maybe never, and then they get this look of concern.</p> <p>I am curious if anyone has a better way of dealing with this, or a nice way to tell people who are just curious lookie-loos to shut it.</p> <p>I don't mind chatting with other parents of special needs kids when at docs appointments, because they all seem to get it, and don't outright ask "what's his/her deal" and instead ask questions like, "how old is he/she," and then it naturally comes out and we can commiserate. </p>