Hellobee Boards Topic: How often does your SO take your side over his mother's side?

Hellobee Boards Topic: How often does your SO take your side over his mother's side? https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Fri, 08 May 2026 20:42:39 +0000 MrsH on "How often does your SO take your side over his mother's side?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-often-does-your-so-take-your-side-over-his-mothers-side#post-564732 Wed, 13 Feb 2013 19:18:57 +0000 MrsH 564732@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Always, thank goodness! BKCaribBaby on "How often does your SO take your side over his mother's side?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-often-does-your-so-take-your-side-over-his-mothers-side#post-564619 Wed, 13 Feb 2013 18:37:39 +0000 BKCaribBaby 564619@https://boards.hellobee.com/ My MIL and I get along, but she has said some rude passive aggressive things in the past to me. DH's family is the type where there is never any real conflict. No arguing, no disagreements. I'm sure people talk about each other but never out in the open. In general, DH doesn't like to be critical of his family even when they deserve it. It drives me nuts, and it casts me as the crazy person when in fact they are at fault. I worry about what will happen after the baby is born. I've endured a lot of annoying comments and their general lack of interest in our lives, and I really have no interest in taking it anymore. MamaMoose on "How often does your SO take your side over his mother's side?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-often-does-your-so-take-your-side-over-his-mothers-side#post-564479 Wed, 13 Feb 2013 17:34:39 +0000 MamaMoose 564479@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Uh this is an issue for us. My MIL does a lot of things that annoy me. I keep my mouth shut to her but will ask my husband to address it and he doesn't. He will flat out tell me that he knows I'm right. For instance it drives me f*ing nuts when they invite themselves to come stay with us and give us very little warning and it annoys him too but he doesn't want to say anything because he's afraid of hurting their feelings. They give him a lot of guilt about the fact that we live far away (it was HIS job that brought us here). I think the guilt makes him feel like he needs to bend over backwards to accommodate them when we see them. bunnylove08 on "How often does your SO take your side over his mother's side?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-often-does-your-so-take-your-side-over-his-mothers-side#post-564446 Wed, 13 Feb 2013 17:14:01 +0000 bunnylove08 564446@https://boards.hellobee.com/ MIL and I hardly have disagreements. If MIL says something that doesnt sit well with me, DH can see it in my face and he will say something. This is a rare thing Mrs. Pen on "How often does your SO take your side over his mother's side?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-often-does-your-so-take-your-side-over-his-mothers-side#post-564407 Wed, 13 Feb 2013 16:52:12 +0000 Mrs. Pen 564407@https://boards.hellobee.com/ When we were engaged he ALWAYS took his mother's side. Honestly the best thing for our marriage was moving 1000 miles away from his family, he was a momma's boy to the point it was a detriment to our relationship and I knew it would be an issue in our marriage... guess that's what happens when guys live with their mom til they're 25 haha just kidding. Anyway now it's a much better and he mostly takes me side. cascademom on "How often does your SO take your side over his mother's side?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-often-does-your-so-take-your-side-over-his-mothers-side#post-564396 Wed, 13 Feb 2013 16:48:53 +0000 cascademom 564396@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @bluestriped bee: If she thrives on drama, she may do it again. My MIL basically left us alone for the couple of years before we started trying. Once we announced, she was still pretty hands off in terms of phone calls, etc. She announced our pregnancy online before we did. That was the start of things with her. The visits really illustrated how the problems were there. She made them a lot worse by picking a fight and calling me an "immature bitch." So, now we're in counseling and working through what happened and how to proceed with the future. With everything that happened, she really alienated my family of origin. I hope that over time she won't pressure our marriage and will back off. It's going to take a lot of practice and time, but I'm hoping that things can be tranquil again. ShootingStar on "How often does your SO take your side over his mother's side?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-often-does-your-so-take-your-side-over-his-mothers-side#post-564395 Wed, 13 Feb 2013 16:48:31 +0000 ShootingStar 564395@https://boards.hellobee.com/ We've had a lot of arguments over this because DH doesn't like to make waves, and always tries to play devil's advocate. We actually had a big blowup about it around Thanksgiving. We have a lot of issues with his family and food - his sister is vegan and I am unfortunately very picky (I don't like most veggies) and I get low blood sugar if I don't eat often enough. BSB on "How often does your SO take your side over his mother's side?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-often-does-your-so-take-your-side-over-his-mothers-side#post-564351 Wed, 13 Feb 2013 16:26:38 +0000 BSB 564351@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @cascademom: We had some big issues because of the wedding. We went to marriage counseling then to resolve our fighting. The MIL and I are no longer fighting and have resolved things but I'm worried about if the MIL will cause drama again when we have kids. I'm hoping that with our past, she realizes that she needs to back off. The last thing I need is another big fight with the MIL, especially if I'm pregnant or just gave birth. I'm so sorry about your MIL. Mrs Hedgehog on "How often does your SO take your side over his mother's side?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-often-does-your-so-take-your-side-over-his-mothers-side#post-564336 Wed, 13 Feb 2013 16:21:09 +0000 Mrs Hedgehog 564336@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Every time... but we both agree his mother is crazy. We love her hut the woman is insane. Lol anonysquire on "How often does your SO take your side over his mother's side?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-often-does-your-so-take-your-side-over-his-mothers-side#post-564330 Wed, 13 Feb 2013 16:16:40 +0000 anonysquire 564330@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Luckily I have that boy whipped. Now I won't say that he always stands up for me to his family but I'm over that. But now that we are married I can convince him pretty much everything. It works out cause his family is psycho. runsyellowlites on "How often does your SO take your side over his mother's side?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-often-does-your-so-take-your-side-over-his-mothers-side#post-564329 Wed, 13 Feb 2013 16:16:32 +0000 runsyellowlites 564329@https://boards.hellobee.com/ In the beginning we had alot of issues with DH's mom & initially he sided with her. My mom actually had a talk with DH telling him something about myself which may a pretty big difference.... She told him, "She will ALWAYS take your side infront of me. You could be wrong as the day is long and she would stand with you. She may say something to you when you two leave, but to me?... never." Now, DH ALWAYS takes my side to his mother and I think maybe once or twice we had a discussion regarding the issue and my stance later b/c I was being a tad out of line. Thankfully we haven't had any issues in awhile and I think she's finally accepted I'm here to stay. lol MsLipGloss on "How often does your SO take your side over his mother's side?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-often-does-your-so-take-your-side-over-his-mothers-side#post-564327 Wed, 13 Feb 2013 16:16:20 +0000 MsLipGloss 564327@https://boards.hellobee.com/ He's a mommas boy, but we are a united front. He is respectful to his parents, but supports/backs the decisions we make as a married couple and me as his wife. BelugaBean on "How often does your SO take your side over his mother's side?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-often-does-your-so-take-your-side-over-his-mothers-side#post-564316 Wed, 13 Feb 2013 16:12:13 +0000 BelugaBean 564316@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I don't think I've ever really had a disagreement with my MIL. I know there have been differences in the way we do things but she's pretty open to us doing things differently than she does. I guess if there were ever a disagreement, DH would probably take my side unless I was being totally crazy and unreasonable. Mrs. Lemon-Lime on "How often does your SO take your side over his mother's side?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-often-does-your-so-take-your-side-over-his-mothers-side#post-564315 Wed, 13 Feb 2013 16:11:59 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 564315@https://boards.hellobee.com/ There was really only one time I wanted.him to stick up for me, but instead.he made an excuse for her. Who knpws if he said something to her later. He doesn't try to push is together, which is great. cascademom on "How often does your SO take your side over his mother's side?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-often-does-your-so-take-your-side-over-his-mothers-side#post-564305 Wed, 13 Feb 2013 16:08:27 +0000 cascademom 564305@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @bluestriped bee: If you have problems with your MIL now, you'll have the same problems amplified with pregnancy and baby. What happened stemmed for issues that have been around since I became his girlfriend, fiance, and wife. It's taken a lot of time and counseling to get to a better place in our marriage since the incident. Our future visit there will be another test of our marriage. The sad part is that everything would have been okay for awhile longer if his mom didn't do what she did. Also, she did this when LO was about 9-10 weeks old. So, I was home and balancing new motherhood with breastfeeding, etc. Her reckless behavior put LO and myself at risk because I wasn't getting enough calories to feed him and my supply dipped. She only cared about the bs drama. I cared about my son and wanting her out of the house. BSB on "How often does your SO take your side over his mother's side?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-often-does-your-so-take-your-side-over-his-mothers-side#post-564163 Wed, 13 Feb 2013 15:14:18 +0000 BSB 564163@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @cascademom: I am so afraid of this when I get pregnant. My DH says he'll take my side but I'm afraid that's all going to go out to door when I get pregnant. Maybe I need to discuss this with him when I get pregnant. cascademom on "How often does your SO take your side over his mother's side?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-often-does-your-so-take-your-side-over-his-mothers-side#post-564127 Wed, 13 Feb 2013 15:03:09 +0000 cascademom 564127@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I'd say most of the time. When my MIL visited during my maternity leave, she picked a fight with me and there was tons of drama (all from her). During that situation, my husband clearly sided with his mom, out of fear, habit, whatever. I felt horribly ganged up then. It was hugely disappointing that he did that. Almost immediately after the incident, we started marriage counseling. It's taken a lot of time to get past it. We'll be visiting his family soon. I've brought it up a number of times that I need to know that he supports myself and our family when we're visiting. So, we're still working on issues around what happened. Weagle on "How often does your SO take your side over his mother's side?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-often-does-your-so-take-your-side-over-his-mothers-side#post-564055 Wed, 13 Feb 2013 14:44:09 +0000 Weagle 564055@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I don't really have conflict with my MIL, just some annoyances. DH is always on my side when speaking to them, but sometimes he speaks with me privately and is on her side. Usually he's right when that happens :) Mrs. Pickle on "How often does your SO take your side over his mother's side?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-often-does-your-so-take-your-side-over-his-mothers-side#post-563995 Wed, 13 Feb 2013 14:27:16 +0000 Mrs. Pickle 563995@https://boards.hellobee.com/ He always takes my side. I have a wonderful MIL so he doesn't have to often. Modern Daisy on "How often does your SO take your side over his mother's side?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-often-does-your-so-take-your-side-over-his-mothers-side#post-563993 Wed, 13 Feb 2013 14:25:41 +0000 Modern Daisy 563993@https://boards.hellobee.com/ 100% of the time DH takes my side. Not that I've ever had a 'real' conflict with my MIL, but little things like the food she feeds us when we stay at her house for a week + bother me. She doesn't eat any fresh produce, only processed fattening foods so DH totally against his Mom's wishes actually drives to the grocery store every time to buy me fresh fruits and veggies. She throws an absolute fit while we eat them too, but I don't care lol! Pepper on "How often does your SO take your side over his mother's side?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-often-does-your-so-take-your-side-over-his-mothers-side#post-563967 Wed, 13 Feb 2013 14:17:53 +0000 Pepper 563967@https://boards.hellobee.com/ He is always on my side with family issues. Just like I'm always on his side with my family. LuLu Mom on "How often does your SO take your side over his mother's side?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-often-does-your-so-take-your-side-over-his-mothers-side#post-563962 Wed, 13 Feb 2013 14:16:20 +0000 LuLu Mom 563962@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I voted "other' in almost four years I have never had an issue or disagreement with my mother in law, we get along very well. However, I do think that if we were ever to butt heads, he would never stand up to her, even if he agreed with me. He's a momma's boy for sure. Bao on "How often does your SO take your side over his mother's side?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-often-does-your-so-take-your-side-over-his-mothers-side#post-563960 Wed, 13 Feb 2013 14:15:58 +0000 Bao 563960@https://boards.hellobee.com/ DH is always on my side. rawrasaur on "How often does your SO take your side over his mother's side?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-often-does-your-so-take-your-side-over-his-mothers-side#post-563958 Wed, 13 Feb 2013 14:14:33 +0000 rawrasaur 563958@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Not often enough. Actually, his issue isn't being on the right side, its actually sticking up for me (and himself) in front of his mom. She didn't talk to us for almost the entire pregnancy because she was so upset about it and never once apologized for the way she acted. She did a similar silent treatment episode before we got married. English is her second language so she mostly speaks Vietnamese, but she can speak English better than she lets on - she just chooses to make me feel excluded. She causes a lot of arguments and hurt feelings between me and my husband and it drives me nuts. He cares more about hurting her feelings than mine because the consequences with her a much more dramatic. NerdBee on "How often does your SO take your side over his mother's side?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-often-does-your-so-take-your-side-over-his-mothers-side#post-563936 Wed, 13 Feb 2013 14:07:21 +0000 NerdBee 563936@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I've never really had a conflict with his mother before but long ago we had agreed that even if we disagreed with one another, we would present a united front to third parties. So I'm confident that if I did have a conflict with his mom or anyone else, he would take my side. oliviaoblivia on "How often does your SO take your side over his mother's side?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-often-does-your-so-take-your-side-over-his-mothers-side#post-563925 Wed, 13 Feb 2013 14:03:35 +0000 oliviaoblivia 563925@https://boards.hellobee.com/ My MIL and I have had a VERY difficult time getting along. At first DH was of the mind that it was not his place to intervene. Thankfully he's since changed his tactics and supports me 100%. In return I do my best to have a healthy relationship with her. That's not saying that I do have a healthy relationship, but I'm doing my best. Sugar.Biscuit on "How often does your SO take your side over his mother's side?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-often-does-your-so-take-your-side-over-his-mothers-side#post-563913 Wed, 13 Feb 2013 14:00:46 +0000 Sugar.Biscuit 563913@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I choose other because my answer is never. He hates his mom. She's so mean & has put him through so much crap he doesn't talk to her anymore. Even with his step mom we don't have any of those issues he really keeps to himself on things. we don't have any kids yet so I'm sure there will be a time or two that it will happen. Cole on "How often does your SO take your side over his mother's side?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-often-does-your-so-take-your-side-over-his-mothers-side#post-563900 Wed, 13 Feb 2013 13:53:01 +0000 Cole 563900@https://boards.hellobee.com/ We have never had any big issues so I am just going off of little things but unless I am just digging my heels in about doing it my way he takes my side. His mom is really great though and it usually is stupid things like where we should take a big group of people out to eat, and neither of us are the type to do more then point out an alternative and then zip it. Adira on "How often does your SO take your side over his mother's side?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-often-does-your-so-take-your-side-over-his-mothers-side#post-563899 Wed, 13 Feb 2013 13:52:12 +0000 Adira 563899@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Hubs doesn't usually get involved in conversations between his mother and I, but he USUALLY takes my side, or he'll say things like "I'll do whatever Adira wants me to do" if his family is encouraging him to do something that he knows I'm not for. For some things, I think he does take his mom (or other family members) side, but he never vocalizes it in front of them and will just tell me privately his stance if it's different than my own. I really appreciate that in front of his family, we're a unified front. Foodnerd81 on "How often does your SO take your side over his mother's side?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-often-does-your-so-take-your-side-over-his-mothers-side#post-563886 Wed, 13 Feb 2013 13:47:27 +0000 Foodnerd81 563886@https://boards.hellobee.com/ We've never had any issues with MIL anyway, but I know he would take my side. We are more likely to have an issue where I am torn between my side and DH, and sometimes I have to purposely put him first. His mom bends over backwards NOT to be intrusive.