https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 28 Apr 2026 14:47:34 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-parenting-became-a-full-time-job-and-why-thats-bad-for-women#post-2718892 Fri, 31 Mar 2017 20:02:37 +0000 Mae 2718892@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This article really resonated with me. I was a SAHM for almost 2 years, and have been back to work for 1. Somewhere around 1 year at home, I realized that my WHOLE ENTIRE BEING revolved around my daughter, and it really was not good for either of us. I have made and continue to make a conscious effort to pull back a bit, and give her some space. By meeting her every demand and making her the center of my universe, I was driving myself nuts and giving her a serious case of entitlement. I want her to know she's the MOST important thing in my world, but not the ONLY important thing. And I also want to force her to learn to entertain herself sometimes because that is a skill that is REALLY important. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-parenting-became-a-full-time-job-and-why-thats-bad-for-women#post-2718885 Fri, 31 Mar 2017 18:51:24 +0000 Greentea 2718885@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think the real hurt to any parent is to make them feel they are not enough. "Work status" is not something I have ever discussed IRL. What someone does or does not do for income is not what defines them. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-parenting-became-a-full-time-job-and-why-thats-bad-for-women#post-2718862 Fri, 31 Mar 2017 16:00:56 +0000 Andrea 2718862@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I've been trying to explain this to my mom for years since she doesn't understand why I do the things that I do. In her eyes, she fed me, gave me clothes, sent me to school and that's a job done. I tell her that times have changed and moms are doing more these days, but I don't think she'll ever understand. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-parenting-became-a-full-time-job-and-why-thats-bad-for-women#post-2718853 Fri, 31 Mar 2017 15:38:10 +0000 youboots 2718853@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I've been meaning to read that book I just ordered it on Amazon.</p> <p>I've realized lately how much I do so that others won't judge me like wrestle with my toddler to get a coat on her. But I don't really believe kids getting a little wet or cold is a big deal at all. I feel that policing parenting/judgement is also done much more because of social media. </p> <p>In the past I've basically done whatever I wanted within reason with very little thought of what people think. But being a parent sometimes makes me anxious, I feel like I'm doing a good job overall, but I don't like being side eyed in public. Those I know IRL I keep my DGAF attitude when possible. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-parenting-became-a-full-time-job-and-why-thats-bad-for-women#post-2718852 Fri, 31 Mar 2017 15:35:16 +0000 littlejoy 2718852@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>All Joy and No Fun is one of the best things I've ever read. I definitely recommend it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-parenting-became-a-full-time-job-and-why-thats-bad-for-women#post-2718836 Fri, 31 Mar 2017 14:46:36 +0000 caterw 2718836@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This makes so much sense to me. As the "job" of caring for the home has gotten easier due to prepared foods, machines to help with housework, etc., there had to be some all consuming reason to ensure women remained in the home. I've been rereading Little House on the Prairie with my daughter and it's amazing how little "parenting" Ma does. She basically cooks, cleans, and does farm chores all day and expects her kids to help her while paying them very little attention in regards to their feelings or personal development. It's very obvious that her main concern is following Pa's orders and making his home happy, not making her daughters happy (and sometimes they aren't even safe!) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-parenting-became-a-full-time-job-and-why-thats-bad-for-women#post-2718775 Fri, 31 Mar 2017 11:57:58 +0000 Bibliolove 2718775@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>A French author wrote something similiar to this, if you are interested in a book. "The Conflict". I know it's a theme among feminist writers. I don't have too many experiences on this yet, since I'm not there yet. But, I am preparing to be a mom and already I know and sense how much will be on me and me alone. I alone am researching gear, daycares, figuring out work schedules, looking up peds, etc. </p> <p>I also tend to notice everything is geared towards mom anyway. E.g. I want a wrap that my husband and I can both use and every picture of all wraps and carriers that I could find just show images of women and their babes. Just marketing, but it bugs me a little. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-parenting-became-a-full-time-job-and-why-thats-bad-for-women#post-2718751 Fri, 31 Mar 2017 10:37:06 +0000 Jess1483 2718751@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I saw this article this morning, and found it really interesting. Especially:</p> <p>"The verb “to parent” didn’t enter the American lexicon until 1958. It’s telling that this is the only familial role to be verb-ified: although a woman would never say, “I need to daughter better,” she might say, “I’m working on my parenting.” A daughter is only something you are, but parenting is something you do. (“Mother” and “father” are also verbs, though it’s noteworthy that only one of them is a job. “Mothering a child” is a form of parenting, an all-consuming personal vocation, while “fathering a child” is a one-off event.)"</p> <p>"Because women still do the bulk of the childrearing, the scientization of parenting weighs most heavily on mothers. It has fueled what sociologist Sharon Hays calls “intensive mothering,” in which, as Hays writes, “the methods of appropriate child rearing are construed as child-centered, expert-guided, emotionally-absorbing, labor intensive, and financially expensive.” Intensive mothering has become the standard ideal, the paradigm of “good mothering,” against which all mothers are measured. The intensive mother is the mother who knows developmental stages and toy recalls and car seat requirements. She answers every midnight cry. Her kid never falls into a gorilla exhibit. She mothers so fully, so completely, that her child is sculpted into a perfectly developed human to whom only wonderful things happen, because the good mother enables only wonderful things."</p> <p>and</p> <p>"And maybe that’s the ticket, as they say. In All Joy and No Fun: The Paradox of Modern Parenting, Jennifer Senior suggests that today’s professionalization of parenting is actually a response to women’s liberation. Senior argues that there is an “enduring link,” as she puts it, between women’s increased independence and the cultural pressure for women to be “more attentive” in their mothering. She quotes Sharon Hays: “Whenever the free market threatens to invade the sanctity of the home, women feel greater pressure to engage in ‘intensive mothering.’”</p> <p>Still processing it all (and of course, thinking about how it should or shouldn't change my mothering while I'm also at work...), but curios about others' thoughts.</p> <p>ETA link: <a href="https://theestablishment.co/how-parenting-became-a-full-time-job-and-why-thats-bad-for-women-3c1f5eea1c92" rel="nofollow">https://theestablishment.co/how-parenting-became-a-full-time-job-and-why-thats-bad-for-women-3c1f5eea1c92</a> </p>