https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Mon, 18 May 2026 23:21:56 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-much-mommy-guilt-do-you-really-feel#post-77125 Fri, 17 Feb 2012 05:55:29 +0000 Andrea 77125@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrsbells: i think there can be guilt regardless of your work situation. i don't think the feelings of guilt only happen because you have to be away from your LO. </p> <p>@anbanan15: i probably felt the most guilty when i had to give up breastfeeding due to medication that i had to put on that wasn't safe for the baby. that was a pretty awful feeling of failing and she was still very young. </p> <p>@NYCaliMama: ok glad it is not just me that feels guilt about not having enough guilt. see, mommies always have to feel guilty about something!</p> <p>@BoogieBea: i think about what it will be like to have #2 since my daughter is extremely attached to me and i think she would have a really rough time with a sibling at first. i keep asking her if she wants a baby brother or sister and she always says NO. Lol. but then that makes me think that we really need to have another baby because i don't want her to grow up thinking she's the center of the universe. </p> <p>@Crumbs: what a thoughtful entry. thank you for sharing!</p> <p>@looch: i have a Swedish friend to who moved to Geneva and she wasn't accepted there either. eventually she moved back to living in London but she's originally from Sweden. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-much-mommy-guilt-do-you-really-feel#post-77119 Fri, 17 Feb 2012 03:53:06 +0000 looch 77119@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Crumbs: What a great post, I face the same issues WRT to the lack of diversity living in Switzerland.</p> <p>I always say, Switzerland is great if you are Swiss, they take care of their own. Anyone else is treated like a third class citizen. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-much-mommy-guilt-do-you-really-feel#post-77118 Fri, 17 Feb 2012 03:50:18 +0000 SugarplumsMom 77118@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>LO isn't here yet but one of the things that I think about it our decision to live here. Sweden is very family friendly and the paternity leave and benefits for a young family is just wonderful - but there's not a lot of diversity. To be specific, everyone has lived here all their lives and has a hard time understanding anyone that's different. There also isn't a lot of immigrants and a disproportionately large amount of refugees amongst the recent immigrants. So it's easy for locals to group up all foreigners into the same category, as refugees. </p> <p>It is a peaceful country and I've never seen any hint of outright racism, but most older Swedes don't exactly understand what that means either. Meaning a lot of them lack ethnic and cultural sensitivities because they never had to learn it. It makes it difficult for a foreigner. </p> <p>I also work part-time from home and I'm looked down upon by the women here because of it. Most expected me to have a job as soon as I arrived, without even knowing the immigration process and the limitations they entailed. I'm also Asian and at first glance, I get grouped up with the mail-order-brides, because unfortunately, there's a lot them, but I've gotten over that.</p> <p>My main guilt is I don't want my daughter to feel like her Mom is less of a woman purely based on employment. Because of this, I find it hard to want to stay here long term and I know that unless attitudes change around me, I will constantly feel guilty for staying here and potentially exposing my daughter to that kind of judgmental thinking. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-much-mommy-guilt-do-you-really-feel#post-77113 Fri, 17 Feb 2012 03:29:38 +0000 looch 77113@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I feel guilty sometimes about staying at home. I don't think it's mommy guilt, per se, but I worry about him not being exposed to enough other children and stimuli. I feel guilty about going to classes with him or paying for our babysitter because these things cost money and I am a cost center now, not a revenue generator.</p> <p>I wonder if I am setting a poor example of relying on Dad to take care of us financially...even though I know I've done my share to save a nice nest egg, it's the day to day that kids see, not the bank accounts. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-much-mommy-guilt-do-you-really-feel#post-77102 Fri, 17 Feb 2012 02:37:35 +0000 j0s1e267 77102@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Some fleeting guilt on the little stuff e.g. how I should let LO enjoy her paints vs worrying about the mess or feeding her Campbell soup. </p> <p>But what I do feel horrible about was one incident when I was truly a bad mummy ... she was throwing a hissy fit and simply refused to get out of the shower, I turned off all the lights so that it will get her moving. Although DH was near her, she got really scared :( I still think about this incident on/off ... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-much-mommy-guilt-do-you-really-feel#post-77096 Fri, 17 Feb 2012 02:04:57 +0000 BoogieBea 77096@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't have lingering guilt but I do have moments of guilt throughout the day. Like when LO was much younger, I once let him CIO for a nap just to find out after half hour of crying that he got his leg caught in the crib slits. I think we all try our best as parents but we'll all make mistakes or doubt the choices we make - that's just part of life.<br /> I also think mommy guilt increases once you have more than one child at a young age because you'll always feel like one is being neglected. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-much-mommy-guilt-do-you-really-feel#post-77066 Thu, 16 Feb 2012 23:42:43 +0000 mrstilly 77066@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I work full time and do feel guilty that I don't have more time with him. I feel guilty that I don't have more patience sometimes, especially when he wakes up early in the morning. I feel guilty that the tv is sometimes on in the background and when I'm on the computer. I feel guilty that I lost my milk supply, despite a good fight, and that he's on formula now. I feel guilty I don't make his food. </p> <p>Most of the time i feel like I'm doing a great job. He's healthy and happy. He loves his daycare. We snuggle a lot and I work hard to be present with him when we are together. But the guilt is always somewhere in the back of my mind - that I could do more, I could do better. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-much-mommy-guilt-do-you-really-feel#post-77065 Thu, 16 Feb 2012 23:39:53 +0000 SAHM0811 77065@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I was a WOHM after #1 and I didn't have guilt re: time spent with baby. I knew that going back to work at that point in my life actually made me a better mommy because my life was more balanced. I changed my job position so that I could spend more time with her! I did however have a TON of guilt for not bf'ing her as long as I wanted to. To this day, I still think about that and wish I could do that all over again.</p> <p>Now I'm a SAHM to two and although I'm 100% hands on and both their primary caretaker, I still feel some guilt about things. Namely that my attn is now divided between the two. But I don't dwell on the guilt. I know that that's life and I can't be cloned or "do it all". I think it's also just part of the decision we made when we planned to have more children and anyway, I think they will benefit from it more in the long run. So yeah not too much guilt here these days. After reading some of these posts and threads, now there is a little guilt for not having much guilt. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-much-mommy-guilt-do-you-really-feel#post-77049 Thu, 16 Feb 2012 23:00:23 +0000 anbanan15 77049@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Like you, I don't really feel it day to day, but I know I would if I gave up breastfeeding. I feel like if I would stop I would feel so guilty because there is no reason why I cannot continue to breastfeed even though I'm on a highly restricted diet for DS. I think the only way I will stop giving him breastmilk anytime soon is if it became medically necessary and still the guilt would be strong. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-much-mommy-guilt-do-you-really-feel#post-76965 Thu, 16 Feb 2012 21:13:40 +0000 heffalump 76965@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it's a Jewish thing to feel guilty all the time. @Mrsbells: I'm a SAHM and I always have mommy guilt. I feel guilty every day that I don't breastfeed LO. I feel guilty if she cries and I can't make her happy. Etc, etc, etc. I know it's silly. I tried breastfeeding and it was miserable, and baby's cry. But I just want to be the best mommy ever! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-much-mommy-guilt-do-you-really-feel#post-76882 Thu, 16 Feb 2012 19:10:39 +0000 cupcakemama 76882@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrsbells: I had guilt when I was at home with LO. Not loads, but some. I am back at work part time now. Guilt levels probably the same. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-much-mommy-guilt-do-you-really-feel#post-76877 Thu, 16 Feb 2012 19:06:36 +0000 Mrsbells 76877@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I usually hear this time from working moms, since they dont get to spend as much time with their babies. I dont know any stay at home mom that talks about mommy guilt </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-much-mommy-guilt-do-you-really-feel#post-76868 Thu, 16 Feb 2012 18:56:04 +0000 chopsuey 76868@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't feel too much mommy guilt since I'm with her 24/7. I feel bad when LO gets hurt because I'm not paying attention though.. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-much-mommy-guilt-do-you-really-feel#post-76865 Thu, 16 Feb 2012 18:47:00 +0000 cupcakemama 76865@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I generally feel guilty that I am not giving enough of myself. Examples - a "good mum" would be playing with their LO and toys, not sitting with LO, looking at hellobee while LO plays; when I feed LO food from a jar because I couldn't be bothered cooking something. Things like that. I am not consumed by guilt but I do worry that I could do better. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-much-mommy-guilt-do-you-really-feel#post-76841 Thu, 16 Feb 2012 18:22:14 +0000 Andrea 76841@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I feel like on a day to day basis I don't feel a lot of it. I keep hearing the word being bounced around and of course it is a very real thing and I have felt it. But am I not feeling it enough? Am I proving the point exactly by feeling guilty that I don't feel guilty enough? Maybe!</p> <p>But seriously, I generally feel like I am doing a good job so I don't feel guilty. Of course I could be doing things better, but I feel like my LO is happy and well taken care of so I'm just not sure what I should be feeling guilty about exactly. What specific things do you feel guilty about? </p>