https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 30 May 2026 01:38:11 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-should-a-toddler-stand-up-for-himself#post-2497877 Thu, 17 Mar 2016 11:18:32 +0000 Mama Bird 2497877@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@yoursilverlining: @regberadaisy: yes definitely working on using words!</p> <p>@psw27: @Anagram: yes, so gross! Honestly, I'd want to cry too if I had spit on me. I wasn't there, but DH told me he was playing with these two kids he doesn't know, then the spitting started, he started wailing, and they called him a cry baby. They were like three, but no idea where the parents were so DH told them to play nicely or go away.</p> <p>@2PeasinaPod: yeah it's tough... I guess they're bound to figure it out eventually but I just hope it's before school. I don't have high hopes that a teacher with 30 kids in the class will be able to stop this every time, he'll have to look out for himself... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-should-a-toddler-stand-up-for-himself#post-2497773 Thu, 17 Mar 2016 10:12:18 +0000 2PeasinaPod 2497773@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mama Bird: DS1 used to burst into tears anytime something like this happened. Or he would whine and look at me to do something. I started telling him to use his words and let the other kid know how he was feeling. "I don't like that" or "no thank you" are his preferred phrases as well. I think once I started telling him to use his words, he would stop crying and do that, but it took time. He's also 3.5. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-should-a-toddler-stand-up-for-himself#post-2497684 Thu, 17 Mar 2016 09:29:40 +0000 Anagram 2497684@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mama Bird: spitting and calling names is pretty extreme, so I haven't had that situation yet with our LO at the park--but in that instance if the other parents aren't around, I wouldn't hesitate to nicely-but firmly tell the other kiddos "Oh no, we don't spit at the playground. We're going to take turns on this slide and now it's Brian's turn!" etc.</p> <p>How did the spitting and name calling happen? Did they just run up to your LO and start spitting/name calling? Did you know the kids beforehand? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-should-a-toddler-stand-up-for-himself#post-2497672 Thu, 17 Mar 2016 09:23:20 +0000 regberadaisy 2497672@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mama Bird: regardless of the situation, I think it's important to teach LOs to use their words. This is something we are very actively working on with DD1 (almost 4). She's definitely not a pushover, but when a friend takes her toy, or is in her space, etc. Her gut reaction was to scream. And lately she has started getting physical which is definitely NOT ok. we are very actively working on using words at home and her teachers are following through at school as well. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-should-a-toddler-stand-up-for-himself#post-2497661 Thu, 17 Mar 2016 09:15:12 +0000 psw27 2497661@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mama Bird: spitting? Oh no... see that's gross and I would be looking for their parents. But I do agree with the other posters - my LO isn't at this stage yet but I'm going to try and remember this. As of now my LO just shouts "mine!" and says "no no" when someone tries to take his stuff. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-should-a-toddler-stand-up-for-himself#post-2497656 Thu, 17 Mar 2016 09:12:41 +0000 yoursilverlining 2497656@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>At LO's school they teach the kids to firmly say "no, thank you!" when someone is pushing or otherwise up in their space and not being friendly. </p> <p>I also tell LO to ignore people who are being mean or hurting people's feelings - to ignore what they say, I mean, but to say "no, thank you" if they are being mean and to tell a teacher if she needs to. I'm hoping to instill the same DGAF attitude I apparently had as a little kid towards bullies! Also, to tell teachers if someone isn't listening to her words. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-should-a-toddler-stand-up-for-himself#post-2497626 Thu, 17 Mar 2016 08:58:56 +0000 Mama Bird 2497626@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Anagram: well yesterday it was spitting and calling names :bummed: but really anything mean sets him off lately.</p> <p>@Jess1483: @charlotte: @808love: @regberadaisy: @SugarplumsMom: @lamariniere: @blackbird: thank you, I like these ideas! I'll continue helping him with something to say.</p> <p>Ugh, I just wish he wouldn't start wailing like a baby the instant someone hurts his feelings :sad: it's a pretty good way to get the attention of every mean kid on the block. I don't even know why he does it, he's definitely not a pushover at home! Maybe he's just thrown off when these kids are smaller than he is and he doesn't want to be mean to them right back... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-should-a-toddler-stand-up-for-himself#post-2497445 Thu, 17 Mar 2016 07:32:52 +0000 blackbird 2497445@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>They teach the kids, "no thank you!" at E's school, and she's started using it recently...with a finger waggle that I'm not sure who she picked up it from </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-should-a-toddler-stand-up-for-himself#post-2497439 Thu, 17 Mar 2016 07:28:29 +0000 lamariniere 2497439@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My son was often the one being pushed around until somewhat recently. I used @Jess1483: 's method. Now that he's 5, he's better at sticking up for himself. I think giving them something they can say is really important, even if the other kids don't listen. I also used these moments as teaching moments and stressed over and over how even though another kid may be pushing or grabbing toys or whatever, that we don't do those things. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-should-a-toddler-stand-up-for-himself#post-2497425 Thu, 17 Mar 2016 07:12:27 +0000 SugarplumsMom 2497425@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>They teach the kids at daycare to stick their arms out and firmly say, "STOP! Don't push me". Kind of like the gesture people think of when a slow moving car approaches a traffic controller. I think it works, but it's only because they seem to reinforce not pushing or hitting at her daycare. I observed one of the babies (1 yr old) throw her small security blanket/animal at another 1 yr old and one of the teachers stopped what she was doing to tell the kid to not do that and that we don't hit. The other baby repeated the gesture and the teacher repeated the lecture. Perhaps bring it up to the teachers and see what they advise? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-should-a-toddler-stand-up-for-himself#post-2497404 Thu, 17 Mar 2016 06:38:44 +0000 regberadaisy 2497404@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Jess1483: ditto.<br /> I would teach him to use his words. Phrases like "no, thank you" or "I don't like that" are ones my almost 4yo uses a lot. I would give him a chance to stand up for himself first. If that doesn't work or he's too nervous, then step in.</p> <p>@Anagram: agree, I just don't think at this age kids are being deliberately mean. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-should-a-toddler-stand-up-for-himself#post-2497348 Wed, 16 Mar 2016 23:18:25 +0000 808love 2497348@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I had conversations and taught LO, "I don't like that!" That worked! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-should-a-toddler-stand-up-for-himself#post-2497345 Wed, 16 Mar 2016 23:04:10 +0000 charlotte 2497345@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Jess1483: I like the role play idea and short phrases that they can remember. </p> <p>The kids at our sons pre-k all say "no, I don't like that" and "walk away". Ha. It's sort of cute when he says it to our dog when he's bugging us for food. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-should-a-toddler-stand-up-for-himself#post-2497340 Wed, 16 Mar 2016 22:50:07 +0000 Jess1483 2497340@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I told LO to say "No. Stop that." Or "I don't like that" or even "no, thank you!" And put his hands up to them in a stop gesture. It obviously worked eventually, because his preschool teachers told me the other day "he's not mean about it, but he has no problem asserting himself."</p> <p>We role-played a lot, which I think helped it stick. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-should-a-toddler-stand-up-for-himself#post-2497325 Wed, 16 Mar 2016 22:05:02 +0000 Anagram 2497325@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mama Bird: What kinds of issues are you observing? Like actual pushing and shoving?</p> <p>I'm a hoverer and am not ashamed to admit it. LO can do her own thing, but I'm always within few feet because all kids on a playground are still learning. I like to be where I can monitor how she treats others, just to make sure she's safe, and to help her navigate social situations. Like, if someone is "hogging" the slide by coming up the wrong way when LO is already sitting there, or by just sitting at the top for forever, I might loudly ask LO if she wants to ask the little girl/boy for a turn now. Of course, the other child hears me and then when LO asks for a turn, they move out of the way.</p> <p>I don't think of the other kids as mean, just....not parented in that moment. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-should-a-toddler-stand-up-for-himself#post-2497323 Wed, 16 Mar 2016 21:59:46 +0000 Mama Bird 2497323@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>OK, I'm a little stumped... I don't know how to respond when other kids pick on DS (who's 3.5) on the playground. I'm not talking big kids, just others his own age with a bit more of a mean streak. Lately he's taken to bursting into tears when this happens. I hate to see this happening, but I'm also afraid that if I keep stepping in for him, he'll never learn to stand up for himself and he'll be easy pickings for bullies. He's in day care, and they do push each other around and no one seems to mind, but he's much more timid with kids he doesn't know. I've been telling him to loudly tell the other kid to stop it, and it helps in the short term, but every time it's a new situation, it's like he's forgotten that!</p> <p>If you have a kid who's not a fighter, what do you do? Is he just too little to stand up for himself? Should I keep hovering and hope he grows out of it? </p>