https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Thu, 23 Apr 2026 18:05:47 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-much-help-dodid-you-want#post-639755 Thu, 14 Mar 2013 11:50:35 +0000 tysonja 639755@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@septemberlove: i think what you have decided to do is a great idea! :D best of both worlds :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-much-help-dodid-you-want#post-639748 Thu, 14 Mar 2013 11:48:51 +0000 tysonja 639748@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH and I were alone the first 4 days of LO's birth (LO came early, and my mom's flight was booked on his due date!) and when my mom finally arrived i think we both cried because we were so happy and relieved. it made a WORLD of difference to have her there to cook, clean, bring me water while BF'ing, help me get baby latched on (seriously, it took 2 ppl to get baby latched on properly every time for the first 2 weeks! ouch!), etc!<br /> by far the most helpful thing she did for us was to take care of LO EVERY night during his 'witching hour' when he was simply inconsolable. after i nursed, she would rock him and hold him for up to 2 or 3 hours and then tip toe into our room and put him down to sleep while DH and I were zonked out :)<br /> she was there for a month, and then my dad came for the last 2 months she was there too. there were 5 of us living in a 2 bedroom basement tiny apt, but it was well worth it :)</p> <p>i think the best thing to come out of it was that we got a lot closer through the experience. :) and i guess when i put myself in her shoes, I'm her LO and darn it I would want to be there during this precious time in her/his life :)</p> <p>of course this is just my experience and i totally respect what anyone chooses to do! :) it was definitely sweet (bittersweet? hehe) during those first 4 days alone together, too :) lots of crying! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-much-help-dodid-you-want#post-639727 Thu, 14 Mar 2013 11:45:38 +0000 lomom 639727@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think, after all the awesome input from the bee, we are going to take the first couple days to ourselves and then have my mom come down a few days later and then figure out from there how long she's going to stay. The original intent being for just the weekend but she can stay longer if we needed/wanted. But I think those first couple days as a family of three will be enough to help us understand what we need in terms of help and to have a few days to bond with LO without anyone else around. </p> <p>Luckily my moms schedule is super flexible, so she could come and go with little notice. It sounded like a lot of people really loved having day visitors but were overwhelmed by overnight guests so I feel like this might be the closest we could get to that. She could come, cook a few meals, do a few loads of laundry, spend some time with LO but not be living with us for weeks at a time. I broached the topic and she seemed really flexible and understanding. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-much-help-dodid-you-want#post-639402 Thu, 14 Mar 2013 10:35:09 +0000 bunnylove08 639402@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I wanted help but we didnt have any. Our family live maybe about an hour or so away from us but they all had to work. DH had to work after I gave birth to DD. It was hard being a first time mom and I was lonely. We dont have a washing machine in our apt so I ended up having DH take the laundry to be done for us. Any thing i needed like TP or paper towels I had delivered through amazon (prime). I had dog food, cat food litter everything you name it it was delivered. </p> <p>If you have people who can help, I would say take it. Try it out for the first week and see how you feel. I forgot to mention I had an unplanned c section and I was in a lot of pain. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-much-help-dodid-you-want#post-639372 Thu, 14 Mar 2013 10:28:31 +0000 swurlygurl 639372@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My DH and I were alone with her for the first month before my parents came into town. His parents live really close to us and we ended up only seeing them once or twice on the weekends. I was really glad it turned out that way, because it was nice for DH and I to have time to bond with our LO and get used to our new family/life without interference.<br /> I was kind of weird and anxious, and didn't really want anyone around at all in the first month. I didn't want to talk to people, didn't want to have visitors, just wanted to stay in my little cocoon.<br /> I didn't really feel I needed much help, either. DH got his bonding time with her when I would make us meals/clean the kitchen/do the laundry/shower. Maybe if DH went back to work right away I would have wanted/needed more help, but he had 3 1/2 weeks off work. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-much-help-dodid-you-want#post-639319 Thu, 14 Mar 2013 10:15:47 +0000 meredithNYC 639319@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I understand your desire to go it alone, but I think I would probably err on the side of caution. I think it's scarier to want/need help and not have any on hand, which is worse than maybe being annoyed at having someone else around. But, that's just me, and I do have a great relationship with my mom.</p> <p>I did not expect to have such trouble with breastfeeding or a serious case of baby blues. I was an absolute mess and at the end of my mom's 2 week stay I was dreading her departure. For me, personally, the two month period post partum was the most challenging of my life. I think it's totally possible to go it alone, but it's nice to have the option of help, too. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-much-help-dodid-you-want#post-639254 Thu, 14 Mar 2013 09:59:37 +0000 sunshineandsushi 639254@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it depends on what type of person you are and how helpful the people who would "help" are. For me, all I wanted was DH. MIL was so excited to come right away and visit, but I laid the groundwork early on that I wanted time alone just the four of us before anyone came to stay. I also has a rule of no more than two visitors staying with us at once. I absolutely needed that time to adjust and get past the baby blues period. It would have been so much worse to deal with that with visitors around. I have no regrets about not having people come sooner. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-much-help-dodid-you-want#post-639203 Thu, 14 Mar 2013 09:48:03 +0000 dagret 639203@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm 7 Wks pp and my mom came for 5 days in the 2nd week. My mil came over for a day when he was a week old when DH was away for work for 2 days- they were both HUGE helps. My church also brought us meals every other day for 2 weeks, so that was super helpful!</p> <p>Now that we are in the thick of growth spurts and wonder weeks, I am sooo glad I made a bunch of freezer meals and that we have a cleaning lady who comes every other week. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-much-help-dodid-you-want#post-639161 Thu, 14 Mar 2013 09:37:31 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 639161@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>None! I wanted to figure it out as a little family. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-much-help-dodid-you-want#post-639077 Thu, 14 Mar 2013 09:13:50 +0000 mrsjyw 639077@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think this all depends on you and your preference and it sounds like you have a handle on it!</p> <p>For me-- My parents stayed with us for the first month. My mom stayed an entire week, then commuted the following few weeks to work from our place.</p> <p>She cooked, cleaned, laundried. She also watched LO so DH and I could get in a shower every day, and even get out for a breather like grocery shopping, etc.</p> <p>I'm so glad that I had the company and the help. Especially after I started to pump, she took night duty sometimes and I was able to get consecutive hours of sleep. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-much-help-dodid-you-want#post-639044 Thu, 14 Mar 2013 09:07:11 +0000 heartonastring 639044@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My mum will stay with us for the first week, at least. I've heard too many stories of people who said they didn't want any help and then found themselves completely overwhelmed. I'm very lucky though to have a mother who definitely does not feel the need to be entertained....she will cook, clean, hold the baby, do laundry etc. and otherwise stay out of the way.</p> <p>We are very lucky to have an awesome support network and I know that if we need more help after the first week or two that my parents will come at the drop of a hat. I figure we will just play it by ear. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-much-help-dodid-you-want#post-639017 Thu, 14 Mar 2013 09:00:54 +0000 78h2o 639017@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My mom stayed with us for almost two weeks and it was super helpful. She was sick with a cold much of that time, so she couldn't directly help with the baby, but she cooked for us and woke up with me at night sometimes for moral support (even though she just wore a mask and stood in the hallway). It was such a special time and I loved having her there! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-much-help-dodid-you-want#post-639006 Thu, 14 Mar 2013 08:58:17 +0000 CottonCandy 639006@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I thought I wouldn't want much help and that it would be a lot easier than it was. I was so wrong. If I had to do it again, I would have my mom stay with me for like a week or two. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-much-help-dodid-you-want#post-638569 Thu, 14 Mar 2013 06:07:10 +0000 honeybear 638569@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH and I were mostly alone with LO the first 2 weeks. It was okay, but I wish I'd hired a cleaning lady to come once! We had visits from family, and they brought us food, plus we could walk to the store, and we did. The only other place we went was the pediatrician. It's an exhausting time, but it went fairly smoothly. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-much-help-dodid-you-want#post-638534 Thu, 14 Mar 2013 03:30:30 +0000 photojane 638534@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: but they're so cute naked! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-much-help-dodid-you-want#post-638533 Thu, 14 Mar 2013 03:27:48 +0000 Cherrybee 638533@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@photojane: I'm just gonna sneeze at dead on 40 weeks (maybe 38.5) and it'll fall out - fully dressed and STTN. That's my plan! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-much-help-dodid-you-want#post-638509 Thu, 14 Mar 2013 02:57:40 +0000 photojane 638509@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: haha... I like that strategy! Fwiw, I had an epidural and birthing my daughter actually didn't hurt at all! Yes, the pre-epidural contractions hurt like hell, but the actual birth? Pain free! There's hope! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-much-help-dodid-you-want#post-638503 Thu, 14 Mar 2013 02:48:26 +0000 Cherrybee 638503@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@photojane: Course it's like a slumber party! Oh and birth doesn't hurt either! See what I'm doing here, I'm extending the techniques I've read in my Hypnobirthing book to all aspects of motherhood. Now repeat after me "Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens" ** with my fingers in my ears, drowning everyone out** </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-much-help-dodid-you-want#post-638491 Thu, 14 Mar 2013 02:25:47 +0000 Boogs 638491@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH was home for I think 6-8 weeks. He was the only person I wanted. We have visitors all day everyday for literally the first 3 months and I was sick of so much company. I just wanted the peace and quiet and the alone time to do things on my own. And fwiw I had a c/s. I did have to have DH, though, so if I didn't have him I would have had to reach out for help. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-much-help-dodid-you-want#post-638356 Wed, 13 Mar 2013 22:11:09 +0000 Ree723 638356@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH and I specifically requested that we have some time alone with our baby before visitors came to stay. DH had two weeks of paternity leave and we had all of that time to ourselves and LOVED it! It was nice to figure out what to do with our LO without others offering advice, well-intentioned though it would be. It was also a wonderful bonding time.</p> <p>My mom came to visit when DD was exactly two weeks old and stayed for eight weeks (we live in Australia and she lives in the US, so it's quite the journey!) It was great having her here as she did a lot of the housework, most of the cooking and grocery shopping, and was happy to watch DD whilst I took a nap or whatever. If she hadn't been able to stay, we would have been fine, but it was nice having the help, and to see her bond with her first grandchild etc. </p> <p>For us though, having those two weeks alone with the baby were absolutely essential. We cherished that time alone with our baby and were so happy we didn't have any visitors during that time. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-much-help-dodid-you-want#post-638230 Wed, 13 Mar 2013 20:58:20 +0000 travelgirl1 638230@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@septemberlove: We didn't have anyone over to help at all and I wouldn't have had it any other way. I spent most of the time topless (breastfeeding issues) and loved the fact I didn't have to work feeding around anyone else's issues. DH did all the cleaning and laundry for six weeks (I had a c-section) and we had an awesome first few months together as a family. Best decision we made ! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-much-help-dodid-you-want#post-638215 Wed, 13 Mar 2013 20:53:58 +0000 blackbird 638215@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I tbink I've said this before, but our moms sound a lot alike :)</p> <p>Threads like this make me nervous because we will be flying solo too. When my parents DO come to visit, I am making them stay in a hotel because they're overbearing and I think it is for the best. I know it will stress me out to have her over 24/7 (she would not come without my dad), constantly advising me. What I want is for little elves to come clean for me ;) part of me wants help but NOT if the help will elevate my stress level (which I know would happen). It's a catch 22 and you're damned if you do and damned if you don't. If I find these magic elves, I will send them your way lol</p> <p>Here's what I'm thinking though. We're going to hire someone to come clean. I may ask my MIL to do a load of wash when she drops by. But I don't see her just cooking and cleaning. I feel like everyone will be all "oh poor new mom" but no one will offer to do the dirty work haha. BUT, know that if you get very overwhelmed, you can hire a post partum doula. Many in my area will do errands, do some laundry, and cook something for a new mom for an hourly fee. It could really be a lifesaver if you are really stressed out. So you have options!</p> <p>If you don't get lots of help, you are not alone :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-much-help-dodid-you-want#post-638149 Wed, 13 Mar 2013 20:34:48 +0000 photojane 638149@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: ha! I will say the first few nights are not like a slumber party! The first few nights at home are HARD. I cried a lot. I just stood in the shower and wept. Hubs had no idea what to do. You won't believe how nuts the hormones, pain, and sleep deprivation will make you. It gets better and more enjoyable, but the help in the very beginning is a blessing for sure (even if its hard to see that now).</p> <p>@septemberlove: I think that's great - ask her to come but keep it open ended so she's not upset if you want her to leave. Also I'd definitely talk to your husband about your BFing worries, so that he's prepared to support you when your mom is potentially making you feel bad about it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-much-help-dodid-you-want#post-638064 Wed, 13 Mar 2013 20:06:17 +0000 lomom 638064@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@photojane: No one lives within 2.5 hours of us, so if my mom comes down (which I think she will at least while we're at the hospital so that she can let the dogs out and stuff and I'm betting she'll probably straighten up a little and cook some too, she couldn't sit still if her life depended on it, but I'm not complaining if she's cooking and cleaning lol!) she'd be spending the night. I would never ask her to stay in a hotel or anything like that. So she's either here 100% or 0%, there's no option to come over for a few hours and make dinner or drop off groceries or anything like that.</p> <p>If she comes and stays for a few days or weeks, she can and would help tremendously in terms of cooking, cleaning, making sure our two fur babies get fed and loved, running errands, and helping with LO as needed, but... If she comes and stays, I feel like it's a big invasion of privacy, in the sense that it won't just be DH and I and our LO. She's not usually really overbearing or into giving tons of advice, but we've had some moments during my pregnancy where I've just had to end the conversation and take a breather from her advice and I'm not sure how she'll be once LO is here and I'm trying to do something. The biggest source of contention is that she insists things were so easy for her and makes me feel like an idiot for struggling with stuff or for researching (like breastfeeding she said was as simple as tossing her kiddo to the breast, she thinks it's pretty ridiculous I'm going to a breastfeeding class and meeting with an LC in the hospital). So I feel like if I were to struggle with breastfeeding, she'd probably make the situation worse and not better. And I don't know how DH will respond to her being around. His preference is that she comes and stays for however long, but at the same time, I'm worried that he'll feel like he should stand back and let her and I figure everything out... and I don't want that to be the case. It's his baby, not hers!</p> <p>I don't know, there's just so much going through my mind. At the end of the day, I think I'm just going to have to say "hey, spend the first night with us and then we'll see how things go, if we need more help or if we've got it together" or something like "we're going to try out the first few nights on our own and if we need help, maybe you can come down over the weekend" or something. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-much-help-dodid-you-want#post-638015 Wed, 13 Mar 2013 19:48:17 +0000 lomom 638015@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: definitely NOT ungrateful. It's frustrating when people disrespect your wishes. LO is your baby and it's your family, you should be able to make the right decisions for your family without interference. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-much-help-dodid-you-want#post-636834 Wed, 13 Mar 2013 12:46:01 +0000 Cherrybee 636834@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm like you, I'm in the "just me and DH" camp. My DH is getting a month off work when the baby comes and I was looking forward to it being this adventure, just the three of us, eating snacks in bed at 3am and ordering pizza for dinner. It was going to be like this great big slumber party, where we hang out in our pajamas all day and stay up all night. </p> <p>Unfortunately, I'm getting "help" whether I like it or not. Or interference as I call it. Daily. And that help is bringing casserole... I mean, who eats casserole at a slumber party??? </p> <p>(I'm an ungrateful cow, arent I?!! lol) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-much-help-dodid-you-want#post-636807 Wed, 13 Mar 2013 12:38:24 +0000 twinmama 636807@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>With twins, it definitely saved our lives to have help. But even though it might be stressful, there was something really nice about when we were home alone just the 4 of us too. </p> <p>My two cents:<br /> -It was most overwhelming when there were lots of people over at once, one or two at a time were best. And make people call first, even if you're home all day anyway - one of my biggest pp meltdowns was when people came over one after another and I just wanted to hold my kids!<br /> -I wanted my mom more than anyone else - and my mom took care of me and our home as much as she did the babies (as much as I'm sure she would have loved to just sit and hold them all day). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-much-help-dodid-you-want#post-636671 Wed, 13 Mar 2013 12:10:13 +0000 photojane 636671@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Do you live close to family or would they have to stay with you? I think that could make a big difference. I wouldn't have wanted anyone here 24/7, but all of our family lives close by so it was SO nice to have their help, but then have them leave when we needed some alone/family time.</p> <p>I'm sure you can do it with just the two of you-- plenty of people do--but I wouldn't want to. Having the support and help of our families over the first two weeks was invaluable to us. That love, support, and help really helped me keep the baby blues under control. I might've lost it without them! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-much-help-dodid-you-want#post-636643 Wed, 13 Mar 2013 12:05:00 +0000 Mrs. Pen 636643@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think everyone is different... I didn't have to make dinner for FOUR weeks. I didn't have to clean my house for 6 weeks. It was AMAZING. I loved it so much.</p> <p>DH was home the first week, then my sister and/or mom would alternate days the second week and then a friend came to stay with me the third week. Each of them did laundry, dishes, vacuuming, cleanup, meal prep, taking LO so I could nap/bathe etc... It was heaven. I remember those first weeks with great fondness and I think it's because I had nothing to worry about other than being a mom to my new baby. I would just snuggle him in my rocking chair all day long and watch tv while people waited on me. It was amazing feeling pampered and loved.</p> <p>I should say that my mom and I did this for my sister just six months prior to when I had J. It's a nice little cycle - we all help and support each other :)</p> <p>So I should say I wanted a lot of help. And people were open to giving it. No one crowded me or expected me to do things I wasn't comfortable with. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-much-help-dodid-you-want#post-636617 Wed, 13 Mar 2013 11:55:03 +0000 T.H.O.U. 636617@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>For me, I would 100% recommend having SOMEONE there with you those first 2 weeks. That could just be DH but for me, he had to go right back to work. So it was almost a requirement that my mom be there with me. Things I needed help on that could have come from either my mom or DH: </p> <p>1. Company - You want someone that will keep you company but not drive you insane. Someone that you can ask questions to (Am I doing this right?).<br /> 2. Outings - We had to go to the doctor in the first week home and there is no way I would have wanted to do that alone. Just having help getting ready to go out and actually there and back was great.<br /> 3. Feedings - I 100% BF but I still needed help. I would need to sit down (carefully because I was recovering) and someone would bring me LO. Then of course I would forget something, like a burp rag, so that support person was around to go grab it without me needing to complete get up and get it.<br /> 4. Meals - Unless it was something I could grab off the counter or someone else prepared it, I didn't eat it. My mom was great at getting a cup of yogurt and spoon to me, a sandwich at lunch, etc.<br /> 5. Breaks/Baby Support - Sometimes the baby is crying and they just need someone different. Its great for moms to have a break. </p>