Hellobee Boards Topic: How much of an effort do you make for LO(s) to see their grandparents?

Hellobee Boards Topic: How much of an effort do you make for LO(s) to see their grandparents? https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Thu, 16 Apr 2026 18:30:43 +0000 BananaPancakes on "How much of an effort do you make for LO(s) to see their grandparents?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-much-of-an-effort-do-you-make-for-los-to-see-their-grandparents#post-1648947 Wed, 21 May 2014 10:18:27 +0000 BananaPancakes 1648947@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @blackbird: I feel similarly to you. All 3 sets of grandparents live within 20 minutes of us, and I don't think it's my job to make sure they see him. They are welcome to stop by whenever and to offer to take him somewhere to hang out, but we both work full time and aren't going to do the shuttling. That said, 2 sets visit with him regularly, and the other set just invites us over for dinner if they haven't seen him in a while. Sometimes they'll go a month without seeing him, but that's not my problem. blackbird on "How much of an effort do you make for LO(s) to see their grandparents?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-much-of-an-effort-do-you-make-for-los-to-see-their-grandparents#post-1648905 Wed, 21 May 2014 10:00:25 +0000 blackbird 1648905@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I don't because MIL lives 30 min away and my parents live 5 hours away (and they are retired). I don't have time to shuttle my LO around to see everyone on weekends when that's the time that I run errands, put the house together, etc, since i work. MIL is really good about being proactive about seeing her, and Dh is, too. He will take her over there and drop her off and then do stuff with his friends. My mom wants me to drive 5 hours down there, drop her off, and then come pick her up a week later. No. Bookish on "How much of an effort do you make for LO(s) to see their grandparents?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-much-of-an-effort-do-you-make-for-los-to-see-their-grandparents#post-1648892 Wed, 21 May 2014 09:55:40 +0000 Bookish 1648892@https://boards.hellobee.com/ It depends on the grandparent! We make an effort for my ILs, because they do not have the money to drive down and see us. For my dad, not much effort is required (we end up seeing each other several times a year regardless), and for my mom, I make no effort at all. buffalove on "How much of an effort do you make for LO(s) to see their grandparents?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-much-of-an-effort-do-you-make-for-los-to-see-their-grandparents#post-1648874 Wed, 21 May 2014 09:49:51 +0000 buffalove 1648874@https://boards.hellobee.com/ My mom and MIL provide childcare for me, so I technically don't "have" to coordinate any additional visits, but I do. I will often stop by while running errands on weekends, or the other night we went over to IL's after dinner to play outside for an hour. It was a win-win - I was tired, it killed the hour for me, and made IL's and DS happy too. Like @looch: I'm a little different like this, in that I feel it's partially my responsibility to schedule visits. Telling someone that they have an open invitation to your house isn't all that inviting, in my opinion. If you really do want to open the door to them and they're in your area, why not say "how about swinging by at xx time on xx day?" looch on "How much of an effort do you make for LO(s) to see their grandparents?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-much-of-an-effort-do-you-make-for-los-to-see-their-grandparents#post-1648825 Wed, 21 May 2014 09:36:25 +0000 looch 1648825@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I have taken my son to see my inlaws, without my husband. I was a SAHM for 2 years and I would pack up my son on a Wednesday, take the train and stay at my inlaws for two nights. My husband would drive over to their house on Friday night, we'd all stay the night again and we'd drive home together either on Saturday or Sunday. Did I love it? Not really, but it was something I felt it was my responsibility to do. I am very different than a lot of posters in this regard, I get that, maybe it helps you in coming to a decision on moving forward. LuLu Mom on "How much of an effort do you make for LO(s) to see their grandparents?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-much-of-an-effort-do-you-make-for-los-to-see-their-grandparents#post-1648589 Wed, 21 May 2014 08:14:01 +0000 LuLu Mom 1648589@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Both sets of grandparents live within 25 minutes of us, they see LO usually once a week or once every 2 weeks. Neither set like to go 2 weeks without seeing her. mamimami on "How much of an effort do you make for LO(s) to see their grandparents?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-much-of-an-effort-do-you-make-for-los-to-see-their-grandparents#post-1648588 Wed, 21 May 2014 08:13:33 +0000 mamimami 1648588@https://boards.hellobee.com/ We have Sunday lunch every week at their house. And I'd say we see them another time at least every other week. It's in town but in this HUGE down it's still 20 minutes away :D like one set of your child's grandparents. The others live in another country so... that doesn't count. Adira on "How much of an effort do you make for LO(s) to see their grandparents?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-much-of-an-effort-do-you-make-for-los-to-see-their-grandparents#post-1648579 Wed, 21 May 2014 08:10:58 +0000 Adira 1648579@https://boards.hellobee.com/ We put in little to no effort, haha. My parents live an hour away and they see Xander about once a month. THEY put in the effort to see him and will come over after work or on the weekends to see him. My ILs live further away (1.5 - 2 hours). They put in no effort to see him, so they don't see him very often - just for family get-togethers. Growing up, I lived 3 hours away from my grandparents so we didn't see them very often. I still love my grandparents and feel like I had plenty of opportunity to bond with them, so I'm not overly concerned with how often Xander sees his grandparents. ValentineMommy on "How much of an effort do you make for LO(s) to see their grandparents?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-much-of-an-effort-do-you-make-for-los-to-see-their-grandparents#post-1648571 Wed, 21 May 2014 08:06:54 +0000 ValentineMommy 1648571@https://boards.hellobee.com/ OMG @coopsmama: - this is exactly what we're dealing with. Both sets of our parents live in the same town, which is one town away from us. They're both less than 10 min away. My parents see him every week. My mom watches him while I work. If a weekend goes by and they don't see him, they start to tell me how much they miss him (which is fine, cause they will then make the effort to set something up) My IL's have seen DS maybe 10 times. In his LIFE. He's 15m old. They constantly complain to DH that they never see him, that he doesn't know who they are, how "thrilled" my parents must be to always see him, etc. They have never made any effort to actually see him though. No invites over. No asking to stop by. They were even six hours late to the hospital from the time they said they'd be there when he was born!! It's incredibly frustrating! Applesandbananas on "How much of an effort do you make for LO(s) to see their grandparents?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-much-of-an-effort-do-you-make-for-los-to-see-their-grandparents#post-1625489 Fri, 09 May 2014 18:40:11 +0000 Applesandbananas 1625489@https://boards.hellobee.com/ We invite the ILs all the time and offer to pay travel costs but they never come, so we go there once a year. It sucks, I know they want to see LO more but that's the current situation and I just find comfort in the fact that we do the best we can, as it sounds like you do as well. I think grandparents forget how hard it is to travel with LOs. My side... I don't talk to my dad much, he's seen LO three times. My mom has an open invite but we only see her maybe once a month. I just do the best I can and that's all I can do. Mrs. Jump Rope on "How much of an effort do you make for LO(s) to see their grandparents?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-much-of-an-effort-do-you-make-for-los-to-see-their-grandparents#post-1625422 Fri, 09 May 2014 18:01:56 +0000 Mrs. Jump Rope 1625422@https://boards.hellobee.com/ My parents live 15-20 minutes away & my ILs live a little over an hour away. We see my parents 2-3x a week, sometimes less depending on schedules. I often go to their house because my dad is allergic to cats, and we've got two. He will happily come here in the summer to play outside with Chloe, though! My mom has a flexible job and if she can, she'll pop over for lunch some times. So that 2-3x a week is usually seeing my mom for an hour, then my parents for a few hours in the evenings. With my ILs living father away and my FIL doing a lot of volunteering/coaching, we see them less. They more often come to our house, simply for logistical reasons. It's a PITA getting to their house and having time to hang out without interrupting nap time or making bedtime much later. fancyfunction on "How much of an effort do you make for LO(s) to see their grandparents?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-much-of-an-effort-do-you-make-for-los-to-see-their-grandparents#post-1625408 Fri, 09 May 2014 17:47:15 +0000 fancyfunction 1625408@https://boards.hellobee.com/ My MIL is 15 minutes away and comes to see M at least once a week. Same amount for my parents and they're about an hour away. Both sides also babysit her a lot - mainly her sleeping over their homes. We'll also go to my parents house to hang out maybe every 6 weeks or so and around the same amount for my MIL. mrs.shinerbock on "How much of an effort do you make for LO(s) to see their grandparents?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-much-of-an-effort-do-you-make-for-los-to-see-their-grandparents#post-1625282 Fri, 09 May 2014 16:29:39 +0000 mrs.shinerbock 1625282@https://boards.hellobee.com/ My parents live 1.5 hours away and we go see them about once per month and they come here about once per month. (My sister, who lives the same distance, goes up there 4-5 times per year and my parents usually see them when they come visit us.) My ILs live in another country, so we see them once per year, but DH face times with them almost every day. Growing up, my grandmom lived 15 min away and we saw her 3-4 times per month. daniellemybelle on "How much of an effort do you make for LO(s) to see their grandparents?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-much-of-an-effort-do-you-make-for-los-to-see-their-grandparents#post-1625265 Fri, 09 May 2014 16:21:23 +0000 daniellemybelle 1625265@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Well, we live with one set of grandparents so it takes very little effort for her to see them :silly: There's one set (my dad & his wife) that live very far away & we went out of our way to go visit them recently. I imagine we'll do that 1-2x a year. DH's parents live about 6 hours away by car, and we have taken LO up there 2x in 6 months, and they have come here several times. They are always welcome but the impetus is definitely more on them. If I were in your situation, I'd try to make it 50/50. It sounds like both of you are expecting the other to make more of the effort. Mae on "How much of an effort do you make for LO(s) to see their grandparents?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-much-of-an-effort-do-you-make-for-los-to-see-their-grandparents#post-1625238 Fri, 09 May 2014 16:15:25 +0000 Mae 1625238@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Can't answer for us yet since LO is stubbornly refusing to exit the womb and our parents aren't local anyways... But in terms of when I was growing up and lived across the street from one set of grandparents and about 10 min from the other set--- we always went to them. Other than when my parents had family gatherings (like bbqs or birthday parties or hosted christmas or something) all hanging w/ the grandparents was done in their homes. But also seeing them every 3-4 weeks seems like a good amount to me? We probably saw my grandparents across the street most weekends because we'd go up to help them with yard work or my parents would drop us off and run errands, but my grandma that lived 10 min away I probably did not see more than once/month. wonderstruck on "How much of an effort do you make for LO(s) to see their grandparents?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-much-of-an-effort-do-you-make-for-los-to-see-their-grandparents#post-1625219 Fri, 09 May 2014 16:09:24 +0000 wonderstruck 1625219@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I think it really depends on the situation - and in your situation I think that it's BS that they're frequently in your area and continue to complain about never seeing the kids. Is it your parents or DH's? Just wondering since the answer would affect how I'd handle it. But is it possible they're just not comfortable inviting themself over? If you called and invited them, would they come? My parents have a 'rule' that they see my son at least once a week. Okay, it's not really a rule because if it doesn't work out and we're too busy to see them or having solo family time when they're free, they're understanding about it. But I'd say that my mom sees him about twice a week and my dad once a week - my mom usually ends up seeing him a bit more because she's more likely to come over than my dad. I don't know why, whenever he's here (eve if it's with her) after like a half hour he acts like he's imposing and needs to leave. It's weird, I've tried talking to him about it but it doesn't really take. I think he's still just adjusting to me having my own family/house/life. DH's parents see LO and myself once a week because their house is right by his swimming lessons, so we go over afterwards and have lunch with them. But before we started doing that I'd say once every few weeks was pretty average. regberadaisy on "How much of an effort do you make for LO(s) to see their grandparents?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-much-of-an-effort-do-you-make-for-los-to-see-their-grandparents#post-1625210 Fri, 09 May 2014 16:05:08 +0000 regberadaisy 1625210@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Both. My ILs about 15 minutes away and we see them weekly on average. We've gone to them and they've come to us. If I drove I would more regularly take LO to see them. It's weird though they never come over when DH home. They're both retired and we have no issues. My mom lives 7hrs away and we make it a point to to face time weekly and drive there a few times a year. My mom also comes here 1-2x a year. . Weagle on "How much of an effort do you make for LO(s) to see their grandparents?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-much-of-an-effort-do-you-make-for-los-to-see-their-grandparents#post-1625198 Fri, 09 May 2014 15:57:45 +0000 Weagle 1625198@https://boards.hellobee.com/ We don't live near grandparents, but I know how it would go if we did based on life now. My parents make a huge effort to see us, and I'm proactive about planning trips to see them. That would be the same no matter where we live. My ILs make very minimal effort to see us. If we lived in the same city, they may come over every week or two, but I imagine we'd have to go to them more. If we lived an hour+ away we would be making all of the same effort we have to now. I would make an effort to take our kids to see them on my own, though. Cherrybee on "How much of an effort do you make for LO(s) to see their grandparents?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-much-of-an-effort-do-you-make-for-los-to-see-their-grandparents#post-1625158 Fri, 09 May 2014 15:44:44 +0000 Cherrybee 1625158@https://boards.hellobee.com/ My inlaws look after LO three days per week so we don't have to make a specific effort to see them. My mum, however, is a different kettle of fish. She doesn't "help" in any way - babysitting etc - and she doesn't come to our house unless we provide transport..... so we do have to make a special effort to take LO to see her. We try to do it every other weekend. That was how it was with my grandma when I was growing up - we would visit her but she wasn't really involved in our day to day lives. cyndistar3 on "How much of an effort do you make for LO(s) to see their grandparents?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-much-of-an-effort-do-you-make-for-los-to-see-their-grandparents#post-1625148 Fri, 09 May 2014 15:39:44 +0000 cyndistar3 1625148@https://boards.hellobee.com/ We don't make efforts too often because none of their grandparents make an effort to see them. We live 8 minutes exactly away from both my dad and dh's mom and we still see them maybe once every few months. My mom lives 800+ miles away or she would be seeing them every day that she could. Mrs. Pen on "How much of an effort do you make for LO(s) to see their grandparents?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-much-of-an-effort-do-you-make-for-los-to-see-their-grandparents#post-1625117 Fri, 09 May 2014 15:16:26 +0000 Mrs. Pen 1625117@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @coopsmama: I would think that if they are complaining, and it seems convenient to come by - they should put in the effort for sure!! My parents live 13 minutes away and J sees them quite a bit. This semester they babysat him every Wednesday evening while I was in class, and saw them very Tuesday as well when I would drop off my brother. He loves his grandparents! But my husband's parents he never sees. They live cross-country, and he has only seen them twice in his life - but they do facetime and he has a trip scheduled for this summer. Mommy Finger on "How much of an effort do you make for LO(s) to see their grandparents?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-much-of-an-effort-do-you-make-for-los-to-see-their-grandparents#post-1625116 Fri, 09 May 2014 15:16:00 +0000 Mommy Finger 1625116@https://boards.hellobee.com/ We live about 5-10 minutes away from my parents so we see them all of the time. Usually we ask them to babysit or have them come over for dinner on the weekends. However, my FIL lives about 2.5 hrs away and we don't see him very often. Maybe once a quarter? I know for my mom, she would never just drop by. We could live next door to her and she'd never bother us b/c she doesn't want to impose. We joke with her b/c she never calls us (or my brothers) and waits for us to call her. As she says, what if we were busy when she called? Um, leave a message and we'll get back to you? My point is that it could be in their nature that they don't want o impose on you and are looking for you to include them. But I don't know them so it could be completely different. Rainbow Sprinkles on "How much of an effort do you make for LO(s) to see their grandparents?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-much-of-an-effort-do-you-make-for-los-to-see-their-grandparents#post-1625098 Fri, 09 May 2014 15:10:51 +0000 Rainbow Sprinkles 1625098@https://boards.hellobee.com/ My LOs see each set of grandparents about 2 times a week on average. I always bring them over--they never come to us. I usually just text and say "hey, are you busy? We are coming over." Running Elley on "How much of an effort do you make for LO(s) to see their grandparents?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-much-of-an-effort-do-you-make-for-los-to-see-their-grandparents#post-1625077 Fri, 09 May 2014 15:03:53 +0000 Running Elley 1625077@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I really think it depends on the grandparents. My parents and my FIL (DH's parents are divorced) plan times to see the kids and they see them/us often...a couple of times a week. MIL and her husband always talk about wanting to see the kids but never do the inviting. It's frustrating. Our solution was picking one day a week and having dinner over there on that day every single week. coopsmama on "How much of an effort do you make for LO(s) to see their grandparents?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-much-of-an-effort-do-you-make-for-los-to-see-their-grandparents#post-1625056 Fri, 09 May 2014 14:57:48 +0000 coopsmama 1625056@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I'm just trying to get a grasp on whether I'm the one with unrealistic expectations or not. If I am, I'd like to change that. Basically, one set of my LOs grandparents never sees him. Well, they do, but it's about every 3-4 weeks and they live about 20 minutes away. The other set lives 45 minutes away and sees him 2-3x a week. I've never taken him over by myself to see either grandparent set - only when we go as a family with DH) for dinners or whatever. That's how it was with my grandparents when I grew up. They came to see my sister and I frequently and were involved in our lives. The one grandparent set complains all the time about never getting to see DS, and I've offered to let them come over whenever they want so long as we get a head's up phone call with an hour or so window to get ready. They've never taken me up on that but still complain regularly. It's not as though they are housebound....they are in their early 50s and are in our area ALL the time/most days. So now I'm wondering -- do you guys take your LOs to see grandparents frequently? Are you the ones scheduling the hang out times, or is that usually grandparent driven? Just trying to get a feel for what's normal and if I need to make changes.