Hellobee Boards Topic: How the heck do I get my 21m old to fall asleep on his own?

Hellobee Boards Topic: How the heck do I get my 21m old to fall asleep on his own? https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Fri, 14 Aug 2026 08:52:42 +0000 QBbride on "How the heck do I get my 21m old to fall asleep on his own?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-the-heck-do-i-get-my-21m-old-to-fall-asleep-on-his-own#post-2110636 Mon, 16 Mar 2015 15:22:51 +0000 QBbride 2110636@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Thanks for all your responses ladies! It helps to hear different advice and that I'm also not alone. I'm exhausted!! We do have a solid bedtime routine in place. He has a bath, pajamas, snack and books, brushes teeth, then upstairs. He often points to our room and says "bed, bed!" since he'd rather be in ours. He is very smart!! Honestly I don't really mind him in our bed in the middle of the night (DH would beg to differ) but I want him to start out in his own crib so we can go to bed when we want DH ended up getting him down last night after my failed attempt but he woke up at midnight. I think we will insist he start in his crib then go from there. Hopefully he'll stretch out the time in his crib. Madison43 on "How the heck do I get my 21m old to fall asleep on his own?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-the-heck-do-i-get-my-21m-old-to-fall-asleep-on-his-own#post-2109830 Mon, 16 Mar 2015 08:08:04 +0000 Madison43 2109830@https://boards.hellobee.com/ We didn't do CIO either, but have you ever tried just letting him cry for 10-15 mins to see what happens? I only ask because 90 percent of the time my daughter needs to cry for 5 - 10 mins before she can put herself to sleep. It's not upset/scared/I need you crying, it's more her being annoyed it's bedtime and jumping up and down at the crib rail. Once I figured out that she needed that time to wind down, and that my going in every time she cried was actually keeping her awake, bedtime has been much smoother. She's 17 months now. Alivoo01 on "How the heck do I get my 21m old to fall asleep on his own?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-the-heck-do-i-get-my-21m-old-to-fall-asleep-on-his-own#post-2109821 Mon, 16 Mar 2015 08:00:39 +0000 Alivoo01 2109821@https://boards.hellobee.com/ We lay down next to DS and he knows with the lights off and everyone laying down, it's bedtime. he'll crawl/flop around for a bit to find a comfy spot but will eventually drift off to sleep on his own. T.H.O.U. on "How the heck do I get my 21m old to fall asleep on his own?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-the-heck-do-i-get-my-21m-old-to-fall-asleep-on-his-own#post-2109801 Mon, 16 Mar 2015 07:46:08 +0000 T.H.O.U. 2109801@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Agree that step 1 is to come up with a plan and stick to it. Give it a week. We waited until about 18 months with my daughter and this is what we did. We got her laid down in her crib and would stand there and rub her back. If she sat up or stood up, we would try one time to nicely say please lay down its night time, and if she got up again, we would immediately walk out of the room (don't say anything). We would give her a minute or two to scream and cry (with us standing outside the closed door). Usually we had to repeat about 3-4 times until she understood that we meant business and it was sleep time. She associated standing up with us leaving and she learned to at least stay laying down. It wasn't easy and we later had to transition her away from us rubbing her back but all in all it worked with limited tears. skipra on "How the heck do I get my 21m old to fall asleep on his own?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-the-heck-do-i-get-my-21m-old-to-fall-asleep-on-his-own#post-2109784 Mon, 16 Mar 2015 07:38:18 +0000 skipra 2109784@https://boards.hellobee.com/ We didn't sleep train either and it was probably just before D's was 2 that we got him to go to sleep on his own and stay in his bed by himself. I got to the breaking point when he started refusing to nap easily and I had a baby too so I couldn't spend all afternoon sitting in his room or rocking him. What worked was explaining that I was watching him on the video monitor and talking to him through it if he got up or was having trouble relaxing enough to sleep. Surprisingly he started going to sleep so much faster than if I were in the room with him and really no tears either. We started doing the same thing for bedtime after his nap routine was established and it was amazingly easy. He still woke in the night and DH often wound up in his bed because I had the baby. Instead of getting into bed with him or taking him to our bed one of us would pick him up just for a minute, put him back in bed and sit in the chair next to him. The first few nights it took a while to get him back to sleep but now if he wakes it takes under a minute to get him back to sleep. Definitely the key for us was to explain in advance and during the bedtime routine plus keeping it consistent. Good luck, you'll get there! Mamasig on "How the heck do I get my 21m old to fall asleep on his own?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-the-heck-do-i-get-my-21m-old-to-fall-asleep-on-his-own#post-2109735 Mon, 16 Mar 2015 06:30:22 +0000 Mamasig 2109735@https://boards.hellobee.com/ No advice because we are in the same boat. DS is 2.5 and needs me laying next to him to fall asleep. Yes, he's in our bed. And over the last month his 10 month old brother decided he likes our bed too. I don't sleep train because honestly I feel it's normal childhood development for my babies to need me to sleep. Plus I could never handle CIO. I'm just waiting it out. I just wanted you to know you aren't alone! blackbird on "How the heck do I get my 21m old to fall asleep on his own?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-the-heck-do-i-get-my-21m-old-to-fall-asleep-on-his-own#post-2109718 Mon, 16 Mar 2015 05:51:20 +0000 blackbird 2109718@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @QBbride: Do you have a bedtime routine in place? I would start there--giving him some cues that it's bedtime besides holding him for bed (I'm exhausted thinking about it for you!). Tell him it's bedtime, time to sleep, etc etc...he probably understands. Just doesn't like it :) maybe try rubbing his back instead of picking him up? When E stands in her crib, i sort of just lean her back onto her pillow without picking her up. Sure, sometimes she rolls over and stands up, but *shrug*, i feel like it reinforces the idea that she has to lay down and sleep? Whatever you do, you need to be really consistent. 21 month olds know what's going on and are persistent little buggers. We have to draw a hard line in the sand with my 23 month old and if you give an inch, she takes a mile. Learned it the hard way a few times.... Freckles on "How the heck do I get my 21m old to fall asleep on his own?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-the-heck-do-i-get-my-21m-old-to-fall-asleep-on-his-own#post-2109674 Mon, 16 Mar 2015 00:15:40 +0000 Freckles 2109674@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @QBbride: DH really dislikes bringing the kids to bed because he can't sleep and he has high sleep needs! I don't think there's anything wrong with bringing him to bed if you guys are on board with it. We only let DD come to bed if it's close to her wakeup time and we want another 30 minutes of rest. Maybe incorporating some limits on how long you guys cuddle before bedtime could help too? It's hard hearing them cry, especially at night - that's when parents are most vulnerable to giving in. :silly: QBbride on "How the heck do I get my 21m old to fall asleep on his own?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-the-heck-do-i-get-my-21m-old-to-fall-asleep-on-his-own#post-2109668 Mon, 16 Mar 2015 00:08:17 +0000 QBbride 2109668@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Hi @Freckles: thanks for your response!! I think a big part of the problem is we are never consistent. Sometimes we bring him into bed, sometimes we don't etc so he never knows what's expect. Which is really not fair on him, and probably making his sleep issues worse since he knows if he cries a lot we'll give in!! I'm not opposed to any kind of crying since I know there will have to be crying involved at some point. He is protesting the new plan since obviously he likes being held and especially likes sleeping in our bed when he wakes up!! My friend compared it to him protesting/crying when I don't give him a 3rd fruit leather before dinner, haha!! It doesn't mean he's scared, feels abandoned etc. I like your plan of going in right away. I can't leave him to cry without going in. Thanks for your advice! Freckles on "How the heck do I get my 21m old to fall asleep on his own?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-the-heck-do-i-get-my-21m-old-to-fall-asleep-on-his-own#post-2109667 Sun, 15 Mar 2015 23:55:53 +0000 Freckles 2109667@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Are you opposed to any sort of crying? From 12 months to almost the 2 year mark, DD got used to us being in the room until she fell asleep. We'd be in there for an hour! The breaking point was when she started going through major separation anxiety, and would wake up at all hours of the night (=1am, 2am, 3am, 4am) because we weren't there by her side. We decided she had to learn to fall asleep on her own. We had a bedtime routine, and then i told her that tonight she had to go to sleep by herself, but that i will come to her room if she needs me, and that we weren't leaving the house. Instead of letting her cry-it-out, we went to her room right away so she knew we really were nearby, but would again tell her she had to go to sleep by herself. It took a few back and forths, but she fell asleep on her own within 30 minutes. It took a week for her to fall asleep without any cries/protests. Even though there was some crying, i feel like this was a gentle approach because we went to her right away. It may take a bit longer for you since he needs to be held to fall asleep, but i think it's important with any kind of sleep training to remain consistent and to have an agreement with your SO not to stray from the plan. Of course, it's completely understandable why your DH picked him up - it's hard to hear them cry! Good luck - it'll be worth it in the end. :goodluck: ETA: Are you the one who usually holds him? If so, maybe it's because DH went in that he finally fell asleep - realizing that you're not going to be the one who holds him to sleep? QBbride on "How the heck do I get my 21m old to fall asleep on his own?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/how-the-heck-do-i-get-my-21m-old-to-fall-asleep-on-his-own#post-2109656 Sun, 15 Mar 2015 23:33:43 +0000 QBbride 2109656@https://boards.hellobee.com/ My DS has never been a great sleeper. Not horrible, but not good. And I've been really against sleep training because it's just not me and I was always confident that he would figure it out one day. Anyways, he's 21 months and except for a few months when I could just pop him in his crib and he'd fall asleep on his own, we've always held him to fall asleep. But i'm sort of over it now and I want my evenings back, not to mention I'm due with baby #2 in July. How do I teach him how to fall asleep on his own? Is there a gentle approach? Tonight I held him until he was asleep and put him down but he woke up. So I stood next to his crib but refused to pick him back up. 45 mins later he was still screaming :bummed: so DH came in and picked him up (which probably put us back to square one). He's asleep now, but I don't know how DH did it. Any advice? :heart: