Hellobee Boards Topic: How often do your out of town in laws want to see lo in person?

Hellobee Boards Topic: How often do your out of town in laws want to see lo in person? https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 07 Apr 2026 19:34:47 +0000 LindsayInNY on "How often do your out of town in laws want to see lo in person?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-often-do-your-out-of-town-in-laws-want-to-see-lo-in-person#post-2163709 Fri, 01 May 2015 10:06:53 +0000 LindsayInNY 2163709@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @nana87: Your situation sounds very similar to what I anticipate mine to be... My in-laws are a 10 hour drive or 2 hour flight away. Pros - I don't mind them visiting, they make themselves at home and generally don't irritate me much. Cons - They have to stay with us for money reasons and we have a 2 bedroom, 1 bathroom apartment... My parents are currently a 3 1/2 hour drive but once that house sells will be closer to a 6 hour drive (or more with traffic) or depending on where they retire, a flight away. They've stayed with us and stayed in a hotel. But, a lot like your situation, they bicker, act like guests, etc. My shower was last weekend and I snapped on Sunday and lost it on my mom. I think the biggest thing is setting expectations... I plan on telling them that the bickering and arguing cannot and will not happen around LO. I do not want her raised in that sort of environment and won't allow it. Especially not at my house. I can't dictate what they do at their house really so that'll be harder. But, like you said, it carries over into your own marriage too. I also need to be clearer that when they are in our house, it is their house. I cannot be expected to pump up the airbed when it's getting low, put their dishes in the dishwasher for them, get them drinks, make constant plans, etc. If they need something, they need to just go and get it themselves. This is a conversation we need to have sometime soon so I don't blow up again but I dread it at the same time. I would try to relax about certain things... If they leave later than planned, then oh well if LO is sleeping and tell them that. You're not waking her because they arrived later than planned. Like @looch: recommended, can you visit them on occasion too to get a different environment? looch on "How often do your out of town in laws want to see lo in person?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-often-do-your-out-of-town-in-laws-want-to-see-lo-in-person#post-2163656 Fri, 01 May 2015 09:32:24 +0000 looch 2163656@https://boards.hellobee.com/ My inlaws never said, specifically, but I made it a point to visit them at least once a month for a long weekend on my own with my son and at least once a month with the three of us. I felt it was the right thing to do based on the fact that we'd likely be reolcating and it would become even more challenging to see them regularly. One thing that helped a ton was to have things to do, like schedule a day for us to go to the zoo or something. I would even let my MIL make plans, she'd like to take my son to visit my SIL's kids. anonysquire on "How often do your out of town in laws want to see lo in person?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-often-do-your-out-of-town-in-laws-want-to-see-lo-in-person#post-2163612 Fri, 01 May 2015 09:16:32 +0000 anonysquire 2163612@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Never apparently. nana87 on "How often do your out of town in laws want to see lo in person?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-often-do-your-out-of-town-in-laws-want-to-see-lo-in-person#post-2163591 Fri, 01 May 2015 09:04:47 +0000 nana87 2163591@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Thanks everyone for the responses, and sorry it's taken me so long to circle back, yesterday got away from me! I guess once a month doesn't sound so oppressive/unreasonable, and I am so grateful that they love LO so much and want to be involved. It's just hard when they cause so much friction--they bicker a lot, and bicker with dh, and that tension makes dh and I bicker with each other, and it all just escalates and makes our home feel so much more tense than usual. But I need to be better at letting it roll off my back... @bunnylove08: @SweetiePie: @twodoghouse: omg, that frequent would drive me insane! @Smurfette: that's so not fair--I'm sorry your lo will have to witness that :( @blackbird: on what my in-laws expect--they sort of have this "we drove sooooo long to see you"/martyr-y kind of attitude about their visits, even though they're the ones pushing to come, and they just expect to be waited on and have us shift our schedule around for them. like they always say they're leaving friday "morning," whihc ends up being after 1pm, so they don't arrive until LO is already asleep and then act sad and disappointed that we won't wake her up to say hello... @bunnylove08: @SweetiePie: @Anagram: @ktdid23: @fancyfunction: that's a great idea to go out while they're here--I should try to embrace the visits as a way to get other stuff done! esp since LO is very mommy-centric if I'm around, maybe she'd interact with them more if I went out...I just joined a gym, I think I'll go work out during their next visit :) @ktdid23: yes yes yes that we are the parents...that's another thing that bothers me about their visits--they will often criticize dh's parenting in totally unwarranted ways (like, turning lo upside down, which she loves, bc it'll "scramble her brain," ummm wtf??). she's going to understand that soon and it will totally undermine dh's parenting... @lamariniere: that would be nice to go somewehre "neutral!" my in-laws don't really travel except to see us though--it's really complicated with my fil's health, unfortunately... @BandDmommy: totally their loss! BandDmommy on "How often do your out of town in laws want to see lo in person?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-often-do-your-out-of-town-in-laws-want-to-see-lo-in-person#post-2162438 Thu, 30 Apr 2015 13:28:07 +0000 BandDmommy 2162438@https://boards.hellobee.com/ My parents visit every other month. My FIL who lives in HI is coming to visit in a month. It's his 2nd visit in 2 years. MIL has yet to come see D and she is almost 6 months old. MIL is 8 hour drive away, she chooses to not visit eventhough she travels with her lover all the time. Whatever, there loss... lamariniere on "How often do your out of town in laws want to see lo in person?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-often-do-your-out-of-town-in-laws-want-to-see-lo-in-person#post-2162425 Thu, 30 Apr 2015 13:24:28 +0000 lamariniere 2162425@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Both of our parents live far away (my dad is on another continent, my ILs are on the same continent in another country). We see my dad maybe once per year, sometimes twice. We see my ILs 3-4 times per year. We see my dad for longer periods of time ( a week or more) since he lives so far away. With my ILs, it's usually a 3 day weekend or a week around the holidays or in the summer. I had a freakout last year because I felt like we were seeing my ILs aaaalll the time, despite the distance (I counted, we saw them 30 days in a calendar year). It was too much for me. On the other hand, visits with my dad are much more rare, so I don't mind. What works well is meeting them in other places, when possible. We met my ILs in Budapest last year, so it was "neutral ground" and a nice change from having them in our home. fancyfunction on "How often do your out of town in laws want to see lo in person?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-often-do-your-out-of-town-in-laws-want-to-see-lo-in-person#post-2162397 Thu, 30 Apr 2015 13:15:01 +0000 fancyfunction 2162397@https://boards.hellobee.com/ My parents are only an hr away and they come by once a week to visit while I get to go out. My MIL does the same and she's only 15 min away. She does make it seem that if she goes over a week without seeing M that it's a tragedy. "Can i come by? I need a baby fix" Sort of dramatic but it helps me out too so I can't complain too much. twodoghouse on "How often do your out of town in laws want to see lo in person?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-often-do-your-out-of-town-in-laws-want-to-see-lo-in-person#post-2162372 Thu, 30 Apr 2015 13:07:43 +0000 twodoghouse 2162372@https://boards.hellobee.com/ They are 45 minutes away. If I let them, they'd be here everyday. We settle for once a week. If they go more than a week, they act annoyed and say things like "it's been so long since we were here that you don't even recognize us!" which is lame because my parents live far away and go months at a time without seeing my LOs. My MIL used to come all day every day (seriously, 5 days a week from 9am-6pm) and it was having an effect on my mental health. It was hard but I had to learn how to say "no, this day doesn't work for us. How about next weekend?" rachiecakes on "How often do your out of town in laws want to see lo in person?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-often-do-your-out-of-town-in-laws-want-to-see-lo-in-person#post-2162136 Thu, 30 Apr 2015 11:46:55 +0000 rachiecakes 2162136@https://boards.hellobee.com/ My parents live about an hour away and have come to see J 4 times in 3 years. Two birthdays, when he was in the hospital and one other time. They expect me to come visit them. My MIL is in her 80s and doesn't drive, so we make a point to visit her once a month, she's about an hour away as well. mediagirl on "How often do your out of town in laws want to see lo in person?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-often-do-your-out-of-town-in-laws-want-to-see-lo-in-person#post-2162081 Thu, 30 Apr 2015 11:31:36 +0000 mediagirl 2162081@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Twice a year. Once on their way to their "summer" house and once on their way to their "winter" house. travellingbee on "How often do your out of town in laws want to see lo in person?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-often-do-your-out-of-town-in-laws-want-to-see-lo-in-person#post-2162016 Thu, 30 Apr 2015 10:56:09 +0000 travellingbee 2162016@https://boards.hellobee.com/ My ILs live about 8 hours away. We see them at least every other month. It's a short flight. yellowbird on "How often do your out of town in laws want to see lo in person?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-often-do-your-out-of-town-in-laws-want-to-see-lo-in-person#post-2162007 Thu, 30 Apr 2015 10:52:44 +0000 yellowbird 2162007@https://boards.hellobee.com/ We go see the ils about 1x a month, they come up every other month or so. My parents live further and they come up 2x a year and we usually go on holidays, but probably not anymore that we have 2 kids. My dad and step mom are both retired Alivoo01 on "How often do your out of town in laws want to see lo in person?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-often-do-your-out-of-town-in-laws-want-to-see-lo-in-person#post-2161983 Thu, 30 Apr 2015 10:38:21 +0000 Alivoo01 2161983@https://boards.hellobee.com/ They always want to see DS, but we go visit them maybe every other month? When they're briefly in town, we make an effort for them to see DS. But it's usually only for a couple hours before they head back out of town. ktdid23 on "How often do your out of town in laws want to see lo in person?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-often-do-your-out-of-town-in-laws-want-to-see-lo-in-person#post-2161902 Thu, 30 Apr 2015 10:13:00 +0000 ktdid23 2161902@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @Anagram: Yeah, if they usually don't come over until 11a or noon, I would just take advantage of that and let them know "ok, we will see you at noon! We will be out all morning!" ktdid23 on "How often do your out of town in laws want to see lo in person?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-often-do-your-out-of-town-in-laws-want-to-see-lo-in-person#post-2161895 Thu, 30 Apr 2015 10:11:32 +0000 ktdid23 2161895@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @Anagram: we do this too! We take advantage of having an extra set of hands and try to make freezer meals, get errands done, and even do a date night :-) We are also in a 2 bedroom condo, so it's tight, but we know it's only for X amount of time each visit so we make the most of it! Anagram on "How often do your out of town in laws want to see lo in person?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-often-do-your-out-of-town-in-laws-want-to-see-lo-in-person#post-2161891 Thu, 30 Apr 2015 10:10:45 +0000 Anagram 2161891@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @ktdid23: that's a good idea! My in-laws are total homebodies, and they don't really take LO outside much, so as soon as I get home from work I just let them know I am taking LO to the park and they are welcome to come if they want (and they choose to stay home). ktdid23 on "How often do your out of town in laws want to see lo in person?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-often-do-your-out-of-town-in-laws-want-to-see-lo-in-person#post-2161886 Thu, 30 Apr 2015 10:09:22 +0000 ktdid23 2161886@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Would you be able to get out of the house wit your LO in the morning (park, breakfast with friends, etc) and then meet your IL's back at the house at noon? Let them visit with your LO, and then have dinner at whatever time YOU plan, and then scoot them out the door at the time YOU plan. I def see both sides of this. They want to see your LO grow up, but you feel constricted by their visits. We live 2 hrs away from both sets of parents and we tried to cater to their needs at first, but we learned (not as quickly as I would have liked) that WE are the parents in this situation and WE need to do what's best for our LO. That said... It's important to us that our LOs have a relationship with their grandparents. We try to make it work so that our LOs get to grow up knowing their grandparents. Anagram on "How often do your out of town in laws want to see lo in person?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-often-do-your-out-of-town-in-laws-want-to-see-lo-in-person#post-2161859 Thu, 30 Apr 2015 10:04:07 +0000 Anagram 2161859@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I should add, when the inlaws come, it is always for minimum a week and usually 2. Soooo it's a long time, considering we live in a 2 bedroom condo. My mom will stay for a week unless I ask her to stay longer (like I have when I have this baby). I also try to embrace the visits and get a lot of stuff done I wouldn't normally do with LO in tow. I schedule haircuts, doctor's appointments, pedicures, random trips to IKEA, etc. Also, MIL cooks for all of us the whole time they are there, and they take LOs wakeups, so it kind of offsets the inconvenience of having so many people in a smaller space. Anagram on "How often do your out of town in laws want to see lo in person?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-often-do-your-out-of-town-in-laws-want-to-see-lo-in-person#post-2161848 Thu, 30 Apr 2015 10:00:05 +0000 Anagram 2161848@https://boards.hellobee.com/ My in-laws live about an 8 hour drive away (or a little over 1 hour flight), and they come see us or we see them probably 5-6 times a year. Like, we went there over Christmas, they came here in March, and they are coming back in May. Then again when LO #2 is born August. They Skype with DH and Lo about every other day. My mom lives about a 16 hour drive, or a 2.5 hour flight. We go see her or she sees us maybe 4-5 times a year. We also went to see her over Christmas, she is coming in May to babysit LO while we go on a babymoon, and then she will also be back in August when Lo #2 is born. We rarely Skype...maybe once a month. But I send her random pictures sometimes. blackbird on "How often do your out of town in laws want to see lo in person?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-often-do-your-out-of-town-in-laws-want-to-see-lo-in-person#post-2161843 Thu, 30 Apr 2015 09:59:07 +0000 blackbird 2161843@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @Smurfette: yeah that's how i feel....i don't mind not seeing my parents (they're drama!) but someday, E will become aware that vacations to Mexico and Hawaii are a much higher priority than visiting her. Makes me sad for her. Uggggggh. Favoritism. SweetiePie on "How often do your out of town in laws want to see lo in person?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-often-do-your-out-of-town-in-laws-want-to-see-lo-in-person#post-2161836 Thu, 30 Apr 2015 09:58:23 +0000 SweetiePie 2161836@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @nana87: To answer your question, I don't have a good way to set boundaries. I'm a little passive aggressive in this way - I usually just make excuses if I don't feel like seeing her, and I rarely invite. I let her ask so it's easier for me to say no, that we have plans. Doesn't always go over well! But if I told her she comes too often she might keel over. bunnylove08 on "How often do your out of town in laws want to see lo in person?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-often-do-your-out-of-town-in-laws-want-to-see-lo-in-person#post-2161835 Thu, 30 Apr 2015 09:58:13 +0000 bunnylove08 2161835@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @SweetiePie: Yes I totally have learned to embrace the weekend visits. I can get lots of things done with out having DD in tow. Smurfette on "How often do your out of town in laws want to see lo in person?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-often-do-your-out-of-town-in-laws-want-to-see-lo-in-person#post-2161829 Thu, 30 Apr 2015 09:57:04 +0000 Smurfette 2161829@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @blackbird: I mean I am perfectly fine with not seeing them. But I hate it for R. Apparently family vacation is on for July 4th again. We haven't received and invitations and they know we can not go during that time. I guess they like to treat DH's sister, husband, and grandsons. It is really sad. nana87 on "How often do your out of town in laws want to see lo in person?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-often-do-your-out-of-town-in-laws-want-to-see-lo-in-person#post-2161825 Thu, 30 Apr 2015 09:56:19 +0000 nana87 2161825@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @Mae: We tried to pay for it! That wasn't good enough apparently SweetiePie on "How often do your out of town in laws want to see lo in person?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-often-do-your-out-of-town-in-laws-want-to-see-lo-in-person#post-2161824 Thu, 30 Apr 2015 09:56:07 +0000 SweetiePie 2161824@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @bunnylove08: exactly the same! They're about a 1-1.5 hours away and my MIL acts like the world is ending if she doesn't see him weekly. She hasn't worked in 30 years so it's literally all she has to think about! My FIL works though and he can only do weekends which we can't always make work. So he sees him about once a month I'd say. I personally feel stifled by weekly visits. But I offset by trying to do something for me when she comes, like a mani pedi or massage. :-) blackbird on "How often do your out of town in laws want to see lo in person?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-often-do-your-out-of-town-in-laws-want-to-see-lo-in-person#post-2161809 Thu, 30 Apr 2015 09:53:09 +0000 blackbird 2161809@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I have similar issues with my parents, who live 4-5 hours away. My mom comes up maybe twice a year to see E and I do cater a bit to what she wants to do because it's so infrequent. They expect us to come visit and honestly, it doesn't happen. They're retired! For her, though, a visit usually means staying home the whole time--which, with a 2 year old? No. What do your in laws expect you to do for them? I'm of the opinion that we still have a life to live and it cannot completely stop 1 weekend/month. @Smurfette: I feel for you so much in this situation. So frustrating. Mae on "How often do your out of town in laws want to see lo in person?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-often-do-your-out-of-town-in-laws-want-to-see-lo-in-person#post-2161808 Thu, 30 Apr 2015 09:53:02 +0000 Mae 2161808@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @nana87: pay for a cab? Yea I don't know lol. I'm lucky that 1) our parents are mostly reasonable and 2) both of us have no problem telling our parents if we think that they are being ridiculous :) nana87 on "How often do your out of town in laws want to see lo in person?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-often-do-your-out-of-town-in-laws-want-to-see-lo-in-person#post-2161803 Thu, 30 Apr 2015 09:49:46 +0000 nana87 2161803@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @Mae: It def should be his job to set limits with them, it's just he's really bad at it/they're so unreasonable and will start berating him at the drop of a hat that it's just easier to give in. Like, we live in nyc: it is completely normal to take a cab/have a car service come pick you up, but dh got told "we raised you better than this!" when he didn't want to drive them back to their hotel and then spend another hour looking for a new parking space when it was already really late at night... Smurfette on "How often do your out of town in laws want to see lo in person?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-often-do-your-out-of-town-in-laws-want-to-see-lo-in-person#post-2161791 Thu, 30 Apr 2015 09:44:32 +0000 Smurfette 2161791@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Not much at all. Last year they came for her 1st bday in March. Then stopped by on their way through town in October, for like 3 hours. Then we went down for Thanksgiving and Christmas. They are 4 hours away. FIL is retired and SMIL gets 8 weeks of vacation. Apparently coming to see her isn't high on their list. This year they came up for her bday so far. bunnylove08 on "How often do your out of town in laws want to see lo in person?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-often-do-your-out-of-town-in-laws-want-to-see-lo-in-person#post-2161787 Thu, 30 Apr 2015 09:41:13 +0000 bunnylove08 2161787@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I dont have any advice. Our in-laws want to see DD at least once a week. We're fairly close about an hour drive from each other. If they do not see her at least every other week they call, facetime or make a trip to see us.